WWE Saturday Morning Slam – 5/11/2013

Saturday Morning Slam, in my opinion, is one of the most entertaining parts of WWE’s weekly programming lineup.  A throwback to the WWF programming most adult fans grew up, Saturday Morning Slam also doesn’t feel so far removed from the superhero cartoon shows it is sandwiched between on The CW’s Vortexx program block, aimed at young boys.  Whether it is a match between some underutilized talent, a feature on some wrestler or moment in WWE history or your favorite superstar doing guest comedy, this half hour burst of WWE action has more to offer than a lot of fans would expect.

WWE Saturday Morning Slam (05/11/2013)

We are greeted from England are it seems like once again we are being told GM Mick Foley has put together the greatest main event in the history of Saturday Morning Slam.  As we get the match graphic, there are actually high profile names involved as SMS mainstays The Primetime Players will see action against two main event stars, Randy Orton and Sheamus.

After the match graphic, we are brought to an “EARLIER TODAY” segment where Socko and the Cobra meet, only to pan out to Santino praising Mick Foley’s GM work.  Santino first proposes the Cobra and Socko meet in a steel cage, before stating they should be a tag team and shut up 3MB.  As they chuckle, Jinder Mahal comes on the scene and is a bad guy for calling them out for being cornballs.  Mick informs Jinder that he has so much time before his album drops that he can face Santino.  Mahal mentions that they would love to face Marella, where Mick questions the use of “we” and informs Jinder that Drew and Heath are banned from ringside.

We are brought ringside where Santino comes out on a Boris Bike.  Alicia Fox is ringside as the guest commentator and educates us that the Boris Bike was invented by the Mayor of London to prevent traffic and promote green energy.  I’d let Alicia Fox teach me so many things.

Jinder heads to the ring as Josh makes comments about Mahal becoming a solo act, as Alicia provides some clarity that this is a chance for Jinder to become a leader.

Santino Marella vs. Jinder Mahal

The match begins and Josh asks if Alicia has heard the music of 3MB.  Alicia guesses it would sound like Hanson and Josh tells us maybe Jinder will be as successful going solo as Justin Timberlake.  As Jinder dominates the start, Alicia starts comparing Santino to tiramisu.  This is off to quite the start.

Santino does his goofy spin on face in peril, talking about an inability to breathe as Jinder toys with him and the crowd chants for Santino.  Josh mentions that Alicia is setting the standard for any Diva who wants to call action on Saturday Morning Slam and then kisses up to her some more talking about how great she is making the chair look.

Jinder continues controlling and there really hasn’t been much more to talk about on this one then the commentary so far, as we go to the first commercial (which just so happens to try to convince me to purchase the Gerber Life Grow-Up Plan for only pennies a day!)

As the show returns, Jinder is ascending the top rope.  Jinder has a second thought but as he goes over  to Santino, is rolled up for a quick two-count.  Suddenly, Santino is in control, hitting all his crowd pleasing moves.  Before we know it, the Cobra Strikes and Santino runs around the ring celebrating.

Winner: Santino Marella

As Santino rides his bike to the back, the camera rests on a framed poster of Dude Love as Mick sings the Dude’s theme song to himself.  Sheamus enters the room and shakes hands with the Hardcore Legend.  Foley does a fake accent, only for anti-bullying Sheamus to tell him that was the worst brogue he’s ever heard.  Mick starts listing off anything sounding Irish he can think of for Sheamus, such as Shepherd’s Pie and gets the Great White to join in a singing of Danny Boy.  As the Celtic Warrior gets really involved, we see an unimpressed Randy Orton look on.  Sheamus leaves and Mick wishes him luck.

We are given this week’s Saturday Morning Spotlight, which starts off showing us some of Randy Orton’s greatest hits, then some from Sheamus. Brogue Kicks and RKOs we see some highlights of these two as a team.  I guess I missed the show where Cole called them the Celtic Vipers.

Orton makes his way out first and Josh seems to brag about having Alicia there, rather than discussing what I am assuming is a first appearance for 9-time champion Randy Orton on this show.  Sheamus enters next and really yucks it up with the crowd.

Whistles blow and the Primetime Players are quickly dancing on stage.  Alicia Fox describes the Primetime Players as Vugee, a state of mind by the flashy and classy.  I have no interest in finding out if she made that up or not.  I just wish Titus would get the mic.  In typical fashion of a WWE main event face, Sheamus and Orton start to mock Darren Young’s hair.

Randy Orton & Sheamus vs. The Primetime Players

Orton quickly takes down Titus and makes a quick tag to Sheamus.  Josh starts asking Alicia about the attitude of the Primetime Players and she starts talking about the stuff you don’t know.  She tells us that we wouldn’t know Thaddeus paints his nails.  Josh quickly identifies that she is talking about Titus O’Neil without stating she called the man by his real name, which I am surprised they did not bother to edit on something that has been per-recorded for some time now.

Alicia gives more insight telling us Young and O’Neil should focus less on being flashy and more being in the gym.  Josh points out Darren Young calls himself “Mr. No Days Off” and how he is in the gym all the time.  Alicia agrees he has a wonderful physique.  Maybe I wouldn’t be as harsh on the commentary if they just showed a video of her entrance over and over.

As Orton takes out Young, Titus starts blowing on his whistle, garnering a dirty look from the Viper but an escape for his partner as we head to commercial.

Coming back, Sheamus asks me how it is going before telling me how he goes out to entertain the WWE Universe for a good time and how he spent years practicing, so I should not imitate his moves at home or at school.  Sheamus cares.

As we get back to action, Titus is pinning Orton and the Players are in control.  We see a replay of the Players taking control during the break by running Orton into the ring-post.  Josh tells us that during the break, Darren Young came to the booth and informed them the PTP shine bright like diamonds.  Alicia makes a Swarovski joke, as the ten-year old boy demographic this show is aimed for love those jokes.

Sheamus gets tagged in and changes the momentum.  He takes down Darren with a White Noise, brings in Randy who hits the RKO for the win.

Winners: Randy Orton & Sheamus

Josh asks Alicia how she liked being on the Slam and after she states her love, we hear our goodbye with the Viper and the Celtic Warrior standing tall in the UK.  Orton and Sheamus may be perfect on SMS in this post-Mania year, but they still have work to do to get on Jey Uso’s level.


WWE Saturday Morning Slam Wins/Losses (beginning 04/13/2013)

Jey Uso                                3-0

Jimmy Uso                         2-0

Kofi Kingston                     2-0

The Great Khali                 1-0

Hornswoggle                     1-0

Mark Henry                       1-0

Santino Marella                1-0

Drew McIntyre                 1-0

Natalya                               1-0

Randy Orton                     1-0

Sheamus                            1-0

Jinder Mahal                    1-1

Daniel Bryan                    0-1

Epico                                 0-1

Rosa Mendes                   0-1

Primo                               0-1

Cody Rhodes                  0-1

Zack Ryder                      0-1

Damien Sandow            0-1

Heath Slater                   0-1

Justin Gabriel                 0-2

Titus O’Neil                     0-2

Darren Young                 0-3


Written by B. Patrick

Currently residing in Phoenix, Arizona, B. Patrick's interests include comedy, basketball, wrestling, comic books and can change as quickly as a butterfly flaps its wings.

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