Author Topic: A Sick Guy Watches Random Shit  (Read 7113 times)

Description: Assorted Jushin Thunder Liger

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Avid TOXIE Enthusiast

  • Laz
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 14,106
  • 001101001101101100
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #300 on: February 04, 2019, 12:03:18 PM »
The finish for Raven/Riggs remains one of my all-time favorites. If nothing else, it totally summarizes the Raven character.

Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #301 on: February 04, 2019, 01:14:06 PM »
I've been shocked going back and seeing that somehow WCW actually got the character, at least for a while. Either they got it or just let Raven do whatever he wanted while they tunnel-visioned the nWo. Him getting on the Revenge cover blew my mind when it came out and instantly made him feel huge and special. I still think his big TNA run where he didn't win the title was his best in ring work, however.

Offline Avid TOXIE Enthusiast

  • Laz
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 14,106
  • 001101001101101100
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #302 on: February 04, 2019, 01:49:35 PM »
It was the latter: Bischoff was willing to let Raven do what he wanted until the DDP feud, pretty much, and his drop not long after was partially due to the Revenge cover. He was popular, easily the most over heel who wasn't in the nWo, and when he brought it up? Bye bye push. I totally agree that his reinvigorated indies/TNA/ROH run in 2003 is definitely his best from a ringwork standpoint, but nothing tops that first ECW run or the first year in WCW for pure quality storytelling and character.

Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Online Epic by Faith No More

  • Reine of Terror
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 6,809
  • Epic Reine
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #303 on: February 04, 2019, 02:06:31 PM »
Everybody shits on them but some of my favorite Raven work character wise were those "depressed Raven" skits at his home with Kanyon. I mean, you had Sandman throwing Kanyon in a pool. How do you not love that?




Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #304 on: February 04, 2019, 03:58:28 PM »
I have really fond memories of those because it really made me get the character in a way. I could appreciate that, as stupid as those skits were, what the character originally was, if that makes sense. Like how it ruined a lot of character rules you wouldn't think were established.

Online Epic by Faith No More

  • Reine of Terror
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 6,809
  • Epic Reine
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #305 on: February 05, 2019, 03:37:21 AM »
I'll admit that a big part of why I love those skits is Kanyon's comedic timing. There was another vignette that had Raven uncovering a picture of Roddy Piper in his closet which was supposed to set up a feud between the two but it was quickly scrapped.

I still believe that Kanyon is one of the more underappreciated talents of the late 90s/early 2000s. He made almost everything he was given work.

Offline Spaceman Spiff 🚀

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 5,276
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #306 on: February 05, 2019, 04:29:08 AM »
Kanyon was the best, from new-move-every-week Mortis to Positively Kanyon.


Offline Avid TOXIE Enthusiast

  • Laz
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 14,106
  • 001101001101101100
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #307 on: February 05, 2019, 04:43:26 AM »
Positively Kanyon was incredible

Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #308 on: February 05, 2019, 02:13:05 PM »
Kanyon deserved so much better. I wish WWE had just fired him when he was injured. He'd have been a perfect fit for TNA's first few years, at the very least.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #309 on: February 05, 2019, 03:12:32 PM »
I think I tried writing about WW3 last night and just gave up, because I don't remember being at the Flair/Hennig match.

US Title: Curt Hennig vs Ric Flair, already in progress.

--Heenan comes to life! These are pretty much the biggest Heenan guys that aren't Andre. Andre would've been an awesome Horseman.

--Hennig visually deteriorated so much when he got to WCW, but he's looking a lot like the Curt Hennig I like to remember: ramen-haired and kickin' ass. Them out-heeling one another, both working each other's legs for their finishers, capturing the crowd with it. Hennig selling leg kicks like shotgun blasts is exactly what I wanted today.

--I'm really liking this, and I'm very surprised because I wrote Hennig off as being done. These guys needed more years to fight and team and fight again. The chemistry they have is so much fun. I actually am liking this as much as Eddie/Rey, but for completely different reasons. It's a totally different match, but it's just as fun. Might not be a better match, but man.

--Flair fucks Hennig's leg up with a chair in some masterful fashion, but Hennig hits him with the belt when he gets the Figure Four on. Belts hurt more than chairs so Hennig wins. That was great. US Title came a long way from '95. ************** just for Heenan praising Hennig waffling Flair with the belt, but another *********for the match.

Michael Buffer. Guy's like $10k a word. Impressive. My favorite useless WCW expense was just getting him so often for no real reason. He's no Fink.

They march everyone out for the three-ring clusterfuck. They do such a good job of making everyone feel equally not special. Luger and the Giant coming out alongside Bobby Blaze and shit.

nWo get their own entrance. We got Bagwell, Hall, Savage, Vincent, Hennig, and Rick Rude with them. Rude had just debuted, apparently, which means I knew exactly when I didn't watch this show.

Just Tony, Heenan, and Tenay calling it and be confused as such. Better than the whole gang.

Kendall Windham looks almost identical to Luke Gallows.

Tony repeatedly explaining variations on the "every man for himself" aspect is grating. I fucking know Silver King and Ernest Miller wouldn't team up anywhere else. Everyone does.

Renegade. Aw. Now that dude should've been in the nWo. nWo Fake Warrior would've been some good heat. I just always feel bad for Renegade, though.

Benoit's only fighting people he's worked with before, like Eddie and Regal. Pussy.

It took like five guys to take out Greg Valentine. That's awesome.

Wait why is John Nord still in? Shit. Even John Nord is more important than an Armstrong.

Ray Traylor is moving well. That's a real surprise. Good showing, looks like his old Bossman self.

John Nord has outlasted Fit Finlay, Chris Benoit, Dave Taylor, and Dean Malenko. What the hell, man? Only two of those guys are vanilla midgets.

I'm guessing Nash not being out there, and the announcers repeatedly telling me about it, means something stupid happens.

Wright and Mortis are trying to clothesline Giant out. Works as expected. A Kanyon and Wright team would've had some real potential. Now Meng is going HAM on Giant as only Meng can, then Giant dropkicks him out. Fucking awesome. I can't believe this is the same guy as Big Show.

Five WCW guys vs five nWo Guys. Booker getting a rub by association is nice. I gotta say, though, that Savage should never have been in the nWo. THAT was bullshit.

Final four are DDP, Savage, Giant, and Hall. I actually don't know how this will go. I'm saying Hall just because at the time it seems like'd make the most sense.

So Savage takes a chokeslam, gets rolled under the bottom rope, and is eliminated. The fuck? We under Iron Sheik rules?

Hall runs away, does the double finger point thing I thought was so cool as a kid, and is waiting on someone. And suddenly here comes Hogan. That's really fucking awesome. Guaranteeing himself a rematch no matter what makes sense for the glory hog. Fans erupt with "We Want Sting!"

Hogan slamming the Giant is the best. My favorite Hollywood Hogan moments were when he'd use his Hulkamania powers for evil, and being in Detroit makes it all the better.

A seven-foot Sting appears, scares Hogan out and bats the Giant out. The announcers can't tell what the fans already know. Outsiders swerve everyone, Hall wins. Hall vs Hogan does kinda interest me. This had to be leading to Outsiders/Mega Powers, which means we got cheated out of WCW Liz taking her skirt off as a distraction.

"Starrcade will have the REAL Sting! Not an imposter!" Tony really makes it sound like he's lying every time he says anything Sting-related.

----

Best one of these yet. The clusterfuck didn't matter until the very end, as it goes, but it all breezed by and had some really good matches. Sort of sums up WCW, really.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #310 on: February 05, 2019, 04:36:39 PM »
And onto 1998, now featuring Bret Hart and Scott Putski.

Goldberg arrives, with an entourage of goofs led by Doug Dillinger. At least Goldberg looks like a legit fighter getting out of a limo. He had Beats By Dre headphones, I'd know for sure.

Tony, Heenan, and Tenay. Heenan wants out.

Tony calls Mean Gene "the man with the stick." Ugh. On all levels. But Heenan is going on the hotline later to talk about the show. I'd be interested in that, especially if he's just drunk. Actually no because it wouldn't be fun drunk, it'd be sad pathetic drunk. I don't want that.

Glacier vs Wrath: This must've been Wrath being over before Nash got him. Fans are into it.

--Bryan Clarke was a good enough worker with a great look who got crazy unlucky most of his career. He had upper-card all over him.

--They aren't talking about their mysterious pitfighter ninja history. Why can't announcers just have some continuity?

--Hollywood Hogan is NOT here, I assume because he's either still trying to light that paper on fire or is going to say the show tanked without him and get a raise tomorrow night.

--Fans are noticeably quieter than '97, but still very into it. Good times, those Monday Night Wars. Crushed by options.

--Glacier goes for the Icepick (Asiatic Spike), can't do shit, Meltdown. HUGE reaction. An evil Bizarro Goldberg would've lead to some awful matches but made some good money.

Bret gets a promo video that's him just being him, which makes him a heel. Bret vs DDP later, which will be better than it should be.

Stevie Ray vs Konnan: Fuck.

--Wolfpac vs Black and White and it's bowdy bowdy. Stevie Ray is in over his head with this single push and Konnan blows. Stevie should be in the booth where he belongs.

--And we slow down. We slow down hard. They're now saying the winner of WW3 gets a title shot at Starrcade, so that spoils that.

--The announcers, ignoring the match, reminded me of Bam Bam Bigelow: Goldberg Hunter. Somehow Bam Bam felt like the best foil for Goldberg to me. If I remember right they even had a couple okay matches.

--Oh so Konnan gets DQ'd for pushing the ref. Well. Booker comes out to help Stevie, they have tension. I really don't care.

Sonny Oono and the Cat vs Kaz Hayashi and Saturn: The fuck is this Lethal Lottery shit? Alright, cool.

--The Cat now has charisma and is entertaining now. He suddenly got how wrestling works. Onoo is still around and still doing nothing. He's in this match, in a comedy gi, but no one cares.

--Kaz and Saturn feel like an EWR tag team that gets over immediately. More random teams have to happen in this day and age. Saturn and Cat don't have terrible chemistry, either.

--Sonny Onoo is trying to be Jimmy Hart, Cornette, and Danny Davis all at once, but the problem is people CARED and WANTED to see them get their shit pushed in with babyface fury. Sonny's whole "I am Japanese!" Chinpokomon gimmick is so bad.

--Saturn set up this whole time to be the monster. Suplexes and submissions beat kickboxing. He could've ripped Sonny's arms off in the first ten seconds and saved this whole match.

--Just as I say that, Cat knocks him out with a Badr Hari to the face and Sonny gets the pin. Kaz is in the corner not making the save like an idiot.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs Kidman. Gene immediately runs out to expose Juvy as a member of the LWO. Oh man, the lWo. Really wonder how this would go over today.

--Kidman was HUGE at my school. People loved him as much as they did Goldberg or Konnan (those were the big three of WCW). Kidman's development got stunted somewhere. I'm not saying he'd change the business or anything like that, but he had a little Owen Hart in him that never came out. I'm just going to blame Hogan for it.

--So Juvy, being a very unattractive man, is able to move faster because the air in front of him is running in terror. Mask is missed. But these dudes be flyin' around and breathing a little heavy. That must mean it's time for movez.

--You can tell the influence the cruisers had just the modern style, period, but there's still a lot of stuff you just don't see anymore. I guess if this match was worked now in NXT, for instance, I wonder if people would love it or hate it. I dunno, I just find it interesting. Spotfests Suck vs Spotfests Rule people aren't as loud as they once were. To me, anyway.

--Juvy Wiseau is really showing how limited Kidman is. He's doing moves without doing highspots, Kidman does Rey but half as well. That ugly fuck can strategize.

--Juvy Driver, but both guys are out. Juvy tries a 450, Kidman reverses to a pin, and gets a near fall. Lil Naitch was out of position, there.

--Shooting Star wins it for Kidman after some Rey interference. Kidman's Shooting Star is ghastly. Mero was the best.

Eddie wants to know if Rey is in or out of the lWo. Rey says no. Eddie and company chase him.

I'm done for the moment.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #311 on: February 06, 2019, 02:34:30 PM »
Recap of the Outsiders/nWo breakup tease. Time makes this all seem so stupid.

Scott Steiner vs Rick Steiner. This is a lie.

--Poppa Fucking Pump. Bless that fucking guy. He feels like a top guy already.

--So no match, nWo beatdown on Rick backstage until the Giant drags him out. Why is the Giant in the nWo again? I never got WCW. I would've really been down to see even this era of the Steiners fight. They had a classic them somewhere, where one stiffs the other and the other goes apeshit and they just throw down. Even busted-ass Rick Steiner at this point could've had his only good match with Scott, I'm sure of it, because Scott wouldn't let him look bad. But, hey, we get a mini-match.

--Goldberg is out to save Rick from Scott and Buff, and the fans are fucking nuts. Seriously, Goldberg had another six months left in his reign at least. They're even building to a Scott Steiner match. The "Goldberg just destroys the nWo one by one" thing writes itself. But Steiner had such fucking presence, like Batista did before he broke out.

Scott Hall vs Kevin Nash.

--So Bischoff somes out before Nash does, and gets the nWo to turn on Hall. Okay. Nash makes the save. Okay. Big "OUTSIDERS" chant. They just pissed all kinds of money away, didn't they? Nash leaves Hall hanging with the clique sign.

I seriously underestimated how much Nash and Hogan really did fuck up. All these directions feel like they'd draw, even if it's a reshuffling of dudes, and it might've still been a war. It's remarkable. It's so funny it goes all the way back around to disappointing.

TV Title: Chris Jericho vs Bobby Duncum Jr.: RALPHUS.

--They cut out Jericho's music and dub in his WWE theme, and it doesn't not work but it isn't right. I can't believe Jericho is still going at a high level. He looks just SO young that it's hard to think the same guy is one of the all time names and still extremely relevant.

--I have more of a chance than Duncum does. He had a good look to him, though. Jerry Lynn and Barry Windham put together. I mostly remember him teaming with Kendall Windham, and even that's really vague. Seems like one of those guys who was alright and had some potential before he died, but that makes up literally every person ever, really, so forget it.

--The fans VASTLY prefer Jericho, of course, so the dynamic is all weird. They both take turns heeling it up, which seems like Duncum not able to be a face more than anything. Total clash. Jericho would've been much better off if Goldberg killed him and Ralphus in five minutes.

--Ralphus might be the ugliest guy I have ever seen on a wrestling show. If only he lived long enough to get a picture taken in a Selena Gomez shirt.

--This match sucks. Jericho is trying, Duncum is trying something else, and the announcers are talking about the condition Wrath and Glacier will be for the battle royal. You know it's bad when people would rather talk about Glacier's chances in WW3 than a title match.

--Tony is sniping at Heenan hard for no reason. My theory always was Tenay got the consistent gig was because both guys liked him and he could keep the bullshit to a minimum.

--Jericho wins by Ralphus and beltshot. That was pretty ugly and very below what Jericho should've been doing.

Wait the battle royal is now? Bret and DDP get the main event? I'm not sure how I feel about this. I kinda wanted to see Bret in the clusterfuck match, to tell you the truth.

Hole in One Barry Darsow can take this. The announcing of guys this time is much better. It makes them seem like they matter slightly more than just filing out.

Riggs is twice the size he was last year. So's Benoit. Tony calls Bobby Eaton a "wild card." I want to be in that world. I want Bobby Eaton vs Goldberg main eventing Starrcade.

Konnan still looks like Lister from Red Dwarf. But fuck that the Renegade was STILL around? He came out looking so sad.

TOKYO MAGNUM and hippie Van Hammer. What a weird roster. La Parka got a great reaction, though. And why are they still talking up Glacier having a shot at anything? Glacier is the only guy winning that wouldn't be awesome. But man the roster isn't what it was the year before.

Nash is Dieselin' the fuck outta his ring. Poor Johnny Swinger.

So the rules are really just not being able to leave the ring anymore? I gotta say, kayfabe-wise, that makes a lot of sense. I wouldn't want to see Mike Enos robbed.

Nash cleared his ring, but fuck that, I'm for Wild Card Bobby Eaton. I mean, he's in the same ring as Hall and Rey and Booker and Giant but he's the goddamn Wild Card. They haven't covered Ring 3 at all, just Ring 2 and shots of Nash breathing heavy.

I don't see Bobby Eaton anymore. Fuck that. Push new talent.

Giant is dominating his ring, but he looks miserable. I'm really glad they stopped the split screen but they're doing a terrible job of explaining who is where, and to be fair it isn't like it matters. There's like six guys who have a chance.

It's weird that Scott Hall was in WW3s, and even won one, but never was in a Royal Rumble. It's like how it's weird to me that Jesse Ventura called only one Undertaker match.

Rey's out, we're down to one ring. Rey? Really? Jeez. I don't want to sound like I don't love the guy, but Rey is more important than Scott Norton.

Forget the murders and Chris Benoit is still a classic example of toxic Horsemanality.

Bigelow is out for some reason, but gets held off by nWos. Goldberg is out and we got a brawl. They just pissed so much good stuff away.

Where's Sting at? I'm going to guess rehabbing something or other. Flair was being sued. Hennig, though? What about Raven?

They all band together to get rid of the "550+lbs" Giant. Come on, man. Says a lot when the WWF was more honest.

Down to Nash, Luger, and Hall. Something different, finally. I'll just enjoy Hall's awesome punches.

Nash wins, somehow both being lazy and not.

US Title: DDP vs Bret Hart.

--Seeing Bret is a total breath of fresh air. Fuck Doug Dillinger for letting that jacket get stolen. I have faith in this match, though.

--WCW had a LOT of female crew members and photographers. I've noticed that the last couple shows. I want to think that's really cool for the time period and not just assume wrestling sleaze is involved, but I don't know. Really fucked up I have to second guess that.

--Bret's not coasting, but his heart isn't in it. The only things I think are keeping him going is that it's a main event and DDP, who works hard every time. I think when the jacket got stolen, so did any and all passion. I feel almost like I can prove that.

--DDP goes for the Sharpshooter and it's the worst Sharpshooter I've ever seen. Wrestling needs more dudes getting beat by their own finishers, though. I'm going to complain about the last 20 years all at once.

--Ringpost figure four, the move that embodies evil Bret. He's not in the zone, but there's flashes of past Bret. But as I say this I feel like I just saw Bret hit cruise control. Like a switch got hit and all of a sudden it feels VERY clear he's relying on DDP's script. That was weird.

--Ref bump. Foreign object. nWo Silly Ref calls it for Bret. "That's as lame as it can go!"-Tony Schiavone.

--Ah, but Lil Naitch is up as DDP hits the Diamond Cutter, so it's over. This started fine, but it took way too long for where they were going, and at some point Bret turned into IRS. Like, if you're a star person, **1/2.

So they ran a big show without their World Champion having a match, no Sting, no Flair, no Raven, no Hennig, no Savage, and two final matches should 100% have been swapped. Lotta ominous things hanging over this show.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #312 on: February 06, 2019, 04:01:33 PM »
I thought there was at least one more WW3, but then it just became Mayhem, and I don't wanna Mayhem. I can barely move, but I gotta write about something. WWE Network Randomizer Site sayyyyyys...WCW SuperBrawl 5. Was very much hoping it wouldn't be WCW, but I will follow the rules. Maybe actually figure out a format for any of this shit that makes it suck less for those who read it.

Baltimore Arena! Rasslin'! Presented in the most complete form possible due to technical difficulties!

1.) Alex Wright vs Paul Roma (JIP): Oh THIS match, okay. Roma's got the job face on, but more of a "JOB face?!"

--Orndorff is coming out to cheer on Roma. Had WCW just reunited Power and Glory, they'd still be in business. Roma's having none of this "selling" business. Wright is such a deer in the headlights.

--Some indie had to have gotten Roma and Tom Zenk to team up. Like just some asshole promotion thinking they were clever.
i bet they'd have gotten along.

--Heenan is ON in the early days. It's great. I can deal with Heenan gleefully bashing Das Wunderpunk.

--Snug work from Roma. So snug it warms up the briefly cooled "Boring" chants. Orndorff seems to be out here to occasionally cheat but mostly keep an eye on Roma being unprofessional.  Wonderful Troubleshooter.

--Roma hits a Savage elbow, and pulls Wright up at 2. I think the German beanpole is annoyed. Roma decides to fuck up a hiptoss and a spinning heel kick. Then he kicks out of the finish, but the ref counts anyway. So ends Paul Roma.

Gene's with Harlem Heat and Sister Sherri. Oh my goooood Sherri. Sherri's crazy hot here, to the point I can't even think of something worth saying about Gene mixing up Booker T and Stevie Ray. Sherri's attractiveness never ceases to surprise me.

Bunkhouse Buck vs Jim Duggan. I got a bad feeling about this, man.

--WCW Duggan is so fucking weird because he just doesn't want to do anything. He spent his whole pre-cancer run just not wanting to work with people, but just to be this big wall of no-selling and immobility. I don't know how to put it.

--Buck is great, though. What was the obsession with bunkhouses in the NWA/WCW? Bunkhouse Brawls, Bunkhouse Stampedes, Bunkhouse rules...I can see it as a regional thing, I suppose, but some dude named Bunkhouse Buck who LOOKS like Bunkhouse Buck seems like he'll just hogtie you and have his way with you before the sun comes up. But the idea of Bunkhouse anything in a mainstream promotion just stinks.

--Sloooooooow. Headlocks and chinlocks for all. At least Col. Parker and Meng are at ringside. Dusty loved his bodyguards with suits and sunglasses.

--Why is this match still fucking happening? Fans are at least responding to Duggan when HOOOOOs. I bet certain cities liked Duggan far more than Hogan around this time. WCW fans seemed to embrace all these guys BUT Hogan.

--Three Point Stance wins, finally, and then Meng uses the Spike on Duggan. All that meant nothing. Even Meng looked bad.

Heenan is drunk and still ruling. If he isn't drunk, he owns a TARDIS and got his early 1994 self out for the night.

Gene has the Nasty Boys. I fucking despise the Nasty Boys. They are everything embarrassing about pro wrestling. They're the guys the non-fans walk in and see. Brian Knobbs is the worst at everything. The only thing they have going for them is looking like the scariest lesbian couple on the face of the earth.

Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan. NO. I don't care if the Butcher is out there to make me laugh bitterly.

--Kevin made sure Dave can't be a Hulkamaniac because he destroyed the magic slippers and cut his hair. Thanks, Kev. I really mean that. Trying to pick what kind of mental retardation Dave has and thus knowing how disgusted to feel became easier because of you, man. He don't got the bunny yet, though.

--Dave is twice as good as a face than he was as a heel. Interpret that however you want.

--How in the name of god is Dave Sullivan vs Kevin Sullivan way better than Duggan vs Buck? It should be equal suck. I'd put Kevin above all three, but it isn't like he's the second coming of the inventor of pro wrestling, President Abe Lincoln.

--I can't believe Vince never made a play for Evad. He and the bunny could've been icons of the new generation.

--The Butcher's screwface is hurt. Kev helps him up the aisle a ways, then dumps him, thus butchering a friendship.

Big Bubba and Avalanche are with Mean Gene. Just like the good days. Tenta and Vader never interacting is a lame.


And the Nasties/Heat match will have to wait because it'll suck rocks and I just don't want to watch wrestling anymore.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #313 on: February 10, 2019, 01:08:34 PM »
Fuck it. It's snowing and fucking cold and it isn't like I can go anywhere.

Tag Titles: Harlem Heat vs Nasty Boys. Shit.

--Automatic star for Sherri. Heenan was right: she's a dreamboat.

--WCW's tag team division being so much better than the WWF's was is wild. I wonder what chance Well Dunn would've had where the big boys play.

--I hate the Nasties so much. Deep, deep hate. Unless they're getting murdered by Steiners or murdering Cactus Jack, they're useless. They're working over Stevie Ray's legs, and I say legs because Knobbs is working the right and Sags is working the left, and I don't think Stevie is sure what to do.

--Sags was the superior Nasty Boy. Come at me.

--Sherri-ference. She was so good, one of the most underappreciated managers ever. Anyone who can still interfere in both heels and a skin-tight pleather dress is a GOAT-tier.

--Sherri accidentally hits Stevie Ray with her shoe and the Nasties win...until we get the Dusty finish because Knobbs through Booker over the top rope. WCW. That top rope thing was always bullshit, in my opinion.

That was terrible. But Heenan is lit. Good fun.

Gene has Savage and Sting to hype the tag match with Bubba and Avalanche. Savage is just pacing back and force hitting things and yelling "I'M NOT TALKING!" because he's fucking awesome. Sting and Savage felt on the same level to me, which is great, but it shows how terrible Hogan was. Savage and Sting feel like top guys, but Hogan didn't. I don't know how to explain it. Hogan was just a red and yellow cloud lingering over everything.

Gene: Back to you, Tony! And, uh, how is your partner the weasel doing?
Tony: I think you know how he's doing.

Tony and Bobby hype the Dustin vs Blacktop Bully feud, and drunk Heenan is on fire.

Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes. Just before anything happens, Nick Bockwinkel forces Meng to the back. Goddamn it, Bock.

--Barry Darsow is an unsung hero who got given all kinds of stupid gimmicks, but threw himself into them and made them as entertaining as possible. Him being an angry trucker is probably the best gimmick he had not named Smash. Blacktop Bully was a SUCH a fucking dumb name, though. That sounds like something a teacher calls an asshole eight year old during a parent teacher conference.

--This feud should be rekindled in AEW within the next couple years. Then it leads to the fight on the truck, filmed with drones in HD and shit.

--The fans chant "KFC" at Col. Parker. Is that wittier or stupider than the "Burger King" chants? Both make me feel a kind of shame only wrestling fans can feel.

--Solid, shocking speedy match with these guys. Dustin was always reliable, Darsow was always putting in effort, and it's clicking. The pacing is much faster than I'd have thought. Dustin is trying to wrestle and not get into a straight up fight, Darsow is trying to fight because fuck that shit. Darsow was a really good big man when the characters let him.

--I can't believe Dustin will be Goldust by the end of the year. That's mindblowing.

--Heenan is annoying Tony in the best possible way. This is some good work by the Brain, trashed though he may be. Makes me want to track down his best WCW work: calling that Duggan match and hearing about his college career.

--Bulldog, but the Col. puts Darsow's foot on the rope. My inner Monsoon said he'd never pin him with a lateral press.

--Darsow wins, Col. interference. I'm kind of annoyed at that, to be honest. These guys went move for move and Darsow just cheating like a man without interference would've been much better, but I'm not WCW in 1995.

They're hyping Hogan vs Vader as the epic showdown is should be. Gene is hyping an interview with Vader and a chair goes flying past his head. Awesome. Vader cuts the Vader promo. He was fucking scary.

And now, an interview with Flair. Some story about Vader maybe smuggling Flair in his limo has been going on, but who cares. Flair hypes Savage and the new signings, which is pretty cool, but I would much rather him talk shit. But I get a drunk Heenan "WHOOO!" as Flair makes his way down to his front row seat.

Avalanche and Big Bubba vs Sting and Randy Savage. Fuck yeah.

--Savage isn't coming out the electric guitar version of "Pomp and Circumstance." That had to have been a pretty brief thing. He and Sting are stupid over, as one would expect. This better be as fun as i hope.

--Not only is Flair in the audience, but so is Muta. I wouldn't have minded even a shitty Muta mixing it up with all these guys. He and Hogan had a fun match in Japan.

--Savage invites Flair into the ring, and I can't wait. Perfect natural enemies. But Flair is all retired. Now he's just slapping Avalanche around. Heenan is shouting "Spit on him!" This is all I wanted.

--Savage is going fucking HAM on everyone, like he's taking 1994 out on people. Flair fucking with him makes it better. This is the WCW I remember liking.

--Sting pins Avalanche despite Sting not being the legal man. Total sprint. Fun as fuck and I wish it went a little longer. Savage and Sting had some pretty okay chemistry.

Drunk Heenan is the only Heenan who works well with Tony. I was actually going to stop here because I'm burned out and walls of texts suck, but facepalming Tony while Heenan rants against Hogan is the epitome of everything.

Gene is with Hogan and Jimmy Hart. Hogan was a total pussy for ducking Vader the whole time. This should've been the Starrcade match. Hogan's promo is so dated and kinda grating.

WCW Title: Hulk Hogan vs Vader.

--No helmet? Vader, man, no. That stupid cape might be made out of jobber skin but you need the helmet.

--Hogan weighs in at 274. That's dangerously realistic. I've never heard him announced as below 300. Michael Buffer gonna get an earful.

--Hogan with an arm scissors. Oh man is this going to be vaguely Japan Hogan? That'd make all the difference. Vader's no sold everything. The fans really like Vader. He gets Hogan in the corner and beats his ass as only Vader can. Heenan: "He's going to hit him so hard he's going to grow hair!"

--Vader vs Brock is the best match I never got.

--Dude how did I miss the Harlem Heat and Meng cosplayers in the front row? Holy shit. That's what it's all about. Unlike Vader selling this Hogan bullshit, or Hogan seeming like he isn't sure how to sell for Vader at times. Vader working light (for Vader) is the opposite of what this needs.

--Hogan kicks out of the Vader Bomb. I don't mind that, just because he didn't Hulk Up. He dodged the moonsault, and rolled out of the ring. He's trying to do something different. Vader even took a Hogan chairshot like a champ. This is fun.

--Now we get the Hulk Up. Vader should crush his skull for this. The fans are now 100% behind Hogan. These guys are putting in work. Vader kicks out of the legdrop at ONE. Oh shit. Ref bump, Hogan gets powerbombed. Flair tries to wake him up, but shit goes down. Hogan wins by DQ, and I gotta say Flair getting the brunt of the Hulk Up and acting pissed is great.

--Sting and Savage in for the save. This was great. Zero slow spots, both made the other look like a threat, the Hogan shit was kept to a shocking minimum, and it builds to a rematch that while a foregone conclusion could be really fun. However as the kid who rented Bash At The Beach and saw their cage match, this is false hopes all over the place.

The good on this was good, the bad was horrific. WCW.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #314 on: February 20, 2019, 03:35:53 PM »
I have fallen down two different sets of steps in three days. My knee is a mess, my hips are a joke, and there's various other things popping up as a result. So, hey, I figure I'll entertain myself somewhat with some professional wrestling shows on the award winning WWE Network.

The randomizer I used landed on WCW Starrcade 2000. Why wouldn't it?

I have almost no knowledge of the last gasp days of WCW. I think the last thing I ever remember of actively watching WCW was Booker T turning into the Rock, The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea, and Daffney. I want one of those things on the show more than others.

--------

Oh fuck, Mark Madden.This is going to suck no matter what. I miss Scott Hudson, though. I liked him.

Ladder Match: 3 Count vs Evan Karagias and Jamie Noble vs Jung Dragons. This is starting as a straight up threeway tag, some reason. They need Kimona Cam.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #315 on: February 20, 2019, 04:21:13 PM »
--So the winner of this gets a contract for a title shot at Cruiserweight Champion Chavo, so, like...fine. Karagias is fucking TRASH. Poor Noble.

--This is so soulless. Maybe I'm just feeling cynical, but this feels every bit as transparent as the WWF Light Heavyweight division did. Way, way, way better workers, of course, but it just rings hollow. Evan and Shannon are going to botch themselves to death and it'll be funny, so there's that.

--Helms looks like a star. It's so weird how wrestling goes, you know? Shane Helms could've been a player in an alternate world.

--Kimona should be in the Hall of Fame.

--So there's five ladders set up for some elaborate spot that might not quite be worth it. There's no room to move in the ring, really, and it's just "climb up, kick dude off" over and over. Shannon skins the cat up the side of a ladder, though, which is kinda badass.

Helms and Moore win, Chavo complains because there can't be two winners. What a stupid way to do things. But, like, WCW.

In the back, Lance Storm gives Duggan shit. I don't know what is happening. Next thing I know, it's Jarrett and Mike Sanders and a Harris. But THAT leads to Kronik in a sauna I assume they have hotboxed, so it's only slightly less gay.

Team Canada, in the form of Lance Storm, Major Guns, and Elix Skipper, comes out. Lance Storm was such a beacon of hope at the time. I do remember that. His rocket push was just an unfair tease. Now the Cat comes out, with Ms. Jones, and rants about Canada and then the Cat dances. Where'd Ms. Jones go?

The Cat vs Lance Storm.

--Kinda cool seeing the Cat with personality. But honestly, Mark Madden is a cancer on this show already. Tony and Scott, they're fine, but Madden is a black hole like no other. If Madden and Mauro called a show, the arena would just look like those aerial shots of Jonestown.

--Stalling, annoyance. The Cat sucks but is fun, Storm rules but isn't fun. The girls fought briefly. Ref bump. What a dark arena. Oh, hey, Duggan is coming out. Who will he turn on? The Cat, but didn't go FULL heel because he clotheslined him and didn't hit him with the board. Now Team Canada turns on Duggan. And the Cat saves Duggan.

This is one of these shows, isn't it? I'm going to fucking hate this.

Mike Awesome drives an ambulance to the arena for his match with Bigelow. Oh. Then cut to Buff interviewing the Filthy Animals. What the hell is going on? Now the Natural Born Thrillers are giving Reno and Big Vito (and a woman I don't recognize) shit. And NOW Crowbar is arguing with Daffney on his way to the hardcore title match...which I guess is now because Terry Funk comes out of nowhere with a fire extinguisher. Oh, I'm going to fucking hate this show.

Hardcore Title: Crowbar vs Terry Funk

--I was literally ready to wrap up writing about this for the night but I got outpaced. What the fuck is this show? I mean maybe I'm remembering my 1999 WWF wrong, but I don't remember it ever being this rapid fire. This is a parody of a 90s wrestling company.

--Fuck Crowbar. Daffney deserved better. But honestly she can shut up, because she can hit this note that sounds like the battery in my smoke alarm is about to die. All with the lovely voice of Mark Madden covering it all.

--Funk has Crowbar handcuffed and hits him in the head with stuff. It's been done. I can't even appreciate that it's a random detached car door. But some nice unprotected chairshots, back when men were fucking men. The camera either needs to stay on Daff or shut off.

--Funk goes after Daffney like an asshole and Crowbar hits him in the back, like an asshole. Crowbar is the least intimidating hardcore dude there ever was. It was the kneepads over the jeans, man. But Devon Storm being an anti-vax piece of shit might also cloud my opinion. It might be because he's getting his brains bashed in with these chairshots.

--Funk wins, and thank god because that was horrible. Terry isn't selling as much as he looks inconvenienced.

It cut to Gene with Team Canada but I'm stopping because I can't do this right now. I got thrown too far into the deep end.

Offline Avid TOXIE Enthusiast

  • Laz
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 14,106
  • 001101001101101100
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #316 on: February 21, 2019, 12:32:27 AM »
If it's any consolation, the last 3 PPVs are actually very solid where even the garbage stuff at least has entertaining personalities involved. It's why Johnny Ace got a job in New York since he booked the final days.

Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #317 on: February 21, 2019, 01:35:38 PM »
Team Canada is with Gene. Duggan is an American and they're bad. Gene's so timeless. As I say that he pretty much straight up tells Major Guns to leave or he'll fuck her, but for some reason it coming from Mean Gene isn't quite AS terrible. He always got portrayed as a lech, now he's just an older, much more direct lech. I want to stress as well that Tylene Buck is gross. Looked her up to back this up, and I feel proven right. Because the top tweet as of now made me laugh, here is her very not work safe Twitter: https://twitter.com/thetylenebuck?lang=en

Now we whipash to Luger unpacking his bag and talking to himself in the mirror as he puts on brass knux. I get that they're going for the WWF invisible cameraman thing, but they're doing it hilariously wrong, and doing a fucked dumb thing wrong is the legacy of WCW.

Big Vito and Reno come out with Marie. Fuck is Marie? She's got something going for her. Hey. Anyway now it's

Big Vito and Reno vs Kronik. So Adams botches his, like, one line promo to imply Marie paid them to beat up Reno and Vito. I don't know what's happening.

--Kronik were an awesome team that happened years too late. Crush and Adam Bomb being the omg new demolition would've made me so happy as a kid. I like both guys a lot, despite knowing no one else does, but Kronik suck. 84% chance that's because they're both named Brian/Bryan and using their real names and not cool names.

--Vito's the best guy out there, and is doing his very best, but Kronik look so sloppy (Adams in particular). They're moving almost way too fast for Vito to keep up with, which I can't believe I said. All I know about Reno is seeing him and Vito hit each other with shit every time I channel surfed passed Thunder.

--The Thrillers are out, and Reno's all emotional. They can do so much better. Kwee Wee, motherfuckers. But nah, the obvious turn on on Vito happens and...Reno pins him to win the match...or something? Reno was the one who paid them off to take out Vito! "Why Reno?!" says Hudson. I'm watching this WAY out of context, and am okay with it.

Marie's rack was nice. ****

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #318 on: February 21, 2019, 02:00:54 PM »
Gene is with 3 Count, Helms and Moore. Who gets Chavo? Helms' shitty promo is interrupted by Chavo's shitty promo. Chavo then just beats the shit out of them. Chavo shouldn't beat the shit out of anyone.

Now to Buff with the MIA. Oh god General Rection, right. Pastor LeRoux is mean muggin' the camera hard. So, right, DeMott hates Shane Douglas. There's a choice. Shane's at least got the evil horse-laugh and Deep Purple. DeMott is a hero of Corey Graves. Who'd he ever beat?

Bam Bam Bigelow vs Mike Awesome. Ambulance Match. The Roku says it's been an hour and eight minutes.

--Bigelow looks like he's about to drop dead. ECW might've let him live longer. Awesome, though? That '70s Guy. I thought that shit was long over by now and he was just generic Mike Awesome, heading for Team Canada. I will say he does look good with the feathered hair. Old school heel shit.

--I thought I invented the ambulance match when I was a kid with my action figures, then it turned out it was real my matches between Wolverine and the Joker were always better.

--For real Bigelow is wearing a shirt over his shirt. Awesome just doesn't care. These are the matches that break my heart, to an extent, and they happened a lot in WCW: two years earlier, this is at least a *** brawl before the entrances are done. ECW Awesome vs ECW Bigelow would've been a war. WCW Bigelow vs WCW Awesome kinda run into things for, like, $7k a punch.

--I promise I'll stop harping on it but if Bigelow is too fat for his outfit, he should go away for a while. Not, you know, as long as its been, but somewhere. It just looks Awesome is beating up just some fat dude from the bar furthest away.

--The finish is literally fat fuck Bigelow falling through the roof of the ambulance. Awesome barely broke a sweat. I mean, yeah, it isn't Rikishi getting thrown off the Cell into the back of a truck, but that's the way of things.

Thrillers are in the back with Gene. Look at all these missed opportunities. Perfect Event cut a fucking awful promo on DDP and Nash. You have Mike Sanders there deliberately to not let things like this happen. They fuck with Gene a little as they leave, and toughguy Okerlund starts talking about how he was going to beat one guy's ass. Look, uber-lech Gene I can make a little sense of, silly though it is. Shit-talker Gene is just out of character.

Fucking hate this show, you guys.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #319 on: February 21, 2019, 02:19:22 PM »
US Title: General Hugh G. MorrMott vs Shane Douglas. Wait no Torrie? Fuck off. You gotta give me something.

--DeMott has always been a super solid big man, so that's alright, but Douglas was deteriorating by the hour.

--To the announce table, where Scott Hudson is clearly the designated driver. Madden is in the back, in a Hawaiian shirt, eating a small child.

--Prolonged bearhug spots. The three old guys on the hard camera are nonplussed as they should be.

--I forgot Mark Madden based his entire commentary style on Mallrats. Fucking Christ.

--Scott and Tony are battling over who the head announcer is, which winds up giving Madden more shit to respond to. I'm just going to take in the brief period in WCW history where the announcers talked about the match that was actually happening.

--Shane's bleeding, which has aged him ten years.Stuff happens. Now fucking Chavo is out again, tosses a chain to Shane, then tells the ref Shane has a chain, so Shane beats the fuck out of DeMott anyway. Then he hits Chavo. Were people THAT invested in MIA or Douglas or any of this?

This must've been what it was like for a relative or grandparent to walk in when I was watching Raw and have no idea what was happening, and me being embarrassed as only a real fan can.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #320 on: February 21, 2019, 02:51:57 PM »
Gene's got SCOTT STEINER and Midajah. I can't understand a goddamn thing that he's saying, but it's about Sid and Flair's name came up. Steiner vs Sid is fucking my shit though.

BLOOD RUNS COLDER...AGAIN. Get the fuck outta here. This was real? I thought it was some stupid IWC meme from the before time in the long long ago. Of all the sheer panic moves, you pick Glacier? Alright, I feel a little better now.

Buff is with the Insiders, DDP and Nash. They call the Thrillers jagoffs, and cut a promo way too shitty for those involved. But man they look old compared to pretty much not Terry Funk.

Jeff Jarrett (w/SLAPNUTS headband) comes out to shit talk the Filthy Animals. Tell em, Jeff. Tell those DC Slapasses where the power lies. So this is a bunkhouse streetfight...

Okay so, wait. I never got the term "bunkhouse" for brawls, and still don't. Fighting to get in? Out? Either way, why? But whatever, it's a Dusty thing. But the notion of a bunkhouse streetfight is actually making me much angrier than it should. And it's literally just a fake barfight set up, like APA style.

Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Boys vs Filthy Animals.

--I think they're playing off some racial stereotype where white people are not sure how to deal with those wild wacky Mexican weapons and that those goofy Mexicans can't fight with those weird Southern good ol' boy weapons. And it takes Mark Madden, of ALL PEOPLE, of ask how you win this match.

--Is it Mexico or the bumpkins who specialize in kendo sticks?

--I didn't catch the woman's name who's with the Animals, but she's on commentary and is better than Mark Madden, and her output is more or less "AWW YEAH! OW OW!" That god Starrcade hadn't meant anything in like six years by this point.

--Maskless Rey just isn't half as fun. You suddenly realize how punchable that little dude is. Must've hurt the Harris Boys, selling for Mexicans and a Jew.

--Anyway, Rey's dead in a dumpster. Now the ref is trying to enforce tags. WHAT the fuck is this match? "I guess when you break all these gimmicks it's what you do!" Tony, stop.

--This is just a regular match now. No reason given beyond Tony trying to sound clever. Sleepers and hot tags don't belong in a streetbunk brawlfight. And Rey is still fucking dead in a dumpster!

--Nashville World Order? Oh goddamn it.

--But now we're street fighting again, and Rey goes through a table after being dead. Kidman hits an Unprettier, then takes a liquor bottle to the head. Stroke, three count. What in Christfuck was any of this?

I'm actually mad now. This was fucking horrible.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #321 on: February 21, 2019, 03:34:44 PM »
WCW Sin, next month. Eat a dick.

Buff is with Sarge, who wants Goldberg to beat Lex. Then Lex attacks him. What the hell. Fuck Sarge.

Scott looks kind of annoyed, Tony looks like he is SO embarrassed to be there, and Mark Madden looks like a pile of cottage cheese with Down's syndrome.

Tag Titles: The Insiders vs Perfect Event. I so don't care.

--Palumbo and Stasiak are the two worst guys. Jindrak and O'Haire, those were the guys.

--Ric Flair is out, also looking like he hates it. If Sanders does anything, they lose the titles. I mean, Flair vs Sanders would've made this show kinda better, so why not just do that? Or something.

--Between DDP, Nash, and Flair showing their faces, the audience is actually really woken up. It's just a shame it's a match with Meat on a show that has gone far too long. 39 minutes left. Oh god Lex/Goldberg and Sid/Steiner will get time.

--The young guys are game, but only Palumbo is any good. DDP is doing the exact same things DDP always does. Nash pretending to be a hot-tag-in-waiting. Tony calls it "human drama." Oh you just go fuck yourself.

--All kinds of overbooking happens with the Thrillers and DDP Diamond Cutting people on the outside. Jackknife on Palumbo, old guys win. That was atrocious. Palumbo takes a good Jackknife, though.

--

The forced streak thing with Goldberg is every bit as stupid as it is accidentally compelling. This is me saying this as someone who isn't going to delve deeper than the storyline itself for my own already hurting brain. The idea that not only does the whole roster know Goldberg is fallible, but there's a whole group of young and hungry guys who have watched Goldberg while training (under Goldberg's very trainer) and could maybe find all his flaws, forcing Goldberg to change his style to save his career...I mean that's what I'd have done. It's no Lex Luger.

And Michael Buffer is here. Ugh.

Luger looks awful. His mobility is gone and he has roided wrassler jowls happening.

I'm stopping after this is over and doing Steiner/Sid by itself.

Lex Luger vs Goldberg. The more Goldberg I watch, or the more years I watch him, I think that him having a security team makes this supposed badass look like a total pussy. Dude breathes fire but needs Doug Dillenger and other dudes? I bet. I fucking bet.

--Goldberg slams Luger into everything outside the ring. Please spear.

--Short clotheslines. Please spear.

--I wish Goldberg let himself become the fucking awesome power wrestler he could've been, not just the pretty cool power wrestler he was when he felt like it.

--And because god fucking forbid a real match happen, Buff and Sarge are on their way out. Weren't they Battlebowl opponents? Who cares.

--I can't tell if Buff turned on Goldberg or Luger turned on Buff. Sarge is off dead until it's convenient. The fans are still hot for Goldberg. WCW.

--Spear, Jackhammer, over. Buff cracks Goldberg with a chair, poses, and carries Lex out. I won't lie, Buff's been a highlight.


I'm done for now. What the fuck, man.

Online Epic by Faith No More

  • Reine of Terror
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 6,809
  • Epic Reine
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #322 on: February 22, 2019, 12:37:43 AM »
I know it sounds stupid but Glacier's return in 2001 was awesome. He was basically a delusional cartoon super hero. It played perfectly into the evolution of the character at a time when wrestling pretty much phased those types of characters out.


Offline Avid TOXIE Enthusiast

  • Laz
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 14,106
  • 001101001101101100
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #323 on: February 22, 2019, 03:37:31 AM »
Seconding Epic on this. That brief 2001 run is what gave him some cred when Chikara brought him in.

Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Offline Fan of Sports with Integrity

  • PosterFest 2014 Winner
  • Member
  • *******
  • Posts: 23,037
  • Your POV
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #324 on: February 22, 2019, 09:18:53 AM »
Misawa is so overrated it hurts

Luger had a better running forearm, that's for sure.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #325 on: February 22, 2019, 02:03:39 PM »
Delusional Glacier is perfect. That's way more like it.

Luger's forearm was pretty nice.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #326 on: February 22, 2019, 02:22:53 PM »
I'm going to finish this and find something else because I'm SO in for Sid/Steiner right now.

Why weren't Booker or Sting on this show?

Tony's reciting past main events for Starrcade and he sounds sadder and sadder as it leads to Sid entering the ring. There really is no bigger departure from Flair vs Race to Sid vs Poppa Pump. Midajah is here! I only remember her from those early IWC days when every site had a Babe Of The Day.

WCW Title: Scott Steiner vs Sid.

--Scott Steiner looks pretty much exactly the same, just faster and without that fucking stupid chest piece. Sid doesn't look too bad, either, surprisingly. But they're moving fast and Steiner's a great heel.

--They do some test of strength shit, then Midajah hits Sid with a pipe. Steiner tells random fans "Fuck you!" This is meeting every expectation and is a total relief. I'm really digging Sid in the long tights, for some reason.

--Recliner, rope break. Sid's not a good face in peril guy, but at least Steiner can just throw him around like he's nothing. And for some reason Midajah just climbs the ropes during the Recliner, causing Steiner to break the hold, so she can accidentally crossbody him. What the fuck was that?

--Ref bump. Pipe shots. Now Jarrett is out and accidentally hits Steiner with the guitar in front of the replacement ref Lil Naitch, who counts anyway. Well all that goodwill just went away, didn't it? Recliner, Sid's out, Steiner wins. End of show.

I don't know anymore. I flew much too close to the sun on this one.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #327 on: February 22, 2019, 02:37:54 PM »


I needed to just watch Shamrock take out jobber entrance-era Vader in a nothing match. Shane McMahon was a better color guy than Madden.

Offline Teenage Mutant King Kamala

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 23,605
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #328 on: February 23, 2019, 02:00:24 PM »
Why weren't Booker or Sting on this show?
Both guys were selling kayfabe injuries from Scott Steiner. Booker T suffered it in main event for Mayhem previous month, Sting on some rando Thunder a week or two before Mayhem '00.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #329 on: February 24, 2019, 03:26:58 AM »
I don't even remember them getting mentioned on the show. Double ripoff. The running trend of dudes just vanishing from a lot of these WCW shows is pretty funny, though.

Offline Teenage Mutant King Kamala

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 23,605
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #330 on: February 24, 2019, 09:37:32 AM »
Long term storytelling they were going for in late '00/early '01 was Scott Steiner and Totally Buff running all of the major babyfaces off of TV but WCW went out of business before the faces could get their revenge. That encapsulates WCW really, doesn't it?"

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #331 on: February 25, 2019, 05:15:38 AM »
So what you're saying is Jason Jett truly was the #2 or 3 face during the dying days and could've gotten the title shot he deserved.

Offline Teenage Mutant King Kamala

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 23,605
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #332 on: February 25, 2019, 08:21:00 AM »
Yeah, after the last WCW PPV (but before the last Nitro), he probably legit was the #3 or #4 babyface. Booker T was #1 but after that it gets cloudy as to who even #2 was? Super washed Dustin Rhodes (who somehow got awesome and unwashed a decade and a half later)? Sean O'Haire? Jason Jett being a Top 3 babyface in March 2001 WCW might not be that much of a joke.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #333 on: February 25, 2019, 02:45:02 PM »
The feet of snow is now feet of slush, until it snows again in the very near future (if it isn't now). My knee is wrecked, life sucks, and the best I can do is offer myself at least a little respite through here. I gotta diversify. At any rate, the randomizer thing landed on

WWE Unforgiven 2002

I know I got this show live but only remember Angle vs Benoit, lesbians, and RVD losing. I can already feel the 2002 stank.

------------------------

The opening video is SO WCW. It establishes the big gold belt still having all the lineage, even if it was the HHH vanity plate for at least another...three years? Video has a lot of old NWA and WCW footage, and it seriously feels like something they'd do.

Oh shit, is this the Brock/Taker "I'm not feeling it" show? Nice. I feel like time proved Taker right, personally.

The set is just scaffolds. That's mostly it. But holy shit all the signs in the crowd and big reactions and all kinds of shit.

Also apologies for my format always sucking, if that matters. Informal but legible is hard, man.

1.) The Un-Americans vs BookDust/Bubba Ray Dudley/Kane: Oh shit, son.

--This is when Kane was in the best shape of his life. Looked lean as FUCK, moved faster than ever, and basically was a red Mortis. This guy, he'd have drawn, when was doing that "We're all freaks! Be proud!" thing.

--Bubba and Goldust did stereo bionic elbow spots and it was fucking cool. Bubba's all ready for that aborted singles run, but he's really over. All the faces are. This is an actual hot LA crowd. Let's get Test in there right now. Oh shit they did, haha.

--"Test has got unlimited potential, but we've said that on a number of occasions!" Jesus, JR. I hated it when he did that to guys.

--Lance Storm and Christian were a missed shot and I only even say that because I totally forgot they were a team, let alone champions. They seem like they'd be PERFECT, at least on paper. Canadian Brain Busters. Jericho needed Horsemen.

--Regal's wrestling in a shirt, tucked into his trunks, which is both proper as well as hiding whatever floppy bits are presenting themselves. He doesn't look good. When did he get that parasite?

--This got clusterfucky and awesome real fast. Kane looked fucking incredible, I can't stress that enough. Seeing this Kane is like seeing a completely different person. Then he became a necrophiliac and I stopped watching with any regularity.

Roku says it's been 17 minutes?! Holy shit that flew by.

Steph is motivating Billy and Chuck for their match against 3 Minute Warning, where if the fake gay dudes lose Stephanie has to make out with lesbians. What a unique time all this was. I wonder what the people who bought those HLA shirts are doing now.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #334 on: February 25, 2019, 03:17:22 PM »
2.) WWE Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs Ric Flair.

--Flair beat Jericho clean at the Summerslam with the figure four but fuck all that, we got the 1992 Flair music. Score.

--This Ric Flair is unrecognizable to who he'd be even a year later. He looks great here, to tell you the truth. Jericho, meanwhile, looks like he was having so much fun that I should go back in time to remind him he was berrried.

--Flair's not exactly setting the world on fire, but he's still looking really good. Zero business being an actual member of the roster, yes, but he's busting his ass.

--Jericho fakes an injury, ref calls for the trainer, and Jericho makes him tap to the Walls. I'm fine with that. Jericho's character post-dog walker was just insecure but arrogant scum, and cheating to beat old ass Flair just seems right in that sense.

Bischoff is with 3 Minute Warning. RIP. Rico, to Bischoff: "Just sit back, grab some vaseline, and watch Stephanie perform some Hot. Lesbian. Action!" Regret. Instant regret.

Shaq's here with his kid. Man, Shaq should go to AEW.

Anyway, to Smackdown.

3.) Edge vs Eddie Guerrero:

--Juuust before the Smackdown Six. We cut Flair's music but keep that shitty Rob Zombie one for Edge. Kinda dicks, there.

--Ohhhh yeah, it's a Summerslam rematch. I remember now. Eddie worked Edge's arm the whole time and Edge just kinda forgot about it in visibly annoying fashion by the end. Eddie was all about the dismantling dudes once he came back.

--Oddly these are the guys who slow it all down, but also have the fans seriously invested. It's like they're good at wrestling.

--This is a really good little match. Great crowd work. Lotta back and forth, lotta great near falls. Shame these guys never got a shot at the top of the card a couple years later. Rated R Edge vs Eddie would've been something special.

--Eddie wins with a sunset flip powerbomb thing that probably has a cool name off the top rope, with the help of the exposed turnbuckle. So not only did these guys actually build up a match, they made everything make sense, and didn't rely on multiple finishers or pretty much any of the shit that drives me up the wall now. Eddie even won without his finisher. To think, we'd be on Frog Splash #4 if this happened now.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #335 on: February 25, 2019, 03:37:48 PM »
HHH barges into the locker room to tell RVD he's got no passion and no desire and isn't a champion. Ha. Points out Flair used to have passion, but now he's old and it's sad but appropriate they're hanging out. Pffff.

So recap for 3MW/Billy and Chuck, where they ruin the fake gay wedding and beat up Steph. Now Bisch is calling a group of female protesters lesbians, but Steph is in disguise! Billy and Chuck come out to kill him! What the hell was happening in 2002? I was there, I watched it, but I can't believe this was an actual thing.

Billy and Chuck vs 3 Minute Warning:

--Cole keeps calling Rico a turncoat like we're supposed to actually give a shit. What an asset to the careers of Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo. I'm sure he had some bad to middling matches.

--"Both guys are from the 'hood,' so to speak. Sunnyvale, CA!" Cole reading off old school Vince lines was better. I'd have gone with, like, Palo Alto or maybe Stockton or something, but Sunnyvale is keeping it real.

--Fans chant "Rico's Gay!" which just makes it look like no one was watching the shows at the time. But then this match is fucking stupid. Billy and Chuck had been strangling the life out of the tag division all year, despite being horrible, and you're expecting people to root for them against two big fucking Samoan guys who have literally destroyed everything they've come into contact with. Further, if Billy and Chuck lose, Steph is supposed to make out with some hot chick. Now, I mean, I'm sorry but I can promise you I know where my heart was in 2002. 3MW win, of course, because COME ON.

Eric Bischoff is cackling with glee, next to three strippers (I'd say lined up right to left in terns of attractiveness). This isn't even funny anymore. I mean it never was actually, ha-ha funny, but there was at least a little bit of amusement as a time piece. But now it seems like you need to watch like 17(!) years after to find the joke moderately funny. It's like WCW is Fast Times At Ridgmont High, and WWE's 2002-2003 is The Wild Life.

Online Epic by Faith No More

  • Reine of Terror
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 6,809
  • Epic Reine
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #336 on: February 26, 2019, 01:07:25 AM »
Rico was actually a pretty decent worker. He was never main event tier or anything but he was solid and could get heat instantly. He just came by a few years too late. I remember having my mind blown when I read that he was already 40 when he joined the main roster. The match he had with pre-Yes Daniel Bryan remains one of my favorite Sunday Night Heat matches to this day.


Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #337 on: February 26, 2019, 04:05:24 AM »
I followed Rico's stuff in OVW and never got it. He just didn't have whatever he was supposed to have, and the Billy and Chuck thing plus the Raw jump killed him. But he was certainly a Tom Brandi-level guy.

Offline Spaceman Spiff 🚀

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 5,276
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #338 on: February 26, 2019, 04:28:50 AM »
I will not sit still and let you disparage Chuck Palumbo!  I mean, I need to sit still to read your thread, but the point remains.  Chuck Palumbo was p. awesome.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #339 on: February 26, 2019, 05:42:23 AM »
Palumbo deserved way better than he got. Dude was the New Total Package for like a month and a half, if I remember. But for real, Billy and Chuck tainted him a lot for me.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #340 on: February 26, 2019, 12:31:30 PM »
I turn this back on to have the strippers (and Lawler, of course) chanting "HLA!" I know the jokes make themselves, but Lawler perving on Steph feels especially gross.

Video for HHH/RVD. "Grrr I spit water! Grr I'm Mr. Muscle And Fitness!" RVD is always going to be a favorite, even though they just showed how his push got killed for four years.

5.) World Heavyweight Title: HHH vs RVD.

--RVD was so hot for so long that it's a total miracle of modern burial he didn't get the title until 2006, and even then the idiot ruined it. Fans are behind him, of course.

--HHH looks small compared to even now. It might be an optical illusion or something, like not having the beard or it not being in HD, but he looks so much smaller than he'd be. I'm also going into this with what might be unjust HHH standards in mind. As I say that RVD literally spits water and grunts, and the fans go crazy. I haven't this since it happened but man, I'm surprised Hunter stood for that.

--RVD goes for a somersault plancha to the outside, but HHH just straight moves and RVD fucking eats it. Jesus.

--Hunter's already breathing heavy, although I'm liking how he's working the match. Slows RVD down, frequent pin attempts, not wasting any moment he's got. Good stuff. I think this would get a pretty okay reception today, especially compared to lazy awful HHH the next year would bring.

--RVD, meanwhile, is quietly doing a really good job at making himself look good. I mean, no one expected him to win. Right? I didn't. But he's doing his best to make himself look like a main event player, limited as he might be, but he's trying to live up to being one of the only top guys Raw had.

--So Hebner gets bumped and nothing matters until the screwjob. Except that guy with the Blue Pepsi Sucks sign. I can't remember if he was right or not. This match died fucking HARD when Hebner went down. Crowd stopped giving any sort of shit. Flair comes out, turns on RVD, and Evolution is born. I cannot express enough how young Flair looks, at least in Flair years. He looks better here than he did at Starrcade 2000.

D-Lo and Kidman are all watching upset when Eric Braeden from The Young And The Restless shows up out of nowhere and then goes off to bang Dawn Marie. What an odd segment.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #341 on: February 26, 2019, 12:53:28 PM »
6.) Women's Title: Molly Holly vs Trish Stratus.

--Bitchy dark haired Molly is the best version. But for real, she looks exactly the same as she does now. Thank god they're burying her with the "lol virgin" story, though. 2002 fucking blows sometimes.

--These two had a match at King of the Ring that was, for a long time, my favorite women's match since the division came back. Trish got so good so fast. It's legit angering me seeing how the women were booked then vs how they're booked now, by the way. Lawler is wrecking this match, and JR isn't helping.

--Trish wins with a bulldog. Another fast paced, fun match. Not the best either of them have ever had, but they were totally handicapped by the times treating them and the division like a fucking joke. I sincerely forget how bad Lawler could get, and it isn't even peak Lawler time yet.

Coach comes out, and Trish gives a very genuine and emotional little promo about how much it all means to her. That was pretty cool. I was expecting Jazz or someone to come out and murder her, but it didn't happen.

Meanwhile, in Bischoff's office, there's skanky ladies everywhere. Rico, 3 Minute Warning, and Bisch have these ladies hanging off them. I don't even know what to say beyond wishing Jamal was Umaga and making it wacky. Eric pulls two of them aside for the HLA segment, and now Michael Cole and Taz explain the story. Taz questions Cole's manhood for not being into it and actually looks down to see if he has a dick. I bought this show in 2002. I paid my allowance for this. Could've gotten records, could've gotten movies, could've done all sorts of things. Why did I get this?

I got it for Angle/Benoit. Hindsight all over says I should've just got weed or something. The hype video is pretty much both of them laughing at the other for getting stinkfaced.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #342 on: February 26, 2019, 01:14:42 PM »
7.) Kurt Angle vs Chris Benoit.

--Look at fucking human Kurt Angle. Dude's a Lego Man now. This is actually the first time I've really felt uncomfortable watching Benoit in a long time, though. I paid specifically to watch the guy and that's fucking with me a little bit.

--I can't deny the chemistry, though. I have zero investment, but fucking hell were they good together. The fans are into everything they do.

--Two of the best in the world, and arguably of all time, feuding over being stuck in Rikishi's ass. That's the most WWE thing ever. It's no Japanese shampoo commercial, though. Banner year, 2002.

--Rolling German fight. Angle takes it on his neck and upper back, Benoit takes it on his neck and head. Yuck. This match is fucking awesome, don't get me wrong, but damn, man.

--That flying headbutt is the worst thing to see. I'll joke about chairshots and all the straight up fucking stupid things people did (and do), but that headbutt is the ultimate symbol to me of just so many dark things.

--Benoit cheats to win. Like I said, this was fucking awesome and no matter how you feel about it, it's a lost classic. I usually am not one who has a level of problem with watching Benoit, necessarily (although there are things i just refuse to watch), but this time right now it felt really gross.

Speaking of gross, Mark Lloyd is with Brock and Heyman. This is just a lower tempo version of everything today. Brock's voice is way higher, which is pretty funny. And that old Undisputed belt was beautiful.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #343 on: February 26, 2019, 01:29:23 PM »
I'm just going to finish this HLA bullshit.

"Please welcome, accompanied by THE LESBIANS, Eric Bischoff!" Oh, Fink, no.

Is that future Miller Lite Catfight Girl Kitana Baker? Doesn't matter, the Lesbians are named Peaches and Cream. Fuck off. This is the most embarrassed I think I've been as a wrestling fan, at least retroactively. Fucking Christ. However I will admit Stephanie looks really, really good here.

Bisch wants to humiliate Steph by finding the "biggest, ugliest lesbo I could find!" Jesus, you guys literally just pissed GLAAD off like two weeks ago.

The big joke is, of course, that it's Rikishi in blackface. What the FUCK is this? This is top ten bad. Like on every fucking level, this is hideous.

Fuck.I need a break now.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #344 on: March 02, 2019, 02:30:55 PM »
Alright.

So the lesbian shit happens, and Taz and Cole fist-bump.

The video package for Brock vs Taker shows how they changed over a decade. Taker went from being a zombie to a biker, Brock just mutated into Brock. Ohhh this is when he fucked with Sara Undertaker when she was pregnant. Badass.

8.) WWE Title: Brock Lesnar vs the Undertaker.

--Brock is not over. He's legit, but not over. I'm shocked at how little the crowd doesn't care about him. Fuck. Taker looked broken down then.

--But the crowd loves Taker. He's Taker. They do some okay power stuff, but then it hits that WWE wall where cool power stuff leads to fighting in the corner and it slows down.

--The bandana comes off, and Taker ages five years. That Hogan thing. Taker's trying harder than he got credit for at the time. Maybe thats almost 20 years of these dudes fighting each other talking, though.

--They're working real basic, though. Punchin' and kickin' and just not all pretty. I keep waiting for Brock to actually hit a German suplex, but maybe Angle being around and Benoit being alive kept him from doing that.

--Heyman distracts the ref, Brock gets a beltshot on the outside. Taker's bleeding. I will say that during this era, when actual burials and blading were commonplace, that I never got why guys like HHH would bleed when he'd bury people.

--Ref bump. Matt Hardy(?!) runs in and gets a Last Ride, and we get a near fall. What the fuck was that? That feud would've been really fun at the time. Taker feuded with the FBI for a while, least he can do is dignify Mattitude. But, yeah, ref's down. Heyman tosses Brock a chair. Boot from Taker. Gettin' fucky.

--Taker fucking DESTROYS Brock with an unprotected chairshot. Jesus Christ, dude. Then he does it again because it's 2002 and fuck your brains. They replay the shots and fuck. Taker throw's Brock's bleeding corpse in the ring and just beats the shit out of him when he could just pin the fucking guy, but he doesn't. That's the shit I hate. But he just can't keep the rookie down. Brock's over now.

--Some DQ happens because Brian Hebner is a pussy. Fight goes on, however. The fans chant "Bullshit." These dudes have called each other motherfuckers at least ten times in as many seconds. Taker throws Brock through the shitty set, which is what I only remembered about this match, to be honest. It looked way better in my memory. It's like American Pie 2.

Show has more crust on it than the corner of an unkempt old man's mouth, but that old man was Jack Palance.

Offline Avid TOXIE Enthusiast

  • Laz
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 14,106
  • 001101001101101100
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #345 on: March 02, 2019, 02:54:17 PM »
It's still amazing that, later, those two would have one of the best, and arguably the most vicious, HIAC matches ever.

Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #346 on: March 02, 2019, 03:29:10 PM »
The randomizer thing has landed on ECW Guilty As Charged 2001. Now this will be interesting. I'll at least start it.

Opening video makes me really miss ECW. You know what else I miss? The fucking ECW theme which is dubbed out with some generic ill-fitting bullshit. Opposite of pumped.

Joey Styles and Joel Gertner are out to open the show. Gertner does his thing, and man, I forgot how fucking ugly that dude was. But he eventually introduces the hot new tag team, Christian York and Joey Matthews, who promptly get jumped by Da Baldies. Well. Then they take out Gertner. ECW! ECW! ECW! Now Cyrus is on his way out. Oh god no. I don't even know if this is a match yet. Cyrus had some GORGEOUS hair, though. Like wo.

Now Jerry Lynn is here, and tags in Cyrus, who pins Matthews. What the fuck was that? Cyrus gives the Baldies cigars. Matthews bladed for no reason and it looks pretty gory.

So now it's Jerry Lynn promo time. Oh lord. Lynn's all "I'm the whole fucking show!" and is refuses to wrestle in ECW again unless it's the main event. We get the Jerry Lynn Metal Voice, and that's all well and good, but this is all WCW-tier shit with blood and people cursing. This took fifteen minutes.

NOW the opening starts, with the theme. What was the other theme then? This is going to be a show and a half.

1.) ECW Tag Title: Doring and Roadkill vs Julio Dinero and EZ Money.

--Oh man Dinero looks like such a fucking GOOB. When Danny Doring looks like a bigger star, you suck. EZ Money comes in, and he's in these bright neon yellow see through tights that look like he's wearing a garter belt. What a bad luck year for that dude, opening for the last ECW PPV and the last WCW PPV. At least he was the third biggest face in WCW.

--Matthews bled EVERYWHERE and it looks disgusting. The outside mats are covered and these dudes are just going like there's no problem with it. Speaking of disgusting, Elektra is at ringside. So's Chris Hamrick, looking like peak-era Jackie the Jokeman.

--This suuuucks. Money's the best worker out there, but looks like a complete idiot. Doring is a job guy. Dinero is embarrassing. Roadkill is actually over, and thank god because the hot tag to finish just happened.

--I'll say this a lot too, but fuck Joey Styles and Cyrus.

So the heels all beat down Doring and Roadkill. Then some more dubbed music happens and Nova is out for the save. Nova was dope. He has the vibe to him. But then like

2.) Nova vs Chris Hamrick.

--Cyrus calls them "highspot guys." That just bugs me, but I couldn't tell you why.

--I need to mention too that the camera work is low-budget Kevin Dunn shaky-cam in the worst possible way. It's real sloppy. You know what else is sloppy? The GIANT bloodstain Joey Matthews left in the ring.

--A top-rope rana gets a holy shit chant. Times have changed. This isn't a bad match at all, by the way. Nova's over as FUCK, Hamrick's game, and it's the opposite of the first 20ish minutes. Nova then kicks Electra in the arm, and then Hamrick gets the pin when Chris Chetti (now a ref, says Joey) does the evil ref thing. Now Sign Guy Dudley is Lou E. Dangerously and hits the other ref with a phone. STOP.

--And now Spike Dudley is out. I swear to god if this leads to Spike vs Chetti or Lou E. or Hamrick or anyone, I'm out. Spike hits the Acid Drop, Nova hits a swanton, probably another couple things happen, and then Spike counts the fall.

-----

I'm stopping now before something else that just doesn't work for a variety of reasons happens, and will get back to it later. This is some death-rattle booking. Heyman didn't care whatsoever.

Offline Avid TOXIE Enthusiast

  • Laz
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 14,106
  • 001101001101101100
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #347 on: March 03, 2019, 03:42:02 AM »
IIRC, the first opener is set to RATM's "Renegades of Funk" cover, or maybe that's the final closing video. Either way, it was clear Heyman knew this was the end, and this show is as close to a "Greatest Hits" as ECW could do at the time.

In hindsight, the funniest thing is...
Spoiler: show
The Network won. The whole angle was that they were looking to not just cancel ECW on TNN, but also to kill ECW. Who walked away with all the singles gold? Rhino. Of the Network.

Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #348 on: March 03, 2019, 07:14:08 AM »
I hate that I missed so much ECW at the time. I knew most of what was going on at the time, but somewhere between the return of Raven and the rise of Rhino I tuned out. I blame Friday nights on TNN and by association ROOOOLLLLLERRRRJAMMMM.

Offline The Valeyard

  • CXF Writer
  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,849
  • Spectrox Toxaemia
Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #349 on: March 03, 2019, 09:15:16 AM »
Got bailed on for lunch. That "I'll be there in an hour, no two hours, no I can't make it" thing. It's 26 degrees with mountains of snow, and I've fallen on the bad knee three times in the last two weeks alone, so I think I can cope with a heated apartment and a wrestling show. But still, very gouache.

-------

Steve Corino cuts a promo. You can clearly see a lotta where Kevin Owens got much of his inflection and style. I LOVED Corino for a long time, those post-ECW years. A lot of the ECW guys carried a level of mystique, as someone who lost what minimal touch I had with them, especially towards the end when the biggest names had left.

3.) CW Anderson vs Tommy Dreamer.

--We cut right to the ring introductions, and that puddle of Matthews blood is still on the mat, and on the concrete outside. No one has touched it unless some dude bumps on it.

--Tommy f'n Dreamer hits a slingshot cross-body from the apron into the ring. Spry bowling pin, that Dreamer. I'm a total mark for Tommy Dreamer. He just has something, even now, that makes it hard for me not to root for the guy.

--I guess this is an I Quit match. Now I'm really interested.

--CW Anderson is kind of a throwback to the guys who'd probably be a top ECW guy in the early days. He's like a Tommy Cairo, but always solid and with one of the dumbest hand signs of all time. As I say that Dreamer fucks his arm up with a chair, into a chair, on the ringpost. That's the most Dreamer spot there is. But as I say THAT, Dreamer puts the ring bell on his head and rings it. Innovator Of Violence.

--Now both guys are bleeding everywhere, and CW goes for an Indian Deathlock like a goddamn boss. What was his kayfabe relation to the Andersons? Dreamer does his "it's not the years, it's the mileage" selling, and CW cracks him with a chair to the back, and it looks like it really hurt. He swung it at an angle, and lead with the side/top of the chair, if that makes sense. Then he just bashes Dreamer's brains into chowder.

--This is nonstop brutality. Dreamer just opened a Christmas present that has goddamn razor wire in it. For some reason the kid ringside attendant (Towel Boy?) interferes, and he gets his ass beat because he is a SHITTY towel boy. Dreamer is bleeding all over the place and he just took a spinebuster onto razor wire. He's an idiot. That mat is giving me a staph infection just by looking at it.

--Cyrus is a way better color guy than Don Callis, but is way better evil authority figure than a color guy.

--Spicoli Driver from the top through a table, then a crossface with the plastic around the table makes CW quit. That Cena/Umaga finish. This was everything people love about ECW love and what people who hate ECW hate. These matches just don't hold up, given all we know about the medical things and concussions and all that, but this was nonstop action the whole time. Match had HATE.

We go backstage where Francine is trying to be suggestive while attempting to eat a six-foot sub. Corino comes in and just kinda asks her to suck his dick, to which she replies "Normally I would, but I don't see a belt around your waist." He's now begging that he has the TITLE, not the physical belt, so she should blow him. Now that's a character. This is actually pretty funny for no reason. Francine says Justin Credible is in the other room banging Missy Hyatt. Fair play. Corino bangs on his door as he leaves, so Justin comes out with Missy (in a towel) who begs Francine to "just fuck him already." As she walks away, she walks by Corino and Jack Victory and isn't sure if she fucked Victory or not. I just want to say this was all it sounds like and much more.