WWE Tag Team Championship – Cody Rhodes and Goldust © vs. The Real Americans w/Zeb Colter
Goldust and Swagger begin with some taunts. Goldust gets an arm drag, and a dropkick that gives him two. In comes Cody with a springboard dropkick that brings in Cesaro. Cody hits the face first suplex for two. Goldust is back in off of the second buckle with a punch. Cody comes back off of the buckle with a strike and hits a running knee to the downed Cesaro for two. Cesaro fights back, but takes a back body drop for two. Cody fights out of the corner and rolls up Cesaro for two. Rhodes hits the high knee but takes a big boot to the floor from the apron. We hit a break.
We return with Cody taking a slam from Swagger for two. Swaggerbomb and double stomp get two. Cesaro catapults Cody up to Swagger for a slam and returns with a stomp. Antonio grabs the chinlock. Cody gets an elbow up in the corner and goes for the tag. He brushes off Cesaro, but Swagger pulls Goldust from the apron before he can make it. Swagger had tried to stop Cody from getting the tag earlier, but had gotten dumped. Cool spot. Things get more awesome as Cesaro counters the Alabama Slam, only to fall prey to a roll up that gets two. Cody, hell-bent on getting that tag, charges, but gets hoisted up into the air for the MURDERDEATHKILL uppercut from Cesaro. That gets two.
Cody goes for the corner sunset flip, but Cesaro stops it. Cody hits the moonsault, instead. It’s hot tag time, and Goldust kicks Swagger’s ass. He gets ten punches in the corner. Swagger gets powerslammed and dumped to the outside to join Cesaro. Goldust lifts Cody out and onto them. Back inside with Swagger and Goldust, Goldy looks for the crossbody from the top, but Swagger grasps him and brings him down with an electric chair drop into The Patriot Lock. The crowd loves this. Cody recovers and returns with a Disaster Kick on Swagger. Cesaro grabs Cody and it’s GIANT SWING time. Goldust dumps Cesaro after the swing and kicks out at two on a rollup from Swagger. The Final Cut takes this badass match for Cody and Goldy.
Final Thoughts: ***3/4. This is a damned good coffee. I want more of it. I might be a bit generous with my rating, but this just feels right. Everything was so crisp, so clever, so heated. While Smackdown has that terrible heat machine pumping, you can’t discount most of the lower bowl of the arena on their feet.
-Ryback steps out into the ring with a microphone and talks about his enjoyment of being a bully. He issues an open challenge to the locker room and out comes Khali, although Khali starts coming out a bit early in the challenge declaration.
Ryback vs. The Great Khali
Ryback hammers away, but takes a clothesline. Khali hits the corner chop. Ryback gets dumped out after a couple of more painful chops. Khali tosses him back in, but Ryback rolls out and gains control. Ryback hops back in and beats him down for a spell. Khali gets the boot up in the corner and hits a couple of clotheslines. Khali hits the brain chop, but Ryback grabs the ropes, kinda? Ryback hits the Meathook and hits Shell Shocked.
Final Thoughts: Well, I mean…it’s cool that Ryback picked him up, but this was a squash.
-AJ and Tamina are chatting and interrupted by Vickie and placed into a 2 on 1 handicap match against The Funkadactyls. AJ calls Vickie vindictive and that’s that.
The Funkadactyls vs. AJ Lee w/Tamina
Who is the face here? Whatever. AJ pouts on the way to the ring so….she is? I’m thinking that through Total Divas, I’ve discovered that Cameron is the most annoying person in the company. Oh, and The Funkadactyls don’t even have to tag in or out, but AJ is the heel. AJ gets hit with an awful double dropkick and rolls outside. Naomi and Cameron gang up and spank her. AJ hides behind Tamina, who gets shoved over. AJ gets dragged back into the air. Tamina takes out Cameron, and AJ gets a bulldog on Naomi. AJ hits a neckbreaker for just one. AJ goes to a chinlock, never having played a wrestling video game before. Naomi gets an enzuigiri for two. Cameron is kept outside because she’s really, really bad. Naomi hits The Rear View for the win. AJ is carried off by Tamina…she just got a butt into her face…
Final Thoughts: This was awful.
-Bray is backstage (or somewhere) and says the world needs fewer revolutionaries and more revolutions. Bray talks up Bryan and Punk as mythical creatures, but Bray claims that they’re human like us all. He closes by saying that the meek shall inherit the earth. This was pretty damned good.
The Shield vs. The Usos and Rey Mysterio
Jimmy and Dean start, with Dean getting control in the corner. Jimmy turns the table and hits a clothesline. Jey enters with a right hand. Rollins comes in, but jumps into a right hand. Jimmy returns and gets knocked down before Ambrose enters to put the boots to him. Rollins returns for more strikes. Double team fails and a blind tag is made. Ambrose and Rollins go down on the outside and get splashed. Reigns gets knocked from the apron, but Jey misses a crossbody and The Shield retake control as we go into the break.
We return with some isolation from The Shield. Dean gets a clothesline and elbow drop for two. Jey fights back, but gets caught in a chinlock. Dean cuts off the comeback with a knee, and Reigns enters. Roman gets a suplex for two. Rollins puts Jey hard into the corner, but misses a corner splash following some taunting. Reigns cuts off the hot tag and hits a big suplex for two. Jey knocks Ambrose off the apron and Reigns misses a charge. Mysterio enters on Rollins with the hot tag and finishes a flurry with a tornado DDT on Rollins.
Reigns kills Jimmy with a spear, and has one for Jey as well. Rey is able to save himself from Reigns , dumping him outside. Ambrose breaks up the 619 with a big clothesline. Rollins flips out onto The Usos. Dean takes a 619 and gets the dime dropped upon him for the finish.
Final Thoughts: **. This was fine, but dragged a bit and the hot tag wasn’t set up like it could have been. Just a time issue, but fine.
-The Big Show is out in the ring with a microphone. He says that he’s back not for the paycheck, but to rearrange Randy Orton’s face. Big Show says that he’s laying it all on the line at Survivor Series, but is interrupted by Randy Orton. Randy calls him washed up and calls him a coward for how he got his title shot. Orton says that he’s going to punish Big Show. Big Show is all, come down here and talk to me in the eye. Show rolls some footage of Randy having his issues with Stephanie and HHH. The Big Show goes back to the old talk about Randy not being what he could be. Big Show says that he’s going to destroy him since he has no help behind him. Big Show shows a video package of him beating Randy up and tells him to hold onto the title super tight.
-R-Truth sells some merchandise, including a snow globe. He does this while wearing some fake teeth and calling himself Pretty Ricky.
GET WILD IN THE FRIENDZONE RETURNS! vs. Damien Sandow and Curtis Axel
Dolph and Damien begin. Dolph is still wearing his shirt in the ring. Axel tags in after his team gains control, and stomps before Sandow returns. Sandow hits The Elbow of Disdain after tearing Dolph’s shirt off. Axel hits a dropkick on Dolph and jaws at Big E. Dolph hits a DDT and crawls for the tag. Big E gets in an runs through Sandow. Axel gets knocked from the apron. Big E hits the big splash on Sandow and THE STRAPS COME DOWN. Axel cuts the knee on The Big Ending. Dolph hits the Fameasser to take care of Axel. The Big Ending finishes this thing. After the match, Axel unsuccessfully attacks Big E and runs off.
Final Thoughts: Far too short to say anything but that Sandow and Axel were pure jobbers.
-Renee is backstage with Alberto Del Rio to recap his feud with Cena. Del Rio says that there are no more games at Survivor Series, and he will make Cena tap. This was actually a very good serious promo from Del Rio. He was surely menacing. They need to have him keep talking like that.
Daniel Bryan vs. Luke Harper w/Bray Wyatt and Erick Rowan
To begin, they grapple. Harper grabs an advantage with some strikes and headbutts. Bryan teases the Yes Lock!, and Harper bails. We hit a break?
We return with Harper ramming Bryan into the apron. Harper breaks the count and returns outside to put Bryan into the steel steps. Back inside, Harper taunts and hits a European uppercut. Bryan dodges another one, and gets a dragon screw. Bryan goes for the corner dropkick, but gets caught with a sit out slam for two. Harper drops an elbow for two and I must say, looks absolutely terrifying. The office better be big on this guy. Bryan flips out of the corner and gets the clothesline. Harper rises on the buzzsaw and hits a sit out powerbomb for two.
Harper drives some boots into Bryan’s face. Luke uses the Gator Roll an holds a side headlock. He moves it into a rear waistlock. Bryan reverses with a kick and gets a roll up. Harper falls outside and Bryan hits a dive to the outside. This causes Bray to rise from his rocking chair. Bray distracts Bryan, and out comes CM Punk, all sorts of pissed off. This distraction helps Bryan get the small package for the win. After the match, Bryan and Punk get laid out, however. Punk takes the clothesline, and Bryan gets Sister Abigail. The Wyatt Family stand over The Indy Mega Powers to close the show.
Final Thoughts: **1/2. There just wasn’t enough time for this one, but it did fine in that the Wyatts get some heat for the PPV.
–Well, there are just two matches to really look forward to at this point. Del Rio and Cena seems like a forgone conclusion, but will be just fine. The good stuff seems to lie with Punk and Bryan versus Harper and Rowan and the traditional five on five. The Big Show is immobile right now, and I’m not sure what they’re going to do in that match. And then, there’s some other stuff that might be terrible. We’ll see who gets blamed for the buy rate.