We have arrived at Book Four. That means Man of Steel is almost in theaters and the pile of boredom that are the Superman Returns prequel comics is coming to a conclusion.
The book opens as we close in on the offices of The Daily Planet. Lois Lane is arguing Perry White’s insistence at her authoring the Five Years Later article of, “Why the World Needs Superman.” White argues she has a special connection with Superman, which leads Lois to state her discomfort. Superman is in the past and she doesn’t want to do it.
Newspaper people arguing about writing a story… This is the most action this series has had in the first three releases!
The writers of this series pretend they care about fan service when Perry threatens to bring in Vicki Vale from Gotham to do the article. The threat of doing so, bringing in A PHOTOJOURNALIST, pushes Lane over the edge, and she commits to writing the story.
YES! YES! YES!
The next page highlights Lois with writer’s block at a computer monitor. I hope her troubled stare into the monitors goes on as long as Ma Kent’s depressed moping in Book Two!
Flustered stare at monitor. Face palm. Stare at Family Portrait. Close up of Family Portrait. The reasons you read comics are all here.
Lois stands on the roof of The Daily Planet smoking and thinking about her writer’s block, which leads her to remembering a time she fell out of a helicopter near the roof of the very same building and Superman saved her. Then she immediately laments she doesn’t need Superman anymore. Guess she has decided she’s moved beyond tumbling out of helicopters.
Lois is so perplexed by this story, she stays awake and poses in her sexy nightgown. White People Problems.
We get a flashback of what I hope is Margot Kidder, as both Lane and Superman look different. Lois smokes on the roof and tiptoes around asking Superman how well-endowed he is.
Basic stuff before they take a flight; Superman holds her hand so it looks more like a Peter Pan flight sequence. This all leads into the paper equivalent of a montage of Lois falling for him including his visits, heroic exploits, and even putting her cigarette out with his icy breath. Superman has used his ice breath as a party trick in two of the four stories in this series.
I’m reminded of her telling us she doesn’t need Superman as we get a two-page spread of Supes keeping Lois from disaster: pulling her from a burning car, blocking her from bullets, flying her away from an explosion, saving her from falling off ANOTHER high place, and my very favorite – carrying her boat away from the dangers of a waterfall she just went over.
Really? REALLY? How does all this happen to the same person? I’d blame probably two of those on villain attacks but honestly, why is she taking that boat down a waterfall? Don’t tell me you don’t need Superman.
This all leads to the idea that Krypton reappeared and Superman left. Lois didn’t realize Superman left, thinking he was rescuing cats in Japan. Seriously. She mentions a cat in a tree in Osaka.
This suddenly flashes Lois back to the present, where she is interrupted by Jimmy Olsen. Honestly, I thought he was much more interesting on The Simpsons.
Another acceptable answer would be, “I can’t wait for his hair to grow out so he can get back to his prop comedy.”
Jimmy lets Miss Lane know that he misses him too but Lois is too strong to acknowledge it. I guess this isn’t the same Jimmy as the Jimmy below.
Lois is doing her best to gather herself on the roof when a shadowy figure says hello. Much to her disappointment, it is Richard White, the nephew and new-hire of Perry (and apparently Cyclops). Not long into their late nights and Richard’s sucking up do they hook up, him kissing her when alone in the office, and holding hands under the table at staff meetings. I do like her dismissive nature that Superman led her into the arms of the man she needed, who is only illustrated doing things you would see in high school.
We transition into the delivery room and they try to build it here like the baby belongs to White. We get a quick distraction with this shot.
It is a good thing I wasn’t in high school Biology when this came out. I have a feeling any questions about the female body will result in a reference to a woman’s AAAAAAAH!
The jumps of this series continue as we see the kid being read to, but like any good parent trying to enrich their child’s learning, Lois leaves the television news on in the background. Her son’s story of The Magic Balloon is interrupted by a news report on Superman and he has to ask who Superman is. She answers quite calmly though. Look at mommy’s comforting face.
So Lois returns to present day, in her nightie, outside to smoke. She fails at using a lighter properly and assumes Superman is back. Living with this disappointment, her writer’s block is now clear.
Lois turns her article in, Perry likes it, and she takes off. We see her article being read at a newsstand: “WHY THE WORLD DOESN’T NEED SUPERMAN.”
I guess she isn’t planning any future boat trips.
That wraps up the look back at the Superman Returns Prequel series. For your own safety, please don’t seek these out. I am sure they are probably cheap enough but I have found more excitement reading the ingredients in a can of soup. Even if you are a Superman completionist, this story adds nothing. It really doesn’t tell you anything or get you familiar with the characters. I haven’t seen Superman Returns in years but I can barely even recall Martha Kent being in that film.
Take this series for what it is here but nothing more.
And just pray Man of Steel cannot possibly obtain the level of bland that Superman Returns did in all of its form.