909 Watches TV: Oz, Curb, The Shield

Zetterberg is God

Integral Poster
If I recall the blowing up Em City was due to Tom Fontana not knowing if they were coming back or if they were able to keep the warehouse that housed the set. I might have that mixed up though.
 

909

909
Staff member


VISITATION

Damn we started with a school bus flying into a fucking ditch. FAMILY DAY.

LOL THIS DICK SUCKING GUY IS A PREACHER NOW??? BAH GAWD CLOUTIER DIDNT DIE. LOL Hoyt took all the blame for putting Cloutier in the wall. GODDAMN HE IS BURNT TO FUCKIN SHIT. HOW CAN THEY SEND SOMEONE LIKE THIS TO PRISON.

I LOVE THAT CUBAN COCKSUCKA LOOK WHAT HE DID TO ME.

BAH GAWD THE AIR DUCTS NEED CLEANED EVERYONE BACK INTO GEN POP. IF THEYRE GOOD, NO MORE SOLITARY FOR THEM. BACK TO EM CITY FOR MIGUEL AGAIN. LOL GUERRA AND MIGUEL IN THE SHOWERS. LIRL HE HIT GUERRA ALREADY. GUERRA TO THE CAGE

MIGUEL IS GODDAMN CRAZY LIRL GILES FUCKED HIS ASS UP THOUGH

LIRL OMAR. This guy is another kind of crazy. He already attacked someone lirl.

BAH GAWD ARYANS STILL WANNA TAKE DOWN SAID. SAID CHARGED WITH ATTEMPTED MURDER AND PLEADING GUILTY.

ARYAN AND MUSLIM FORCED MEETING. BAH GAWD ROBSON GAVE SAID LITERAL SHIT AND THEY GOT IN A FIGHT

Lol Beecher, Said, and Schillinger ain’t gonna come to an agreement or some shit. This should end hilariously without resolution. Please. Said looked so mad at Beecher.

Dude why is there so much dong on screen right now.

Arif now telling everyone about Ryan killing that rapist. Not so good! Damn he told the warden but they have no proof to charge him.

GLORIA WON ON ETHICS LOL. BAH GAWD THE WARDEN. BAH GAWD GLORIA SAID SHE RECEIVED THE SHAMROCK AND DIDNT SAY WHO FROM IS SHE GONNA OUT HIM BAH GAWD RYAN STILL HAS THE NECKLACE THOUGH

LIRL SOMEONE IN OZ FOR BEATING UP AN UMPIRE LIRL THATS PETER FUCKIN CRISS RYAN NEEDS HIS HELP AND GONNA FRAME THE CREEPY STANTON FUCK

LIRL HE HAS BEEN FRAMED WELL AND TO THE HOLE WITH YOU YOU FUCK. He won’t be charged, and lol HES PUTTING THE NECKLACE IN PETER CRISS’ CELL.

Also, how much of Cyril’s shit will Ryan really take?

DAMN THE NARRATOR’S WIFE IS DIVORCING HIM. This is an extremely convincing acting performance on a show that don’t have a lot of that. He got the divorce papers before his mom could tell him.

OH MAN THE SCHOOL BUS HAD ALL THE FAMILY ON IT NO WAY even though I figured that shit out almost instantly earlier. MUKADA LIVED THOUGH. SCHILLINGER’S GRANDKID TOO. But that’s it.



LAWS OF GRAVITY

Lol Miguel constantly starting fights with Guerra. Rebadow thinks it’s an act, knows that it is. Because it is. Now Miguel walks into the same room with Guerra, and says to stab him lirl. He wants a free shot and for this to be over. LIRL DEAL MADE.

GUERRA IS STILL GONNA KILL HIM AND CLAIM SELF DEFENSE LOL. MORALES SAYS NO.

MIGUEL STABBED, AND UH, HE GONNA LIVE THOUGH

LOL REBADOW SONNING POET WTF. Now he’s looking up eastern medicine while someone steals his fucking food. I hate this kind of crackpot shit.

Lol this Stanton guy. LIRL THE SHIT HES SAYING AND HE GRABBED HER AND RYAN SMACKED HIM.

PETER CRISS IS A LIAR LIRL BAH GAWD RYAN IS GONNA TRY TO GET STANTON TO KILL PETER CRISS MUTHERFUCKER LIES ABOUT ME THAT DOES MAKE ME CRAZY LIRL RYAN MADE HIM TALK SO FUCKIN LOUD EVERYONE KNOWS LIRL STANTON JUST STABBED HIM I CANT STOP LAUGHING WTFFFFFFFF THEY FOUND THE SHAMROCK TOO.

Lol Ryan’s mom is doing her community service in Oz. Cyril is so dumb. RYAN AND HOYT FIGHT OVER HIS MOM that was fast. He knows he’s fucked over so many that someone might kill his mom for a laugh.

ACHILLES DAVE IS BACK HE CAN BARELY WALK

Lol some chick who is supposed to look like Hillary Clinton and probably act like too. Lirl SHE’S MCMANUS’ EX WIFE

Lol now McManus wants Dave to sue or talk to Hilldawg. Crippled guards should not exist btw.

SCHILLINGER’S GRANDKID SENT TO MONTANA

LOL AT HOW PANCAMO GOT THERE WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT. PETER SCHIABETTA BACK TO EM CITY LOL. FBI WANTS PANCAMO FOR KILLING HANK SCHILLINGER.

WOW KELLER SNITCHED AND THEY FOUND OUT HE LIED ABOUT HIRING A HITMAN.

BAH GAWD SCHILLINGER BLAMES PANCAMO HERE WE GO. ROBSON STABS PANCAMO WTF. TO THE HOLE WITH THESE INBREDS.

KELLER COMING BACK NOW.

LIRL SOME GUY SNEAKING FOOD WHILE SAID IS PRAYING. GET OFF MY TABLE SON. Said now has major rage control issues. Oh man this Said mentoring Omar thing is a character killer. Horrible writing. I don’t wanna see that. I need more of the Omar freight train. LIRL SAID ALREADY GAVE UP ON HIM NOW HE GIVING ORDERS TO FORCE OMAR TO DO SHIT LOL

Cloutier is so fucked up it’s unreal. I bet he’s gonna get killed by someone anyway. Lirl the dick sucker saying someone needs to kill Cloutier now. He wants this guy Jim to do it or DIE. BAH GAWD JIM GETTING A VISION FROM CLOUTIER TELLING HIM TO KILL THE KILLERS. LIRL HOYT KILLED HIM...IN SELF DEFENSE THOUGH. TO THE HOLE.

LOL HOYT GOT A VISION FROM CLOUTIER THIS SHOW BIGLY JUMPED THE SHARK.


I'm going to finish the show, but the last line speaks for itself.
 

909

909
Staff member


DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME

Lol the warden is kind of a piece of shit. He thinks Miguel would get killed and wants it that way. Miguel is booted from the gang now but they won’t attack him. Now someone wants Miguel to stab them and join his non existent gang lirl.

INSTEAD Miguel is gonna have this guy kill Guerra lmao.

ACHILLES DAVE HATES MORALES LOL and Morales is putting him against Rick Fox now.

This old man shit and white guy shit ain’t what I watched this show for bro. GET RID OF THE WHITES.

Jia back to Em City. Bet Cyril kills him. Lol Ryan is such scum. BAH GAWD A NEW CHINESE INMATE. Lol Ryan really massively fucked up now the Chinese guys are alone with his mom. And one of them is a SICK FUCK

Schillinger still wants to kill Pancamo it seems. Welp.

I have only a week of this show left, but you know, it’s not the same. There are too many characters on screen who weren’t involved in the first two seasons. The first two seasons also didn’t have heels the way these ones do. They had characters who were straight up chaotic crazy instead of clear good and clear bad.

Lirl Said saying Peter will always be Adebisi’s bitch. Yeah that dude will never be in charge again. LIRL WTF HE TRIED TO STEP TO SCHILLINGER AND ROBSON AND GOT CALLED A PRAG. HE TRIED TO STAB THEM AND SCHILLINGER RAPED HIM WTFFFFFF. Now that’s what I mean about this show. Chaos is better than having people nobody cares about do shit.

KELLER BACK. SENT TO PC. Reason? HE IS BUSTED FOR KILLING GAYS. Damn these two dudes wanna bone and the warden WILL NOT ALLOW IT FUCK KELLER THATS WHY.

Said is losing it. These sessions with Schillinger aren’t helping. SAID NEEDS OMAR TO FOLLOW HIM NOW. STAY AWAY FROM POET. These guys are mad dumb lol. SAID BUSTED THEM DEALING DRUGS. This Said-Omar conversation is wild. I feel like someone’s gonna kill Said but it CAN’T be this guy. Oh no sending Omar to Ryan’s mom. Omar might be one of the only new characters I actually like. Welp he instantly had a meltdown and Ryan’s mom called the guard, before fixing it herself. I can’t handle this dude limping over there I hope he gets stabbed for crying about his fuckin leg. Yeah I said it.

These Cloutier scenes are very hard to watch. DAMN THEY GOT SOME BIG STEROID ARYAN NOW WTF. AND HE TRIED TO KILL CLOUTIER, WHO CHOKED SO BAD AFTERWARD I CANT BELIEVE HE AINT DEAD. LOL HOYT’S VISION. KILL TIMMY KIRK FOR YOUR GUILT. YES HE IS LIRL. HE SPIKED HIM WITH A CROSS LIRL CLOUTIER SAT UP WTFFFFF.

Wow Hoyt just confessed to literally all his murders. BAH GAWD WHERE IS CLOUTIER.



NEXT STOP, VALHALLA

LIRL THIS GUY KILLED GUERRA LIKE HE WAS TOLD OR WAIT GUERRA JUST PUNKED THIS DUDE. He dead.

McManus ex-wife is so jealous. DOG TRAINING TIME. Miguel, narrator, and the guy who killed Carver get dogs.

MISS SALLY CANCELLED. REPLACED WITH EXERCISE SHOW LOL.

I hate Brass. BIGLY hate. Asking for Schillinger to help him cements it BAH GAWD THE GUY JUST THREW ALL KINDS OF NASTY SHIT AT HIM. BLOOD PISS PUKE SHIT

DAMN THEY BEAT THE FUCK OUTTA THAT GUY. LIRL GLORIA IS BEATING HIM FOR BEING A PERV

Lol Schillinger denying raping Beecher BAH GAWD BEECHER ATTACKED HIM.

Keller is fucked. Beecher is so scared for his girlfriend to find out about Keller bah gawd she already knows. LIRL BEECHER IS GONNA FUCK SCAG MOST LIKELY.

Oh damn the shit that she said to Keller.

Oh god this rape scene is too much for me. Someone kill these two fucks please. The one going to Em City is terrified lmao. LIRL THE ONE IN GEN POP WAS ABOUT TO GET RAPED BY A 500 POUNDER. To the Aryans he goes. A new prag just like Beecher was. Beecher wants help Said can’t give. Said is also right. Fuck that prag.

LIRL THAT MURDER WTF. FRANK URBANO. THE ITALIANS GOT A FUCKIN HITTER IN THERE. Bah gawd Pancamo looks near death. Beecher wants his friend to get protected if possible. Bah gawd done. THE MOB NEEDS SOLDIERS.

ROBSON IS SHIT. BAH GAWD FRANK URBANO IN THIS BITCH FIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. IS ITALIANS VS ARYANS A RACE WAR? I SAY YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RACE WARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Lol did Gloria say what I think she said? Lirl Cyril is mad dumb wtf.

Jia and the other guy are gonna try to kill Ryan and Cyril, who are told about it. BAH GAWD SOME GUY SAID LEE SAID HE WOULD RAPE RYAN’S MOM. RYAN JUST STABBED HIM OH FUCK CYRIL FUCKING KILLED LEE. OH SHIT. STONE COLD DEATH ROW SHIT. Giving the death penalty to a retarded guy who already should have been in the mental ward is just plain wrong. And he’s guaranteed to get it. Bah gawd Lee ain’t telling McManus anything LIRL.

Lol Burr got control of the kitchen. This will not end well.

Beecher is a dumbass sometimes lol. Damn narrator needs some TITS.

Guerra and Omar...almost. BAH GAWD SAID TOLD GUERRA TO FUCK OFF BASICALLY.

LIRL OMAR HAS TO SING IN THE CLOSET SO NOBODY CAN HEAR IT. Lol instantly Burr wants him to do bad shit. And he ain’t got any choice. MOVE THE STASH. LIRL THEYRE USING THE CLOSET FOR THAT SHIT.

Said and Omar ain’t gonna last please don’t have Omar kill him.

Oh fuck Muslims and Aryans in the library. Nothing happened though. Damn Robson wants to kill the weakest one or some shit. BAH GAWD THEY KILLED HIM WTF.


This episode was a lot better than the last one. Less old men makes for a better show.
 

909

909
Staff member


WHEEL OF FORTUNE

Said is so mad about Robson. Leo just keeps not doing shit like always. I can’t believe how lame he is as a warden. Damn Robson called Omar a slave and because of how Saïd reacted he fucked Omar all up. OMAR DONE WITH SAID. BAH GAWD SAID FUCKIN FUCKED HIM UP FOR REAL LIRL

MCMANUS BANNED OMAR FROM THE CLOSET. Damn Omar actually liked Said and feels like he disappointed him. Said refused to leave the hole too which is just crazy.

PANCAMO STAPH INFECTED. Lol the prag racking the pool table. LIRL THE PRAG ARGUMENT WTFFFFFFF

I’m not sure what Schillinger is doing at these sessions.

NOT SCAG AND KELLER

Now Schillinger is blaming Robson for everything. This has to be some kind of ploy. HE WANTS TO CLEAR HIS CONSCIENCE. He actually gave Keller a letter though. Probably a fake one.

UR EITHER A FAG OR UR NOT A FAG. Well that dude don’t have friends now. TO THE CAGE

Now the ploy is here. Send Beecher to work in the nail mail office. This is a big mistake. Lirl Schillinger wants the other rapist. That’s all he wants he swears!

I hate this Brass guy. He just beat the prisoner in the hospital for no reason. This lottery bullshit come on. The whole thing is fucking stupid but this guy won’t give Rebadow a dime. Of course I was right.

Doggies. Narrator is fucked up wtf. He has serious kidney disease from an infection. DONT DO DRUGS FOO. Damn Burr has to snitch on someone. We know it was Poet.

This dude Penders is an idiot. LIRL JIA TOLD A STORY ABOUT KILLING A DOG WTFFFFFF SOME SICK FUCKS WRITING THIS SHOW

Lol the way Mukada dropped that on Morales. I think he knew what he was doing. Oh man the husband is a straight up dumbshit. LIRLLLL MY SISTER WAS A SAINT YOU MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAA COCKSUCKAAAAAAA

Damn Timmy ain’t dead. Lirl the padre won’t let him be catholic again.

BAH GAWD CYRIL BEATING A GUARD. LOL Ryan they ain’t gonna let your brother out. Cyril is massively fucked. My patience is being tested by where this is going. This dude Seamus is funny though.



VARIETY

What’s up with the way this started lol. Said back from the hole though. He seems to have gotten control of himself. Bah gawd we got a mega powers handshake. Oh man a variety show. Dude is this gonna be a musical episode or some shit? Lot of singing so far.

Now Omar is talking to Poet about POETRY GODDAMN DUDE STOP TRYING TO GIVE OMAR TITS BRO. This episode is already surreal and it just started. Omar is getting torn up at this variety show. McManus thinks it was all worth it though.

BAH GAWD OMAR DIDNT NEED THAT SHIT BRO.

BAH GAWD SAID DOESNT REALLY WANT TO CONVERT ANYONE ANYMORE.

BAH GAWD NOW WE SEE ROBSON GOT TO OZ MURDERING SOME BLACK DUDE WHILE WEARING HITLER GEAR. Also his mouth is fucked up. Lol he needs gum grafts probably from sucking fucking Aryan dicks. Lol this guy is a dumbass scum.

I have so many booking ideas for what they should do to Robson’s gums. LIRL THEY SHOULD PUT JEWISH CADAVER GUMS IN HIS MOUTH. LIRL THIS GUY IS SHITTING ON THE NAZIS SO BAD LIRL. LIRL I CANT SAY THE SHIT THIS GUY SAID BUT WOW.

Oh fuck Miguel is training a guide dog for the DUDE WHOSE EYES HE PUT OUT. Lirl their reactions.

LIRL WE GOT A DISGRACED CATHOLIC PRIEST WHO BEAT UP A COP.

Looking forward to someone killing Jia. He’s a dumbass. The way Ryan just dealt with the guy who lied to him lol. Bah gawd Ryan wants Morales to hurt him somehow. In return he will kill Jia. BAH GAWD THIS GUYS ARM IS GONE.

I think Peter Marie is trying to get Cyril an insanity defense. Which is right because this guy cannot and should not get the death penalty.

BAH GAWD A PRIEST TRIED TO GROPE RYAN LOL HE WAS JUST KIDDING.

Lol Poet trying to get Burr killed or some shit. Lol they used Busmalis to lie to Burr, then they drugged this guy bah gawd he’s fuckin brain dead from an LSD overdose.

The warden is killing me this season. Maybe he turned into a piece of shit or I was just in denial of it.

These musical scenes are all hilarious. I’m glad this season turned around a bit. The last two seasons have a bad reputation but the last two episodes have been good.

Lol Mukada wants Hoyt to rat on Timmy Kirk lirl he’s going to. Mukada HATES this guy. LIRL HE WAS GONNA ATTACK HIM TOO. BAH GAWD TIMMY SUCKED MANNY YARBROUGH’S DICK AND GOT HIM TO GET SOMEONE TO LIGHT A CHURCH ON FIRE.

LIRL THE PRAG WANTS THE OTHER DUDE TO BE THE PRAG INSTEAD.

Bah gawd Beecher’s girlfriend doesn’t want to defend Keller cause she knows he’s guilty. Damn she dumped Beecher too lmao.

Damn this stupid fuck attacked Beecher. Now I can’t wait for him to get raped. BAH GAWD BEECHER JUST ACCEPTED SCHILLINGER’S OFFER. HE JUST PRAGGED OUT TWO DUDES AT ONCE PRETTY MUCH.

SCAG WANTS KELLER’S DICK LIRL IF BEECHER SHOWS UP WHILE HE’S BANGING HER I’M GONNA LAUGH WOW KELLER GOT MAD AND THAT BITCH IS BEATING HIM.

LIRL SCHILLINGER MADE ADAM HIS PRAG INSTANTLY. LIRL THE PRAG SAID MAY I WATCH.

Beecher didn’t even get to see Keller after all that. Well written episode.
 

909

909
Staff member


GOOD INTENTIONS

Augustus looks near death. Burr busted lol. He’s so mad at Busmalis he might kill him. Lol then Busmalis blamed Guerra. Bah gawd now Burr and Morales are beefing bah gawd wtf new race war.

Priest won’t let Cyril die. BROTHER YOU ARE IN PRISON NOW YOU DUMB OLD BASTARD. BAH GAWDDDDDDDDDD CYRIL GOT CONVICTED AND NOW RYAN IS OK WITH HIM BEING EXECUTED. Now Ryan is gonna destroy his relationship with his mom. Lol this crack defense team trying to help Cyril against Ryan’s wishes.

Also, Ryan has to get Jia killed. Lol he wants to get the guards to do it. LIRL THESE KARATE MOVES WTFFFFFF LIRL RYAN IS BEATING HIM TO SAVE THE GUARDS BUT HE DIDNT KILL HIM. Lirl the psychology shit, yeah they’re gonna kill Jia alright.

The priest is barking up the wrong tree. Ryan hates the church cause they defend scum like his dad.

Lol the dog shit on the floor. And the one guy Penders blamed it on Guerra. BAH GAWD THE GUARD SHOVED PENDERS FACE IN SHIT AND THE DOG ATTACKED THE GUARD AND MAULED HIM LIRL.

Oh my the guy Miguel blinded IS THERE FOR THE DOG.

They want to find out who fucked up Brass so that he can give up the lottery number, but this will not work. Now Rebadow has to convince someone to give their bone marrow. Lirl the potential donor punched him and now Rebadow wants a faith healer. THIS WOMAN AIN’T DOING FAITH HEALING DAMNIT

Lol Fatty gave up Timmy Cuck. Fuck Timmy. He busted. Send this douchebag to death row please.

Bah gawd Peter Marie calling Leo a tyrant. Peter Schiabetta is gonna wind up killing someone or himself.

FUCK YOU ROBSON. LIRL THEY HAVE TWO PRAGS. LIRL SCHILLINGER DONT WANT ANY POTENTIAL NON WHITES IN HIS AREA. THOSE MIGHT NOT BE WHITE GUMS. BAH GAWD SCHILLINGER TAKING ORDERS FROM A HIGHER RANKING NAZI.

LIRL THE DOCTOR JUST QUIT. THEN HE TOLD POET THAT ROBSON HAS BLACK GUMS LIRL I CANT BELIEVE WHAT POET JUST SAID NOW EVERYONE KNOWS.

LIRL Poet is cracking me up good. Damn Robson went in with the doctor and WANTS PROOF OF WHITENESS BAH GAWD THIS GUY JUST BRAINED HIM WITH THE TELEPHONE AND RAN AWAY LIRL I MADE SURE THE GUMS WERE NOT WHITE.

This was one of the most satisfying sequences of scenes since the start of the show. Robson BOOTED FROM THE ARYANS.

Keller now deaf in one ear.

Said is correct in judging Beecher. You don’t do something like that. Lol Beecher didn’t REALLY wanna quit his mail job. If he did he would have told McManus. But in the end, he didn’t see Keller.

Imagine being the Aryans fucking prag. Lol Schillinger ain’t gonna let his prag show up looking like one.

One of these guys should have said something. Schillinger is instead going to get rid of Adam. He tried to CLIMB OVER THE ELECTRIC FENCE. HE DEAD.



IMPOTENCE

Did we really need a close up of Robson’s dong LIRL THE ARYANS DISOWNED HIM. He thinks he can force them to let him back in. He needs tits to make that happen. Wtf he SLICED HIS BLACK (and they are a black man’s gums) GUMS WITH A FUCKIN SHANK.

Lol Alvarez won’t get paroled, but SOMEONE HAS TO IN THIS SHOW. Maybe he will. Leo being scum again here we go.

Guerra tempting Miguel into doing something stupid, though. Man threatening to fuck his wife up. Well, he ain’t getting out. He’s in solitary again too.

Dude this decapitation WTF. FUCK YOU WOLFGANG CUTLER. Gotta kill someone to get in the Aryan Brotherhood. Someone just told Omar they want to kill Said bah gawd. OMAR SAID DONT FUCK WITH SAID OR ELSE BAH BAWD THIS WOLFGANG FUCK GETTING KILLED LIRL THANK YOU OMAR BAH GAWD OMAR SAVED HIS LIFE.

LIRL ALMOST KILLED A MOTHERFUCKER THIS SCENE BAH GAWD HERE COMES SAID. FUCK YOU MCMANUS YOU FUCKIN SCUMBAG OMAR SENT TO SOLITARY. FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU FINALLY SOMEONE CALLS THIS LOSER OUT. I HOPE YOU GET STABBED AT THE END MCMANUS.

Rebadow shackled up to see his dying grandson. Sorry at this point of the show, this kind of story is meaningless. Bah gawd he gets to see sunlight though.

I don’t even know what to say about the Busmalis thing. I say nothing.

Damn his grandson died because of the thunderstorm. If this guy Brass ever comes back I hope Rebadow kills his fuckin ass. WOW THERE HE IS. SOMEONE KILL THIS MUTHAFUCKA. WOW HE WANTS TO GIVE REBADOW HIS MONEY BUT HIS GRANDSON IS DEAD YOU FUCK. SOMEONE KILL THIS FUCK JUST BECAUSE ITS A TV SHOW AND NOT REAL LIFE I NEED A DEATH SCENE NOW.

PRAG WOULD RATHER JUST BE A PRAG. Now Beecher is actually gonna tell on Schillinger. BAH GAWD SCHILLINGER FOUND GUILTY AND SENT TO SOLITARY.

KELLER FOUND GUILTY OF FIRST DEGREE MURDER. HE WANTS THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.

Beecher is dumb sometimes, but these scenes with Said are very good. Keller now on death row with Hoyt. Does Beecher not realize this mail room job will get him killed now?

Ah fuck Cyril forced to leave the puppet, and SENT TO DEATH ROW. NOW HE BEATING UP GUARDS LIRL...but you know, they have to execute him, so I shouldn’t laugh. Wow executed in just a month. Bah gawd Peter Marie spoke out again. Wonder if she’ll get fired this time. PRIEST IS GONNA CONVERT RYAN OR SOMETHING LOL

Apparently Ryan has a sister who died, and I knew he was gonna punch the priest. That shit was a while in coming, but he opened up. I was pretty sure Ryan’s dad killed his own daughter well there we go.

Augustus back to Em City. And not snitching. Burr and Morales are out of the hole, and uhhhhh bah gawd the Italian-Latino alliance is back on. Morales wants the Italians to kill Burr though. BAH GAWD URBANO KILLED AUGUSTUS INSTEAD.

SO WHO NARRATES THE FUCKING SHOW?
 

909

909
Staff member


DEAD MAN TALKING

Last season here we go! Lol the narrator is back. ONLY as the narrator. He wrote a letter as his description of everything he saw in Oz, one copy for Burr, one for Said, and one for McManus. Burr didn’t want his.

BAH GAWD FIGHT. Burr doesn’t care about anything anymore.

BAH GAWD KEANE NARRATING.

Bah gawd solitary review board. Omar, Schillinger, Miguel, Stanton, Penders, Martinez, the latter of whom fucks Scag. Penders and Martinez stay in solitary. So does Omar, who pukes all over Scag. MIGUEL OUT OF SOLITARY. LIRL WHY IS FRANK SHAMROCK GONNA STAB GUERRA WTFFFFF

Now Miguel and Guerra have a meeting, and they apologize to each other. We’ll see how long that lasts.

New librarian lol. Rebadow going to work there. Well, alright then.

FUCK YEA TIMMY KIRK ON DEATH FUCKING ROW. Lol Mukada meeting him when he shouldn’t have to. Now he’s pretending that he’s possessed by...SATANNNNNNN

LIRL MUKADA IS ACCUSED OF SEXUAL ABUSE BY TIMMY. MUKADA SUSPENDED.

Lol MACBETH. IN OZ. LIRL THE POET-STANTON ARGUMENT WHAT YOU SAY CUMSTAIN.

Ryan still won’t pray with the priest. Maybe he will after finding out Cyril can still be executed. LIRL at how Glen got in Oz WTF. Ryan is gonna deal with this liar. WITNESS INTIMIDATION. IT WORKS.

Uh oh Schiabetta found out what happened to his dad, but it is entirely blamed on Adebisi by Ryan. Welp this could be bad. Now he’s in Macbeth or some shit, making Ryan mad.

I don’t like that other people are narrating.

WTF HAPPENED TO THE PRIEST HIS ASS IS DESTROYED BY SHIT OR SOMETHING HE DIED OF AN ANEURYSM. Ryan is bothered.

Bah gawd Beecher went to the cop unit. SCHILLINGER OUT OF SOLITARY. MORE RAPES HE GOES BACK. PRAGS MIGHT NOT COUNT. USUALLY A BITCH CANT JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD. BAH GAWD THE PRAG IS GONNA KILL BEECHER’S DAD TO GET IN THE AB.

I wonder what it would be like to be in prison and your kid not get out of the car to see you. Well, Beecher’s parole hearing comes up shortly. Beecher’s dad is now Keller’s lawyer, even though he hates him.

BAH GAWD THE PRAG ACTUALLY KILLED BEECHER’S DAD.

NEAR RACE WAR AGAINNNNNN



SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, SMELL NO EVIL

This riot shit is hopefully leading somewhere. BEECHER’S PAROLE HEARING POSTPONED, AND HE DOESN’T GET TO GO TO HIS DAD’S FUNERAL EITHER.

Lol Schillinger’s reaction, and THIS MAN IS COMING TO OZ. Lol he’s a dickhead.

Beecher hates this guy straight away, and this dude won’t even resign as mayor! BAH GAWD BEECHER HAD TO HEIMLICH HIM. Damn Schillinger is best friends with this Loewen fuck, and tells Beecher that he is IN DEBT TO HIM. Bro you just killed his dad.

BEECHER PAROLED FOR REAL THIS TIME. IN A FEW DAYS. MAYBE. ALLEGEDLY.

Bah gawd Shirley back to narrate.

Damn now Martinez and Penders are extremely ill. Did Scag give them all an std? BAH GAWD THE SOLITARY UNIT IS POISON. Leo won’t even send the prisoners to a real hospital. When someone dies I hope he loses his job. This is the last season after all.

Lirl Brass wants Martinez back in solitary. FUCK OFF DUDE. Now Brass is harassing him. Is this guy supposed to be a good guy or something? Fuck this guy.

Morales knows now they have to kill Martinez. Lol I don’t think that’s gonna work brother.

The librarian told a...weird story. Not sure it fits in the context of this show. Rebadow has become one of my least favorite characters because of that. The scenes wouldn’t ordinarily be bad, they just don’t fit in this series.

Busmalis don’t wanna see Norma. Good for him I sure wouldn’t.

Timmy is the worst, and Mukada wants this goon to stop. So he offered to do an exorcism, but it doesn’t matter. Death row photo shoot now. Yeah we really need that. Hopefully Hoyt kills Timmy. LIRL THIS TIME U DIE MUTHERFUCKER YEAH HES DEAD NOW LIRL. I love when this show gives me what I want. Mukada got his job back, and says that he prayed for Timmy to die. Which he was gonna do anyway!

Said is trying to get the Narrator’s memoirs published. Bah gawd Burr done lost his mind but not really cause HE AIN’T PUSHING TITS ANYMORE.

Having the inmates telemarket is some dystopian shit. We actually do that in this here country. Said gets how fucked up this is. The Muslims will not participate. Burr will though.

Said is having big crises of faith.

Miguel still thinks he can be paroled in three years. Lol if he make it that long. This episode feels like it’s building to his death.

Schiabetta is pushing his luck. Ryan of course knows the exact right buttons to push. Pancamo has buttons lirl him and Urbano just killed Schiabetta. Knew that was coming. I bet Leo is distraught lirl he said it instantly.

BAH GAWD MAKE IT ROBSON’S TURN. NOT YET. Robson needs Schillinger’s help, the prag ain’t taking shit from Robson. Sooooo Robson wants Cutler’s help. Lirl he said Robson will have to be his prag. Oh man wtf. Robson declined. He thinks he’s gonna die, and with good reason. Basically he asked Peter Marie if he should be a prag. She said it isn’t acceptable to do anything in the name of not dying. And now he’s getting a spoon up his fuckin ass LIRL if anyone ever deserved it.
 

909

909
Staff member


SONATA DA OZ

Damn why use the cellist to narrate? Nobody gave a fuck about that dude.

Keller doesn’t want Beecher to forget him. I get that. I think it’s one of most people’s greatest fears that you won’t be remembered in death. Damn Keller getting fucked up now for hitting that guard.

Damn this Loewen really is extremely racist. Lol he said the Aryans in Oz are trash. Bah gawd he’s shitting on Schillinger so hard lirl.

Bah gawd the disgraced cop knows Prag killed Beecher’s dad and told him so. Don’t fuck up your parole Beecher.

Loewen so mad about being in jail, HE WANTS HIS FUCKIN PARDON OR ELSE. The governor might have other plans.

Beecher and Said having their moment. Well, now what. FUCKING PAROLED MUTHERFUCKER.

LIRL SOME RANDOM REDNECK JUST KILLED LOEWEN. THE GOVERNOR DOESNT CARE AND PROBABLY TOLD SCHILLINGER LIRL

BAH GAWD SOME DUDE WITH A FUBU SHIRT FIRED A GUN IN SCHOOL AND KILLED SOMEONE

You know how I feel about this Rebadow shit, I don’t even wanna bring it up. Lmao Robson pragged out. LIRL WHAT SHADE OF LIPSTICK IS THAT? DICK SUCK RED. Oh damn Cutler hit Pancamo to protect his prag.

Guerra getting close to Martinez, probably to kill him. BAH GAWD HE WANTS MARTINEZ TO LIVE. So, maybe, he takes down Morales instead? Martinez died and nobody heard him code. Um, suspicious. Also suspicious is Eleanor fucking Leo. Maybe. Allegedly. Anyway, Leo’s press conference talks about Oz being poison.

Lol Brass is a liar. Morales now gonna take a gang beat down from the CO’s. Both Achilles sliced well Murphy is now irredeemable.

Mukada’s logic is amusing, but Timmy’s mom has some bad stories.

Peter Marie is done with this stupid puppet. Cyril is a brain damaged piece of shit. I hope Peter Marie burns that stupid fucking thing. After what he did, I’m kinda hoping he gets beat bah gawd they soaking his ass with water bah gawd

Lol the governor wants to give Cyril electroshock therapy. Why not just..not kill him?

It turned out the cellist didn’t narrate, which is good I don’t wanna hear that dude talk.

Cyril is now drooling so this had the opposite effect the governor wanted. They wanted him to be normal enough to kill. He gets three weeks to live.

Burr’s plan for no more drugs is gonna put him in the grave. LIRL THE TELEMARKETING IS FOR A RIGHT WING NUT.

The book can’t be published because Augustus’ wife is complaining the money should go to her. But all the money is really supposed to go to the family of the person Augustus killed. No publishing yet. Maybe Said will start his own company lirl. Now he’s going to be interviewed and...WOW THIS FUCKING GEEK JUST KILLED HIM WTFFFFFFF. HOW DID HE GET A GUN IN THERE WAS IT UP HIS ASS? Wow he really died. The show didn’t do as much with him as they really could have, you know.



A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

Bah gawd Nappa back to narrate. How could the show still push on? The murderer is named Idzik. Leo is big mad at the guard LIRL GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY PRISON.

Beecher back for...a visit with Keller. Shit if I was him I’d never go back. And now he knows about Said. Beecher still gay with Keller even though he made it outta there. Good for him.

Keller, however, is jealous and very much hurt. Lol his death sentence is...OVERTURNED. Straight to gen pop where he has a lot of enemies. Damn he met the prag in the closet for gay shit and KILLED HIS FUCKIN PRAG ASS. He shoulda pissed on him too.

The telemarketing shit is working for the slave runners who remake inmates do this shit. Yeah, I said it. They make dogshit wages for that.

Arif wants to complete Said’s book binding plan. He is also the leader again.m

LIRL POET LIRL FUCK YOU YOU GREASY OLD BITCH BURR FIRED HIM. He’s gonna get killed bro. BAH GAWD THEY ALL WALKED OUT. BURR GOTTA GO.

Norma tells Busmalis that she had a boyfriend and dumped him for Busmalis and went back to him. Okay. Now Rebadow is boring me. The librarian has breast cancer though. LOL HIS REACTION WTF.

Hoyt lost his damn mind lirl. LIRL HE DROPPED OUT OF HARVARD AND IS RICH. WTF. Cyril never had a mind to lose but everyone knows that. HOYT MOVED TO A MENTAL INSTITUTION SOON.

Bah gawd a child thief who was a 60s radical. A BLACK PANTHER. Ryan’s mom knows him. Damn this guy is prickly as fuck, WHITE BOY.

PENDERS SUING FOR BEING POISONED. All Omar wants is to be back in Em City, so he won’t join. Oh man when he doesn’t see Said he’s gonna LOSE HIS SHIT BAH GAWD HES HURT.

BAH GAWD SOMEONE SUFFOCATED MARTINEZ. Leo straight up accused the gimp. Lol he’s blaming the browns. Okay, so he didn’t do it, and lied about Morales and they fucked Morales up because of it. Someone kill Brass please. Morales is still in solitary BAH GAWD BRASS ATTACKED MURPHY, WHO TOLD THE TRUTH

Morales is so mad at Guerra over Martinez. Dude is dead right. BAH GAWD WAS IT THE NURSE LIRL?

Damn some dude is fucking Miguel’s wife, obviously the dude he’s taking to, and will he recognize it? Lol the guy told him. Miguel didn’t hit him maybe he really has changed.

Cutler and his prag. How long will Robson do this? The Italians want Robson to kill Cutler, which they are able to convince him would get him back in the AB. BAH GAWD CUTLER RAPING HIM JESUS CHRIST COULD YOU FUCKING IMAGINE GETTING VIOLENTLY CORNHOLED LIKE THAT. Lirl this speech he gave Cutler so he could kill him. Damn he also told on Cutler. Peter Marie should not well he didn’t let her talk so that’s fine. Now I actually hope this works wow I’m rooting for Robson. WTF. LIRL HE KILLED HIM.



4GIVENESS

Lol Robson and Schillinger. Robson back around Schillinger and hopefully not he can get killed. I just ain’t down with the prag game. Wtf McManus says Cutler left Miguel everything he owned lirl. WTF. Now Robson is back to himself. Lirl prag.

Damn Robson has a wife or something? Maybe someone should tell her. DAMN HE LOST HIS FUCKIN MIND. TO THE HOLE.

Lol the Schillinger kids narrating this episode.

AUGUSTUS HAS HAD HIS BOOK PUBLISHED. Also, the last 70 minutes of this show or so have greatly suffered without Said.

Damn the way these dudes fucked up some guy with a cinder block. BURR BEING GREATLY DISRESPECTED BY THIS MAN. DAMN HE GAVE THE ITALIANS THE GO AHEAD TO FUCK UP HIS OWN MEN.

Idzik sent to the cop unit for now. For his own good I guess. Lol this guy is a little weird fucking dickhead. Omar wants to deal with him. Arif says no. Go kill him Omar. Oh man Schillinger’s reaction lirl. This guy’s metaphor is fucked up though. Lirl Omar asked to meet Idzik and McManus said no.

Murphy is about to tell on Brass, and wow he told Leo what they did too. Fire all these muthafuckas. Leo doesn’t know what to do yet.

Morales thinks the nurse is a straight up serial killer lmao. I hate Brass so much. Even more than scag. Lol this bitch got suspended for a month.

BAH GAWD MCMANUS CALLING MURPHY A REDNECK SLUG. But McManus still trusts him.

Lirl this crazy bitch is gonna kill Morales too lirl she SUFFOCATED HIS FUCKIN ASS

You can assume that if I ain’t talking about scenes, it’s Rebadow shit which I find boring. Lol I knew this dude Pablo would overreact.

Lol the redneck admitted to killing Loewen at the behest of...a BLACK C.O.

LIRL YOUR BABY BOY GOT BUTTFUCKED BY SATAN DAMN IT LOOKS LIKE HOYT BLADED BUT THERE’S NO CUTS. The day I don’t hear that sound effect again, I tell you. Thursday.

LIRL THIS CRAZY NURSE HAS CYRIL NOW. HE IS SET FOR EXECUTION NEXT WEEK. LIRL HIS FEVER DREAMS OF HIMSELF HAVING HIS WITS AGAIN wow I feel bad for laughing cause he shitted himself. It would be dope if he didn’t get executed cause he shit himself.

Lol these dudes want a Black Panther to lead them. This guy don’t do drugs fool. Ryan very jealous now. The Black Panther HATES Burr. Lol Ryan trying to get Burr to get the guy in trouble.

Beecher now going to help Stanton. Going against Leo lmao. He wants the two guards fired too lirl and HE GETS IT. Keller is so salty lol. He might be doing something fucking bad this time. He needs Beecher to get drugs so well I see exactly where this is going. Goddamn getting him sent back to PRISON. I would uh kill Keller for that shit.
 

909

909
Staff member


A DAY IN THE DEATH...

I don’t understand why Keller would think Beecher wants anything to do with him. Schillinger trying to exploit that to his benefit, and Keller shook his hand lol dickhead.

Bah GAWD DINO IS BACK TO NARRATE.

Librarian just booted Rebadow’s old ass lirl.

Idzik getting transferred to Em City. Hopefully killed too. Omar wants to do it. Oh man McManus put Idzik with Omar. Lirl Omar admitted he wants to kill him. Lol this little fuck wants to be killed.

C.O. being interviewed. Welp, he gave the cop nothing. Nothing will happen. Leo knows the governor’s fixer set it up. Lol now he had the redneck killed...BAH GAWD HE WANTS LEO DEAD TOO.

Robson actually wants to tell his wife what happened oh no. Goddamn they have a group in Oz for people who got raped. “I had no choice”.

Miguel and the widow. Um, he gave her back all her husband’s shit.

They’re gonna find out about this nurse. Good. Busted that bitch lol she tried to run and said SPANISH CUNT

They killed Burr’s character. This recruitment shit? Ain’t gonna work. Arif DONT have money to pay anyone though. Lol Pancamo killed Poet’s friend not it’s for them.

LIRL A HUNTER WHO MURDERED HIS FRIEND. Wow Burr is having him burn down Arif’s business. Arif ain’t mad though. Claimed accident.

Gloria is worrying Ryan with this lethal injection talk. She says the chair would be better. Ryan obviously has to lie to the brain damaged guy, so. Black Panther guy in there with Ryan now. He is arranging something.

It’s probably weird for brothers to film these scenes together. Ryan’s own guilt is the main issue here. Guard just stole his money too. Ryan cannot watch. This whole thing is so wrong but for it to happen to a comedy character is extremely strange.

Lirl they stayed Cyril’s execution. Did not see that coming.



JUNKYARD DAWGS

Still no tits. Lol some dude named STANLEY BUKOWSKI. EDIBLES SHIPMENT. This fool ate them instantly and started selling them. These guys are dumb with their plans and shit. OH FUCK THE ITALIANS KNOW. LIRL THEY ALREADY KILLED HIM.

BURR WANTS POET ON HIS KNEES. POET IS GONNA STEAL CREDIT CARDS LIRL

LIRL PABLO SHANKED SOME DUDE WHO CALLED HIM A FAG FOR READING. WHAT?

Well, the librarian lived through her surgery.

Busmalis...almost left at the altar again.

Idzik still wants Omar to kill him soon. McManus don’t wanna hear about it from Omar. Why don’t someone else kill this fuck? He just led Omar into a closet, and told him nonsense about the universe ending. Come on who wrote this shit. This is hilarious though. The guy who plays Omar is able to sell ANYTHING?

Dude this little hobbit motherfucker killed Omar. That’s so bad. How can you have a character come in with no motivations and kill two of my favorite characters U MUTHERFUCKERS U MUTHERFUCKERS

THEY DIDNT EVEN GIVE OMAR A DEATH SCENE. HE WAS JUST DEAD. I’m not sure I would finish this show if I wasn’t so close. That’s a sour feeling in my mouth BAH GAWD ROBSON HAS FUCKING HIV.

Cyril is apparently still to be executed. Ryan now wants to work in the hospital. Surprisingly Gloria agreed but lol now his dad is in Oz for MURDER.

Schillinger is going to do Macbeth and now so is Beecher. Well, given this is the end, one of them are dying in the next episode. BAH GAWD BEECHER IS GOING SCORCHED EARTH ON KELLER. Now Schillinger wants Beecher dead because Beecher knows too much. Will Keller do it? OH FUCK THEYRE FIGHTING AND KELLER WINS. NOW WHAT? BEECHER IS HANDCUFFED, AND KELLER SAYS HE’S PRETENDING TO BE SCHILLINGER’S BUTT BUDDY. Bah gawd Keller busted almost raping Beecher. Welp Beecher got away.

McManus still wants Miguel to get paroled, but man, that guy who he hit, that motherfucker will never parole him. Lol he’s seeing Cutler’s wife now. But thing is, Schillinger is gonna make sure that his thing with Cutler’s wife gets fucked up.

LIRL BOBBY CANNAVALE WTF IS THIS CHARACTER. Damn this dude and his gay mafia are all over Miguel now wtf. This dude said he’s gonna own Em City lirl. PREMIUM TITS.

Leo, once again too stubborn for his own good. This guy Johnson is gonna get him killed for sure. Oh man McManus saw something he didn’t want to see. He ain’t going to some lame celebration. Until he does. And lirl LEO IS BLEEDING AND MCMANUS DISCOVERED BLOOD. If McManus went down for killing him I’d laugh good. I, trying not to laugh cause man I thought this guy’s character was that of a complete piece of shit.



EXEUNT OMNES

How does it all end? Lirl McManus isn’t gonna be the new warden and he doesn’t want to be. STANTON KNOWS WHO KILLED THE WARDEN AND THE MAYOR. THAT GUY IS IN THE HOLE. Lol now Johnson is busted. LIRL THE MCMANUS RAGE SCENE IT ONLY TOOK THE WHOLE SERIES.

The governor is bringing back the education program. Until he got accused of ordering murder.

BASED QUERNS BACK AS THE WARDEN. McManus may be gone in a month, maybe not. Bah gawd Querns brought a restraint chair for the hole. DONT FUCK WITH QUERNS.

Librarian wants to see Pablo, but nobody in the hole gets visitors. We know this.

I won’t be sad to not see these two old dudes again. No you won’t be able to jerk and impregnate someone. I’m a completist or I would fast forward. LIRL HE JUST BEAT UP THIS JUDGE U COCKSUCKER

Damn Scag is pregnant from a prisoner lirl. Lirl she confessed lirl. DEAD. CANT STOP LAUGHING. DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHO IMPREGNATED HER PROBABLY A MINORITY AND SHE CANT RAISE A KID. WTF.

BAH GAWD RICK FOX WAS PAROLED. He ain’t liking Brass whatsoever lol. Fuck Brass. Brass quit LIRL HE SHOT AT RICK FOX AND GOT ARRESTED.

Hoyt’s relative badly bored me. LIRL IN THE HOSPITAL. Hoyt’s mom is there which is a horrendous idea. Yeah send the lady in to some dude who talks about 16 devils and getting buttfucked by Satan. Yeah sure thing man. He didn’t verbally abuse her though. This nurse is being mad creepy to Mukada though. Lirl what she said after him. Based Timmy Kirk’s mom lmao. Hey, so we know what happened to a CLOUTIER now. The bikers put Cloutier back in the wall lirl. LIRL SOME BIG PILE OF STEROIDS KILLED HOYT.

Arif feels very guilty goddamn when he confessed the other Muslims beat the piss outta him. Arif now in the cage after snitching on Burr. McManus sending Burr to solitary lol.

This gay dude taking the fuck over just like he said even the Italians are doing tits now. So is Guerra. LIRL THIS SCENE WTF HE JUST CLAWED HIS NECK TO PIECES.

Schillinger just banned Cutler’s wife from seeing Miguel and Miguel got beat BADLY. Miguel don’t like Alonzo at all lirl. But it’s parole time. This dude will not give him a single chance. He won’t get paroled ever according to this guy. And now, Miguel has to room with Alonzo. Someone is about to be spreading cheeks brother. Doesn’t matter what he says. Damn Miguel just fucking gave up on life. Poor bastard.

Idzik sentenced to death. Fuck him. Please don’t save this stupid fuck. It would be one of the most annoying ways for this show to end. Idzik was mad at Said for something that happened like a decade or more ago when Said told him about the universe ending. Of course they keep Idzik from dying. Whoever wrote this season did a terrible fucking job. Idzik now back to Em City.

Ryan hates his fucking dad. To the point of maybe killing him. His dad is such trash that Ryan’s mom slapped him lmao. Schillinger ain’t gonna kill the Black Panther for him either. So, he’ll try himself. Lmao he got stabbed instead. How completely fitting is it that the Black Panther guy goes in the hole’s chair first.

Shark jumping moment incoming. I can feel it.

Cyril is really getting executed this time though. And because they fucked it around once, it has no emotional weight, and he’s dead. Meanwhile, Ryan gets to kiss Gloria and there’s the shark jumping. Again. Not for the first time this season or this episode. Damn Cyril fucking fried and Querns puked everywhere lol.

Now Ryan’s dad doesn’t want to die alone, and it’s all good.

Robson heading to the AIDS ward.

Oh man Schillinger’s sister or ex-wife or some shit. It wasn’t exactly clear. Lmao SHALOM VERN.

This guy wants Beecher to tell him about Keller’s murders. He don’t know a lot but he could get paroled. He won’t though. Keller also saw the entire thing. Lol he’s gonna give Schillinger a real knife so he can kill Beecher in front of everyone during Macbeth and claim accident.

Time for Macbeth. This is a really fitting way for it all to end. Nice bit of surrealism. Keller has a plan but Beecher doesn’t want to hear it. What could it be? LIRL BEECHER JUST STABBED SCHILLINGER WITH THE PROP KNIFE. IT WAS NOT A PROP. LIRL THAT MOTHAFUCKAS DEAD. DEATH RULED ACCIDENTAL LIRL. Keller back in Em City with Beecher again. Why though? Beecher doesn’t want anything to do with him even though he helped him with Schillinger. Now this right here’s a scene. LIRL KELLER TOOK CARE OF THE ARYANS TOO. Fuck wow Keller admitted fucking up Beecher’s parole. LOL KELLER TOOK A DIVE OFF THE BALCONY AND DIED

Lol Beecher’s story ending with him awaiting trial is bad. He didn’t do anything.

BAH GAWD KELLER POISONED THE WHOLE MAIL ROOM LIRL EVACUATE THE WHOLE PRISON.

There’s a few things left slightly unresolved. Did they think there was a chance the show could get another season? How foolish of them.
 

909

909
Staff member
Alright, so I'm going to make a list post later today in regards to this show. A best of and a worst of list. However, I am definitely not going to review every show like this because every show isn't Oz. It also takes a surprising amount of energy to actually do that. Until I watch something that's truly crazy, for a lot of the dramas I watch, I will post blurbs after every episode or every season. It depends. Same goes for comedies.

Next up, I have to watch seasons 6, 7, 9, and 10 of Curb. I will post about all those episodes at some point, even if only a few lines. It's all going to stay in this thread to avoid cluttering up shit.
 

AboveAverage484

Integral Poster
Alright, so I'm going to make a list post later today in regards to this show. A best of and a worst of list. However, I am definitely not going to review every show like this because every show isn't Oz. It also takes a surprising amount of energy to actually do that. Until I watch something that's truly crazy, for a lot of the dramas I watch, I will post blurbs after every episode or every season. It depends. Same goes for comedies.

Next up, I have to watch seasons 6, 7, 9, and 10 of Curb. I will post about all those episodes at some point, even if only a few lines. It's all going to stay in this thread to avoid cluttering up shit.
You should do your favorite from each gang, too:

Muslims
Homeboys (this is what they call them in the show, BTW!)
Latinos
Italians
Irish
Aryans
Bikers
Christians
Gays
Others
 

909

909
Staff member
Favorite Episodes: A Game of Checkers (season 1 finale), A Town Without Pity (the one where Said starts dancing with Adebisi), Animal Farm (where Adebisi pulls his dong out during a random drug test)

Least Favorites: Dream a Dream of Me, Ancient Tribes

Favorite Character: SIMON FUCKING ADEBISI.

Least Favorite: Rebadow

Favorite Muslim: Said
Homeboy: ADEBISI. Close second to Jiggy Walker even though he was only around one episode.
Latino: Miguel
Italian: It sucked when they teased that Urbano would do all kinds of cool shit, and then they didn't. The answer is Pancamo
Irish: Ryan, definitely not Cyril I can tell you that.
Aryan: I would say Hoyt counts as both YOUR BABY BOY GOT BUTTFUCKED BY SATAN
Bikers: See above
Christians: I'm gonna include Mukada in this group. Everyone else was terrible.
Gays: Not enough screen time. I thought they would use these dudes way more to make people uncomfortable, but they didn't.
Others: Omar White. The one man buzzsaw lone wolf act was hilarious until they neutered it.

Best Murder: Both times Timmy Kirk got killed.

Worst Murder: The way Said got shot was a complete show killer. You just can't do that.

Best Scenes: There's a few. One was when Adebisi was listening to some dude and decided to straight up take a shit cause he didn't like what the guy was saying. GAMBA KUFU is another. Then there's the one where they were showing how someone got to prison and it was by killing an abortion doctor's kid, and the Jamaican accent being revealed as a fake on accident. Timmy Kirk's two death scenes as well. I MADE SURE YOUR NEW GUMS WEREN'T WHITE. I think the absolute best is when Adebisi was going crazy with the drug testing and wanting to kill all the Italians.

Worst Scenes: There's really a lot so I have to narrow it down. Literally every Rebadow and Busmalis scene in the last season. Idzik killing Said. Almost all of Cloutier's scenes. The unrealistic way in which Gloria's husband died, as well as most of Cyril's scenes after that. Some of McManus' shit grinds the show to a halt.

Season Ranking

3 (HE TOUCHED KENNY'S PENIS)
1
4A
2
4B
6
5

I would give this show a 7 or a 7.5 overall. The last two seasons have a lot of boring shit in them.
 

Big Beard Booty Daddy

Canadian Destroyer213
Your ranking of seasons is very fair. I'll do my favorite characters later, but I enjoyed your journey through OZ. I started a re-watch myself thanks to reading this.

The first Cyril death scene fucking broke me the first time I saw it. I used to work closely with people with developmental disabilities, so that hit me hard. But yeah, the second time had no emotional connection to it.

I'll post about the book later, too. It's really a book about the show but I'll go more into detail when I look through it again. Been a long time since I went through it.
 

909

909
Staff member
MEET THE BLACKS

Alright, so, blurbs. As a naturally wordy person it's going to be difficult for me to do things this way. The party gag is interesting because I have once considered doing something like that in order to avoid having to go to someone's house. Now with text messaging and shit it's so much harder to do that. This episode wasn't the best, but the Larry Jew line got me really good.

THE ANONYMOUS DONOR

Now pretty much everything in this episode landed. From the cum stain to Joe Pepitone to the anonymous donation, to Barbara Boxer, to everything. This also wasn't like the last episode in that everything here tied together. The only thing that would have been better is if Leon had beaten up Ken Jeong instead of merely taking the jersey back. Hopefully at some point we find out who blew a load on a teddy bear. Probably Jeff.
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
I don't remember if they say, but with how proudly he is about his masturbation it has to be Jeff.

That episode had the proper usage of Ken Jeong too. 75 seconds at the most.
 

909

909
Staff member
THE IDA FUNKHOUSER ROADSIDE MEMORIAL

The $50 bill is something that rings home big time with me. Sometimes when I buy my mom lunch, she gives me this money that looks all fucked up, wrinkled, torn, barely hanging together, you get the picture. The flowers thing isn't so funny but the sampling bit sure is. I fucking hate standing behind those people, especially when getting Chinese food. I feel like everyone who doesn't sample all kinds of shit feels the same way as my man LD did right here.

THE LEFTY CALL

This one was a little bit more hit and miss. The lefty call itself is not all that funny. Everything else in the episode is, including LD getting fucked up by the toilet flushing too loudly. Chacha being a bathroom monitor is a whole other thing too. I hate people who are like this. The laxative ain't so funny though and is extremely hard for me to believe as being plausible. Do people just keep that shit around?

THE FREAK BOOK

Now while this entire episode isn't plausible, it's also more funny than the one before it. Have you ever known someone who brought some annoying shit around everywhere they went? That's the freak book. The limo scenes are legitimately painful nightmare fuel.
 

909

909
Staff member
THE RAT DOG

Now here we have something. We have a dog who really does look like a rat, we have the creepy possibly gay possibly a pedophile possibly just really weird exterminator guy who kills said dog, and we have the sign language. The phones getting mixed up wouldn't happen now, but that shit used to happen all the time. The Hal being offended is a thing. Don't feel any particular way about it, but I liked this a lot.

The TiVo Guy

I fully understand why some people don't like this episode, and for that matter neither do I. The phone call on the plane escalates things too far into being unrealistic, then them both already being with other people is unrealistic, and this kind of thing just tailspins and ruins the whole episode for me. The choosing sides bit is pertinent until the restaurant does it. This ep is an exercise in going overboard, but Richard showing up leads to one of the funniest arguments in the whole series.

THE N WORD

This episode has a lot of bright spots. There's obviously the title itself because there are lots of people who have done this same thing because they themselves are really fucking stupid. You don't get a pass to say that when telling a story. The doctor storyline is hilarious and so is Jeff's head getting shaved. The downside is that Larry told that story twice and people heard him twice. Nah man. Wouldn't happen, but again, I laughed a lot.
 

909

909
Staff member
THE THERAPISTS

Where Curb really works for me is how the seasons wind down and set a new status quo for the show. Sometimes they matter more than others. Season 6 is in that category. This is an episode where everything works. Two of the three I watched last night were. Steve Coogan is hilarious in this role and should have become a semi-recurring character. This episode feels like the lengths that LD would actually go to while at the same time tying everything together perfectly. There's nothing here that isn't funny.

THE BAT MITZVAH

Firstly, the Blacks going home is not really a good thing. Of course Leon comes back and we all know that shit. I still don't know how I feel about him eventually coming to replace Cheryl as a series constant, but once I get through these seasons I should know how I feel. I have a lot of experience in going to the doctor and not wanting to tell anyone except the doctor what's wrong with me, but I don't have any problem with them knowing after I've told the doctor. LD takes that to the extreme here. The rumor is a whole other thing though. It's funny because in the last episode he explains how much of a pussy he is, which ties in nicely to how he deals with the situation here.

FUNKHOUSER'S CRAZY SISTER

I laughed hard when LD was saying that Bam Bam wasn't crazy just so he could get out of doing something. There's no way that any show could get away with making an episode like this one now. Much of the material in here is now considered something that would be offensive. Jeff is a really weird fuck. I've already seen Season 8 and I'm not going to revisit it, so I only have a few more episodes left with Marty Funkhouser in them. I feel like when I get to the season that doesn't, there's going to be this feeling of emptiness that none of the other characters can fill. Hopefully I'm wrong.
 

Gert

Integral Poster
Favorite Episodes: A Game of Checkers (season 1 finale), A Town Without Pity (the one where Said starts dancing with Adebisi), Animal Farm (where Adebisi pulls his dong out during a random drug test)

Least Favorites: Dream a Dream of Me, Ancient Tribes

Favorite Character: SIMON FUCKING ADEBISI.

Least Favorite: Rebadow

Favorite Muslim: Said
Homeboy: ADEBISI. Close second to Jiggy Walker even though he was only around one episode.
Latino: Miguel
Italian: It sucked when they teased that Urbano would do all kinds of cool shit, and then they didn't. The answer is Pancamo
Irish: Ryan, definitely not Cyril I can tell you that.
Aryan: I would say Hoyt counts as both YOUR BABY BOY GOT BUTTFUCKED BY SATAN
Bikers: See above
Christians: I'm gonna include Mukada in this group. Everyone else was terrible.
Gays: Not enough screen time. I thought they would use these dudes way more to make people uncomfortable, but they didn't.
Others: Omar White. The one man buzzsaw lone wolf act was hilarious until they neutered it.

Best Murder: Both times Timmy Kirk got killed.

Worst Murder: The way Said got shot was a complete show killer. You just can't do that.

Best Scenes: There's a few. One was when Adebisi was listening to some dude and decided to straight up take a shit cause he didn't like what the guy was saying. GAMBA KUFU is another. Then there's the one where they were showing how someone got to prison and it was by killing an abortion doctor's kid, and the Jamaican accent being revealed as a fake on accident. Timmy Kirk's two death scenes as well. I MADE SURE YOUR NEW GUMS WEREN'T WHITE. I think the absolute best is when Adebisi was going crazy with the drug testing and wanting to kill all the Italians.

Worst Scenes: There's really a lot so I have to narrow it down. Literally every Rebadow and Busmalis scene in the last season. Idzik killing Said. Almost all of Cloutier's scenes. The unrealistic way in which Gloria's husband died, as well as most of Cyril's scenes after that. Some of McManus' shit grinds the show to a halt.

Season Ranking

3 (HE TOUCHED KENNY'S PENIS)
1
4A
2
4B
6
5

I would give this show a 7 or a 7.5 overall. The last two seasons have a lot of boring shit in them.

I can't remember the exact number, but I'm pretty sure 20 people died in 8 episodes on S6. I also think in 2020, the two Prags for S5 probably don't ever see any jail time.

Cyril's first stay of execution was probably one of the best moments of Season 4B-Finale. The other stuff was basically being really lazy at trying to turn in loose ends for the series.
 

909

909
Staff member
I can't remember the exact number, but I'm pretty sure 20 people died in 8 episodes on S6. I also think in 2020, the two Prags for S5 probably don't ever see any jail time.

Cyril's first stay of execution was probably one of the best moments of Season 4B-Finale. The other stuff was basically being really lazy at trying to turn in loose ends for the series.
They just ran out of quality characters to use after killing so many of them off, I think. There was no way left to end the show in a truly satisfying way, which would have been with Said paroled and accepting it.
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
I totally agree about Coogan and he should've came back a few times. There's a bunch of bloopers of him just saying bizarre shit to get Larry to start laughing.

Also having seen season 10, there is a big gap without Marty especially considering Marty is the highlight of season 9 by far imo. And the actor they get to fill in the Funkhouser spot is good, but it's not the same. I think any of Jeff, Susie, Lewis, or Leon leaving would leave a huge void, but I think some of those characters start to get stale while Funkhouser was getting better and better.
 

Zetterberg is God

Integral Poster
They just ran out of quality characters to use after killing so many of them off, I think. There was no way left to end the show in a truly satisfying way, which would have been with Said paroled and accepting it.
I think Beecher's fake parole being real would have been a good ending. But agreed that the way the following seasons went it was impossible to end it well.
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
I can't remember the exact number, but I'm pretty sure 20 people died in 8 episodes on S6. I also think in 2020, the two Prags for S5 probably don't ever see any jail time.

Cyril's first stay of execution was probably one of the best moments of Season 4B-Finale. The other stuff was basically being really lazy at trying to turn in loose ends for the series.
That Cyril scene is one of the most powerful moments of any show tbh. I can't believe they did what they did to the character two episodes later. That's one of the most infuriating things to me. I hated the conclusion to the whole Keller/Vern/Beecher storyline too as that was about as unsatisfying as you could have an ending be. And then what they did to my guy Said. I don't want to think about Oz anymore.
 

909

909
Staff member
VEHICULAR FELLATIO

The best episodes are the ones where Richard and Larry have a dispute over something, this is no exception. These two probably have the best chemistry of anyone in the cast. Also, that shit with these new products being super wrapped is extremely fucking annoying. There was a time when I tried to open one and the hard plastic completely gashed my finger open. Anyway, the way you deal with that kind of bullshit is to get a pair of scissors and hack away. I was wondering how they were going to write Loretta out and they did as good as they possibly could have done, I suppose.

THE REUNION

I know that this season revolves around the real Seinfeld reunion, the only one that we're ever going to have, and it's also for the best that this is how it was. A lot of the stuff in this episode was a misfire with me. I mean, I wouldn't sit in the bleeders at a Lakers game either. So you just leave. The Cheryl bits don't land that much either. The thing is, this was the first Seinfeld reunion where all four of these people were in a cast sharing a scene with each other. The episode also does a good job of setting up the overarching plot for this season. I bet there were a lot of viewers who were giddy watching this at the time.

THE HOT TOWEL

Little too overboard for me this time. The good bits are every scene with Christian Slater, and the whole short shorts thing. Otherwise I could take or leave this episode and it's one of my least favorites. There's also these scenes where Larry is able to run to his friend's houses when he usually always drives to them. Maybe he's just a lazy bald asshole, but I don't think so.

DENISE HANDICAP

Alright, here we go. Another episode that would probably not be able to be made in 2020, but everything here is incredibly funny. This show is the only one in a long time that has been able to properly use Rosie O'Donnell as an actress, and it all ties perfectly together at the end. We even got some Leon here which was the best way for an episode like this to turn out. This is also probably Ted Danson's best moment in the show, so far anyway. I don't know how someone could come up with this shit. I also love how LD is friends with all these people he fucking hates and these people continue on with the friendship despite that.
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
The Hot Towel is one of my least favorites of the series.

And I agree that Curb uses Rosie perfectly. I think other than A League of Her Own, Curb is the best I've seen Rosie O'Donnell be in anything.
 
Top