I have been reading Simmons for a long time. That was just an awful piece of writing, and the worst I have ever seen from him. You guys are all correct in your statements. His six year old son's vocabulary was tremendous.
"Nothing was ever really proved," I tell my son, trying to keep up the good fight.
He ignores me and starts rattling through our 2004 lineup with creepy precision. He points out Nomar Garciaparra's remarkable 1999 and 2000 seasons, his subsequent tendon injuries and how his career played out so blandly afterward for reasons that remain unclear. My dad points out the Sox traded Nomar midway through the 2004 season. Technically, that debate shouldn't even matter. Score one for Dad.
"But what about Trot Nixon and Bill Mueller?" my son says. "They missed a bunch of games every year with injuries, put on weight when they were skinny guys, peaked quickly and were never seen again. Same for Mark Bellhorn, right? That's suspicious."
I'm terribly sorry, but no six year old child has an encyclopedia like that in their head, and to have the ability to recall it for a monologue like that is ridiculous.
On a side note, his gimmick of being a fan that happens to be a writer wore thin years ago. When he acts all buddy-buddy with the Rockets GM, making sure to mention him once a column as "Dork Elvis", he's not really much of an outsider any more. Or when he interviews David Stern. I think I may just have to stop reading him altogether. It's getting embarrassing to say that I read someone who should stick to basketball, and not be allowed to mention the Celtics every column, either.
