Week ending 5/6/2013
So in last week’s column I mentioned that I got a grab bag of 10 random used XBox 360 games, and at the time the plan was to do a single GADD article where I touched on all 10 of these games in one week. However those plans were changed based on the fact that I had a friend over last week who played one of the games (Homefront) and I already touched on that in last week’s article, so I don’t plan on playing that one this week. Also two games were disqualified due to one of the games being Madden 11 and I’ve already played enough of that previously, and one game, You’re in the Movies, being completely unplayable due to the fact that the game came by itself, without the required camera peripheral needed to play the game. I still plan on getting into the other 7 games this week though, and possibly more? We’ll see.
I got all the way to the point of putting Hunted: The Demon’s Forge (game number 4 from the bag) into my 360 and having it sit on the menu idling for about an hour while I did other stuff before deciding I didn’t want to play anything today. Maybe tomorrow?
Uh….remember that plan to play at least 7 different games this week? Shit.
Ok so..it’s 1:30 in the morning and I probably should just go to bed, but what kind of horrible article would this be if I just kept playing nothing? With that said, let’s ACTUALLY get into
Hunted: The Demon’s Forge(game number 4 from the bag)
I literally have zero clue what this game is about, other than overly long intros that show nothing but horrible graphics, so let’s find out together! I already like the main male character in this game because he sounds like the shopkeeper from Resident Evil 4. I’ll now be disappointed if he doesn’t offer to buy something at a high price. HEEEEY look at that, if you click in the left analog stick it’ll literally draw you a line on the screen telling you where to go! It’s like they knew idiots like me were going to play this game, and I for one greatly appreciate that. So…I’m about half an hour into it now, and I can actually see some potential in this game. I don’t know if that potential pans out, and a quick search for reviews tells me that most people think it didn’t. But at this point I like the atmosphere of the fantasy universe they’re setting up, it appears to be appropriately dark. I can already tell as well that this game was CLEARLY set up with co-op in mind, since you always have an AI partner with you and there are multiple doors that you need both characters there to open. The playable characters at this point are a range/cover based female and a melee male, and even though both characters have both combat options, the game tries to drill into your head early which you should use each character for. I also enjoy how I managed to break the scripting in the tutorial by sniping all the skeletons in the area with the female before the male could die and you learned how to use potions to revive. He just kinda stood there for about 10 seconds staring at me and died anyway. GAME OF THE YEAR 20-WHENEVER IT CAME OUT! Oh man, I just finished the tutorial and I don’t like the upgrade path in this game one bit! I have TWELVE different things on the first tier I can upgrade, I know I’m going to fuck this up and wind up with unplayable characters, and then to top it off, after you finish the tutorial it brings up a prompt asking you if you want to start the adventure in earnest or go back to the main menu. “Woah there buddy, you’ve seen what this game has to offer, are you….are you SURE you want to go through with this?” If the developers don’t even have faith in their game how is anyone else? After seeing that I then got distracted by shopping on Amazon for the next hour so…yeah that’s all the gaming for today! I’ll probably (possibly. maybe.) go back to this at some point later, but tomorrow I’m gonna pull something else out of my sack and play with it.
I just have a problem with gaming before midnight I guess. It’s some kind of reverse Gizmo situation.
Rock Revolution(game number 5 from the bag)
OH YES! MUSIC GAMES ARE THE *BEST!* I THINK THEY’VE GOT A BIG FUTURE! So for career mode, I decided to use Holly, because she looks the most like a dirty STD ridden whore, which from everything I’ve heard is a good parable for this game. Wow, I completely forgot about that super fun thing that music games do where they’re completely broken until you go into options and calibrate the controllers for tv latency. I was wondering why I was sucking so hard at the first song, a masterful cover of Korn’s Falling Away From Me. That’s right folks, this game is bringing bad covers back like it’s 2005! Aaaand I just got an achievement for finishing the first song on career mode. Shit. That means this game is going to be on my profile forever. I can tell it’s been forever since I’ve played a music game cause my hands are freakin killing me after playing just 3 songs. So..my verdict on this game is that if it had come out sometime around Guitar Hero 1 or 2 than it would have been looked at much more favorably I think. But since this game came out at the end of 2008, after both Rock Band 2 and GH World Tour, it had literally zero reason to exist. The only peripheral it added to the game (cause, you know, everyone needed more plastic instruments) was a too complicated for it’s own good drum kit, and at this point in time cover songs were just completely inexcusable. Sure, the part where you pretend to play music is completely competent, but why would anyone play this when there are far greater alternatives on the market? Anyway, I decided to take a break to let my hands stop hurting, and by the time they were feeling ready to go again, I decided sleep was the better option. Gotta play 5 games in the next 3 days after just playing 2 the first 4. Procrastination’s a bitch.
Not dicking around today, actually starting gaming at a reasonable time and we’re going right into:
Fable 3(game number 6 from the bag)
I owned Fable 1, but I think I got too caught up in the Molyhype and it fell well short of my expectations. It was alright I guess, but I don’t think I ever finished it. I never played Fable 2, which everyone seems to love, but screw it, on to Fable 3, which everyone seems to…love less. I am already major disappoint. The first thing I did in this game was to put it in Czech (cause I’m an asshole like that I guess) but it turns out it only put the subtitles in Czech while keeping the audio in English. However I did learn “to je ala par” is Czech for “what a pair,” who says video games aren’t educational? Also, when I start out, instead of hitting A for prince or X for princess, why can’t I just hold down both and be a hermaphrodite?! Maybe I want to save the kingdom with an enormous wang and a pair of rockin tits?! C’mon Molyneux, why you restricting my freedoms already?! Also, why do I have to hold the button for every decision I want to make? Is this some Kinect bullshit? Anyway I got through all the opening tutorial stuff (choosing MOST of the good options) and then got called out and decided I should at least pretend I have a social life. Maybe I’ll get more gaming in later tonight? If not I’m gonna have to double fist it on Sunday/Monday. Before I left though I got in a quick session of
Cook Serve Delicious!(not from the bag)
Which once again made me feel inadequate about my skills, despite the fact that I’m still able to keep up, it’s just TOUGH, but mainly I’m scared for the future when it ramps up even more.
I was going to clamp down and get all serious and put good time into either Fable or Tales before going back into my grab bag mission, but I ended up having to help family do some wiring on their house so.,,.I don’t have time for such luxuries as “enjoyment” or “fun.”
Front Mission Evolved(game number 7 from the bag)
I don’t know anything about this game, but the cover art makes it look like a Mech game and therefore I’m giving it about a 95% chance that it’s shit. I played through the first mission and…yep it’s a mech game. Yep it’s shit. And after doing some research online, it appears the old Front Mission games were turn based, this is a generic action shooter. I always knew OF the Front Mission series, but I never really knew anything about them. I just HATE how ridiculously slow you are in mech games. However I do like how within the span of just one mission the main female in the game’s attitude changed from “Goddamnit I don’t want this stupid civilian tagging along with me and messing shit up,” to “Damn this kid’s got spunk. I want to fuck him.” NEXT!
Where the Wild Things Are(game number 8 from the bag)
Yeah, now we’re getting somewhere! The (presumably crappy) game based on the awful movie based on the awesome children’s book. Although I guess to be fair to the movie, it’s really damn hard to make a 100 minute movie from a 48 page book. So I’m about 10 minutes in right now, and I LOVE THIS FUCKING GAME! I can’t stop hitting the right bumper! It makes Max stop whatever he’s doing and just start growling into the air. It does absolutely nothing but it’s so cute and it’s melting my cold heart! I’m going to be really disappointed later if I discover it actually has a gameplay purpose. I just want it to be a PRESS FOR CUTENESS button. Oh shit, after you complete the first level and find the Wild Things’ village, the game gets EVEN BETTER! There’s a freakin hug button so you can hug and get healed by all the wild things. The village is also a hub world with lots of other things to do in there, and it was calling to me like “Hey kid, you wanna get sidetracked in here and never advance the main story every again?” and I was all “Heck yeah I do!” and that’s pretty much what happened for the next 45 minutes until I decided it was time for sleep. Bottom line: If you hate on this game you’re an evil heartless bastard, and I’ll definitely be going back to it at some point in the future.
Dragon Age 2(game number 9 from the bag)
Ok so while everyone else was loving Dragon Age 1, I just could NOT get into it at all. So with everyone else hating on DA 2, I doubt I’ll put any serious time into it, but we’ll see. Actually all it took was the intro movie/opening battle for me to realize I’m just NOT feeling this at all. Not in the right mood to play this type of game, so on we go to:
Binary Domain(game number 10 from the bag)
From what I know, this game is basically Gears of War, but you shoot Terminators instead of bugs, and it’s supposed to have a lot more personality. After finishing chapter 1, that appears to be exactly what it is, and I mean that in the best way possible. I’m having A LOT of fun with this game, which is actually surprising me. Also, with the way the game’s story is talking about “Hollow Children,” robots made to look like humans that don’t even know they’re robots, I think it’s a pretty safe assumption that at least 1 of the 5 people in my crew is gonna wind up being a robot. I’ll even go as far as to predict it’s the main character(and no, you better not spoil it if I’m right or wrong.) I ended up playing a little bit into chapter 2, and I’m still having a blast, but it’s time to get this story written cause I have to be up way too early tomorrow morning. I definitely plan on playing this more next week, along with getting back to Tales of Vesperia and Where the Wild Things Are plus…..who knows what else?
QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
Before I popped in Rock Revolution for this week’s GADD, it had been over 4 years(according to achievements) since I last played a rhythm game. How long has it been since you last played one, and do you see any scenario in the future that would lead you into busting out your plastic instruments again?