Sage Cortez
Despite the WWF’s best attempts to disguise the location of WrestleMania VII, the day came, they ran the show at the Sports Arena in LA, and the day went. I haven’t seen this show in a really long time, but I have watched it many times. This is one of my absolute favorite shows and I’ve always thought it was underrated. I spent many rainy days as a kid watching this event on VHS tape. For some reason, the tape was ruined for the Jake Roberts/Rick Martel match, so I’ve never been able to watch it. Looking forward to watching that for the first time, and to get the feeling of reliving my childhood.
– March 24th, 1991, from the Sports Arena in Los Angeles, California
This is quite clearly not the Coliseum Video version, as the introduction is slightly different. The video is completely wrapped in patriotism, enveloping the whole event in it. That’s something I’m glad didn’t happen again. Willie Nelson was out to sing “America the Beautiful,” and he did pretty well, of course.
Because Heenan is part of the opening match, we have Hacksaw Jim Duggan coming out to do commentary. He doesn’t have a match on this show, which is bewildering.
The Barbarian & Haku (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. The Rockers
Pre-Match Thoughts: I’m a little surprised the Orient Express weren’t on this show at all, as I would have expected them to get a rematch. Instead, we have a completely thrown together team. The Rockers are good at working with any team, so I don’t think it was any sort of problem. Before this starts, the Rockers have a promo, and Sean Mooney said this is their biggest match yet. If you say so! During that promo, Haku and Barbarian made a jobber entrance.
Match Review: Shawn Michaels starts the match off with Haku, and evades him for a little bit, until Haku puts a headlock on him. Michaels gets out, but Haku catches him and drives him into the post. Haku has Michaels on his shoulders, but he kicks free and has a cradle blocked. Michaels hits Haku with a shoulderblock, and Haku pops him. Wow, Hacksaw is terrible at this commentary thing. Jannetty tags in, they give Haku a double hip toss, a double elbow drop, and Barbarian runs in for a sick double clothesline. He and Haku then try a double clothesline to follow, but the Rockers duck underneath, and hit each with double superkicks to knock them to the outside. Once things normalize, Barbarian beats up Marty for a bit, only for Marty to try a sunset flip. Marty then moves away from the punch to block it, climbs on Barbarian’s shoulders, and takes Barbarian down with a hurricanrana things to Michaels dropkicking Barbarian. Haku tags in, and the big guys give Marty a double headbutt. Marty tries another hurricanrana, but this time Barbarian runs in and grabs him, hotshotting him on the top rope. Ouch. Haku follows that with a back elbow, and tags Barbarian back in. Barbarian picks Marty up, and press slams him. The crowd kind of likes Barbarian and Haku. Barbarian and Haku both choke Marty, while making a switch. Haku then runs into a cross body from Marty that gets 2, but Haku goes back to work, throwing Marty hard into the corner. Haku follows with a series of backbreakers, and Barbarian covers for 2. Barbarian hits Marty with a clothesline, and puts a bear hug on him as well. He lets go, throws Marty into a corner, and runs into Marty’s boot. Marty heads up to the second rope and comes down with a cross body, but Barbarian catches him with a powerslam. Barbarian then goes up top, but misses his flying headbutt.
Both guys make tags, and Michaels takes Haku out with a flying back elbow. He takes Barbarian out with a cross body, and focuses his attention back to Haku, who he gives a neckbreaker for 2. Haku hits him in the eyes, but Michaels goes for a sunset flip. Marty clotheslines Haku down for a 1 count, and all four men are in. Barbarian gets double dropkicked to the outside, and the Rockers are all along with Haku. Marty lands a missile dropkick from the top, Michaels follows with a cross body from the top, and that picks up the W at 10:33!
My Thoughts: The crowd really liked this match, and as a result this was the best opener in WrestleMania history to this point. The match felt like it mattered, and the work was good. The Rockers sold very well, and their opponents busted out some nice moves. I’m glad that Haku and Barbarian reunited in WCW later on, as it would appear they had much more to do as a team and were a natural fit. For whatever reason, Haku was on his way out not long after this. ***, with abysmal commentary too. You know, based on Hacksaw’s grand entrance, I was given the impression that he was supposed to provide commentary for the whole show. Maybe he wasn’t, but if he was, his commentary was so bad that they had to pull him. He would have ruined the entire show by talking over Gorilla constantly. It was absurd.
Mean Gene is with Alex Trebek, Marla Maples, and Regis Philbin for some reason, and I have to wonder…how is it that they could run their most offensive angle yet pull in the biggest name celebrities to date to be part of the show? This interview was far too long, but I enjoyed Trebek calling Gene, “Jim.”
Dino Bravo (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Texas Tornado
Pre-Match Thoughts: Of course, Bobby Heenan is paired with Gorilla Monsoon for commentary now. Well, this is quite the unimportant match. Given that Bravo was just in a program with Hulk Hogan, and Tornado in one with Ted DiBiase and one with Mr. Perfect, this is quite the fall. Bravo looked so ridiculously bulky here.
Match Review: Bravo attacks, so we’re going into the match quickly. He clotheslines Tornado over the top, rams him into the apron, and tosses him back in. Tornado comes back with an atomic drop, and a clothesline of his own. Tornado goes for THE CLAW, but Bravo hits him with some chops to stop it. Tornado then misses a charge to another corner, and Bravo gives him an inverted atomic drop. After dropping some elbows, Bravo covers for 2. Bravo drops Tornado with his side suplex, but Tornado kicks out at 2. Bravo heads up to the second rope, and Tornado puts THE CLAW on him on his way down. Tornado then hits Bravo with the TORNADO PUNCH, then pins Bravo, and that’s the end of the thing at 3:11.
My Thoughts: This wasn’t good at all, but it wasn’t bad and they made the fans happy by putting Tornado over. Not a big deal that it wasn’t any good, there were far more important looking matches to take place here. 1/2*.
The Warlord (w/Slick) vs. The British Bulldog
Pre-Match Thoughts: I remember this match sucking hard. Not sure if that’s actually the case or not. The era of the manager was nearly over and Slick was there to cut a promo that reminded me of that. These guys had a feud that never ended. Davey had a promo of his own, in which he said he’d be able to break the Warlord’s full nelson. We shall see!
Match Review: Warlord shoves Bulldog back into the corner, and that is followed with some collision spots, during which Bulldog knocks Warlord out of the ring with a shoulderblock. When he gets back in there, he clobbers Bulldog across the back, but Bulldog goes for a crucifix, and it culminates in a Warlord Samoan drop. Warlord drops a few elbows, and covers for a 2 count. Warlord then puts a bear hug on Bulldog, and this is another match the crowd is hot for. Bulldog gets out, but Warlord catches him with a hotshot for 2. They trade shots for a little bit, then Warlord gives Bulldog a belly to belly suplex. This doesn’t suck! Warlord puts a chinlock on Bulldog, and when Davey fights out, he dropkicks Warlord into the corner. After some turnbuckle shots by Bulldog, he heads up to the second rope and comes down with a punch that does nothing to Warlord. A cross body takes Warlord down for 2, and Bulldog then tries for a piledriver only for Warlord to backdrop him. Bulldog nearly takes him over with a sunset flip, but Warlord sits on him, and there’s the sunset flip for a 2 count. Bulldog runs into Warlord’s boot, and it’s time for Warlord to try the FULL NELSON. Bulldog fights his way out as they build heat, and uses his roided up arms to BREAK IT. Bulldog then reverses a bodyslam, picks Warlord up, and finishes him with the RUNNING POWERSLAM at 8:14!
My Thoughts: This match was far better than expected, bordering on actually pretty good. They kept the crowd involved the whole way, and tried pretty hard. This probably wasn’t the best way to use Bulldog, but in doing so he made the Warlord look good. Maybe that was the entire goal of the thing, and maybe it wasn’t. **1/2, this show has started well.
The Nasty Boys (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation for the WWF Tag Team Championships
Pre-Match Thoughts: It was a natural fit for the Nasty Boys to be placed with Hart, as he was quickly becoming or had become their #1 manager. It was strange that they were given a title shot so soon after entering the company, but there was a good reason. The titles had to go elsewhere. The Nasties promo before the match was pretty good. The Hart Foundation were quite ready for what would turn out to be one of their last matches together, and Bret Hart called their opponents SCUM.
Match Review: Bret starts it off with Jerry Sags, and they locke up and tumble into the corner, where Sags hits him on the break. Bret comes back with a THESZ PRESS, and Knobbs runs in for an inverted atomic drop from Bret. Bret then knocks Knobbs to the outside, and brings Sags in from the apron the hard way. Bret follows that with a trip, and subsequently a kick to the gut. Knobbs make a tag in, as does Neidhart, and they also wind up in the corner, where Knobbs works him over. Neidhart returns the favor, and takes Knobbs down with a hip toss. A shoulderblock sends Knobbs to the outside, and Sags runs in for one as well. When Knobbs gets in there, he quickly corners Neidhart and makes a tag out. Neidhart smashes Sags’ head into the canvas, and tags out as well. Bret punches Sags in the corner for a while, and follows that with a Russian leg sweep. After that, up to the second rope, and down with an elbow. Knobbs rushes into the ring, and hits Bret with a clothesline to the back of the head. Sags follows with a clothesline of his own, and Bret goes out to the floor. When Bret gets in, Sags throws him hard into the corner, and follows with a backbreaker. He puts a chinlock on Bret, and eventually tags out. Knobbs puts the hold back on, and Sags tags back in to drop an elbow on Bret’s back. Sags then drops Bret with a neckbreaker for 2, and it’s back to the chinlock for a third time. Bret powers out and returns the favor with his own neckbreaker, but Knobbs cuts him off from a tag and drops some elbows on him. Knobbs tries to put the chinlock on this time, but Bret picks him up and drops him backwards onto the mat. Bret gets cut off from tagging again, but this time he dodges a Knobbs splash in the corner and clotheslines Sags. Bret makes a tag, but this time the referee doesn’t see it at all. Now Knobbs gets the MEGAPHONE, but he hits his partner instead!
Bret makes the big tag out, and Neidhart slams Knobbs on top of Sags. He follows that with a double clothesline, and there’s a back elbow for Knobbs that gets 2. Neidhart takes Knobbs down with a powerslam that gets 2. Bret and Sags get in there now, and Bret chases Sags around the ring. Knobbs runs into Sags when he gets in the ring, and Bret knocks down Jimmy Hart. The Foundation then drops Knobbs with the HART ATTACK, but the referee wants Bret out of there. Sags gets in the ring, hits Neidhart with Jimmy’s MOTORCYCLE HELMET, and we have new champions after 12:10! Hilarious celebration by the Nasty Boys and their manager too.
My Thoughts: Bret Hart was pretty much portrayed as the star of this match. He did so much of the work and looked like the best guy. Neidhart did well in his brief time in the match, and the crowd was really hot for the whole thing. It’s obvious watching it now that it was intended for Bret to be pushed as a singles wrestler and Neidhart to not be pushed, but they did keep them together on house shows for some time. **3/4, solid match. I also liked that the Nasty Boys did have good spots between their rest holds, it did help keep things moving. The match was also longer than I would have expected.
Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts in a BLINDFOLD MATCH
Pre-Match Thoughts: As I said, this is the first time I’ve been able to watch this match. This is one of the best feuds of the era, even with how cheesy it was, it felt like it mattered. It culminating in this is quite interesting. Nice to see this match given the full video package treatment. The bit where they show Roberts whited out eye is still hilarious to me. Roberts had a really good promo before the match, and for some reason Martel was given a jobber entrance. Nothing wrong with that in those days, though. The referees put the black hoods on these two, which gives this quite a strange feel.
Match Review: How do I even review something like this? The guys go searching for each other, and Jake does the pointing game so the crowd can lead him to Martel. Once he grabs him, the crowd pops loudly, and they do a spot where Martel trips over Roberts. Martel comes back with a choke, throws Roberts into the ropes, and puts his head down for a backdrop only for Roberts to run out of the way. Martel then clotheslines himself with the top rope, and the two crawl around again. When they get up, Martel grabs Roberts and bodyslams him, then misses an elbow drop because Roberts is long gone. Martel winds up in the corner with the snake, but unfortunately moves away from it. This should actually be over soon based on the goings-on here. Roberts sneaks up from behind on Martel, and grabs him as they fall into the ropes. The crowd starts calling for the DDT, and right after that, Martel puts his hand on the snake and runs away from it. Martel knocks Roberts to the outside with a shoulderblock, and Martel follows him out there, grabbing a chair in the process. He slowly chases Roberts around the ring, and Roberts gets back in the ring, as Martel swings the chair and hits the post. Roberts and Martel now have a hold of each other, and Martel gives him a backbreaker. He puts Roberts in the BOSTON CRAB, but Roberts kicks him off. Now Martel backs into Roberts, Roberts hits him with the DDT, and pins him for the victory at 8:33! Unfortunately, Martel gets Damien thrown on top of him.
My Thoughts: You know why I liked this? The crowd liked it. They were directing Roberts towards Martel and seemed to be very excited. This wasn’t a good wrestling match by any standard, but it was fun. They also finished up the feud! The main problem with this is that they weren’t given any big time singles match before this to move the program along, and of course, there’s no actual wrestling. I do rate these things on a level of enjoyability that doesn’t always take wrestling into account, though. They worked the crowd very well, and that’s what matters most. **, and that’s not a joke rating at all. I genuinely don’t know how anyone could hate this. As for Martel, we wouldn’t see him much for a while after this.
So, they’ve used Marla Maples to be there during the Nasty Boys champagne celebration, in which they doused her with drink. I like how Jimmy Hart’s crew has been used similar to the way the Heenan Family was before that.
Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer)
Pre-Match Thoughts: I guess we can call this the 1 in 21. Not the 1 in 21-1 or anything like that. It’s also the Taker character’s first chance to have a match on a big stage. Haven’t seen this in a really long time. Taker got quite a babyface pop when the bell tolled. Debuting him as a heel may have been slightly shortsighted.
Match Review: These two stare at each other for a bit, but when Snuka turns his back, Taker attacks him. Taker chokes him for some time, then hits him with his flying clothesline. This match is completely filled with choking that’s supposed to get heat, but people like it. Taker blocks a charge to the corner and knocks Snuka to the outside in the process, then brings him back in with a suplex. Taker misses an elbow drop, but it’s totally irrelevant. He ducks under a charge, which causes Snuka to fly out of the ring. Cool spot. Snuka fights his way back in and tries a slingshot move, but Taker catches him, and there’s the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER. Cover, the end, Taker wins at 4:19.
My Thoughts: This was the most simple of PPV squash matches, with Snuka doing almost nothing of value. Now, I wonder how they got him to do a job like that. Probably a nice little bonus. Taker looked like a million bucks, but it was only a 1/4* match. Still entertaining, but not much of a contest and it mostly featured Taker standing around doing chokeholds.
Randy Savage (w/Sensational Sherri) vs. The Ultimate Warrior in a CAREER ENDING MATCH
Pre-Match Thoughts: I say career ending because that’s how they put it. It sounds so much more ominous than a retirement match. To start the segment off, they showed how the feud started and progressed, quite the smart use of video. This was one of my favorite matches as a kid, for me to review it now is a little strange. I like seeing Savage’s attack of Warrior at the Rumble again, though. In a great bit before the match starts, Bobby Heenan points out that Elizabeth is in the crowd. They also gave Savage and Sherri a full introduction where some jobbers carried them out to the ring. Great touches. For some reason, Warrior walked to the ring. You never saw that.
Match Review: These guys finally lock up after a long pre-match, and Savage winds up releasing and pointing at Warrior. Warrior shoves him to the canvas, and takes Savage down with a shoulderblock. Savage leaves the ring and comes back in with an attack from behind, then runs into a clothesline. Warrior picks Savage up with a choke and throws him to the canvas, then uses an inverted atomic drop. Warrior follows that with an atomic drop, and when he picks Savage up with another choke, Sherri runs into the ring. Of course, Warrior pushes Savage into her, knocking her to the outside. Savage then gets tied up in the ropes, and once let go, he comes back with a kick and a clothesline. Some people in the arena are cheering for Savage. Savage then heads up top, and down he comes with a cross body, but Warrior catches him, puts him down, and slaps him. Oh boy. Savage leaves the ring for a second, and grabs a chair. He throws it into the ring, and that distracts Warrior long enough to attack him from behind again. Warrior was ready for it, knocks Savage down a few times, and kicks him a lot. After more punching, Savage dodges a charge to the corner and Warrior falls out of the ring. After a camera shot of Sherri’s behind, she hits Warrior, and Savage comes off the top with BOMBS AWAY onto him. She rakes at Warrior, and eventually Warrior pushes her down. Once again, Savage takes the opportunity to attack. He posts Warrior, and Sherri kicks Warrior so hard her shoe comes off. Finally back into the ring the action goes, and Savage slams Warrior for 2. Warrior blocks a neckbreaker and backslides Savage for 2, and Savage decides to spit at him. Once again Sherri distracts, and this time Warrior was ready. He hits Savage with a clothesline, and goes for the FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK, only for Savage to move out of the way and cover for 2. The stakes here are so heavy that the crowd is reacting to every single fall. Savage slaps a chinlock on Warrior, and when Warrior eventually powers out, they clothesline each other. Sherri wakes Savage up, teases entering the ring, and Warrior has Savage in a small package. First visual fall of the match, but when the referee notices, the cover only gets 2. Savage then knees Warrior from behind, and knocks the referee down in the process.
So, Sherri takes her shoe off and heads up top, but hits Savage with it on the way down. Warrior now turns his attention to Sherri, who tries to run away. Eventually Warrior grabs her, and Savage rolls Warrior up for a 2 count. Great spots all over this thing. Savage then slams Warrior face-first into the buckle, and drops him throat-first on the top rope. Savage does his rope assisted clothesline for the first time in quite a while (in any match I’ve seen), and he follows that with a bodyslam for 2. Savage now heads up top, and DOWN HE COMES WITH THE FLYING ELBOW. Savage lands another FLYING ELBOW, and yet another FLYING ELBOW. Oh wait, here comes a fourth! A fifth! Savage covers, and Warrior kicks out at 2! Warrior now slowly makes his way to the ropes, and that’s not good news for the Macho King. Warrior hits Savage with some clotheslines, about three of them. He signals for the GORILLA PRESS, and drops Savage with it. Poor guy. One big splash later, and Savage kicks out at 2! Warrior does the bit where he looks at the roof, and teases that he’s going to walk out. Savage then clotheslines Warrior to the outside, so I guess he can’t do that. He sets Warrior up for a Ricky Steamboat special, neck on the rail and all. Savage heads up top, Warrior pushes Sherri away from him, and punches Savage on his way down. He’s not quitting now! Warrior throws Savage into the ring, and sets him up for the FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK, which knocks Savage out of the ring. Warrior follows him, puts him back in the ring, and hits Savage with another FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK. It knocks Savage out of the ring again, and Warrior follows to throw him back in. Warrior now hits Savage with a THIRD FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK, and he flies out of the ring again. Warrior grabs Savage, brings him in, and covers with his foot for the victory at 20:46!
After the match, Sherri gets in the ring and starts berating Savage. Well, he’s been forced into retirement, so I guess I understand. She then kicks Savage a few times, smashes his face into the mat…then ELIZABETH HOPS THE RAIL. She runs into the ring, grabs Sherri, and throws her out of there. Savage takes a swing, but he sees who it is. He and Elizabeth hug each other, reuniting to the cheers of the crowd. Well, that was perfect. They had some great shots of people at ringside crying, too. That’s pretty deep stuff. That slow motion and the still shot after it was all over nearly got me, given all that’s happened since.
My Thoughts: Warrior wanting to walk out is the only part of the match I don’t really like. The finish was also slightly anti-climactic. It was, also amazingly booked. This was the absolute maximum anyone could have gotten out of Warrior, and it’s his best match. The finish was booked that way on purpose, and fit the tone of the match, so I have no problem with it. It also must be mentioned that Savage did the most amazing work possible in this match, bumped for two and made sure things didn’t get sidetracked. I also thought Sherri did great. Her work was excellent, and she also bumped at will. ****1/4 for the match, with the post-match being one of the most amazing things in wrestling to this day. Yeah, I’m going there. The only problem is, all four of the people who were part of this are no longer around. Quite depressing.
During and after intermission, we head into some other stuff. We have Bobby Heenan cut a promo on the Big Boss Man from ringside, then he and Monsoon run down the rest of the matches left. It’s not like there’s nothing left, either. There’s some really important stuff here!
Now we have Regis Philbin with Paul Bearer and the Undertaker, and they do a bit where Taker measures Regis for a bodybag or suit for a funeral. That was…weird.
We have Alex Trebek with Demolition, and Smash intimidates the host of Jeopardy. Standard monster heel promo after that, and Fuji calls Demolition’s opponents, Japs. I don’t really know what to say about that.
Regis then tries to get comments from Tenryu and Kitao, who don’t say anything.
Trebek is now with Jake Roberts and Damien, which is no doubt some sort of rib. Trebek bails out, to the delight of Bobby Heenan.
Demolition (w/Mr. Fuji) vs. Koji Kitao & Genichiro Tenryu
Pre-Match Thoughts: How the hell does anyone follow THAT? They had one of the best wrestlers in the world in this match, but Tenryu had no name recognition and nothing could follow what had happened. They also got the spot after intermission. Demolition had a new theme, but it was decided to drop them, so I feel bad for whoever worked on it.
Match Review: Everyone’s filing back into their seats as this thing starts, and Demolition decides to attack Kitao. Crush then chops him, and Kitao comes back with a knee. Smash attacks Kitao, who doesn’t sell anything, and Fuji then cracks his cane over Kitao’s back. Smash makes a legal tag in, and drops Kitao with a back suplex. He tags Crush again, and Crush hits Kitao with a double axehandle from the top rope. Crush then slams Kitao, and after a period of inactivity while he tagged out, he’s back in there. I’m nearly falling asleep. Smash tags back in again, and Kitao clotheslines him. Tenryu tags in, dropkicks Crush to the outside, and slams Smash. He heads up top, but misses a flying elbow on the way down. Smash clotheslines Tenryu and tags back out, so Crush gives Tenryu a backbreaker. Smash makes a tag, back suplexes Tenryu, and sets him up for DEMOLITION DECAPITATION. Kitao runs into the ring and we get some super shitty brawling where Crush throws Kitao to the outside, then Crush goes back up top. Kitao pushes Crush off the top and down to the floor, and Tenryu hits Smash with an enzuigiri. Tenryu follows that with a POWERBOMB, and that’s it at 4:43.
My Thoughts: That was really terrible, and perhaps I shouldn’t have watched it so late at night. Just so you guys know, it sent me straight to bed once it was over. To have Kitao in for most of the match was the problem, I think. DUD.
Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect (w/Bobby Heenan) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship
Pre-Match Thoughts: Big match, this one. One they had built up for a really long time as well. Boss Man had a promo here, and said that dealing with Heenan and Perfect was more important than winning the title. That’s interesting. Actually, it’s quite reflective of WWE’s attitude towards titles now. Somehow, Heenan got to the back in time for Perfect’s interview. It’s like we’re watching a videotape or something. Damn, Heenan invoked Rodney King, saying we could see justice handed out by Mr. Perfect. I guess the cops are going to get what’s coming to them. Oh no, Lord Alfred Hayes is on commentary now.
Match Review: Boss Man wipes his butt with Perfect’s towel, which is one way to start this off, I guess. Boss Man then spits at him. Perfect slaps the guy, and rushes to the outside, where Boss Man returns the favor. Back on the inside, Boss Man spins Perfect around by grabbing his hair. Neat spot. Boss Man blocks a charge to the corner, then clotheslines Perfect. He also tosses Perfect over the top, where he takes some time. Boss Man misses a charge to the corner when Perfect gets in the ring, but he throws Perfect hard into the corner not long after that. Boss Man takes off his belt, and starts whipping Perfect with it. Ouch! Perfect gets the belt, wraps it around his hand, and punches Boss Man a few times with it. Perfect is in control, so he puts a chinlock on Boss Man and holds the ropes while doing so. Perfect tries an abdominal stretch, and eventually dropkicks Boss Man for our first 2 count of the match. Perfect gives him a perfect neck snap, and follows that with a PERFECT-PLEX attempt that leads to a Boss Man cradle for 2. Perfect then takes Boss Man down for a neat neckbreaker that gets 2, and heads up top for some reason. Perfect comes down with a flying nothing, and eats Boss Man’s boot. Boss Man rams Perfect hard into the buckle, tosses him around the ring, and follows with the WISHBONE SPLIT at the post. Perfect’s bump didn’t have enough momentum to do it himself. Boss Man punches Perfect over the top, and winds up going after Heenan…so Perfect throws Boss Man into the steps. Heenan kicks Boss Man for a little bit, and out from the back comes ANDRE THE GIANT. Heenan sees Andre, who decides to slowly chase him around the ring. Slowly is a nice way of putting it. Perfect exposes one of the turnbuckles, and Andre has the championship belt. Perfect rams Boss Man into the exposed turnbuckle, as this match has clearly gone to hit. Andre hits Perfect with the title belt, which pretty much knocks him out. Boss Man’s out too, so the referee starts a count. Boss Man gets up first, and goes for a cover, but it only gets 2. Haku and Barbarian hit the ring, so that’s a DQ at 10:45. Poor Boss Man.
Perfect winds up on the outside and Andre knocks him down, and Boss Man fights Haku and Barbarian off in an extremely sloppy ending where all the heels sell Andre’s stuff. Oh dear. Boss Man and Andre then meet in the aisle, and raise each other’s hands.
My Thoughts: This was trending to be the second best match on the show to this point, but it got ruined by novelty booking. The finish was not good at all, it was a total trainwreck. **1/2, but it can’t be understated how bad the finish was. Not only did it suck because Andre was there, but between the point where Andre appeared and the point where Andre hit Perfect with the title belt, nothing happened. That was about one minute. It took Boss Man another minute to cover Perfect, and the match got thrown out immediately after. Yeah, not the best booking there. Perfect and Boss Man should have had another prominent match to settle the feud, but the WWF thought this sufficed. I disagree.
Earthquake (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Greg Valentine
Pre-Match Thoughts: I don’t believe this is the justification for the match, but Valentine turned on Jimmy Hart at the Garden. The obvious solution is that Earthquake was tasked to take care of that little problem. Before the match, we get an interview with Donald Trump, who wasn’t a scumbag at that time but sure is now. Chuck Norris, also a scumbag, shows up to be interviewed as well. Lastly, they interview someone who isn’t scum, it’s Henry Winkler. Alright then. Lou Ferrigno too, are they joking with this stuff? I remember Vince was interested in bringing him in for the WBF. Speaking of jokes.
Match Review: These two lock up, and the Hammer gets hammered in the corner. Couldn’t help myself. Quake then powerslams him, and the crowd sort of popped for it. His cover gets 2, and he misses a charge to the corner. Valentine chops away at him for a while, and knocks Quake down with an elbow, but not down to his back. He probably won’t. Even a clothesline doesn’t do it, but an elbow from the second rope does. Valentine follows with an elbow drop, and headbutts Quake down low. Now he signals for the FIGURE-FOUR and is getting a pop for doing so, but Jimmy Hart distracts him. Valentine tries it again, and Hart gets on the apron this time. Quake gets up during the distraction, slams Valentine backwards to the mat, and hits him with a big elbow drop. BUTT SPLASH follows that, and that’s it at 3:17.
My Thoughts: This was nothing special, but I thought it was interesting how the crowd was reacting to Valentine’s hope spots. They were cheering very loudly and seemed to still be hot for the show, even after nearly three hours. Bodes well for the DiBiase/Virgil match and the main event. 1/2*.
Power and Glory (w/Slick) vs. Legion of Doom
Pre-Match Thoughts: LOD cut a promo on Power and Glory, the best part of which was Hawk’s sour and gory comment. Power and Glory had a new pair of pants. Really nothing else to mention as far as this one goes.
Match Review: Power and Glory attack, so we start quickly. They try to double team Hawk, but Hawk hits them with a double clothesline. Hercules then backdrops Hawk out to the floor, and Roma slams Animal. Roma heads up top, and Animal catches him with a powerslam on the way down. DOOMSDAY DEVICE, and that’s it after 58 seconds. It was funny that Hercules didn’t even sell the loss and was just standing in the ring with LOD as they celebrated.
My Thoughts: Their time got cut short, hence the super quick squash. I don’t know what would have happened if it had been any longer. Probably nothing. Given the condition of Hercules, perhaps not even a match worth watching. DUD.
Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil (w/Roddy Piper)
Pre-Match Thoughts: This has been built very well, and it’s a match the people really wanted to see. That’s the power of telling a story properly. Piper was working an injury from a supposed motorcycle accident, but he had hip surgery. The video package for this match was really good, even showing highlights from a match where a jobber picked up a count-out victory over DiBiase thanks to Virgil’s distraction.
Match Review: Virgil enters to no theme at all, and it’s time for them to go to work. He starts punching DiBiase with jabs, knocking him to the canvas. DiBiase gets up and takes more punishment, then leaves the ring. DiBiase gets back in and it happens again, and he then looks at Piper. Why, I wonder what DiBiase has planned. Virgil brings DiBiase back in the hard way, and clotheslines him back over the top. Virgil follows to the outside, throws DiBiase back in, and the more experienced guy clotheslines Virgil. Virgil comes back with a back elbow for 2, it was very sloppy looking and not crisp at all. Virgil then trips DiBiase, and finally DiBiase gets in some offense with a drop toe-hold. About time. He rams Virgil into the buckle, and hits him with his own back elbow. DiBiase follows with a clothesline, and PILEDRIVES Virgil for 2. After a suplex by DiBiase, he looks at Piper and covers for 2 again. A gutwrench suplex gets 1, and DiBiase decides to throw Virgil out of the ring. DiBiase follows, and they’re right in front of Piper. DiBiase pushes Piper down to the ground, and that gets pretty big heat from the crowd. DiBiase powerslams Virgil, and Piper is fighting his way to his feet. This is actually really interesting. Heenan is awful on commentary here, I don’t dig it at all. Piper pulls down the top rope with his crutch, so DiBiase falls out to the floor. DiBiase then knocks Piper down again, and for a third time, but he gets counted out at 7:37 as a result.
DiBiase gets in the ring and puts the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM on Virgil, as fans help Piper to his feet. You’d NEVER see something like that now. Piper rolls into the ring with his crutch, stands up with some help from the ropes, and breaks his crutch over DiBiase’s back. How’s that for realism? Now SENSATIONAL SHERRI comes out from the back, grabs Piper’s crutch, and DiBiase clotheslines Piper. She and DiBiase then beat Piper up with his crutch, and Sherri’s WIG FALLS OFF. She totally no-sold it. When Sherri and DiBiase leave, Virgil grabs the microphone and tells Piper that he needs to get up. This is really good, you know. He gets to his feet, and Virgil grabs him so he doesn’t fall down. Don’t know why this doesn’t get love in WrestleMania highlight videos. Maybe because WWE has destroyed their audience and everyone knows it isn’t real anymore.
My Thoughts: This was more engineered towards furthering the angle after the match, and DiBiase/Piper house show matches. That’s okay. This WrestleMania had some great moments and to give Virgil a win here would have just been part of the show. It wasn’t the right time. The match was standard, **1/4 type stuff. I’m sure they could have done better, but everything that happened after the match was excellent. Getting Sherri involved helped everything work, and was a good way to quickly involve her in something else. She was one of their best people. They also had to have a big heel moment somewhere on this, and they hadn’t had one since the early portion with the Nasty Boys.
Between this match and the next, we have a video package recapping the Slaughter/Hogan program to this point. Very mean of Slaughter to burn a Hogan tanktop. Slaughter and Adnan show up for an interview, and Slaughter looks like a terrible cartoon villain. Really frustrating interview. He teased being counted out, which would have been one of the worst finishes to a WrestleMania.
The Mountie (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Tito Santana
Pre-Match Thoughts: Good way to cool the crowd off before the main event, I suppose. Total piss break match. Santana got a big pop for his entrance, Mountie got no reaction at all.
Match Review: Santana starts this off with a headlock, then hits the Mountie with a FLYING FOREARM to knock him to the outside. He then rams Hart and Mountie together with a noggin-knocker, and gives Mountie an atomic drop. Mountie gets the SHOCK STICK thanks to a distraction, and ELECTROCUTES Santana with it. Over for the cover, and that’s it at 1:20.
My Thoughts: The crowd really didn’t like that finish. They reacted very loudly to it in quite the negative way. DUD.
Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter (w/General Adnan) for the WWF Championship
Pre-Match Thoughts: Before this big clash, Hulk Hogan has a promo and rants about Slaughter burning his tanktop. This is really tone deaf, the first time I’ve actively disliked Hogan during any of these angles, programs, or feuds. I remember liking this match as a kid, though. To get things started, it’s time to introduce some celebrities. The guest ring announcer is Alex Trebek, the guest timekeeper is Marla Maples, and Regis Philbin is going to be on commentary. Oh boy. I liked their involvement earlier in the show but I don’t know about this, specifically meaning the commentary.
Match Review: Hogan decides to chase Sarge around the ring, and it’s quite the slow chase. Sarge stalls for a bit when they get back in the ring, and by a bit I mean about two minutes. When they lock up and go into the ropes, Hogan shoves the referee out of the way to stop him from breaking them up. Sarge then gets thrown across the ring, and Hogan puts a headlock on him. Hogan takes Sarge down with a shoulderblock that Sarge bumps excellently off of, and Hogan follows him out of the ring. Adnan tries to attack Hogan from behind, but Hogan grabs him. Sarge grabs a chair, and whacks Hogan across the back with it. Hogan doesn’t sell that at all, and throws Sarge back into the ring. Disgusting to hear all this war type commentary. I don’t like it. Sarge pokes Hogan in the eye, and follows with a back elbow. After some knee drops, Sarge misses an elbow drop. Hogan clotheslines Sarge, runs over to knock Adnan off the apron, and rakes Sarge’s eyes. Hogan hits Sarge with a back elbow of his own, and gives him an atomic drop for 2. Hogan uses a running elbow for 2, and rams Sarge from buckle to bucke, then into one of the posts. Hogan backdrops Sarge, and uses a knee to the back to knock him down again. Hogan catapults Sarge into the post, clotheslines him in the corner, and hits him with some punches. Hogan covers for another 2 count, then heads up to the second rope for a spot that gets botched. Nothing happened. He slams Sarge and drops some elbows on him, then heads up top. That didn’t happen very often! Adnan grabs Hogan’s foot, and Sarge slams him all the way down. Slaughter clotheslines Hogan over the top, then posts him. Dead silence from the crowd. Sarge has another chair, whacks it across Hogan’s back, and knocks him down. He hits him a few more times, then chokes Hogan with a cord. Back in they go, for a Sarge backbreaker that gets 2. Sarge then pulls Hogan towards the center of the ring, and puts a Boston crab on him for some reason. No idea why Hogan hasn’t grabbed the ropes. Regis pointed that out, too. Sarge heads up top once Hogan does, and comes down with a stomp to the back. Sarge covers, but Adnan is distracting the referee. That makes no sense on any level. One visual fall in the books for Slaughter, I guess. Sarge grabs a chair again, and hits Hogan in the head with it. Great distraction that time. Sarge covers, but only gets 2 on the count. Hogan did a nice blade off that chair shot too. It was noticeable, but that’s a lot of blood. Now this match has heat. Hogan gets to his feet, but Sarge clotheslines him back down to the canvas. He locks on the CAMEL CLUTCH, IT’S TIME TO MAKE HOGAN HUMBLE. Of course, Hogan does power out of it and picks Sarge up on his back, but gets rammed into the corner. Now Slaughter has the Iraqi flag, and tries to cover Hogan with it. HAHA. That’s really funny to me at this particular moment. Hogan tears up the flag, and IT’S TIME TO HULK UP. THREE PUNCHES, BIG BOOT, LEG DROP. HOGAN WINS THE TITLE BACK AT 20:23 TO A MASSIVE POP.
HOGAN CELEBRATES WITH OUR FLAG, HE’S THE GREATEST AMERICAN IN HISTORY, AND THAT’S THE SHOW. By the way, him wiping his blood on the American flag would be a controversy of sorts if it happened today.
My Thoughts: This was a match that was intended to be classic, but for whatever reason it didn’t quite get there. Adnan made some mistakes in the match that were unbelievably easy to spot. First grabbing Hogan’s leg too early, then the distraction during Slaughter’s pin. I believe their match at MSG later in the year was better, and I’ll be checking that out soon. The guys worked hard, I’m just incapable of rating this higher than ***. I thought this match was better in the past, but it didn’t have an extra gear to take it higher. Regis was very ineffective on commentary and didn’t add much, but that was better than Gorilla’s war stuff. It was a good WrestleMania main event, though. Fit the general standard of making people happy, was worked at a good pace, and had a definitive finish. I do find it relevant that the Tuesday after this show, they aired an attack where Slaughter threw a fireball at Hogan after this match. Don’t care.
Honestly, I love this show. It’s one of my favorite WrestleMania’s because it ticks all the boxes. They put strong emotional spots in the show, ones that really had the fans going. The reaction to the ending of the retirement match was a perfect example of booking to make people happy. The wrestling on this show was also either good, really good, or great. Anything bad was extremely short. The celebrity involvement was fine, and outside of Slaughter and Hogan, we had good promos for the matches. The commentary was also good for the most part, which was also nice given that this was the first WrestleMania without Jesse Ventura and the first time Heenan was asked to fill a commentary role on PPV. A great show all in all. Next up for me, it’s going to be WCW from April 1991 until SuperBrawl.
Wrestling Time: 1:56:49. The show was over three and a half hours long, so that’s a lot.
Best: Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage. One of the best things to ever happen at WrestleMania.
Worst: Hacksaw’s commentary. I’m struggling to think of anything else that was so bad for long enough to qualify.
Card Rating: 8/10. It’s just below WrestleMania III. Of the WrestleMania’s I’ve seen, I’d rate this in the top five.
