From the WWE Network: Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake

The Barber struts and cuts against Hulk Hogan, the Hammer, Dino Bravo, Honky Tonk Man and other stars!

Mean Gene is our host. Gene puts over Beefcake’s size and his great skills. He explains Beefcake was not a happy man for many years and that lead to him being a rule breaker for the early part of his WWF run before he made his turn to the side of good at Wrestlemania 3.

We see Beefcake and Johnny V on TNT. Beefcake is wearing leather sleeves and a leopard spandex outfit. That alone makes this a 5-star segment!

WWF Champion Hulk Hogan vs. Brutus Beefcake

This is from early 1985 or possibly even later 1984. Hogan is in his “Earth 2” outfit as he is donned in white. This match also appeared on the “Hulkamania 2” VHS, a tape which will hopefully make it to the Network now that Hogan is back in the WWE’s good graces. Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse the Body call the action.

Beefcake stalls, poses and struts. Hogan mocks his strut and Beefcake is enraged! Hogan sidesteps his charge and blasts Beefcake. The crowd is MOLTEN for this despite Beefcake being very little of a threat in kayfabe.

Brutus gets a little heat on Hogan, but the champ rallies and the crowd again goes BONKERS! The guys don’t have to do too much to get a huge reaction thanks to the power of Hulkamania.

They repeat the pattern once more as Beefcake gets a little bit of offense, but Hogan roars back and the fans again are ready to throw babies in the air in celebration. Beefcake finally gets some sustained offense, using forearms and a big powerslam to earn some near falls. Beefcake goes to a bear hug that they actually edit as we flash to Hogan escaping. The crowd loses its mind on que.

Hogan tears into Beefcake, then hits the leg drop. We don’t get a pin as Johnny V gets on the ropes. Hogan goes after him, allowing Beefcake to attempt a flying knee. Hogan moves and Beefcake smashes into his manager. The dazed Beefer is rolled up for the win!  The crowd SQUEALS in celebration and jubilee!!! As a match it was just punchy/kicky stuff, but the fans made this incredibly fun to watch!

We see highlights of the Beefcake/Greg Valentine team against the Bulldogs. First up is clips of the heels being disqualified to save their gold in a TV match. Then we see the end of Wrestlemania 2 where Dynamite Kid takes a killer bump from near the top rope to down on the cement, leading to Davey Boy Smith snagging the titles for his team. They edit out the post match scene I always find funny in a sad way as the Kid is in the ring all messed up and Capt. Lou and Ozzy Osbourne are running around celebrating with the Bulldog’s titles.

Next up is the silly angle where Adrian Adonis cuts Beefcake’s hair on accident as he thought Rick Martel’s head was where Brutus wound up. Beefcake is so stunned by having his hair cut it appears he eats the fall, but they don’t show that part.

Beefcake cuts a lousy promo in response to what Adonis did. It appears Beefcake had a large swath of hair buzzed down to sell the angle, when Adonis actually only snagged a few strands of hair.

At Wrestlemania 3, Beefcake screwed up and hit Greg Valentine, setting up the Rougeaus to hit their finisher on Valentine. The Rougeaus are such big geeks that they can’t win in spite of this good fortune and instead Dino Bravo interferes and Valentine steals the win. The crowd looked like they didn’t care either way.

FFWD to a bit later in the show where Roddy Piper puts Adrian Adonis to sleep at the end of their match. Beefcake appears and tries to use electric shears to shave the very sweaty hair of Adonis. This doesn’t work well at all. I’d imagine being stuck out there while his hardware was failing had to have been absolutely nerve wracking for Bruti.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Johnny V

Hundreds of fans in the Boston Garden appear to have come this evening dressed as chairs. V jumps Beefcake at the bell, making silly faces as he batters his former charge.  Valiant is a total cartoon. Beefcake quickly makes a comeback and puts Valiant to sleep. Valiant sells the sleeper by filling his cheeks with air and blowing out in an exaggerated sleeping animated character-like manner. Beefcake sprays paint all over Valiant, then wakes him up. V does an over the top angry reaction to all this. I am sitting here alone, and yet I feel embarrassed to watch this silliness.

We FFWD several months ahead to where is now Greg Valentine with Jimmy Hart. The Hammer was getting a singles push again after slumming it up in tag matches for years.This was done to keep him from jumping to JCP in late 1987. Breaking up Valentine and Bravo allowed Beefcake to finally feud with his former partner.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Greg “the Hammer” Valentine

Valentine jumps Beefcake and earns the advantage in the early minutes of this bout. Beefcake makes a comeback, but lowers his head and ends up eating an elbow to the back of the his melon. Brutus can’t focus on Valentine as Jimmy Hart is trying to steal his scissors at ringside. Beefcake might be out a few bucks there, which totally validates almost losing a match that should net him much much more…

The men slug it out. The ref is bumped. Beefcake snags a sleeper. Jimmy Hart grabs the scissors, which drives Beefcake to release the hold. Valentine attacks him and quickly snaps on the figure-four. Beefcake suffers in the hold for a bit, desperately trying to reach his scissors. Jimmy Hart is in the ring screaming at Valentine about the scissors, but he doesn’t grab them himself. Beefcake gets his cutting tools and Valentine lets the figure-four go. The ref wakes up and DQ’s both men.  Beefcake sells the knee big time as he fends Valentine off with the clippers.

Since this was on TV, the match was done at high speed. If we are watching essentially a “Best of” Brutus Beefcake VHS, why not find some footage of these guys where Beefcake actually gets the duke over his opponent? Instead they show us this glorified angle, then move on to….

Intercontinental champion the Honky Tonk Man vs. Brutus Beefcake

Beefcake struts, then batters Honky with four atomic drops. We get a very random Danny Davis promo where Davis pops in to threaten the ref if he doesn’t make Beefcake behave with his scissors. Honky gets a few seconds of heat, which ends quickly as Beefcake traps him in the sleeper. Jimmy Hart runs in for the DQ to end this almost before it can get started.

Danny Davis pays off the promo from a minute earlier by running down and saving Hart from a haircut. The heels all run away. This was mostly an angle more than a match, used to set up future rematches for Beefcake and the HTM, which we don’t get to see.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Danny Davis

Hey! A logical follow up to the last match. I’m pleased, even if the match promises to stink… Monsoon is on the call. Gorilla reveals this is taking place only a few days before the 1987 Survivor Series. Beefcake punches and kicks at Davis as we get an inset promo from Sam Houston of all people. It feels a bit weird for the WWF to build up a Houston/Davis feud when Houston won’t even be a part of the PPV they are on the cusp of airing.

Davis is tossed to the floor. The crowd is oddly dead, not even reacting to Bruti strutting. You can probably thank the four hours of squash matches they had to sit through to see this classic. They wake up for the sleeper hold. Jimmy Hart tries to interfere. Beefcake tosses Hart into Davis and pins the evil doer. Blah.

Jimmy Hart is put to sleep but Davis saves him from a haircut. I’m surprised we got an actual finish, as I was expecting a smoz finish with all the men from the Survivor Series teams getting involved or something.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Ted Dibiase

The fans are pelting the ring with trash as Dibiase does his schtick. Beefcake is offered 500 dollars to forfeit, but he instead takes the cash and hands it off to the ringside fans. Pete Doherty is doing commentary with Monsoon here. Doherty’s growl is uniquely painful to listen to.

Dibiase is mad over his lost cash. This allows Beefcake to get a jump on the engaged Million Dollar Man. Dibiase hangs tough and takes over on offense. The trash is accumulating in the ring, and for whatever reason the ref isn’t bothering to clean it up.

The Million Dollar Man controls things for minutes on end, with Beefcake only offering brief glimpses of a possible comeback. Dibiase finally blows a big move as he runs into Beefcake’s fist while launching himself at the Barber. Beefcake’s comeback ends almost as quick as it starts as Virgil trips him up. Beefcake is rolled up for the win.

The Barber destroys Dibiase after the bout, as the crowd roars. Beefcake looked out classed in kayfabe and watching this with a “smart” fan approach made him look out classed on a whole other level, if you catch my drift.

– Beefcake visits a world champion hair stylist. He scolds Beefcake for his wild hair cutting style, but gives him a diploma for graduating the program anyway. Ok then.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Dino Bravo

Oh my God…. This is going to be dreadful. Bravo controls things with slams, elbows and strikes. Brutus slugs his way back into the battle. This is from a bit after Wrestlemania 3, so Bravo can actually move to some degree as he hasn’t transformed into a giant block of muscle here yet. He bumps a few times for Beefcake, then suffers in the sleeper. Greg Valentine runs in and suddenly it’s 3-on-1 as Johnny V and his men maul Beefcake. The Rougeaus run in to chase off the heels.

Brutus Beefcake and the Rougeau Brothers vs. Johnny K-9, “Iron” Mike Sharpe and Jimmy Jack Funk

They are actually putting a jobber match on this tape. There better be an angle here or this is a blatant waste of time. Beefcake and Funk blow the first move they try as Beefcake goes for a flying knee and Funk ducks down for a backdrop. Beefcake takes an awkward bump as a result. Ok, this was worth it for that spot alone.

Quick tags abound. K-9 slams Jacques on his shoulder in another botched move. Beefcake tries to press slam K-9, then just dumps him on his face. I wonder if that was the planned spot or if Brutus gave K-9 a receipt on Rougeau’s behalf. The faces win in short order. And…that’s the end!!?!?!?

Final thoughts: I would have preferred some real blow offs as seeing a bunch of heat put on the heels without showing any of Beefcake’s revenge matches sort of just made Beefcake look like a chump on his own highlight tape.   You can safely avoid this one, unless your a Hulkamaniac and want to enjoy some peak Hogan.

 

 

 

Written by Andrew Lutzke

The grumpy old man of culturecrossfire.com, lover of wrasslin' and true crimes.

Leave a Reply