HEY YO TSM! WE DID IT! IT'S A STALLONE THREAD

King Kamala

Integral Poster
Maybe recently and I still hear it talked about less than Rocky and Rambo. When I saw it 10-15 years ago, it was lumped in second tier of Stallone movies with Cliffhanger, Daylight, and Judge Dredd, which is why I didn't see it until the mid-late '00s!
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
Snipes makes Demolition Man good way more than Stallone does. They have to cast a really good villain. Sandra Bullock coming back would be cool too. Rob Schneider coming back wouldn't be cool.

That said they can also turn it into a weird horror movie about that sex machine they use.

 

King Kamala

Integral Poster
I will agree that Wesley Snipes is as much if not more of a reason why this movie kicks so much ass. His Iberian Jamon performance elevates the movie from second tier Stallone to first tier Stallone.

Also idk why the heck I didn't include Cobra as an example of a second tier Stallone movie instead of Judge Dredd. Judge Dredd is down in the third tier at best.
 

King Kamala

Integral Poster
King Mutumbo Classic said:
Also idk why the heck I didn't include Cobra as an example of a second tier Stallone movie instead of Judge Dredd. Judge Dredd is down in the third tier at best.
Also sub Over The Top for Daylight. My perception of Daylight has been altered by my amusement over one of my middle school classmate's impression of Stallone yelling about people trapped in the Holland Tunnel.
 

King Kamala

Integral Poster
Lot of good violence and blow 'em ups in that but it's too serious (IE boring during the non shoot em up parts) to make it to the first tier IMO.

Second tier Stallone is still good too btw.


First is the GOAT Sly movies.

Second is good/entertaining but flawed and not the best.

Third might still have its moments and be watchable but not one that's consistently on rewatch pile.

Fourth is good lord, I don't want to rewatch Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.
 

King Kamala

Integral Poster
The Art of Rasslin' said:
Cobra is second tier? That movie is a classic gritty action movie, I thought.
https://youtu.be/RdFfRN3MrAk
Theme song to Cobra is DEFINITELY a first tier Stallone movie theme song though.

Performed by the guy who co-wrote KISS' "Who Wants to Be Lonely" and "Uh!" All Night" and produced the worst Ramones album.
 

The Valeyard

Sha la la la, man.
The Art of Rasslin' said:
The Valeyard said:
Sly knows that he can sell a ton of seashells as quarantine merch.
Hopefully they explain how they work in the second one.
Nah, mystery needs to remain. Let him have a swear citation machine in the bathroom.
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
I missed this convo but Cobra at the least is top 5 Stallone. It's amazing. I watched it the other day and even the slow points are hilarious cause it's Stallone offering bad dieting advice and doing bad prob comedy with a giant oversized hamburger toy. The action and car chases are legit great. Any movie that has a modeling montage with a robot is first tier in my book.

Also the real demolition man sequel should be actually seeing how Taco Bell won the Fast Food Wars.
 

King Kamala

Integral Poster
Just imagine if Stallone and Eddie Murphy swapped places and Stallone did Beverly Hills Cop and Eddie Murphy did Cobra.

Now I'm mad that Eddie Murphy didn't do any action comedies with Stallone or any of the action greats of the '80s/'90s. I'd even take a Eddie and Steven Seagal movie.
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
HIS NAME IS MARION COBRIETTI AKA COBRA

HOW IS THAT NOT FIRST TIER

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32sLgUoj91o

lirl he delivers his zingers so lazily in this. Love that the 4'9 badass with Sunglasses can just go up to a street gang disrespect the leader, rip his shirt and walk away.
 

King Kamala

Integral Poster
We should do a Demolition Man and/or Cobra rewatch.

I just remember Cobra being a bit TOO PROBLEMATIC for my SJW liking. I'll have to give it a rewatch myself

Death Wish III now that's a very pro Reagan chintzy '80s action movie I can get behind. If Charles Bronson doesn't make the Top 10 Action Heroes list, I'll be ticked shitless.
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
I could see that being a problem about Cobra, but Stallone's character is so cheesy and lame watching it now that I can't be offended. Other than that scene I posted there's little race stuff since the villain is this weird white guy with a cult trying to bring a new world without the weak or something. The cult clang machetes together rhythmically when he rants for some reason. It's like Sly's version of Commando in that it's perfect to watch while drinking even alone. There's so many hilarious continuity errors in Cobra like

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4mPSEqz9Rs

Throughout the movie Brigitte Nielsen is wearing a ridiculously fake looking curly blonde wig yet in this great montage where she is modelling she clearly has her normal short hairstyle. After this scene is over she is just wearing the wig again without mentioning anything.
 

OG

Integral Poster
King Mutumbo Classic said:
Death Wish III now that's a very pro Reagan chintzy '80s action movie I can get behind. If Charles Bronson doesn't make the Top 10 Action Heroes list, I'll be ticked shitless.
Hot take: Bronson wouldn't make my top 20. He has about as much charisma as Thomas Ian Griffith leading an action movie. Don't get me wrong, he's great in Dirty Dozen and some of the westerns but once he went full-on action hero, man those were terrible.
 

King Kamala

Integral Poster
He falls into the So Bad, He's Good category like Seagal does for other people. Unlike Seagal, att least he was good at one (much earlier) time so you could the fun "Why is he subjecting to slumming it in this horrible, cheesy movie?" factor
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
Yeah Bronson was a decent actor at a point. I think he's pretty good in the first Death Wish even. From quotes I read, he pretty much hated that he became a action star but since he was making money he continued doing it. He had a snarky comment about how Death Wish 3 was exactly like the other two but this time I shoot a machine gun and theres a motorcycle man.
 

Brocklock

Integral Poster
That shows how checked out he was.

Bronson said the film was "nearly the same as the first two Death Wishes that came before except this time he's not alone... It is a very violent picture but it all falls within the category of the story." Bronson did add however that "there are men on motorbikes, an element that's threatening - throwing bottles and that sort of thing - and I machine gun them. That to me is excessive violence and is unnecessary."[6]
Reading this in Bronson's voice
 
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