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Wrestling Dreams ( Reviving a TOTSM Pseudo Sub-Classic )

King Kamala

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Also don't forget the Kidman-John Cena tag team that formed entirely for the purpose of breaking up and allowing Cena to turn heel.
 

Mattdotcom

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I dreamed that some fat indy wrestler was laying on a couch and giving me some gruff, so I lifted a kerosene heater over my head and beat the shit out of him with it. Unfortunately, this didn't put my friends in any hurry to leave, so I wound up having to fight another one off. Then I broke their TV with a pool cue. So they called me a mark.
 

HarleyQuinn

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Dreamed that The Sandman (think of him drunk to make this even better) was a catcher for the New York Yankees. To zero surprise, he starts a bench clearing brawl after charging the mound against the Detroit Tigers. So he gets ejected from the game and he and I are standing in the dugout. I tell him what a home plate collision is and the guy's eyes really light up. Then we mocked Ivan Rodriguez (along with the rest of the bench) as he walked by after he struck out and threw his bat against the home plate wall in disgust.
 

King Kamala

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I had a dream I was watching a Halloween sequel from the late '80s on Cinemax or something (which is weird since I haven't seen any except the first and the remake) and SID showed up to take on Michael Myers in hand to hand combat. Disappointingly, the Master and Ruler of the Universe got his neck snapped by Mikey in ten seconds. Though he did big boot his way through a glass window after Mike killed Sid's lady friend in the movie.
 

HarleyQuinn

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The image of Sid big booting the glass nearly made me do a spit take. Nice.
 

King Kamala

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I had one last night and I was sitting front row at Monday Night RAW and typing on my laptop, reporting the events to TRTSM chat for some unknown reason. We were all bitching about a lame duelling interview between Sheamus and John Cena and all of a sudden, Sheamus got out of the ring and started explaining to us why the segment was lame while Cena cut his typical promo. Weirdest part was Sheamus had a nasally American accent when he talked to me and told me the "whole Irish thing" was just a gimmick. I didn't know whether to mark out or be incredibly disappointed.
 

Ed Wood Caulfield

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I once slept for 18 hours, and I'm pretty sure in that entire timeframe, I dreamt that I heard a techno dance remix of Booker T's entrance theme. It was basically just a drum n' bass version of Booker's entrance theme with "SUCKAAAAA!" inserted into the song at random points.
 

King Kamala

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I had a dream where I met Bret Hart on a balcony in my friend's apartment complex. It was mid '90s Bret Hart not stumbling old man Bret Hart. He was wearing his ring gear too for some reason. I basically turned into a replication of The Chris Farley Show sketch with me as Chris Farley and him as Paul McCartney. He got kind of pissed when I asked if he would turn into a crazy old man like Stu and said he was "one of" the greatest of all time. He pretty much walked off after I said "Remember when Jean Pierre Laffitte stole your jacket? That was awesome!" Why of all of the matches and angles dream me could have brought up, I picked that one is beyond me.

I bet dream Shawn Michaels and dream Ric Flair would have been a lot nicer to me.
 

Mattdotcom

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I had a dream that I was wrestling Randy Orton for the WWE Title in Hell in a Cell and I won after I did two new moves. The moves were the KKO and The End of Your World. I won after I did The End of Your World off the top of the cage. Im awesome!
 

DrVenkman PhD

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Last night I had a dream that Hacksaw Jim was back and got the pop of the night. He was affiliated with Kelly Kelly. Good times.
 

Byron The Bulb

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I had a dream last night that Edge & Christian reunited and won the tag team titles.
 

Baby Shoes

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Had a dream last night where I was entering a public restroom stall when Kane did a big boot to knock open the door and yell the dangers of syphilis to me. No more wrestling before bed, although it would make an effective after-school special.
 

Ed Wood Caulfield

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Dreamt up an edition of RAW that I felt I had to share:

So, there's this big ceremony for John Cena. I think he was supposed to be announcing his retirement or something. There's a sign that says "CENA INVENTED WRESTLING" that is misspelled, though I forget where. Anyway, Cena comes to the ring, all solemn, and then says that the rumours of him retiring are false. He says something like, "I'LL RETIRE WHEN MICHAEL COLE IS BLACK AND THE ROCK IS WHITE! I AIN'T GOING ANYWHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!" R-Truth comes out and they do a back and forth. Typical stuff from Cena. You know the drill. I think AJ from NXT is shown watching the promo along with some goth girl who I completely made up.

Main event is an 8-Man Wildcard Match ala Survivor Series 1995. It's John Cena, CM Punk, someone I don't remember and R-Truth vs. Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, Pat Tanaka and CRUSH. I mention in my dream that Crush is dead, but no one else seems to realize this. The match is pretty good, honestly. Anyway, towards the end of the match, The Great Khali comes out and attacks Rikishi, who literally appears out of nowhere for some reason. Khali gives Rikishi the Tree Slam and then just disappears. Next thing I know, Sin Cara is about to attack Cena, but then has a change of heart: He springboards off of the top rope, defies physics by twisting back onto the top rope from mid-air, and gives Pat Tanaka a 6-1-9. Cena then wins the match for his team.

*Then*, Bret Hart's entrance music hits. Only it's a SWERVE~!, as it's not Bret, but rather Chris Jericho making his return with his new apprentice: M.C. Andrew Punisher, who looks a lot like if Test and Luke from Tough Enough had a baby. And was slightly taller than Jericho. Not sure what the M.C. stood for, unless he was supposed to be a rapper from Canada too. Anyway, they're all giddy on how they fooled everyone. Jericho applies The Walls Of Jericho on Cena while Andrew Punisher cheers him on with greenish-yellowish spotlights shining down on them. But then, Cena is saved by something. All of a sudden, AJ appears in the ring and begins making out with Cena. Then the goth girl comes into the ring and *she* starts making out with Cena. Thus, a catfight begins with the two girls ending with AJ getting her hands raised by Cena as some unidentifiable music plays and gold spotlights shine down on her. Everyone cheers and RAW comes to a close.

I wake up and realize that I had been asleep for 10 hours up to that point.
 

GunsNMoses

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I had a dream that I was a WWE wrestler circa the Straight Edge Society's peak. I'm dating Serena and she's worried about losing her job because she's not actually straight edge, so I agree to go sXe with her as a form of support. Later that night, when everybody else goes out, I tittyfuck her in my hotel room.
 

King Kamala

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I had a dream last night that "Rowdy" Roddy Piper was having a heart attack in my basement and he kept throwing stuff and cursing at the top of his lungs except the cursing was all bleeped out. I can't decide if I was stuck in the middle of an episode of a particularly bad indie wrestling fed's show or a rerun of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
 

alfdogg

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I had a very bizarre dream years ago which closed with the introductions of a ten-man tag match, which for some reason included Marilyn Manson. I woke up right after the intros were finished. Scott Hall was the last man to enter. I shared this on one of the boards once, but it must have been one that no longer exists because I couldn't find it on a search of TOTSM.
 

Master Thrasher

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I had a dream that Owen Hart and Stone Cold retained the tag team championships on a 1997'ish RAW episode. I forgot who they beat.
 

King Kamala

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I had a dream last night that CM Punk dissed me on Twitter and called me a sheep for saying that Bret Hart's in-ring comeback last year was depressing. Don't know why Punk was so defensive about it and I don't know why I was tweeting! Especially about a year and half old match.
 

King Kamala

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I had a dream last night where I was sitting on the side of a hotel pool and met the Headbangers and Matt Hardy (who looked and was dressed like he was when he was a jobber in the mid '90s) and they thought I was a kid they mentored on an episode of Maury they were on about bullies and for some reason, I didn't bother to correct them. And Matt Hardy at one point yelled happily "And now you're married with kids." and I responded "No, I'm not. I'm 23, you idiot!" The Headbangers were also wearing their ring attire and facepaint in the pool for some reason.

Also JBL was the hotel pool manager and yelled at his employees in the background the whole time. And he was swagged out in a suit too despite being next to a crowded swimming pool.
 

King Kamala

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Had a dream last night that I was dreaming about watching an eight man tag match where one of the teams was Hulk Hogan, Kona Crush, Bushwhacker Luke, and Kamala. I "woke up" before I could see who their opponents were and immediately went to report it to TSM but somehow kept posting my recollections in the wrong thread.

For some reason, the team entered to Kamala's theme music. Even though the match could have only taken place in early '93, Hulk Hogan had his "Hulk Rules" '89/'90 era look but that was just dream Kamala being nitpicky.
 

King Kamala

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I had another wrestling related dream last night. I dreamed that I was at another old timers indy show and the main event was a hardcore six man tag between Hulk Hogan and Demolition Vs Jake Roberts, One Man Gang, and Raven. Anyway, everybody looked like they do in their current, flabby state except Hogan and Jake both looked like they did in 1989 for some reason. Jake kept trying to elbow drop Hulk Hogan through a bunch of tables off of the entry way but the tables wouldn't break. Then Hogan moved and Jake The Snake went through the table.

And then for some reason, we kept heckling Smash for being out of shape for some reason even though Raven and Ax were equally out of shape. Though I guess they didn't insist on wearing a weird bondage outfit.
 

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I have no idea where this came from because I haven't really watched wrestling in months.. But I am watching Smackdown or Raw, who knows anymore, and there are a group of main eventers in the ring including Del Rio and Sheamus. All of a sudden Daniel Bryan is coming out and the YES chants start.. He sprints down the aisle and AJ is still with him. She's keeping pace with the sprint and slides into the ring with him. Daniel Bryan proceeds to do the Monty Brown Pounce to Del Rio but accidentally hits AJ instead and she literally does the Rey Mysterio lawn dart through the ropes and out of the ring and into the padded guardrail siding. Later on in the show she is recovering and they have cameras backstage. It gets really weird and Bryan starts saying that he wishes they'd turn her heel, and she agrees because it would be much more fun. The doctor is bandaging her up and two other non-wrestler guys are there eating chocolate from the docs desk. A third guy walks up and wants some so he starts eating a piece but then realizes its a scented candle. Yeah, it pretty much falls apart at this point.
 

Sabre

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King Kamala

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I had a dream last night that I was at an indy show up the street at the armory that NWA On Fire and another local indy used to run. The card featured Honky Tonk Man, Tony Atlas, Koko B. Ware, and The Nasty Boys and I went with a bunch of my friends who don't watch wrestling because they thought it'd be hilarious to watch a bunch of old men wrestle. Anyway, the place was packed for some reason. And there was a bar in the back where The Nasty Boys and The Honky Tonk Man (who was hitting on a bunch of fat chicks) were hanging out.

Anyway, the show opens with a really awful WarGames match with a bunch of guys I've never seen before. And the match had four rings for some reason. I was shocked that an indy match could afford that many rings and cages. The match goes on for a half hour and I realize that the bar is cash only and all I've got is my debit card. So I walk down the street to the nearest ATM and when I get back ten minutes later, the crowd is emptying out. Turns out the promoters stole the cages and rings and the cops have been called and they're trying to clear out of the building before they get arrested. They're not giving out refunds but because my friends all helped carry their stolen shit to the truck, they give us all $10 so all's well that ends well, I guess.
 
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