King Kamala's NXT Redemption Live Blog

King Kamala

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Alright. Here is what I think will revive TSM. Me drunkenly watching 6 year old D grade WWE shows. Yes, the fifth and final season of WWE NXT, that somehow lasted 4 and 1/2 times longer than any other season of the show, has been added to WWE Network.

Let's go back to March 9th, 2011, a time when Donald Trump is a crackpot doofus billionaire who thinks our President was born in Kenya and Chris Christie was a respected politician. Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" topped the Billboard Number One Charts and Rango was on top of the Box Office. A young King Kamala was about to graduate Marlboro College and was mostly too busy unsuccessfully trying to bang hot hipster babes to watch low grade pro wrestling. What a mistake. I've lived a life filled with regrets but it is time to turn a new page.

It's time to go back and finally discover the glory that is...NXT Redemption.

(also I didn't really watch any of NXT seasons 2-4 so don't know much outside of LayCool mentoring Low Ki (err...Kaval) and Goldust mentoring Aksana so if anyone can fill anything I need to know, it'd be appreciated)

King Kamala

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It is a new season of NXT and this one is different. It is all about redemption. Current UFC PBP guy and former SportsCenter host Todd Grisham is our PBP guy. Which shows how much has changed in the past six years. He introduces the new color commentator for the show, a man who knows A LOT about redemption...the wonderful William Regal. Regal humbly says that this series is not about him. I honestly think he was saying I don't really want to be associated with what you are about to see rn.

They introduce our hosts, the irredeemable Matt Strike and the lovely, future Mrs. Mike Mizanin, Maryse who intro our competitors.

From Season 1, a former member of the Nexus, Darren Young.

From Season 4, Conor O'Brien, who is being mentored by then #1 contender Alberto Del Rio.

From Season 2, looking like a cross between B grade Tyler Breeze and Z grade Ric Flair, Lucky Cannon

From Season 4, Byron Saxton, according to Regal, he is very charismatic and strong willed. Again, six years ago feels like 20 in modern WWE storylines. He is wearing a Back to the Future Part II parody tank top that says BACK TO THE SAXTON PART II. Seems super lame now but movie parody merch wasn't as common place six years ago so it was probably only kind of lame at the time. Also if any of you is looking for something to buy me for XMas, please put a BACK TO THE SAXTON PART II tanktop on your list.

The first man eliminated from Season 4, Jacob Novak, is also somehow getting a shot at redemption. He doesn't even have a Wikipedia page. SMH.

Aruh aruh aruh! Titus O'Neil from Season 2 will also be competing. Damn. Titus O'Neil has been doing his schtick in WWE, in some shape or form, for almost a decade.

The winner of this season will earn a spot on NXT Season 6. WHAT!? So you win this season to earn a spot on next season!? And this is doubly bullshit because watching in 2017, I know there was no NXT Season 6. Life is chaos and meaningless. Matt Striker runs down the rules. There is no immunity, some combination of WWE Universe voting and judges voting, competitors earn redemption points, and I am too drunk to take this all in and none of this means shit so it is time to introduce our mentors for the rookies!

King Kamala

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Mentoring Darren Young will be Former Tag Team Champion Chavo Guerrero Jr. Chavo was still in WWE in 2011? I really have no memories of him in WWE beyond him being Edge's lackey in '08. Ironically, as I am typing this, Chavo challenges Darren Young to GET NOTICED THIS SEASON! I guess Chavo is a face at this point?

Conor O'Brien's mentor is KOZLOV, who was also still in WWE in 2011!? Kozlov looks like baddie in Jason Statham movie in his suit and super boss. He wants Conor to be himself.

A super dumb looking Tyson Kidd is mentoring Lucky Cannon. William Regal wants to know if he is wearing lipstick. Todd Grisham doesn't like his new hair cut. I don't remember the arrogant jerk era of Tyson Kidd's career. Man, I missed out on a lot when I was trying to finish college and bang HHBs.

OH HELL YEAH! A suit wearing Yoshi Tatsu is mentoring Byron Saxton. Byron Saxton looks overjoyed. William Regal thinks this show needs to hire a translator. William Regal thinks this show needs a translator. Yoshi Tatsu cuts a promo in Japanglish and Matt Striker says the same thing that Regal just said in less overt/more racist terms.

Jakob Novak's mentor is JTG and Regal is dumbfounded. Jakob Novak looks like a greasier, jacked up version of Eric Trump. Regal and Grisham agree that JTG is harder to understand than Kozlov or Tatsu. Already, the racism on this show is off the charts!

Hornswoggle is mentoring Titus O'Neil so now we'll get some midget jokes too. Hornswoggle channels early '90s Adam Sandler and cuts a promo in gibberish.

Our opener is Jakob Novak Vs Darren Young! Oooh boy.

King Kamala

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Todd Grisham implores us to visit to check out their section on Women's History Month. This is what a feminist looks like.

William Regal says he is learning on the job too like all of these competitors. He is really acting like wrestling equivalent of a comedy open mic host. Explaining that we're about to see is garbage while trying to explain why you should watch and see if this garbage is worth watching developing.

Chavo and JTG are standing on the aprons like they're ready jump in in case anything goes horrible.

Darren Young gets a quick-ish victory. He is obvious favorite for Season 5.

Backstage, Yoshi Tatsu hits on Maryse and Byron Saxton barges in. What a cockblock.

The chorus for the theme of this show repeats "If I can get through this, I can get through anything!"

DO YOU KNOW? WWE's Facebook page adds 25,000 new fans a day!?

RAW REBOUND...Rap Master Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson cuts ass on John Cena. Cena responds by mocking Rock for cutting promos from his house and using a teleprompter. You'd think Rock Vs Cena was WrestleMania main event but it's actual the future Mr. Maryse, The Miz. The Miz attacks Cena and cuts a promo on the Rock then drops Cena with a People's Elbow.

We got a video package on Conor O'Brien. He didn't let people get to see the real him! He is the product of a single home environment! He had to live in his truck and eat beans all the time to make sure it wouldn't get repo'd. But he is getting a second chance.

Trailer for The Chaperone starring Triple His cut out. BULL SHIT.

Now it is time for Obstacle Course challenge with 3 Redemption Points as the price. Titus is first competitor. Hornswoggle does the dog bark. William Regal talks about his superior conditioning. Titus O'Neil does it in 29.8.

Jakob Novak does it in 24.0 to take lead.

Byron Saxton does it in 26.8. Todd Grisham feels DUMB for picking him to win Season 4.

Lucky Cannon disqualifies himself by refusing to do it. He won half the challenges in Season 2 and it didn't do him any good. He wants to steal Maryse from Ted DiBiase Jr. Maryse tells him to talk to the hand.

Chavo Guerrero Jr mocks Conor O'Brien's tights while Kozlov motivates him. Regal says Conor has had a hard life so he hopes he does well. Chavo is riding Conor inexplicably hard to point I thought "Didn't Conor marry Eddie Guerrero's daughter?" But no, that was Aiden English, Chavo is just being a dick. Conor does not beat Jakob Novak's time. Darren Young is the man to beat, winning challenge. They are doing hard sell on Darren Young with him winning first match and first challenge. Darren Young was all happiness in Season 1 but in Season 5, he is all business.

King Kamala

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Now we get a replay of Michael Cole introducing the special guest referee for his match against Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania XXVII. He is a former WWE World Champion, a true legend, a legendary Texan...JBL. Josh Matthews think it is a coup. JBL is proud to be going back to the main event of WrestleMania. He is proud to help out a grizzled veteran like Michael Cole. JBL talks about how much hates bullies...which was ironic in 2011 but like infinity times ironic in 2017. Just as JBL is about sign contract the GLASS SHATTERS and Stone Cold enters.

Austin stuns JBL and steals his hat. COLE WAITED YEARS FOR THIS NIGHT! WHY!? WHY!? So cool. I get to relive D grade WWE in 2011 but to relive the worst moments of WWE's big shows in 2011. Cole cries at Austin signing contract to be Guest Referee. Stone Cold dumps beer on Cole's head and wishes him good luck.

Up next! Our main event! Lucky Cannon Vs the robust presence (Todd Grisham's words) of Titus O'Neil

King Kamala

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Had slightly more thoughts on main event but x'ed out of them. Titus O'Neil Vs Lucky Cannon was mercifully brief. Highlights were announcers grousing about how Lucky Cannon wasn't good enough to wear as fancy of a robe as he was wearing. I guess Lucky was fun loving ladies man on Season 2 but is now a dick wearing a fancy robe. William Regal said he wore a garish robe but only after he won King of the Ring.

Regal is way too good to be color commentator on Z grade show. He even defends Hornswoggle from Todd's jokes by playing up Swoggle's friendship with Finlay

Titus won with Clash of the Titus after Tyson Kidd and Hornswoggle started fighting. Show closes with Hornswoggle riding Titus' shoulder. How this didn't start new boom period is beyond me.

King Kamala

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Todd starts Episode 2 by briefly reexplaining concept of this season and by introducing "Beauty and the Beast" Maryse and Matt Striker.

Byron is wearing a tanktop that says SAXXED UP. C'mon EBay...

So in winning this show, in addition to earning automatic spot on Season 6, you get to pick your pro.

Woo boy. We are starting this episode with a promo challenge. :-\

Jakob Novak raps terribly and gets booed. Regal wants to punch him in the mouth.

Darren Young says he is just like the fans! He is the only true talent. He has been through a lot (as a then closted gay guy) but with a Guerrero on his side, the sky is the limit.

Matt Striker: You may have lost Zach Grienke but you got Darren Young.
Great, Matt. As if fans weren't turning enough on this segment.

Conor O'Brien cuts sad sap, inspirational babyface promo. William Regal groans in disgust.

Byron Saxton talks about his hamster and compares Lucky Cannon to Lady Gaga.

D LISH! MR. STEAL YOUR GIRL! it's Lucky Cannon and it's all about him. Lucky Cannon just seems like top heel on a really bad indy show.

Titus O'Neil talks about his conversation with Hornswoggle earlier and somehow, this is by far, best promo.

Matt Striker says SOMEHOW, we have to pick a winner. We are like 1.25 episodes in and already everyone knows this show is doomed. Only 66.75 episodes to go!

Titus O'Neil wins the challenge and 2 redemption points. William Regal: Wonder never ceases.

Titus and Hornswoggle take an early lead.

Todd Grisham: I don't know what was said. There was a lot of barking. A lot of yipping.
William Regal: It doesn't matter!

King Kamala

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Our opening contest is Darren Young Vs Conor O'Brien.

Todd Grisham congratulates John Cena on earning 5 million Facebook fans. More than Shaq, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, and the Kardashaians.

WAITAMINUTE! People hated all of those people (except Shaq) in 2011 too! Why are they bragging about comparing Cena to those guys!?

Video package on Titus O'Neil. He is taking this competition seriously now.

Darren Young gets another quick win. Boy, if you like Darren Young, this season is for you. Darren Young inexplicably points at WrestleMania sign and Todd Grisham tells him to cool the breaks.


Recap of John Cena Vs Alberto Del Rio! RAW's #1 Contender Vs Smackdown's 1 contender. The first of their many forgettable encounters? it ends with future Fox New contributor Brodus Clay and the Miz dressed up as The Rock beating up Cena. Somehow, Cole thinks The Miz is actually The Rock. The Miz has owned Cena. These recaps aren't making me want to rewatch WrestleMania XXVII

Regal waxes poetic about The Miz.

All this Miz talk leads to Maryse talking on her cell phone. Yoshi hits on Maryse. Lucky Cannon apologizes for being too aggressive last week. Maryse accepts apology but seems more into Yoshi. OH FUCK YEAH! MARYSE-LUCKY-YOSHI LOVE TRIANGLE!


Our main event is Byron Saxton and Yoshi Tatsu Vs Lucky Cannon and Tyson Kidd! Why wasn't this on WrestleMania XXVII!?

Jakob Novak video package that is mostly focused on his NXT Season 4 mentor Dolph Ziggler burying Novak. Novak really looks like Wal Mart version of Eric Trump.

King Kamala

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It's time for our main event. Yoshi Tatsu is dedicating this match to the 2011 Japanese Earthquake.

We got twenty minutes left in this show so they're giving this match a good amount of time. Or doing more dumb recaps.

I don't think I've ever seen a Byron Saxton match outside the time he got squashed by Kane for pissing him off on RAW like 4-5 years ago. Will make up for lost time in next few weeks.

Yoshi and Tyson have nifty sequence to start. Crowd chants for Yoshi! YoshiMania is going wild in---whatever city they were taping Smackdown/NXT in this week.

Byron Saxton is not good. Totally see why they turned him into commentator. Like Lucky Cannon blows him away and Lucky can't climb over the top rope with almost tripping.

Lucky Cannon tags himself in and wins with modified Samoan Drop. Honestly, not a bad mini tag team match outside of the segmentwhere Byron Saxton was on offense.

There is DISSENSION on Lucky and Tyson's team! You got to listen to your pro!

We still got 15 minutes left so we see a replay of Vickie Guerrero Vs Trish Stratus on RAW with Snooki watching from ringside. 2011!

Trish beats Vickie Guerrero with her own show. Dolph Ziggler wants to put a stop to this but John Morrison runs in for the save. Morrison is another "He was still here at this point!?" guy! And I guess he had a WrestleMania match too! Kind of trying to forget about the Snooki mixed tag tbh. This is No DQ. LayCool runs in and helps Vickie get the win to help Vickie earn a RAW contract.

LayCool mocks Snooki. The WWE crowd chants for Snooki. I'm hoping that isn't piped in but tbh, I don't see any scenario where WWE Universe is legit jacked up for Snooki. The match is made! LayCool and Dolph Ziggler Vs Trish Stratus, Snooki, and John Morrison. Face side is one of oddest trios in wrestling history.
Michael Cole: It's SnookiMania!

William Regal: (confused, trying to sell that segment)...well, it's wonderful to see the beautiful Trish Stratus again last night. And that Snooki is a bit of a game sort. Very spritely.

My life is complete hearing William Regal put over Snooki!

Up next, our main event...The St Patrick's Day keg carrying competition!

King Kamala

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St. Patrick's Day is only two days away and it is time for our keg carrying competition!

One guy who needs redemption is Titus O'Neil, who tripped and did a barrel role during this same competition in Season 2. We get it in a loop with wacky brass and kazoo music. This is still like a Top 3 most memorable Titus moment. Right behind him bear hugging Vince and PTP's feud with New Day.How has he been in WWE for almost a decade! Maryse laughs in his face. Titus takes it well though.

Jakob Novak gets it done in 9.9 seconds. And again, wow he really does look like long haired, greasy jacked up version of Eric Trump. Maybe it's just me.

Darren Young narrowly beats him at 9.8.

Conor O'Brien is an Irishman so this should be up his alley. 9.4 seconds.

Yoshi Tatsu tries to start a "GO GO BYRON!" chant for Byron but it is not enough to get him to beat Conor's time.

Lucky Cannon decides to recite a poem in French for Maryse then compete. Maryse wants to ralph! The ref and Matt Striker tell him to go to the back. He touches Maryse and gets slapped. Blast off, Cannon, you stupid sex pervert!

TITUS O'NEIL REDEEMS HIMSELF AND WINS THE KEG CARRYING COMPETITION! Swoggle does the dog bark. What a great moment in WWE history! And that is it for Season 2, Episode 5.

King Kamala

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Time for Episode 3. We are just a few weeks away from WrestleMania but that doesn't matter since no one on this show is on that card. I'm sure we'll see plenty of recaps of the people who are.

Todd throws it to the "Hansel and Gretel of WWE" (WHAT?) Matt Striker and Maryse. They intro our rookies. William Regal picks Darren Young and Lucky Cannon as his early favorites.

We see our redemption point standings. Titus O'Neil has 5, Darren Young has 3 and everyone else has zero.

Maryse: Jacob Novak, you are in the lead.
Todd Grisham: Nope!

Oh good! A promo cutting competition. The winner gets 4 points.

Our first battle is Jacob Novak Vs Byron Saxton. Novak makes fun of Byron for being a news anchor and says he is a nobody just like the losers here in Columbus, Ohio! Byron says Novak's tights look like diapers. Byron wins.

Regal: Winning that competition is like being best looking man in prison. Awful!

Conor O'Brien Vs Titus O'Neil is next. Clash of two guys with inexplicably long WWE runs. O'Brien does an annoying dumb voice to mock Titus. Titus O'Neil says Conor's nose is so big, his pullover shirt have stretch marks.

Todd Grisham: Can we have two losers?

Titus wins.

Lucky Vs Darren Young is our last first round match. Darren Young tells Lucky to stop bothering Maryse.

William Regal: This is not like being surrounded by Orson Welles.

Lucky bad mouths the Ohio State Buckeyes then creeps on Maryse. That is no way to win a fan voted competition!

Future Primetime Players and Byron are our finalists. Byron says Titus should eat DOG FOOD and makes fun of Darren's hair. Titus does a racist Asian voice. Hornswoggle makes sad trombone noises. It's really depressing when Darren Young is by far the best promo in a group.

William Regal is livid at the rookies for just telling a bunch of jokes. Darren Young wins.

Todd Grisham: Were there any real winners in this competition?
William Regal: Absolutely not.

Regal and Grisham bury the segment we just saw. LOL.

Titus O'Neil Vs Darren Young is next.

King Kamala

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We get a recap of Titus O'Neil redeeming himself and winning the keg carrying competition.

Titus O'Neil Vs Darren Young's matches a few years after this were no Bueno so can't imagine it happening 3-4 years earlier is less than crappy.

I wonder if they're going to bring up their mentors Hornswoggle and Chavo Guerrero Jr's terrible endless comedy feud a few years before this. Still have no idea why the mentors are standing on apron during these matches.

Yep. Hornswoggle bites Chavo's ankle which leads to Titus winning Clash of Titus. TITUS O'NEIL CAN'T BE STOPPED IN THIS COMPETITION.

Our main event is Lucky Cannon Vs Byron Saxton. Electrifying.

Backstage, Yoshi Tatsu tells Lucky to stop bothering his friend Maryse. Maryse apologizes to Lucky for slapping him last week. Lucky says he'd be a better boyfriend than Ted DiBiase Jr, who got beat up by Triple H on RAW last night. This prompts Maryse to slap him again. Yoshi does a Muttley laugh then gets slapped by Maryse too. Yoshi then slaps Lucky and Lucky pouts. FIREWORKS ARE GOING OFF BACKSTAGE

King Kamala

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Lucky Cannon video package. He is only in it for himself. Mr. Delish. The VIP of NXT

Woo boy. Kozlov and Conor O'Brien Vs JTG and Jacob Novak.

(Todd Grisham plugs the latest WWE video game)
Grisham: Are you into video games?
Regal: Absolutely not.

Regal is just ragging on JTG. LOL

No, wait. Matt Striker says we aren't having a match...we are having a dance off.

William Regal: Wonderful

Jacob Novak and JTG can't get on the same page dance wise. William Regal talks about his sister is a great shoplifter.

Kozlov and Conor do the robot, Moonwalk, and some breakdancing. Hell yeah.

We go back to last night on RAW where Miz debuts his modified WWE Title. Cena interrupts with a promo via satellite from his home. But he is not at home! He is at RAW after all! RAW IS HIS HOME! Him, Miz, and Alex Riley have awkward brawl. Miz bolts and Cena puts Alex Riley in the STF. These recaps aren't convincing me that Miz-Cena wasn't one of worst WrestleMania main event feuds.

King Kamala

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It is main event time and for first time, we actually get entrances for the match so I get to hear Yoshi Tatsu's entrance music again. *dances*

William Regal: Maryse is feisty. A lot more attractive than the lot I usually get.
Todd Grisham: You get women?
William Regal: Occasionally. You wouldn't know it by looking at them.


Lucky Cannon gets the win then beats up Yoshi Tatsu too. The Road to WrestleMania gets shorter (none of these guys will be on that show)

King Kamala

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Season 5, episode 4.

Wrote this post twice and it got deleted due to my POS laptop. Anyway, Titus O'Neil won in dominant fashion to take 1st place on leader board. Regal talks about advantage one gets from winning this season. You get to pick your pro in NXT Season 6. You could get mentored by JOHN CENA or The Undertaker! LOL at thought of Taker slumming it on NXT. Only other notable things are MARYSE not being there! :( and Lucky Cannon using hand sanitzer then poking Conor O'Brien in the eye to get DQ'd. Then Todd Grisham says at least Lucky's hands were clean when he poked Conor in the eyeball.

Oh and if you're wondering if anyone referenced Over The Top, someone did and if you're guessing it was Saxton then you're damn right.

"The Black John Cena" Darren Young video package. he is the only NXT rookie to have had a taste of success in WWE. His Season 1 rookie CM Punk didn't give him a chance! But with Chavo as his mentor, sky is the limit! Maybe one day Darren Young will be on a WrestleMania! Or maybe not!

King Kamala

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We get a video package for Triple H/Undertaker. It's funny that six and a half years ago, both guys were talking about their last run and one if not both of them is definitely gonna be on Mania this year.

Another replay of Snooki's appearance on RAW. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!?

"Written in the Stars" was a boss Mania theme IMO. Hot take: I have pretty much liked WrestleMania theme of the past 7 or 8 years.

Recap of Rock's confrontation with Cena on RAW. Seems like they were doing a better job of building to WrestleMania XXVIII's main event than WrestleMania XXVII's main event. Miz (the actual WWE Champ) seems like a total afterthought. The Rock kises Miz and Riley's ass but gets hit with the Attitude Adjustment.

Then we see Shawn Michaels returning to RAW to mediate a confrontation between Triple H and Taker.

Our main event is face rookies (Byron Saxton, Titus O'Neil and Conor O'Brien) Vs heel rookies (Lucky Cannon, Jacob Novak, and Darren Young). Regal is upset that Kozlov is wearing jeans and a t-shirt while judging. He taught him better than that. When Todd points out that JTG is wearing a tanktop and jeans, Regal just says he'd rather not acknowledge JTG. Echoing WWE's thoughts on JTG for last three years of his run.

Regal ragging on JTG really makes me want to see a Blue Bloods-Cryme Time match. Joey Janela should book that for Spring Break 2.

Regal talks about bumpin' uglies again.

Titus O'Neil gets win after Clash of the Titus. So far this season is really only good if you like grumpy Regal and the early years of Prime Time Players.

We're off to WrestleMania (particularly the pre-show lumberjack match/battle royal for these guys).

King Kamala

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Season 5, Episode 5. WE ARE WILD AND YOUNG!

Just two days after the greatest WrestleMania of all time (*side eyes* OK, Todd Grisham), the NXT competition continues.

Todd introduces the LOVELY Matt Striker and Maryse (back after unexplained absence next week) who go after over our leader board. Titus O'Neil has 9 points, Darren Young has 7 points. Tonight's challenge is NOT COMPLICATED, according to Maryse. It is a TRIVIA CHALLENGE! The rookies just have to name WrestleMania XXVII Winners for the first round.

Darren Young says Bret Hart. THAT WAS LAST YEAR, DUMMY! YER OUT!

Byron Saxton says Undertaker and is correct. Jacob Novak says Randy Orton and is correct. Conor O'Brien says SNOOKI and is correct! *fist pumps*. Lucky O'Brien says he fucked Matt Striker's girlfriend and gets tossed. Regal says Striker doesn't even have a girlfriend. Titus O'Neil says Cody Rhodes. Round 2. Byron gets Edge, Jacob Novak says Miz. Conor O'Brien can't think of anybody and is out.

New category. HOF Class of 2011 inductees. Titus O'Neil gets Jim Duggan, Byron says HBK, Jacob says Sunny. Titus says Road Warriors. Byron shouts out Bullet Bob Armstrong. Jacob Novak can't think of anyone. Now Byron Saxton and Titus O'Neil have to name as many NXT Rookies as possible. This goes on for a while. Matt Striker laughs at the Eli Cottonwood shoutout. Byron wins. Regal thinks Titus O'Neil should be beheaded for some reason.

Finally someone that is not a Primetime Player gets on board as Byron Saxton wins 4 points.

King Kamala

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Tonight! Hornswoggle and Titus O'Neil take on Chavo Guerrero and Darren Young. A RIVALRY RENEWED!

DID YOU KNOW? WrestleMania XXVII was the highest attended event in Georgia Dome (RIP) History! Beating Elton John, Rolling Stones, and THE BACKSTREET BOYS! WWE IS BIGGER THAN BSB!

Jacob Novak Vs Conor O'Brien is our opener. Conor's pro Kozlov is wearing a sling due to the CORRE (Top 5 forgettable WWE stables, for sure) breaking his arm during WrestleMania Weekend. Regal says it served him right for abandoning him. Novak has switched his trunks from white to gold cause he was upset about Byron saying his tights looked like diapers a few weeks back.
Todd Grisham: Now it looks like he just peed his diapers.
Regal: How crude.

Conor O'Brien has two dogs named Princess and Diva and Todd Grisham wants to know how that shows who he is as a WWE superstar. Regal grouses that he is more of a lizard man.

Conor O'Brien gets the win with a roll up after dodging a big boot. Kozlov celebrates with his one good arm.

Backstage, Lucky Cannon apologizes to Yoshi Tatsu. Yoshi says he should apologize to Maryse. Lucky says he's right and goads Yoshi into asking Maryse on a date. BUT IT'S A TRAP! Maryse's main roster boyfriend Ted DiBiase is here and he kicks Yoshi's ass while Maryse yells at him in French.

Speaks to star quality of this season that we're supposed to be like "WOAH! A SURPRISE APPEARANCE BY TED DIBIASE JR!"

Ted DiBiase will deal with Lucky Cannon later but tonight he's gonna kick Yoshi's ass. He's gonna afford Maryse's $1000 day spas.

Backstage, JTG and Vladimir Kozlov interact. JTG says Conor O'Brien won but he looks like A RAT and has no personality. Kozlov says he doesn't need a personality! He just needs to the BEAST OF THE BEAST! And Jacob Novak looks like GEEK! JTG and Kozlov challenge each other to show who can give their rookie the most personality. Woo boy.

King Kamala

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Hornswoggle and Titus O'Neil vs Chavo Guerrero and Darren Young is next.

Todd Grisham recalls Swoggle and Chavo's storied feud. That included a bullrope match (which I don't remember) and a tuxedo match, which Todd has saved on his DVR.

Love Regal justifiably ragging on Swoggle for being a devious little swine. Swoggle is a dick tho. He kicks Darren in the dick and bites Chavo's ankle.

Swoggle and Titus O'Neil win after Chavo chases Swoggle underneath the ring and Titus hits the Clash of the Titus on Darren! Swoggle and Titus are the Road Warriors of NXT Redemption! Undefeated!

King Kamala

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I COME FROM MONEY! It's time for our main event between Ted DiBiase Jr and Yoshi Tatsu, neither of whom are competitors are on this show. This will be a trend.

Regal says DiBiase has to get rid of Maryse if he wants to be a success in WWE. It's never good to fight over a woman. He talks about fighting over a tattooed dwarf with a hunchback, who he couldn't pin because of the hump.

DiBiase gets DQ'd for refusing to follow the ref orders. Maryse yells at him some more in French. Ted is sick of Maryse having fun on NXT. Is anyone having fun here? Ted says it's NXT or him.

Next week, we will find out what Maryse chose!

King Kamala

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We actually get a pre show hype package for this episode based around the Maryse-Lucky Cannon-Yoshi Tatsu-Ted DiBiase Jr love quadrangle. TONIGHT, MARYSE DECIDES TO BETWEEN NXT AND TED DIBIASE JR!

We are from Albany, NY for this week's episode. Camera angle makes it look like they're obviously hiding that there's not much of a crowd at the arena. Matt Striker asks Maryse if she's gonna choose NXT or Ted DiBiase Jr. She says she has had a lot of millionaires before and will have a lot of them after. She is staying with NXT. Well, that was anti climatic.

Todd Grisham asks Regal to do the Titus Dog Bark but Regal sadly declines. Announcers make of Byron's Tapout parody "Saxout" tanktop.

Our challenge this week is a Power of the Punch Challenge. Regal seems pleased they're referencing his semi-memorable early '00s gimmick.

Byron, Jacob, and Darren throw some weak ass punches and the crowd boos. LOL. Regal: Get the dwarf to do it! Conor O'Brien actually throws an OK punch. Titus takes the lead. Lucky refuses to do the challenge.

Titus O'Neil wins the challenge! He is undefeated and leads in Redemption Points.

Lucky Cannon interrupts Titus' interview with Matt Striker to hit on Maryse. Everyone just kind of shrugs at this and stands around like an idiot. Regal talks about how he scored a 2017 on the Power of the Punch machine before the show and he was using his right hand (and he is a southpaw). Yoshi Tatsu comes out to interrupt and Lucky challenges him. Oh yeah! Lucky Vs Yoshi tonight. They have an epic staredown! Hogan-Andre! Rock-Austin! Yoshi-Lucky!

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Darren Young Vs Titus O'Neil is next. I feel like we've seen this pretty much every episode and Grisham confirms that this by pointing out that this is the third time they have faced each other this season.

Darren and Chavo are heels now because they're pissed that Hornswoggle has made them look like a dumbass

Regal: You know what I'd like? A peeled Hornswoggle in a bag of salt.
Todd Grisham:...I don't get it.

William Regal talks about African-American fraternities and how proud Titus should be to have been a part of one.

Regal's got a hood pass

Titus wins via Hornswoggle distraction again. I don't get why they keep doing this match with the exact same result.

Oh we're probably gonna get a fourth match cause Darren Young attacks Titus after this. Fun! Chavo talks Darren out of pummeling lil doe eyed Swoggle

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Regal thanks Rev Theory for providing theme song to WWE Extreme Rules 2011 (the event that helped kill Osama Bin Laden). Man, rock music of the past 15 years sure is forgettable.

JTG comes out and Regal says that he needed his friend from Rosetta Stone to figure out what JTG is saying. HOOD PASS IS REVOKED!

We replay last week's EPIC JTG-Kozlov segment.

JTG introduces Jacob Novak as "Headcrack Novak" and Novak comes out dressed like JTG. Regal looks like he is going to throw up.

Jacob Novak doesn't even like the Yankees! JTG is a terrible pro! Novak asks Regal if he could be his pro then badmouths him when he refuses to say anything.

Jacob Novak Vs Byron Saxton is next as Regal stews. He's trying to be nice and professional but Novak has set a flame inside of him that he thought had long burned out!

Regal is doing a great job of making me want to see him punch Novak's stupid face. Novak beats Byron with a series of boots then taunts Regal.

Grisham hypes Yoshi Tatsu Vs Lucky Cannon, with their manhoods on the line. Is someone going to get castrated if they lose!?

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We see Edge's retirement ceremony from the previous night's RAW. 2011 was the year that solidified that Smackdown! was the B show. Smackdown's World Champion was retiring on RAW because more people would see it that way. I feel like it still had some major storyline stuff before that but by the end of the year, the brand split didn't matter anyway.

Maryse joins Todd and Regal on commentary. Maryse kisses Todd on the cheeks. Regal tells Maryse not to do that cause he doesn't want to jizz in his pants cause he's used to dating uggo Englishwomen.

Maryse makes fun of Yoshi's poor English speaking skills. Umm. She thinks the show should be called MXT for Maryse Xtreme Television with all of the wrestlers fighting for a chance to bone her.

Regal says he doesn't have enough money to please Maryse cause he lost all of his money in the '08 recession. :'(

Yoshi gets the win and Maryse mocks Lucky again.

Regal: Since the beginning of time, men have fought over woman. One has to ask is it worth it? Best off to abstain with ugly old mares like me.

Maryse plants one on a shocked Yoshi as Grisham inexplicably yells out "COWABUNGA!"

And what an episode that was! Yoshi got the win and a little bit of love. Ooh la la.

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Episode 7. We are from the UK so maybe the wrestling starved crowd will actually enjoy this? Probably not!

Josh Matthews is filling in for Todd Grisham. Regal wants to pinch his cheeks.

Our challenge is a tug of war on a wobbly platform on some sort of bouncy castle. Conor O'Brien Vs Byron is our first match and Byron does a wacky bump off the platform, bounces off the bouncy area and lands on the entrance ramp. LOL. Darren Young Vs Jacob Novak (still dressed like JTG) is next. Darren Young falls off his platform, lands on Novak's platform then they both fall off. Refs determine Novak to be winner. Titus O'Neil Vs Lucky Cannon is last first round match. Lucky dupes Titus into getting DQ'd. Maryse says she loves Lucky Cannon cause he's so obnoxious so he gets bye into final.

Novak lets Conor O'Brien pull the rope until he loses balance and falls off. It's a battle of the two doofus heels in the final.

Some fan yells "YEAH! JACOB NOVAK!" really loud. So there's the guy. William Regal talks about the strange looking mares he goes out with. Regal talking about ugly the chick he smashes are is highlight of season so far tbh.

Lucky throws the rope at Novak and gets DQ'd and stomps to the ring while screaming "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!"

Lucky Cannon's gimmick of arrogant doofus who loses on purpose and is just trying to fuck is something else.

Novak steals Lucky's robe and upsets Regal all over again. YOU DON'T JUST TAKE ANOTHER MAN'S ROBE LIKE THAT. MY GOODNESS!

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JTG hypes up Jacob "Crack Your Back" Novak. Novak feels privileged last few be an AMERICAN! He doesn't understand how the good ol US of A used to be part of such a garbage country. HE SPEAKS ENGLISH THE NORMAL WAY! Novak challenges Regal to a fight.

Conor O'Brien storms out and says if he wants a fight, it's right here. Regal is a NEW MAN! He's trying to turn over a new leaf and trying to learn a new trade. Novak doesn't want to goad into him into violence. Especially in his home country. Regal was just trying to offer Novak advice and now Novak wants to fight him? Heels of NXT Redemption are fuckin' dumb between this, Lucky, and Darren Young constantly being outwitted by Hornswoggle.

Novak gets distracted and O'Brien wins with a roll up.

Matthews hasn't been around this past season of NXT. What is Novak's beef with Regal? Regal says it's cause he's mad Regal wasn't his coach.

Novak shoves Regal and Regal gives chase. Regal's crazed look is almost as good as Regal's grossed out and/or embarrassed look.

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We get footage of R-Truth's heel turn from RAW the night before. During the intro to it, Regal calls then 39 year old R-Truth a "young man" lol. I forgot R-Truth's heel turn was semi-justified. John Morrison duped him into putting his title shot on the line by making fun of him! That gets lost in R-Truth turning into a crazy person. Also for some reason, they put sepia tone over this video package of his heel turn and add weird chanting music.

Backstage, Byron tells Yoshi Tatsu to cool the breaks with Maryse. Maryse comes in and hits on Yoshi and invites him to go shopping after the show then kisses on the cheek. Byron wants to go over strategy for his and Yoshi's match Vs Lucky Cannon & Tyson Kidd but Yoshi is too busy thinking about boning Maryse.

Hornswoggle Vs Darren Young is up next. Chavo warns his rookie Darren that Hornswoggle is tougher than he looks. Darren says he can do what Chavo can't do and will beat the former (last!) WWE Cruiserweight Champ. Backstage, Darren Young said he could beat Swoggle with one arm tied between his back and blindfolded. So he goads Darren into wrestling, one armed and blindfolded. Josh doesn't get it. Why would Chavo do this to his rookie? Regal says the kids need to learn their lessons.

Regal confuses Munchausen's Syndrome with Stockholm Syndrome and thinks Chavo is starting to like Hornswoggle.

Swoggle wins with the Tadpole Splash. Sure Chavo's Uncle would be proud.

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Main event time. Yoshi Tatsu & Byron Saxton Vs Lucky Cannon & Tyson Kidd. Kidd's done a good job of hiding p. much this whole season.

Regal brags about how ugly the mare he hooked up with last night was. This crowd does sort of get into ragging on Lucky. Lucky stole that "It's ALL ABOUT ME!" catchphrase from another forgettable late '00s/early '10s WWE guy, right?

We saw this match before too. Why so many repeats? Not infinite combinations but it feels weird we're already having so many rematches. I have a feeling that I better get used to it "this season"

Tyson Kidd & Lucky Cannon win after Yoshi gets distracted by Lucky hitting on Maryse. Regal grumbles about never letting a lady get you distracted. Bump uglies like a real man's man. Maryse just looks on with glazed over eyes.

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We are just coming off the brand draft. They were still doing those in 2011? Regal got traded from RAW to Smackdown and he doesn't seem to care. Probably cause sadly, he wasn't really on TV except for this dumb show by 2011.

Todd Grisham points out that Swoggle is the guy in the green when him and Titus are intro'd. Titus O'Neil is leading points board with 13 points, Darren Young is in distant 2nd with 7. Tonight's challenge is "How Well Do You Know Your Pro?" Pumped for some of this JTG trivia.

Only Jacob Novak gets a right answer in 1st round. Regal talks about he worked ringing sponges for a one armed window washer and as a bouncer at the Tangerine Club before rasslin. Darren Young now hates Chavo for allowing him to get humiliated by Swoggle so many times.

Regal blames Michael Cole's heel turn on him having to watch so much NXT.

Jacob Novak wins by getting one question right. Regal and Grisham, once again, seem pissed for having had to watch that.

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Great! Another Darren Young Vs Titus O'Neil match. Great. These two must've set a record for most amount of matches without a single one being remotely memorable or good.

Regal talks about visiting Vlad The Imapler's tomb in Romania on the European tour and that makes me want a Regal travel show on the Network.

Titus O'Neil wins with the Clash of the Titus after Darren Young gets distracted yelling at Chavo. I think "Darren Young does something dumb and Titus hits him with the Clash of the Titus" has been finish to everyone of these GD matches. Regal even points it out by saying Darren should scout that move better.