Jake Kelly
When most people find out that I am a longtime wrestling fan, they usually like to ask me what my favorite wrestling match of all time is. You know, it is funny: I cannot even begin to name my favorite band or movie because there are tons of those, but I absolutely can answer the “favorite match” question. Simple criteria: I had to have watched the bout via its original broadcast. No after-the-fact video release or compilation DVD would do. With that in mind, a whole lot of matches are eliminated by default. Nothing against them, they are just in a different category. My favorite match took place in 1989, so let’s climb aboard the MUTHA SHIP and go back in time to that year and the turbulent times taking place in the NWA’s flagship promotion, Jim Crockett Promotions!
The late ‘80s was not a good time to be a fan of the NWA, as fans knew it via Crockett Promotions and their shows on TBS (“the Super Station”) and their syndicated programs for local affiliates. No matter who took on perennial world champion Ric Flair just could not get the job done and fans were getting frustrated. Flair was a great wrestler, but SOMEBODY had to figure out his game plan eventually and better prepare themselves! Would the Four Horsemen interfere? Maybe the TV time limit would run out just as Flair’s opponent was about to get a three-count. Worse yet was the screwy match ending where the referee would get knocked out and then replaced by another who would count a pin for Flair’s foe and award him the match and the NWA world heavyweight championship. Oops, the original referee would finally wake up and rule the match a disqualification, giving the title back to the Nature Boy. As much as I preferred the NWA’s down-and-dirty, blue-collar approach to professional wrestling, the main events were getting dull with the same things happening all the time. Back to the WWF and their high maintenance spectacle perspective where at least the good guys won in the end. Meanwhile, Jim Crockett Promotions went out of business, selling the company to TBS mogul Ted Turner. Wrestling had actually helped TBS become a hugely successful network, so Turner took ownership of JCP and re-branded it World Championship Wrestling after one of their programs on the station.
During my sabbatical as a WCW viewer, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat returned to the fold and actually defeated Ric Flair for the championship. Say what?! They embarked on a series of epic matches reminding disgruntled fans that the NWA specialized in hard-hitting, action-packed W-R-E-S-T-L-I-N-G from bell to bell. Unfortunately, I was late for the game—by the time I tuned back in to WCW, Flair had regained the title and the epic series had concluded. I was annoyed as all hell because I had been waiting for ANYONE to knock Slick Ric down a few pegs and make him work harder to get the ten pounds of gold back. Dusty Rhodes and Ronnie Garvin snagged their respective reigns from Flair, but those losses never took much wind out of his sails, so to speak. Steamboat made the Nature Boy fight harder than he ever had before. Flair appeared to be somewhat humbled by the loss and subsequent regain. However, he had a new score to settle with a rogue wrestler whose face I had not seen in several years, but occasionally wondered of his whereabouts.
Enter TERRY FUNK!
Terrible Terry Funk made quite the impression on me with his standout performance at WrestleMania II in his tag team match with brother Dory Funk Jr. against Tito Santana and the Junkyard Dog. He referred to himself as “middle-aged and crazy” and you certainly believed it! Funk was as ornery as a rabid dog, bullying around ring announcers and referees without a care in the world for their well-being. I recall him appearing on the WWF’s Saturday Night’s Main Event specials often against the likes of the JYD and even putting up a better fight than average against Hulk Hogan once or twice. Suddenly, he was gone from the WWF airwaves and was nowhere to be found. Not even the wrestling magazines reported on Funk wrestling anywhere else. Before long, Terry Funk began appearing in movies like Over the Top and Roadhouse, giving one a reasonable impression that he had quietly retired from the ring wars.
Funk returned to wrestling as a guest color commentator alongside Jim Ross for the Ric Flair/Ricky Steamboat series, only to ask Flair for a title shot after the final showdown. Feeling that there were other worthy contenders for a title opportunity before the ol’ semi-retired movie-acting Funker, the Nature Boy said no. “Middle-aged and crazy” was never a more appropriate description, as the humble Terry Funk became a raving lunatic before our very eyes, attacking Flair and piledriving him into a ringside table! Holy shit! True to form, Terry Funk was making an impression and the war was on!
Matches between the two were fantastic brawls, but the rivalry just would not settle. Ric Flair would win the battle, but usually not the war. When Funk attempted to smother the Nature Boy with a plastic bag after a hard-fought match, enough was enough. See why the NWA/WCW was better? By golly, they had felony assault and outright murder attempts on their show! Despite being better, this ongoing war between Flair and Funk had to end. The stage was set: the next Clash of the Champions, happening live on the Super Station on November 15, 1989! Oh, but there was a special stipulation added to this encounter that made it more epic: no disqualification or count-out. Hell, pinfalls wouldn’t even determine the outcome! Only two words could end this particular match: “I QUIT.”
WCW gave us every reason to believe that we would see someone’s in-ring career end with those two words. That meant Terry Funk was likely to be even more of a violent raving lunatic than usual. Ric Flair would surely be at his wrestling best just as he had been in those epic encounters with Steamboat, but could still brawl it out on the arena floor with the Texas legend. Both combatants knew what it was like to have the ten pounds of gold around their respective waists—Terry Funk had held the NWA world title some fourteen years prior. They had even done well for themselves in All Japan Pro Wrestling, which always added to a wrestler’s prestige. Both of their careers seemed far from nearing the end and they still had more to accomplish. Much was at stake here. There was NO way I was going to miss this! I did not even ask for permission to have control over the TV that evening; I outright DEMANDED uninterrupted access during the time that the Clash of the Champions would be taking place!
My bewildered mom gave me access to the television for the evening so I could watch as Flair and Funk beat each other from pillar to post. Subtitled “The New York Knockout,” the Clash of the Champions was taking place in WWF country, but the fans were excited for some knock down drag-‘em-out WCW action. Their best announcers, Jim Ross and Gordon Solie, were calling the action as only they could. Both had the ability to lend urgency to even the most basic jobber squash match. When one wrestler thought the other was ready to pack it in, a microphone went into their faces so everyone in the arena and at home could hear them utter the words “I QUIT.”
We get a strong start from Ric Flair, but Funk quickly takes over via underhanded tactics like the classic thumb to the eye. The crafty Texan corners the Nature Boy and lands punch after punch to his noggin while calling him an “egg-sucking dog” and demanding that Flair give it up. Flair fights back, taking the match to the arena floor and unleashing a barrage of his knife-edge chops that send Terry Funk staggering. However, a distraction from manager Gary Hart puts the match back in Funk’s control. Flair’s injured neck begins to come into play as Funk hits a swinging neckbreaker and taunts him on the microphone. The Nature Boy will not give up, so Funk wrestles him into position for a piledriver that looks effective. Ric Flair is in trouble, folks!
Terry Funk takes the match outside the ring and readies himself for another piledriver; this time, repositioning himself so that they are off the ringside mats and on the actual floor. Shocking the crowd, Funk delivers a piledriver into the exposed floor! By God, the New York Rangers play hockey on that floor! That floor is made of particleboard that is lying over the ice! Ric Flair is in deep, deep trouble here, ladies and gentlemen! THUD! as the terrible Texan punches Flair in the head with the microphone! Flair gets bodyslammed into the timekeeper’s table—it does not break—before Funk drags the piece of furniture across the floor to do further damage with it. However, he takes too long and enables Ric to get his wits about him and make a comeback. Flair sends Funk flying across the table and into an empty ringside chair, then delivers a vicious atomic drop into the guardrail! The Nature Boy is back in the match and it is time for Terry Funk to take a good hearty shitkicking!
Flair nails his patented leaping knee drop and finally begins to work on Terry Funk’s leg. We have not seen a single attempt at a submission hold in this match, as it has been an all-out brawl from the start. However, when Flair starts in on the leg, we know what is in the horizon for the ornery Texan. So does Funk. Sliding out of the ring, Funk limps down the aisle trying to escape. Flair tackles him and marches him back to the squared circle, giving Funk a shin breaker for good measure. Funk is suplexed back into the ring and barely fights off an attempt at a figure-four leglock. He attempts his own suplex on Flair, but a reversal sends Funk crashing across the ring apron!
We go back into the ring and Ric Flair manages to slap on the figure-four! Gordon Solie: “That puts pressure on five different points! The pain is intense!” Funk cannot get to the ring ropes to break the hold! Referee Tommy Young has the microphone and asks Terry Funk if he is ready to utter the magic words! Flair applies the pressure! Funk puts on a fantastic display of desperation, flailing and screaming and throwing Tommy Young to the mat! Flair continues to put on the pressure, grinding away at Terry’s knee cartilage! Funk screams in agony, knowing he has nowhere to go! “My leg is breaking! It’s breaking! Y…Yes…YES, I QUIT!” The match is over! Ric Flair has won it! Gary Hart storms the ring, mad as hell that his client has lost. True to his word, Terry Funk agrees to shake Ric Flair’s hand, just as he said he would before the match. “You’re a helluva man, Ric Flair,” says Funk in a show of class. There is a post-match angle involving Gary Hart and his J-Tex Corporation stable turning on Funk and setting up a rivalry against Ric Flair and Sting, but that was hardly important. I was not concerned with the future; I was still reeling from the amazing display of violence that had just taken place!
The I Quit match is one that I highly recommend watching, even to non-fans who are just curious as to why people like me watch wrestling. Simple storytelling that is effective with believable performances on the part of both combatants. I knew that it would be a long time before I witnessed another match that would rival the I Quit match’s brutality. Nearly ten years passed before I did, but that is another story for another time.
R.I.P. Mighty Joe Young, 1960-2014 and Tommy Ramone, 1949-2014.
