With the upcoming release of Man of Steel, I’ve decided to take some time to go through the comic release that hyped the last major Superman movie: the four-part Superman Returns prequel from Summer 2006.
The four-part miniseries features: Krypton to Earth, Ma Kent, Lex Luthor, and Lois Lane.
Can’t wait to see Superman all ROUTH’d up. That guy.
I am really hoping for some appearances of Komic Kumar. I still laugh thinking about Kumar just randomly being there as a non-speaking evil lackey. I haven’t watched it since I saw an advance screening in the theater but we will see if I crack out the Blu-Ray from the Superman Collection leading up to the new movie. Truth be told, and bad for a comic fan, I’ve still yet to see any of the Christopher Reeve movies. I should start with the one with Richard Pryor, right?
Onto the first book…
We open the front cover and see that Wonka Candy makes skater kids flamboyant. Good start.
Our opening page is a burning planet, letting us know BRYAN SINGER PRESENTS THE OFFICIAL MOVIE PREQUEL. Good job bolding the importance.
The next page, we see an issue of Action Comics on a table before we get some long-winded spiel about the state of the planet. The fact I could not muster up enough care to pay attention lets me know, this truly is a companion piece to Superman Returns. OFFICIAL, if you will.
We see some children that look like they are from Star Wars in an ice like setting. I see something exciting with Superman on the next page… it is an ad for the animated Brainiac Attacks, coming to DVD on June 20, 2006 – buy it and get a free ticket to Superman Returns!
We now see the council where the boring speech was given by Jor-El. The council feels threatened they are being warned that Krypton is in their final days. We know this is important because the next page lets us know that Hubba Bubba is, “off the hook”. This is made true by a cool fish that is able to chew bubble gum that is the same size Hubba Bubba is as the fish hangs out in a whale’s mouth.
Is it sad I am more interested in the ads at this point? Blah blah politics. Blah blah planet will explode. Brando-El looks displeased and told he is not allowed to try to leave Krypton. I hope this is really a secret comic memoir of Al Gore.
He then swears neither he nor his wife will leave Krypton. That’s what you call a loophole, son.
Next page has another sweet ad, this time a “Secret File” detailing the Lego Batman Two-Face.
More boring Jor-El, Harmonious, Utopian… OH NEW SUPER MARIO BROS for DS on the next page! These ad men are genius in this issue. It isn’t an interruption, it is keeping me going!
It appears to be more pages of inner monologue but then it is slowly shifting into the speech that Kal-El will hear of his father. Jor-El talks about preserving Krypton’s heritage and my mind wanders to like, the NBA’s Latin Heritage nights, where teams in Latin Markets wear jerseys that have LOS in front of their usual names (LOS SUNS, LOS LAKERS). Now I want teams to wear Kryptonian heritage jerseys as much as I regret committing to four issues of this tripe to hype a movie that will hopefully blow everything related to this away.
We see the swaddled baby but more importantly, Justice League Frozen Novelties on the next page. I wish all renditions of Batman had gumball eyes.
Lara is sad the baby has to go to such a primitive planet, maybe because I am calling all their actions boring. I find my need to take the first picture of THE ACTUAL COMIC because it looks like baby Kal-El is kind of mad about going to a planet that will ensure his survival.
Maybe that baby isn’t mad. Maybe it is just bored out of its mind too.
We know this is a prequel because of the dialogue used telling us all things that Superman does:
Lara: He will defy gravity…
Jor-El: Yet he will look like one of them.
And they continue exchanges like this completely covering the powers we know and love of Superman. Unfortunately they do not answer the hard hitting questions, like what his bowel movements do to earth’s toilets and sewage systems. But then again, DO KRYPTONIANS EVEN POOP?!?! THE BOOK TOLD ME THAT EVERYBODY POOPS!
We get an ad for the Christopher Reeve Foundation, selling Superman tags and trying to make me feel guilty about poop jokes.
Oh. My. Word.
I just noticed the staples. There is so much longer to go…
Crystals help him “know”, an ad for a comic adaptation of the show The Batman called The Batman Strikes, coming monthly. Somehow I am guessing that book has been long gone. You’d think Rastafarian Joker would’ve had more legs…
We get down with some wordless action that I can handle as Krypton is starting to self-destruct. Thank goodness they picked this timing to ship out their kid.
More boring, another sweet Lego Batman ad, followed by an ad for comic Teen Titans Go!, based on the Cartoon Network show.
Kal-El gets sent away while his parents stand perfectly still in a destroying world. Capsule escapes, less than exciting explosions.
We get two weird panels in a row, as there is a sudden naked baby shot.
Followed by the capsule making a phallic-like appearance through space. Or is it only phallic because that is how I choose to see it?
By the next page, the baby now has hair but we still have to keep hearing the boring, boring words of Jor-El. Earth can be great if they wish. You know what, not the number one wish on my mind when I read this…
We get a shot of a Kansas field. Either things should pick up or end, so I am good, even if there is not another ad with a cool fish.
We see the Kents and as they crash, I get a Freddy Krueger vibe off of Pa Kent.
Pa Kent gets out of the car to explore and we get my favorite panel of the book.
Yes. That is a solid black panel. The beauty of that is ended quickly as we get a couple shots of naked toddler Kal-El wandering away like he’s one of them baby Sasquatches.
We see the Kents move toward the kid and maybe I have a new favorite panel.
This couple sees a naked toddler charging them with his arms spread wide (and who knows what else due to that shadow!) but there is a vision of a man flying in a cape above it all. Suck it, Rembrandt.
After the story ends we get a quick letter from Dan DiDio and sneak peeks at the next book of this series (joy), Detective Comics #820 (remember when they were in high numbers), 52 #5 (remember when that was a thing?), and the re-booted Wonder Woman #1.
We got a weird ad of a kid shoving his head through a package of Big League Chew, which I suddenly want to have for the first time in years.
Back cover ad is for Cars: The Videogame, a game played by many who strive for easy achievements on the Xbox but enjoyed by few.
That is all for Part One in the miniseries recap leading up to Superman Returns as I build up for (the hopefully superior) Man of Steel. Part Two looks to focus on Ma Kent, so you know excitement will be abundant. Pray for my soul I keep my sanity to enjoy Man of Steel upon release.