Edwin said:
I didn't even know Lindelof was involved in this one until the credits, but I should have guessed.
You mean the guys who wrote a bizarre story (utilizing divergent timelines) which awkwardly tries to please the fanboys yet provides a dismally disappointing ending while derailing characters left and right while throwing in a ton of gratuitous action scenes and
several tons of plot holes just MIGHT be the same team who wrote
Lost? The hell you say, sir!
Finally saw this sucker. Found it pretty meh, didn't even like it as much as the 2009 movie. There will be
SPOILERS ahead, the movie's been out for a month already. Various thoughts:
-Why the hell wouldn't the camera ever stand still? It was ALWAYS jumping, to the point where it looked like Michael Bay was in the director's chair. Too many of the fight scenes were damn near impossible to see.
-I dunno who these people named "Kirk", "Uhura", "Carol Marcus", and "Khan" are, but they sure as hell ain't the characters I know by those names. They weren't even trying to match how the originals looked, talked, acted, moved, anything. Ditto with these things they claim are "phasers", which suddenly turn into machine-laser-guns from the frigging
Star Wars prequels; where are the damn vaporizations? Even the Enterprise was way too New & Improved for me, way too much of it was way too different from the classic model. And why do the Klingons suddenly look all different as well?
-Did the movie literally forget about the giant starship that crashed into downtown San Francisco? That was like a dozen 9/11's at once, but after it happens it's never even referenced again. And why bother inventing some new fancy warship when they could have easily just made it the Excelsior instead?
-Could they not think of
anything for Chekov and Sulu to do?
-Some of you guys mentioned a couple of plot points that also bugged me. You're right, Kirk's Yo-Yo Promotions made no damn sense. And I was terribly disappointed when the movie decided to absolutely abandon any hint of moral complexity when both Buckaroo Banzai and Sherlock Holmes were all like "heel turn, I'mma kill you all!"
-The new transporter effect is way too gaudy and show-offy. They should've gone with something much more subtle.
-Kirk's death scene was a pathetic, pale imitation of Spock's death in
Wrath of Khan. If they're gonna so blatantly rip off an original scene, they should at least try to match the original scene's quality. They did not. At all. Hammier acting, less elegant writing, and even shittier blocking on an inferior set. And it was totally sabotaged by how obvious they made it that Kirk wasn't
really Dead-dead. Plus: the original worked so well because we knew the characters so well. This version of Spock and Kirk are barely even friends, let alone having the decades-long relationship which is needed to make the scene work.
-Can we have a single freakin'
Trek movie without the Enterprise getting at least halfway destroyed? I'm kinda tired of watching phaser shots punch throw the saucer over and over again. And when the crewmen were all dying, how come the screams were mostly from crewwomen? It didn't seem like there were many chicks on this ship in the first place, but at least two out of three screams were definitely female.
-Hey writers, wasn't it a major plot point in
Star Trek VI that Uhura CAN'T speak a word of Klingon? And seriously, end the fucking Uhura/Spock shipping already, it feels fake as hell and completely out of character for both people.
-
Way too many close-ups. The whole thing was composed more like a TV show than a movie. Back the fucking camera up! And put it on a damn tripod while you're at it.
-Thinking back: why did anyone go to Cronos in the first place? What the hell was Khan trying to achieve there?
-If they fought in TOS, Spock would break Khan over his knee in about five seconds. The filmmakers apparently forgot that Vulcans are a LOT stronger than humans, no matter how genetically-modified they are. Speaking of which: how does "genetically engineered" somehow equal to "I've got the same kind of magic healing blood as the vampires in
True Blood"?
-Why is the Enterprise always breaking down so badly? In the movies, it always takes one phaser hit to knock out the weapons, shields, engines, power, everything. And since when is the bridge's viewscreen actually a window?
-I am incredibly sick and tired of having the old "brilliant villain intentionally gets himself captured in order to destroy things from the inside" cliche trotted out in every single action movie nowadays. Joker, Bane, Loki, that guy in
Skyfall, and now Khan have all done the EXACT same thing. Quit it.
-Since when is the Federation all like "we don't give a shit if every sentient being on that world died in horrible screaming lava-coated agony, you shouldn't have broken the Prime Directive! You're blocking their natural development if you don't let them go extinct!"
-The underwear shot was SO gratuitous that the filmmakers actually apologized for it.
-IMDB claims that Heather Langenkamp played some tiny nothing role and Bill Hader provided "additional voices". I find both of those very unlikely, albeit for different reasons.
-and finally: LEEEEEEEEEENS FLAAAAAAAAAAAAARES~!
Okay, that's a lot of bitching, now for the good parts. Lots of the acting was pretty damn awesome, especially Cumberbatch; he sure as hell wasn't playing the real Khan Noonian Singh, but this new stranger was a fairly intense villain himself. Karl Urban's impression of Deforest Kelley is still downright uncanny. The ensemble is more comfortable with their characters, and the chemistry and humor between them is pretty good. The new Warp Drive special effect is a thing of beauty. I liked some of the more subtle shoutouts to Harry Mudd, tribbles, Nurse Chapel, having James Doohan's son playing the transporter operator, and so on. I didn't hate it... but I certainly didn't love it either. If I wanna watch
Wrath of Khan then I'll watch
Wrath of Khan and not this johnny-come-lately pretender.