Classic Rock Songs that just fuckin' suck

[Gary]

WTF, the Doors are all-time greats. Who thinks they suck (besides Laz, probably)?

Eh, I like a few songs, but that's about it. For me, the dislike is mostly towards Morrison, who as @King Kamala said, was a knob. Even then, I'll still take them over Bon Jovi, as I can't find a song from that band which doesn't annoy me on some level.

*on second thought, "Blaze of Glory" amuses me because I now associate it with being used in Charlie and Mac's faux suicide video on It's Always Sunny

 

[Lazgistics Supervisor]

WTF, the Doors are all-time greats. Who thinks they suck (besides Laz, probably)?

Yep. Never liked them, even their deep cuts are just...there. They were, in so many ways, the precursor of Stone Temple Pilots, right down to the mediocre lyrics and vocals made up for by having a solid stage presence...while not offering anything all that unique compared to their peers.

I've softened on them, too. I used to vehemently hate them. Now I just roll my eyes whenever they're spoken with praise.

As far as Bon Jovi goes, that was a band that knew how to write a big sweeping hook for a chorus, and excelled at it in a way few bands did before or have since. It's total cheese that knows it, and Jon isn't going to fuck your girlfriend because he's too busy working the soup kitchen.

 

[King Kamala]

Bon Jovi is miscategorized as hard rock when they're just a slightly rocked up version of Journey/Boston AOR type bands. What is "Livin' on a Prayer" but the late '80s version of "Don't Stop Believin'"? Do they get categorized as hard rock solely cause Jon Bon Jovi is a mediocre vocalist (especially compared to Steve Perry and Brad Delp)? He's arguably not even as a good of a vocalist as Richie Sambora.

There's more chaff than wheat in that catalog but I won't lie and pretend I don't occasionally crank up "It's My Life", "Bad Medicine" or "Born To Be My Baby".

 

[Epic Springs]

I thought the term for bands like Bon Jovi was "arena rock".

BJ had some great singles but I recently listened to a few of their records in full and it's...not my thing. My brother was a huge fan as I growing up and bought "Crush" the week it came out. A year or so later he gave it to me and it stood in my record collection for years but I left it behind when I moved out of my folks' house.

 

[Lazgistics Supervisor]

I thought the term for bands like Bon Jovi was "better than the Doors".

FTFY

 

[King Kamala]

I thought the term for bands like Bon Jovi was "arena rock".

BJ had some great singles but I recently listened to a few of their records in full and it's...not my thing. My brother was a huge fan as I growing up and bought "Crush" the week it came out. A year or so later he gave it to me and it stood in my record collection for years but I left it behind when I moved out of my folks' house.

I think that's most accurate fit for their genre but I've heard them described as hard rock and even pop metal (which is as almost as discordant of a genre as soft rock IMO) a few times.

 

[AA484]

They are definitely harder than Journey. Say what you will about them but the riffs and solos definitely steer more towards hard rock or hair than whatever Journey did. Journey was more AOR (or even pop rock), which, without getting too much into the genre weeds, was essentially a palatable form of radio rock that wasn't quite as "hard" as hard rock.

Arena rock is basically the same as "hard rock."

 

[AA484]

Genre map for mainstream rock, late seventies to present day:

"Regular" rock: These are groups or artists which really can't be defined as being anything more than just straight up rock. I'm talking Springsteen, Tom Petty, Seger, Mellencamp, etc. I've also heard the term "heartland" rock used, I guess to represent the "everyman" American that these artists and songs targeted but I never really liked it. Neil Young, Elton John (before he almost completely converted to adult contemporary), and other early seventies holdovers could also be placed here.

Arena rock could essentially encompass all of the next four.

AOR: Lighter, poppier, and cheesier (although not quite being enough of any to be considered soft rock or "mom" rock although they veer dangerously close at times), this style of rock was pretty much made for radio with catchy hooks and choruses and light-hearted subject matter. Think Journey, Foreigner, later Chicago, etc.

Hair Rock/Glam Rock: Basically hard rock but slightly more poppy with bigger hair and subject matter geared more towards partying, sex, and drugs. A lot of artists blurred the lines between the two, particularly Guns N' Roses and Motley Crue.

Hard Rock: A pretty generic term, this style featured harder riffs solos than the above two genres. This would be G N'R, Kiss, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, solo Ozzy, Queen, etc.

Progressive Rock: Hard rock, but with slightly more intricate or complicated musical arrangements and nerdier subject matter. Rush is an obvious example.

Heavy Metal: A faster and harder version of "hard" rock. Longer songs and more "adult" subject matter, focusing on darker lyrical themes, like death, war, and the occult. Like hair, there were definitely some blurred lines between metal and hard rock with bands like Sabbath, Scorpions, Dio, Rainbow, etc. Bands that played faster and focused more intently on the dark subject matter can be placed into the dozens of sub-genres of metal, with thrash being one of the most prominent due to the success of bands like Metallica, Slayer, and Megadeth, although all three (Slayer the least of which) slowed their tempo into a more "mainstream" metal sound by the early nineties.

 

[AA484]

Ricky explains progressive rock (time stamped):

 

[King Kamala]

I don't think Bon Jovi's hardest rocking song is probably way harder than Journey's hardest rocking song (Idk what that would even be. @BUTT ?) but I don't think Bon Jovi's ever even rocked as hard as Foreigner's "Hot Blooded".

 

[AA484]

I don't think Bon Jovi's hardest rocking song is probably way harder than Journey's hardest rocking song (Idk what that would even be. @BUTT ?) but I don't think Bon Jovi's ever even rocked as hard as Foreigner's "Hot Blooded".

Well, I think some of Foreigner's stuff ventured into hard rock but crap like "I Want to Know What Love Is" definitely didn't.

 

[King Kamala]

Neither does "I'll Be There For You"!

 

[AA484]

Neither does "I'll Be There For You"!

You're trying to them into just one space. They can be fit into multiple spaces. I'm not gonna call Guns N' Roses Industrial Rock and compare them as a whole to NIN because of "My World."

 

[King Kamala]

Well, what I was trying to say is that I'm not seeing where Bon Jovi fits as a hard rock band. To paraphrase, Richie Sambora in I Want My MTV, I think they were just a compromise for people who wanted something harder than Billy Joel and George Michael but not quite as intimidating as Motley Crue and Guns & Roses.

 

[AA484]

I mean, "You Give Love a Bad Name" (to give one example) is no "Welcome to the Jungle" or "Shout at the Devil" but it's still harder than most anything else that could be considered on the level of Journey, etc.

Now I'm not gonna argue that their stuff after the turn of the century doesn't veer more into the pop rock/wuss rock category but their 80s stuff is definitely trends harder.

 

[King Kamala]

That and "Bad Medicine" are probably their "hardest" songs but I wouldn't really say they're particularly harder than hardest rocking moments of Foreigner or Boston. I think only reason Bon Jovi is mentioned is a hard rock band instead of an AOR band is they dressed like Motley Crue & Guns N Roses. But then again, by the Raised on Radio era Journey was kind of dressing similarly to Bon Jovi.

Can I get fellow NEW ENGLAND MAN and resident metal & hard rock expert @Laz to weigh in!?

 

[Valeyard]

Bon Jovi started as the safest, least threatening band of posers in the '80s scene. I don't think they'd have survived the 2000s if 9/11 doesn't happen because "It's My Life" became one of those songs. Only thing that saved them from falling back into a classic radio pit was the line "This is for the ones who stood their ground."

Bon Jovi does fucking suck.

 

[King Kamala]

I'm amazed you're the only person who has come out as anti Bon Jovi so far ITT. Even grumpy @Laz was showing respect. If I bring them up to most of my rock loving friends, they immediately recoil. Jon Bon Jovi, to me as a performer and frontman, is probably one of the biggest poseurs in music history. He actually seems like a damn decent person IRL but just seems like an ass to work with. RICHIE SAMBORA CARRIED THAT BAND IMO! If he isn't immensely attractive, Idk if they have more than a handful of hits.

 

[Epic Springs]

I actually didn't know Richie had left the band until a year or so ago when Eddie Trunk mentioned it on his show. Google tells me he left back in 2013 (guess it was a quiet exit?). It seems treacherous to carry on without him but they have and it hasn't really affected their drawing power, I don't think.

 

[King Kamala]

I guess it's fitting that Bon Jovi started as Jon Bon Jovi and a bunch of hired guns and is going to end that way. I know less about the rest of Bon Jovi than pretty much other classic rock band. I know original Bon Jovi bassist (who was in the band until 1995! Alec Jon Such doesn't have his own Wikipedia entry and Tico Torres is a cool name but that's about it.

 

[Epic Springs]

Torres has (had?) a baby clothing line. Thanks, VH1!

 

[Valeyard]

Him personally is probably annoying as fuck. Sambora had more presence to me, but also is likely a total dick.

You're right, if Bon Jovi wasn't omg hot they don't do much. They will always be Jim Henson's Poison Babies.

 

[AA484]

Bon Jovi kind of suck in an "annoying" way as opposed to obnoxiously (see Limp Bizkit, etc.).

 

[King Kamala]

SNL Thread crosspost.


I'm also annoyed that Jon Bon Jovi got to host an episode of SNL in the LATE '00s for no damn reason and he also got to do multiple songs while the actual musical guest (The Foo Fighters, who were probably a much bigger act than Bon Jovi at that point) got one. I'm assuming he pestered Lorne into it.

Also Jack Nicholson randomly showed up for one of his only two SNL appearances because New Jersey.

 

[Valeyard]

Bon Jovi kind of suck in an "annoying" way as opposed to obnoxiously (see Limp Bizkit, etc.).

Yeah, they're kind of the gnats of rock music. Bizkit is fleas.

 

[King Kamala]

Hot take: While I wouldn't argue Limp Bizkit > Bon Jovy. I will say "My Way" is better than anything Bon Jovi ever recorded.

 

[AA484]

Hot take: While I wouldn't argue Limp Bizkit > Bon Jovy. I will say "My Way" is better than anything Bon Jovi ever recorded.

If we are gonna go that route "Rearranged" is better than "My Way." I'd even go so far as to say that it is decent overall.

 

[Valeyard]

I can't bring myself to disagree as much as I really want to.

 

[King Kamala]

I like "Counterfeit" and "Rollin'" (and especially like the "Urban Assault Vehicle" Remix) too which means I like more Limp Bizkit songs than Bon Jovi songs. Shit maybe I WOULD argue Limp Bizkit > Bon Jovi...

 

[HarleyQuinn]

Hot take: While I wouldn't argue Limp Bizkit > Bon Jovy. I will say "My Way" is better than anything Bon Jovi ever recorded.

Hotter Take: I'll take the lyricism of several Limp Bizkit songs over Bon Jovi songs...

E.G. Limp Bizkit's "Re-Arranged"
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
I'd love to be the one to disappoint you
When I don't fall down

But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain
Because you know it all and I guess things will never change
But you might need my hand when falling in your hole
Your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go of
You and me we're through