Author Topic: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit  (Read 4888 times)

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Offline Avid Warehouse Enthusiast

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #300 on: February 04, 2019, 12:03:18 PM »
The finish for Raven/Riggs remains one of my all-time favorites. If nothing else, it totally summarizes the Raven character.
Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Offline The Valeyard

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #301 on: February 04, 2019, 01:14:06 PM »
I've been shocked going back and seeing that somehow WCW actually got the character, at least for a while. Either they got it or just let Raven do whatever he wanted while they tunnel-visioned the nWo. Him getting on the Revenge cover blew my mind when it came out and instantly made him feel huge and special. I still think his big TNA run where he didn't win the title was his best in ring work, however.

Offline Avid Warehouse Enthusiast

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #302 on: February 04, 2019, 01:49:35 PM »
It was the latter: Bischoff was willing to let Raven do what he wanted until the DDP feud, pretty much, and his drop not long after was partially due to the Revenge cover. He was popular, easily the most over heel who wasn't in the nWo, and when he brought it up? Bye bye push. I totally agree that his reinvigorated indies/TNA/ROH run in 2003 is definitely his best from a ringwork standpoint, but nothing tops that first ECW run or the first year in WCW for pure quality storytelling and character.
Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Online Epic Reine

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #303 on: February 04, 2019, 02:06:31 PM »
Everybody shits on them but some of my favorite Raven work character wise were those "depressed Raven" skits at his home with Kanyon. I mean, you had Sandman throwing Kanyon in a pool. How do you not love that?




Offline The Valeyard

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #304 on: February 04, 2019, 03:58:28 PM »
I have really fond memories of those because it really made me get the character in a way. I could appreciate that, as stupid as those skits were, what the character originally was, if that makes sense. Like how it ruined a lot of character rules you wouldn't think were established.

Online Epic Reine

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #305 on: February 05, 2019, 03:37:21 AM »
I'll admit that a big part of why I love those skits is Kanyon's comedic timing. There was another vignette that had Raven uncovering a picture of Roddy Piper in his closet which was supposed to set up a feud between the two but it was quickly scrapped.

I still believe that Kanyon is one of the more underappreciated talents of the late 90s/early 2000s. He made almost everything he was given work.

Offline Spaceman Spiff 🚀

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #306 on: February 05, 2019, 04:29:08 AM »
Kanyon was the best, from new-move-every-week Mortis to Positively Kanyon.


Offline Avid Warehouse Enthusiast

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #307 on: February 05, 2019, 04:43:26 AM »
Positively Kanyon was incredible
Maybe the real deep state was the friends we made along the way.

Offline The Valeyard

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #308 on: February 05, 2019, 02:13:05 PM »
Kanyon deserved so much better. I wish WWE had just fired him when he was injured. He'd have been a perfect fit for TNA's first few years, at the very least.

Offline The Valeyard

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #309 on: February 05, 2019, 03:12:32 PM »
I think I tried writing about WW3 last night and just gave up, because I don't remember being at the Flair/Hennig match.

US Title: Curt Hennig vs Ric Flair, already in progress.

--Heenan comes to life! These are pretty much the biggest Heenan guys that aren't Andre. Andre would've been an awesome Horseman.

--Hennig visually deteriorated so much when he got to WCW, but he's looking a lot like the Curt Hennig I like to remember: ramen-haired and kickin' ass. Them out-heeling one another, both working each other's legs for their finishers, capturing the crowd with it. Hennig selling leg kicks like shotgun blasts is exactly what I wanted today.

--I'm really liking this, and I'm very surprised because I wrote Hennig off as being done. These guys needed more years to fight and team and fight again. The chemistry they have is so much fun. I actually am liking this as much as Eddie/Rey, but for completely different reasons. It's a totally different match, but it's just as fun. Might not be a better match, but man.

--Flair fucks Hennig's leg up with a chair in some masterful fashion, but Hennig hits him with the belt when he gets the Figure Four on. Belts hurt more than chairs so Hennig wins. That was great. US Title came a long way from '95. ************** just for Heenan praising Hennig waffling Flair with the belt, but another *********for the match.

Michael Buffer. Guy's like $10k a word. Impressive. My favorite useless WCW expense was just getting him so often for no real reason. He's no Fink.

They march everyone out for the three-ring clusterfuck. They do such a good job of making everyone feel equally not special. Luger and the Giant coming out alongside Bobby Blaze and shit.

nWo get their own entrance. We got Bagwell, Hall, Savage, Vincent, Hennig, and Rick Rude with them. Rude had just debuted, apparently, which means I knew exactly when I didn't watch this show.

Just Tony, Heenan, and Tenay calling it and be confused as such. Better than the whole gang.

Kendall Windham looks almost identical to Luke Gallows.

Tony repeatedly explaining variations on the "every man for himself" aspect is grating. I fucking know Silver King and Ernest Miller wouldn't team up anywhere else. Everyone does.

Renegade. Aw. Now that dude should've been in the nWo. nWo Fake Warrior would've been some good heat. I just always feel bad for Renegade, though.

Benoit's only fighting people he's worked with before, like Eddie and Regal. Pussy.

It took like five guys to take out Greg Valentine. That's awesome.

Wait why is John Nord still in? Shit. Even John Nord is more important than an Armstrong.

Ray Traylor is moving well. That's a real surprise. Good showing, looks like his old Bossman self.

John Nord has outlasted Fit Finlay, Chris Benoit, Dave Taylor, and Dean Malenko. What the hell, man? Only two of those guys are vanilla midgets.

I'm guessing Nash not being out there, and the announcers repeatedly telling me about it, means something stupid happens.

Wright and Mortis are trying to clothesline Giant out. Works as expected. A Kanyon and Wright team would've had some real potential. Now Meng is going HAM on Giant as only Meng can, then Giant dropkicks him out. Fucking awesome. I can't believe this is the same guy as Big Show.

Five WCW guys vs five nWo Guys. Booker getting a rub by association is nice. I gotta say, though, that Savage should never have been in the nWo. THAT was bullshit.

Final four are DDP, Savage, Giant, and Hall. I actually don't know how this will go. I'm saying Hall just because at the time it seems like'd make the most sense.

So Savage takes a chokeslam, gets rolled under the bottom rope, and is eliminated. The fuck? We under Iron Sheik rules?

Hall runs away, does the double finger point thing I thought was so cool as a kid, and is waiting on someone. And suddenly here comes Hogan. That's really fucking awesome. Guaranteeing himself a rematch no matter what makes sense for the glory hog. Fans erupt with "We Want Sting!"

Hogan slamming the Giant is the best. My favorite Hollywood Hogan moments were when he'd use his Hulkamania powers for evil, and being in Detroit makes it all the better.

A seven-foot Sting appears, scares Hogan out and bats the Giant out. The announcers can't tell what the fans already know. Outsiders swerve everyone, Hall wins. Hall vs Hogan does kinda interest me. This had to be leading to Outsiders/Mega Powers, which means we got cheated out of WCW Liz taking her skirt off as a distraction.

"Starrcade will have the REAL Sting! Not an imposter!" Tony really makes it sound like he's lying every time he says anything Sting-related.

----

Best one of these yet. The clusterfuck didn't matter until the very end, as it goes, but it all breezed by and had some really good matches. Sort of sums up WCW, really.

Offline The Valeyard

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #310 on: February 05, 2019, 04:36:39 PM »
And onto 1998, now featuring Bret Hart and Scott Putski.

Goldberg arrives, with an entourage of goofs led by Doug Dillinger. At least Goldberg looks like a legit fighter getting out of a limo. He had Beats By Dre headphones, I'd know for sure.

Tony, Heenan, and Tenay. Heenan wants out.

Tony calls Mean Gene "the man with the stick." Ugh. On all levels. But Heenan is going on the hotline later to talk about the show. I'd be interested in that, especially if he's just drunk. Actually no because it wouldn't be fun drunk, it'd be sad pathetic drunk. I don't want that.

Glacier vs Wrath: This must've been Wrath being over before Nash got him. Fans are into it.

--Bryan Clarke was a good enough worker with a great look who got crazy unlucky most of his career. He had upper-card all over him.

--They aren't talking about their mysterious pitfighter ninja history. Why can't announcers just have some continuity?

--Hollywood Hogan is NOT here, I assume because he's either still trying to light that paper on fire or is going to say the show tanked without him and get a raise tomorrow night.

--Fans are noticeably quieter than '97, but still very into it. Good times, those Monday Night Wars. Crushed by options.

--Glacier goes for the Icepick (Asiatic Spike), can't do shit, Meltdown. HUGE reaction. An evil Bizarro Goldberg would've lead to some awful matches but made some good money.

Bret gets a promo video that's him just being him, which makes him a heel. Bret vs DDP later, which will be better than it should be.

Stevie Ray vs Konnan: Fuck.

--Wolfpac vs Black and White and it's bowdy bowdy. Stevie Ray is in over his head with this single push and Konnan blows. Stevie should be in the booth where he belongs.

--And we slow down. We slow down hard. They're now saying the winner of WW3 gets a title shot at Starrcade, so that spoils that.

--The announcers, ignoring the match, reminded me of Bam Bam Bigelow: Goldberg Hunter. Somehow Bam Bam felt like the best foil for Goldberg to me. If I remember right they even had a couple okay matches.

--Oh so Konnan gets DQ'd for pushing the ref. Well. Booker comes out to help Stevie, they have tension. I really don't care.

Sonny Oono and the Cat vs Kaz Hayashi and Saturn: The fuck is this Lethal Lottery shit? Alright, cool.

--The Cat now has charisma and is entertaining now. He suddenly got how wrestling works. Onoo is still around and still doing nothing. He's in this match, in a comedy gi, but no one cares.

--Kaz and Saturn feel like an EWR tag team that gets over immediately. More random teams have to happen in this day and age. Saturn and Cat don't have terrible chemistry, either.

--Sonny Onoo is trying to be Jimmy Hart, Cornette, and Danny Davis all at once, but the problem is people CARED and WANTED to see them get their shit pushed in with babyface fury. Sonny's whole "I am Japanese!" Chinpokomon gimmick is so bad.

--Saturn set up this whole time to be the monster. Suplexes and submissions beat kickboxing. He could've ripped Sonny's arms off in the first ten seconds and saved this whole match.

--Just as I say that, Cat knocks him out with a Badr Hari to the face and Sonny gets the pin. Kaz is in the corner not making the save like an idiot.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs Kidman. Gene immediately runs out to expose Juvy as a member of the LWO. Oh man, the lWo. Really wonder how this would go over today.

--Kidman was HUGE at my school. People loved him as much as they did Goldberg or Konnan (those were the big three of WCW). Kidman's development got stunted somewhere. I'm not saying he'd change the business or anything like that, but he had a little Owen Hart in him that never came out. I'm just going to blame Hogan for it.

--So Juvy, being a very unattractive man, is able to move faster because the air in front of him is running in terror. Mask is missed. But these dudes be flyin' around and breathing a little heavy. That must mean it's time for movez.

--You can tell the influence the cruisers had just the modern style, period, but there's still a lot of stuff you just don't see anymore. I guess if this match was worked now in NXT, for instance, I wonder if people would love it or hate it. I dunno, I just find it interesting. Spotfests Suck vs Spotfests Rule people aren't as loud as they once were. To me, anyway.

--Juvy Wiseau is really showing how limited Kidman is. He's doing moves without doing highspots, Kidman does Rey but half as well. That ugly fuck can strategize.

--Juvy Driver, but both guys are out. Juvy tries a 450, Kidman reverses to a pin, and gets a near fall. Lil Naitch was out of position, there.

--Shooting Star wins it for Kidman after some Rey interference. Kidman's Shooting Star is ghastly. Mero was the best.

Eddie wants to know if Rey is in or out of the lWo. Rey says no. Eddie and company chase him.

I'm done for the moment.

Offline The Valeyard

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #311 on: February 06, 2019, 02:34:30 PM »
Recap of the Outsiders/nWo breakup tease. Time makes this all seem so stupid.

Scott Steiner vs Rick Steiner. This is a lie.

--Poppa Fucking Pump. Bless that fucking guy. He feels like a top guy already.

--So no match, nWo beatdown on Rick backstage until the Giant drags him out. Why is the Giant in the nWo again? I never got WCW. I would've really been down to see even this era of the Steiners fight. They had a classic them somewhere, where one stiffs the other and the other goes apeshit and they just throw down. Even busted-ass Rick Steiner at this point could've had his only good match with Scott, I'm sure of it, because Scott wouldn't let him look bad. But, hey, we get a mini-match.

--Goldberg is out to save Rick from Scott and Buff, and the fans are fucking nuts. Seriously, Goldberg had another six months left in his reign at least. They're even building to a Scott Steiner match. The "Goldberg just destroys the nWo one by one" thing writes itself. But Steiner had such fucking presence, like Batista did before he broke out.

Scott Hall vs Kevin Nash.

--So Bischoff somes out before Nash does, and gets the nWo to turn on Hall. Okay. Nash makes the save. Okay. Big "OUTSIDERS" chant. They just pissed all kinds of money away, didn't they? Nash leaves Hall hanging with the clique sign.

I seriously underestimated how much Nash and Hogan really did fuck up. All these directions feel like they'd draw, even if it's a reshuffling of dudes, and it might've still been a war. It's remarkable. It's so funny it goes all the way back around to disappointing.

TV Title: Chris Jericho vs Bobby Duncum Jr.: RALPHUS.

--They cut out Jericho's music and dub in his WWE theme, and it doesn't not work but it isn't right. I can't believe Jericho is still going at a high level. He looks just SO young that it's hard to think the same guy is one of the all time names and still extremely relevant.

--I have more of a chance than Duncum does. He had a good look to him, though. Jerry Lynn and Barry Windham put together. I mostly remember him teaming with Kendall Windham, and even that's really vague. Seems like one of those guys who was alright and had some potential before he died, but that makes up literally every person ever, really, so forget it.

--The fans VASTLY prefer Jericho, of course, so the dynamic is all weird. They both take turns heeling it up, which seems like Duncum not able to be a face more than anything. Total clash. Jericho would've been much better off if Goldberg killed him and Ralphus in five minutes.

--Ralphus might be the ugliest guy I have ever seen on a wrestling show. If only he lived long enough to get a picture taken in a Selena Gomez shirt.

--This match sucks. Jericho is trying, Duncum is trying something else, and the announcers are talking about the condition Wrath and Glacier will be for the battle royal. You know it's bad when people would rather talk about Glacier's chances in WW3 than a title match.

--Tony is sniping at Heenan hard for no reason. My theory always was Tenay got the consistent gig was because both guys liked him and he could keep the bullshit to a minimum.

--Jericho wins by Ralphus and beltshot. That was pretty ugly and very below what Jericho should've been doing.

Wait the battle royal is now? Bret and DDP get the main event? I'm not sure how I feel about this. I kinda wanted to see Bret in the clusterfuck match, to tell you the truth.

Hole in One Barry Darsow can take this. The announcing of guys this time is much better. It makes them seem like they matter slightly more than just filing out.

Riggs is twice the size he was last year. So's Benoit. Tony calls Bobby Eaton a "wild card." I want to be in that world. I want Bobby Eaton vs Goldberg main eventing Starrcade.

Konnan still looks like Lister from Red Dwarf. But fuck that the Renegade was STILL around? He came out looking so sad.

TOKYO MAGNUM and hippie Van Hammer. What a weird roster. La Parka got a great reaction, though. And why are they still talking up Glacier having a shot at anything? Glacier is the only guy winning that wouldn't be awesome. But man the roster isn't what it was the year before.

Nash is Dieselin' the fuck outta his ring. Poor Johnny Swinger.

So the rules are really just not being able to leave the ring anymore? I gotta say, kayfabe-wise, that makes a lot of sense. I wouldn't want to see Mike Enos robbed.

Nash cleared his ring, but fuck that, I'm for Wild Card Bobby Eaton. I mean, he's in the same ring as Hall and Rey and Booker and Giant but he's the goddamn Wild Card. They haven't covered Ring 3 at all, just Ring 2 and shots of Nash breathing heavy.

I don't see Bobby Eaton anymore. Fuck that. Push new talent.

Giant is dominating his ring, but he looks miserable. I'm really glad they stopped the split screen but they're doing a terrible job of explaining who is where, and to be fair it isn't like it matters. There's like six guys who have a chance.

It's weird that Scott Hall was in WW3s, and even won one, but never was in a Royal Rumble. It's like how it's weird to me that Jesse Ventura called only one Undertaker match.

Rey's out, we're down to one ring. Rey? Really? Jeez. I don't want to sound like I don't love the guy, but Rey is more important than Scott Norton.

Forget the murders and Chris Benoit is still a classic example of toxic Horsemanality.

Bigelow is out for some reason, but gets held off by nWos. Goldberg is out and we got a brawl. They just pissed so much good stuff away.

Where's Sting at? I'm going to guess rehabbing something or other. Flair was being sued. Hennig, though? What about Raven?

They all band together to get rid of the "550+lbs" Giant. Come on, man. Says a lot when the WWF was more honest.

Down to Nash, Luger, and Hall. Something different, finally. I'll just enjoy Hall's awesome punches.

Nash wins, somehow both being lazy and not.

US Title: DDP vs Bret Hart.

--Seeing Bret is a total breath of fresh air. Fuck Doug Dillinger for letting that jacket get stolen. I have faith in this match, though.

--WCW had a LOT of female crew members and photographers. I've noticed that the last couple shows. I want to think that's really cool for the time period and not just assume wrestling sleaze is involved, but I don't know. Really fucked up I have to second guess that.

--Bret's not coasting, but his heart isn't in it. The only things I think are keeping him going is that it's a main event and DDP, who works hard every time. I think when the jacket got stolen, so did any and all passion. I feel almost like I can prove that.

--DDP goes for the Sharpshooter and it's the worst Sharpshooter I've ever seen. Wrestling needs more dudes getting beat by their own finishers, though. I'm going to complain about the last 20 years all at once.

--Ringpost figure four, the move that embodies evil Bret. He's not in the zone, but there's flashes of past Bret. But as I say this I feel like I just saw Bret hit cruise control. Like a switch got hit and all of a sudden it feels VERY clear he's relying on DDP's script. That was weird.

--Ref bump. Foreign object. nWo Silly Ref calls it for Bret. "That's as lame as it can go!"-Tony Schiavone.

--Ah, but Lil Naitch is up as DDP hits the Diamond Cutter, so it's over. This started fine, but it took way too long for where they were going, and at some point Bret turned into IRS. Like, if you're a star person, **1/2.

So they ran a big show without their World Champion having a match, no Sting, no Flair, no Raven, no Hennig, no Savage, and two final matches should 100% have been swapped. Lotta ominous things hanging over this show.

Offline The Valeyard

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #312 on: February 06, 2019, 04:01:33 PM »
I thought there was at least one more WW3, but then it just became Mayhem, and I don't wanna Mayhem. I can barely move, but I gotta write about something. WWE Network Randomizer Site sayyyyyys...WCW SuperBrawl 5. Was very much hoping it wouldn't be WCW, but I will follow the rules. Maybe actually figure out a format for any of this shit that makes it suck less for those who read it.

Baltimore Arena! Rasslin'! Presented in the most complete form possible due to technical difficulties!

1.) Alex Wright vs Paul Roma (JIP): Oh THIS match, okay. Roma's got the job face on, but more of a "JOB face?!"

--Orndorff is coming out to cheer on Roma. Had WCW just reunited Power and Glory, they'd still be in business. Roma's having none of this "selling" business. Wright is such a deer in the headlights.

--Some indie had to have gotten Roma and Tom Zenk to team up. Like just some asshole promotion thinking they were clever.
i bet they'd have gotten along.

--Heenan is ON in the early days. It's great. I can deal with Heenan gleefully bashing Das Wunderpunk.

--Snug work from Roma. So snug it warms up the briefly cooled "Boring" chants. Orndorff seems to be out here to occasionally cheat but mostly keep an eye on Roma being unprofessional.  Wonderful Troubleshooter.

--Roma hits a Savage elbow, and pulls Wright up at 2. I think the German beanpole is annoyed. Roma decides to fuck up a hiptoss and a spinning heel kick. Then he kicks out of the finish, but the ref counts anyway. So ends Paul Roma.

Gene's with Harlem Heat and Sister Sherri. Oh my goooood Sherri. Sherri's crazy hot here, to the point I can't even think of something worth saying about Gene mixing up Booker T and Stevie Ray. Sherri's attractiveness never ceases to surprise me.

Bunkhouse Buck vs Jim Duggan. I got a bad feeling about this, man.

--WCW Duggan is so fucking weird because he just doesn't want to do anything. He spent his whole pre-cancer run just not wanting to work with people, but just to be this big wall of no-selling and immobility. I don't know how to put it.

--Buck is great, though. What was the obsession with bunkhouses in the NWA/WCW? Bunkhouse Brawls, Bunkhouse Stampedes, Bunkhouse rules...I can see it as a regional thing, I suppose, but some dude named Bunkhouse Buck who LOOKS like Bunkhouse Buck seems like he'll just hogtie you and have his way with you before the sun comes up. But the idea of Bunkhouse anything in a mainstream promotion just stinks.

--Sloooooooow. Headlocks and chinlocks for all. At least Col. Parker and Meng are at ringside. Dusty loved his bodyguards with suits and sunglasses.

--Why is this match still fucking happening? Fans are at least responding to Duggan when HOOOOOs. I bet certain cities liked Duggan far more than Hogan around this time. WCW fans seemed to embrace all these guys BUT Hogan.

--Three Point Stance wins, finally, and then Meng uses the Spike on Duggan. All that meant nothing. Even Meng looked bad.

Heenan is drunk and still ruling. If he isn't drunk, he owns a TARDIS and got his early 1994 self out for the night.

Gene has the Nasty Boys. I fucking despise the Nasty Boys. They are everything embarrassing about pro wrestling. They're the guys the non-fans walk in and see. Brian Knobbs is the worst at everything. The only thing they have going for them is looking like the scariest lesbian couple on the face of the earth.

Kevin Sullivan vs Dave Sullivan. NO. I don't care if the Butcher is out there to make me laugh bitterly.

--Kevin made sure Dave can't be a Hulkamaniac because he destroyed the magic slippers and cut his hair. Thanks, Kev. I really mean that. Trying to pick what kind of mental retardation Dave has and thus knowing how disgusted to feel became easier because of you, man. He don't got the bunny yet, though.

--Dave is twice as good as a face than he was as a heel. Interpret that however you want.

--How in the name of god is Dave Sullivan vs Kevin Sullivan way better than Duggan vs Buck? It should be equal suck. I'd put Kevin above all three, but it isn't like he's the second coming of the inventor of pro wrestling, President Abe Lincoln.

--I can't believe Vince never made a play for Evad. He and the bunny could've been icons of the new generation.

--The Butcher's screwface is hurt. Kev helps him up the aisle a ways, then dumps him, thus butchering a friendship.

Big Bubba and Avalanche are with Mean Gene. Just like the good days. Tenta and Vader never interacting is a lame.


And the Nasties/Heat match will have to wait because it'll suck rocks and I just don't want to watch wrestling anymore.

Offline The Valeyard

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Re: Sporadically Updated Sick Guy Watches Random Shit
« Reply #313 on: February 10, 2019, 01:08:34 PM »
Fuck it. It's snowing and fucking cold and it isn't like I can go anywhere.

Tag Titles: Harlem Heat vs Nasty Boys. Shit.

--Automatic star for Sherri. Heenan was right: she's a dreamboat.

--WCW's tag team division being so much better than the WWF's was is wild. I wonder what chance Well Dunn would've had where the big boys play.

--I hate the Nasties so much. Deep, deep hate. Unless they're getting murdered by Steiners or murdering Cactus Jack, they're useless. They're working over Stevie Ray's legs, and I say legs because Knobbs is working the right and Sags is working the left, and I don't think Stevie is sure what to do.

--Sags was the superior Nasty Boy. Come at me.

--Sherri-ference. She was so good, one of the most underappreciated managers ever. Anyone who can still interfere in both heels and a skin-tight pleather dress is a GOAT-tier.

--Sherri accidentally hits Stevie Ray with her shoe and the Nasties win...until we get the Dusty finish because Knobbs through Booker over the top rope. WCW. That top rope thing was always bullshit, in my opinion.

That was terrible. But Heenan is lit. Good fun.

Gene has Savage and Sting to hype the tag match with Bubba and Avalanche. Savage is just pacing back and force hitting things and yelling "I'M NOT TALKING!" because he's fucking awesome. Sting and Savage felt on the same level to me, which is great, but it shows how terrible Hogan was. Savage and Sting feel like top guys, but Hogan didn't. I don't know how to explain it. Hogan was just a red and yellow cloud lingering over everything.

Gene: Back to you, Tony! And, uh, how is your partner the weasel doing?
Tony: I think you know how he's doing.

Tony and Bobby hype the Dustin vs Blacktop Bully feud, and drunk Heenan is on fire.

Blacktop Bully vs Dustin Rhodes. Just before anything happens, Nick Bockwinkel forces Meng to the back. Goddamn it, Bock.

--Barry Darsow is an unsung hero who got given all kinds of stupid gimmicks, but threw himself into them and made them as entertaining as possible. Him being an angry trucker is probably the best gimmick he had not named Smash. Blacktop Bully was a SUCH a fucking dumb name, though. That sounds like something a teacher calls an asshole eight year old during a parent teacher conference.

--This feud should be rekindled in AEW within the next couple years. Then it leads to the fight on the truck, filmed with drones in HD and shit.

--The fans chant "KFC" at Col. Parker. Is that wittier or stupider than the "Burger King" chants? Both make me feel a kind of shame only wrestling fans can feel.

--Solid, shocking speedy match with these guys. Dustin was always reliable, Darsow was always putting in effort, and it's clicking. The pacing is much faster than I'd have thought. Dustin is trying to wrestle and not get into a straight up fight, Darsow is trying to fight because fuck that shit. Darsow was a really good big man when the characters let him.

--I can't believe Dustin will be Goldust by the end of the year. That's mindblowing.

--Heenan is annoying Tony in the best possible way. This is some good work by the Brain, trashed though he may be. Makes me want to track down his best WCW work: calling that Duggan match and hearing about his college career.

--Bulldog, but the Col. puts Darsow's foot on the rope. My inner Monsoon said he'd never pin him with a lateral press.

--Darsow wins, Col. interference. I'm kind of annoyed at that, to be honest. These guys went move for move and Darsow just cheating like a man without interference would've been much better, but I'm not WCW in 1995.

They're hyping Hogan vs Vader as the epic showdown is should be. Gene is hyping an interview with Vader and a chair goes flying past his head. Awesome. Vader cuts the Vader promo. He was fucking scary.

And now, an interview with Flair. Some story about Vader maybe smuggling Flair in his limo has been going on, but who cares. Flair hypes Savage and the new signings, which is pretty cool, but I would much rather him talk shit. But I get a drunk Heenan "WHOOO!" as Flair makes his way down to his front row seat.

Avalanche and Big Bubba vs Sting and Randy Savage. Fuck yeah.

--Savage isn't coming out the electric guitar version of "Pomp and Circumstance." That had to have been a pretty brief thing. He and Sting are stupid over, as one would expect. This better be as fun as i hope.

--Not only is Flair in the audience, but so is Muta. I wouldn't have minded even a shitty Muta mixing it up with all these guys. He and Hogan had a fun match in Japan.

--Savage invites Flair into the ring, and I can't wait. Perfect natural enemies. But Flair is all retired. Now he's just slapping Avalanche around. Heenan is shouting "Spit on him!" This is all I wanted.

--Savage is going fucking HAM on everyone, like he's taking 1994 out on people. Flair fucking with him makes it better. This is the WCW I remember liking.

--Sting pins Avalanche despite Sting not being the legal man. Total sprint. Fun as fuck and I wish it went a little longer. Savage and Sting had some pretty okay chemistry.

Drunk Heenan is the only Heenan who works well with Tony. I was actually going to stop here because I'm burned out and walls of texts suck, but facepalming Tony while Heenan rants against Hogan is the epitome of everything.

Gene is with Hogan and Jimmy Hart. Hogan was a total pussy for ducking Vader the whole time. This should've been the Starrcade match. Hogan's promo is so dated and kinda grating.

WCW Title: Hulk Hogan vs Vader.

--No helmet? Vader, man, no. That stupid cape might be made out of jobber skin but you need the helmet.

--Hogan weighs in at 274. That's dangerously realistic. I've never heard him announced as below 300. Michael Buffer gonna get an earful.

--Hogan with an arm scissors. Oh man is this going to be vaguely Japan Hogan? That'd make all the difference. Vader's no sold everything. The fans really like Vader. He gets Hogan in the corner and beats his ass as only Vader can. Heenan: "He's going to hit him so hard he's going to grow hair!"

--Vader vs Brock is the best match I never got.

--Dude how did I miss the Harlem Heat and Meng cosplayers in the front row? Holy shit. That's what it's all about. Unlike Vader selling this Hogan bullshit, or Hogan seeming like he isn't sure how to sell for Vader at times. Vader working light (for Vader) is the opposite of what this needs.

--Hogan kicks out of the Vader Bomb. I don't mind that, just because he didn't Hulk Up. He dodged the moonsault, and rolled out of the ring. He's trying to do something different. Vader even took a Hogan chairshot like a champ. This is fun.

--Now we get the Hulk Up. Vader should crush his skull for this. The fans are now 100% behind Hogan. These guys are putting in work. Vader kicks out of the legdrop at ONE. Oh shit. Ref bump, Hogan gets powerbombed. Flair tries to wake him up, but shit goes down. Hogan wins by DQ, and I gotta say Flair getting the brunt of the Hulk Up and acting pissed is great.

--Sting and Savage in for the save. This was great. Zero slow spots, both made the other look like a threat, the Hogan shit was kept to a shocking minimum, and it builds to a rematch that while a foregone conclusion could be really fun. However as the kid who rented Bash At The Beach and saw their cage match, this is false hopes all over the place.

The good on this was good, the bad was horrific. WCW.