Monday Night Wars WWF: In Your House: Great White North

Oh goodie, the pre-game show is included.  Todd Pettengill goes IN HIS HOUSE, not YOUR house and drops his groceries. Recaps galore. I fast forward.

Live from Canada, so Bret Hart isn’t on the card. Vince McMahon: Genius.

Some gal singing “Oh, Canada” opens the PPV.  We get video of snow and mountains. Where are the fighter jets and jingoism!?!?! ‘Merica! Fuck yeah!

A solemn Gorilla Monsoon informs us that Shawn Michaels’ injuries sustained outside a night club courtesy of 9 Marines errrr “thugs” will force him out of action tonight and he will have to forfeit the IC title.

Vince’s mic cuts out during his opening ballyhoo. A rare hiccup in the WWF production. Woo! JR will join Vince and Jerry at the booth.

 Fatu vs. HHH

Fatu makes a difference & attacks HHH while HHH is still in his formal wear. HHH tries to drive Fatu’s head into the turnbuckle but since minorities have hard heads, Fatu merely dances instead. Fatu is caught in the ropes in the hangman’s spot and is then given a poor piledriver that Vince slightly acknowledges on commentary. Fatu avoids a Pedigree and no sells a DDT, which leads to more dancing. HHH’s head-centric offense is futile!

Fatu hits a nice superkick and a 2nd rope headbutt, but he gets lazy on the cover and HHH kicks out. Fatu misses a big splash from the top rope and is Pedigreed for the pin.  Crowd pops for HHH’s win oddly enough. Match was basic and fine for its prelim slot. Lawler interviews HHH after and Henry Godwinn comes down with a pail of slop and chases HHH away.

 Bulldog cuts a crappy promo to build to tonight’s man event.

 The Smoking Gunns vs. Razor and 1-2-3 Kid

I’m not sure how wrestling each other several times ended up qualifying Razor and The Kid for a tag title shot, but this should be a fun match. Razor and Kid offer handshakes, then pull back and slick their hair instead – to another crowd pop.  Maybe Canada was always bizarro land? Billy Gunn has his mullet shaved off and actually looks marketable now. Kid yanks down the top rope as Razor chucks Billy and he’s sent splatting to the ground. Razor is WAY over so no amount of cheating is going to turn the crowd against him. Kid martial art kicks Bart and cheap shots Billy – but the crowd roars its approval anyway. Razor scoops Kid up and flings him into Bart in a neat spot.

Billy is finally tagged back in after a lengthy beat down and he handles both Razor and The Kid. The Gunns wear down The Kid with some double team moves but Billy misses his flying corner splash that he always misses and both guys are KO’d. The ref is distracted by both corner men and that allows for both Bart and Razor to flip their partner on top of the other in a pinning fashion.

Razor is tagged in and he wipes out both Gunns. Billy is put out with the Razor’s Edge but The Kid insists on being tagged in for the pin. Kid makes an arrogant cover and Billy crucifix pins him for the 123. Crowd is unhappy with that result.  The Kid throws a fit afterward. He shoves Razor and so Razor leaves. The Gunns are then attacked from behind and dumped by The Kid.  Razor comes back to make peace.  Good little match. The Kid’s heel turn is becoming ever more obvious. The booking did the champs no favors.

 Marty Jannetty vs. Goldust

This is Goldust’s in-ring debut.  Marty got a big response for his return a few weeks back, so using him in this spot seems a little odd.  I suppose he burned his bridges too many times already and pretty much can’t be trusted to be pushed. If I were watching this live now, I’d have to guess Goldust would be a bomb – his look and gimmick don’t seem to have any juice to them.

Marty kicks Goldust’s butt right away and dumps him to the floor. Goldy takes a big 360 bump onto the concrete off a clothesline. Back in Goldust sells a frankensteiner like it’s a headscissors take over, which kind of kills the aura of that move. 

They stop dead and reboot the match, having a stare down and then a shoving contest that ends with Marty displaying his own 360 selling of a clothesline. Goldy takes over and s..l..o..w..s… the pace to the point where the announcers are bored.  Vince drops the first hint that Goldust may be gay. A fan is randomly dressed as a vampire, complete with make up in the front row. Goldust eats the Rocker Dropper but a flying fist attempt ends up with Marty eating a boot to the face.  A face first suplex finishes Marty right after. Match was okay, after a hot opening. 

King Mabel vs. Yokozuna

Mabel shucking and jiving while being carried to the ring on his throne is pretty funny. Bizarro night continues as Yokozuna gets a pop(!) Samoan from Hawaii pretending to be Japanese, super over in Canada. Why not. Mabel talks shit and he and Yoko start CLUBBERING. Yoko wins round 1 by sending Mabel to the floor. Yoko eats a big clothesline and he is then sent to the floor.

Yoko is distracted on his way back in and Mabel squashes him in the corner. Mabel dances and tries another charge only to be clotheslined down. They both miss falling fat man attacks and JR searches for a nice way to say this is not quite Benoit vs. Guererro in terms of workrate. They botch a bulldog and Yoko waddles over to the ropes and falls out of the ring. Yoko shoves Mabel into the ringpost as Sir Mo knocks Cornette over.  A still dazed Yoko accidentally collapses on Cornette and both men are counted out. Messy ending. The men hug afterwards.  Vince calls the match shitty in less than diplomatic terms.  Fun spectacle.

Dean Douglas vs. Razor Ramon

I take a little too much glee in seeing Shawn with legit facial injuries. Shawn slowly hands the title over to Monsoon, but Dean grabs the belt and parades around gloating about his “win”. Razor slugs Dean to the floor right off. Razor takes Dean down, slaps him up and pulls his hair. Then Razor takes him down by the arm, puts a knee on his head and slaps him some more.  The moral of the story kids, is don’t get on the wrong side of the Clique.

Dean gets water poured on him on the floor and roughed around some more in the ring.  Douglas is getting basically zero offense.  Razor goes for the Razor’s Edge but Dean back drops him to the floor.  Dean’s follow up attack from the top rope ends with him being choke slammed instead. Dean is back dropped and that gets the three count?!?!!? WHAT? Dean’s leg was under the ropes, even!

So in summary: A tired Razor Ramon beat up a fresh Dean Douglas for 10 minutes and pinned him with a weak transitional move. Politics are awesome.

Diesel vs. The British Bulldog

Bret Hart joins us for commentary and he chases Lawler off. Vince hugs Bret which looks so weird once you know what goes down 2 years later between them.  Diesel declares he’s feeling “funky”.  Too many Somas? Bret breaking down both men’s physical attributes is intriguing pure sports build. Based on both men’s outfits, I’d have to guess that tassels = buyrate. 

Diesel shakes off some early assaults on his legs. After being dumped to the floor, Diesel shoves Bret in the face.  As Bret and Nash stand off Bulldog chop blocks Diesel. Bulldog locks on some goofy looking double leg lock and even the announcers struggle to understand what he’s doing. More leglocks, which are psychologically sound but dull to watch. This seems to go on forever.

This parade of endless leglocks ends with a poorly executed Sharpshooter. Bulldog nearly falls over before he can lock it in. Diesel escapes and manages to hit a big boot, but his leg gives out. Then Cornette gets dragged in and Corny and the Bulldog collide. Bulldog ends up on the floor and swipes at Bret and Bret charges the ring and pounds on Bulldog. Davey Boy escapes and Diesel takes umbrage with Bret costing him the match and so they brawl as the PPV goes off the air.   This match was like a 3 round UFC fight where one guy spends the whole time in lay and pray mode. Blah.

Final Thoughts: This is the bottom right?  A PPV can’t get any worse can it? They had the audacity to bypass being bad and skipped right ahead to just being super dull. At least the next few PPVs are very promising as we have Halloween Havoc, Survivor Series, World War 3, Starrcade and a Bret/Bulldog match at December’s IYH.


Written by Andrew Lutzke

The grumpy old man of, lover of wrasslin' and true crimes.

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