Somebody Call 911! Connor is Watching ECPW On Fire (7-12-14)

Well, I hope everyone had a great Independence Day Weekend. Summer’s heating up and so is the action in ECPW On Fire (the weeks that it isn’t preempted by infomercials!). Let’s get right to ringside for this week’s action, which is headlined by the first televised title defense from WOF Heavyweight Champion Josef Von Schmidt

Saru Vs Luca The Sideshow Freak (with Vincent Valentine)

Saru’s gimmick is he’s a monkey. Full monkey bodysuit and everything with a tail and all. Ken Reedy announce solo for the first minute or two of the show before Joey G joins the booth. Reedy’s in a joyful mood and almost sounds like he’s kind of in the bag. He sings a bit of Starship’s “Sara” with “Saru” substituted in. Saru’s facing Luca The Sideshow Freak. Great. Clash of the CHIKARA gimmick Vs the ’80s Memphis-esque gimmick. Vincent Valentine cuts another hammy heel promo but gets drowned out by the fans. I notice Luca’s name is spelled with a C and not a K. Guess I kept getting tripped up with the Suzanne Vega song. This  is actually a pretty damn entertaining squash as that little monkey sells the shit out of Luca’s offense and Luca acts like Bruiser Brody/The Berzerker and yells “HUSS! HUSS!” throughout the match. Luca wins with a head vice. B

It’s time for Inside ECPW with Joey G. Joey G’s guest is Frankie Flow! Next week, Frankie will be facing his son Junior in a No Holds Barred strap match. I really enjoy Frankie’s understated promo style. He didn’t think it’d have to come to this! Junior interrupts. He didn’t know there was a match next week! Joey G says he has to wrestle! It’s been signed by ECPW’s Head of Board of Directors Alan Kay! Frankie says he brought Junior into the world and next week, he’ll have to take him out.

Wrestling On Fire Heavyweight Title Match: Josef Von Schmidt (c) Vs Mike Orlando 

Josef Von Schmidt making his first title defense tonight against newcomer Mike Orlando. Orlando is a newcomer. He looks like a young, slimmer version of Balls Mahoney wearing Ryback-esque tights. Unfortunately, this match is a contender for Worst Match of the Year. Just inexcusably sloppy. Looked like two rookies I didn’t expect anything from Orlando but Von Schmidt’s been wrestling for over ten years. No reason this match should have been this poor. I try to be generous with these reviews but it’s like pulling teeth trying to find something nice to say about this one. It ends mercifully with Von Schmidt winning with a shoulderbreaker. D-

After the match, Josef Von Schmidt cuts a heel promo about how no one in ECPW can take him on. He’s interrupted by Doug DeVito and ECPW Heavyweight Champion “The Re-Enforcer” Andrew Anderson. DeVito says Anderson beaten more legends than Von Schmidt can dream of and the announcers wonder if a unification match will happen.

I really hope it does. This increasingly half assed interpromotional feud needs to be put to bed and we need to figure out one unified champion. If you asked me what the top belt was, I honestly wouldn’t know and that’s never a good thing. Hopefully, Von Schmidt Vs Anderson actually happens and it has a decisive finish. Even at the match won’t be that good probably. The title situation has been a jumbled mess for the past year and I really hope it gets sorted out. Who knows if it’ll actually happen. Anyway. I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. I know many of you will be going to cookouts but remember to never ever feed your dogs chocolate. I’ll see you soon, readers!


Written by Connor McGrath

Connor McGrath is a public access television show host and part-time amateur comedian, who resides in Portland, Maine. He contributes reviews of Northeast independent wrestling promotion, NWA On Fire along with occasional guest articles.

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