WWE Saturday Morning Slam – 5/4/2013

Saturday Morning Slam, in my opinion, is one of the most entertaining parts of WWE’s weekly programming lineup.  A throwback to the WWF programming most adult fans grew up, Saturday Morning Slam also doesn’t feel so far removed from the superhero cartoon shows it is sandwiched between on The CW’s Vortexx program block, aimed at young boys.  Whether it is a match between some underutilized talent, a feature on some wrestler or moment in WWE history or your favorite superstar doing guest comedy, this half hour burst of WWE action has more to offer than a lot of fans would expect.


WWE Saturday Morning Slam (05/04/2013)

The channel guide description of this week’s show claims “The Prime Time Players attempt to make Saturday Morning Slam their own”.  I am so ready.  #WASHRAG

After the intro, we are led right into a match graphic for Jey Uso vs. Darren Young.

A video package highlighting Jey Uso starts before turning to the veteran, Mr. No Days Off. We are told how each man’s partner will be ringside and thus, be the X-Factor of today’s match-up.  After the short package, some whistles blow and the PTP are heading to the ring.

The best part during the intro was two kids in the crowd dressed as Team Hell No, complete with replica tag belts, do the Millions of Dollars dance.

Brad Maddox is in the hot seat with Josh Mathews today and we are introduced to the video leading up to this match-up.

Mick Foley is in his office, trying to learn how to do the Uso dance. PTP interrupts, makes some jokes but then gets Mick to do the Millions of Dollars.  Mick pulls Darren’s pick and starts brushing his hair as two of WWE’s most interesting and underutilized tag teams start bickering amongst who is more entertaining.  The Usos want a team match, Titus says Darren can fight, but he won’t because he is heading to a fish fry.  I don’t know what happened between NXT Season 2 and his actual debut, but Titus went from being so uncomfortable to being gold.  Maybe it is just being the goofy heel persona, but just so entertaining now.  Can’t fight, got a fish fry.

The Usos makes their way down to the ring as Maddox tries to mimic the Players, coming off a bit awkward.

Darren Young vs. Jey Uso

Darren Young takes early control and celebrates with his partner in the corner.  Both men tie up.  Josh asks Brad what he thinks of Foley’s decision, as Brad states you should never question the GM and this is Mick Foley’s show.  Darren distances himself to his opponent, until Jey makes the charge as we go to commercial break.

After the break, Jey has Darren tied up.  Much like Titus, the Usos seem to have much more personality since being made face after being moved to Smackdown.  Jey avoids Darren and does a quick dance before taking him down.  Young pops up and locks down a struggling Uso, while Titus seems flustered on the outside. Must be running late to the fish fry.

Mr. No Days Off mocks the dancing to some heat but gets his comeuppance from Jey, leading to another see-saw, competitive match here on the Slam.

Uso delivers some chops before getting whipped to the corner.  Out of the corner, Jey still hits another chop and after a quick move to the top by Jey, Young jerks him off… the top and both men are down briefly.

Darren starts taking control and the partners not in the match continue to jaw on the outside.  Darren takes Jey up to the top for a superplex, until Uso knocks him off.  Jey goes for a splash but Titus tries to knock him off the rope, leading to a DQ.

Winner: Jey Uso

The Usos stand in the ring with their arms raised as Titus blows his whistle in protest.

The Hall of Famer, GM Mick Foley, has his music hit.  He comes out and talks about the bystanders failing in their roles at ringside but he understands these teams have unresolved personal issues.  Mick says he knows how they can resolve these issues… “a little tag team contest here, on Saturday Morning Slam”  That match-up will begin, right after the break!

The Usos (Jey Uso and Jimmy Uso) vs. The Prime Time Players (Darren Young and Titus O’Neil)

The fresh members of the team are in the ring, as Josh recaps the events of this morning.  Brad promotes the fact this is an all-new match and claims the Players have the advantage.

Jimmy Uso takes quick control, leading to Titus tagging out, only for Darren to get the same treatment.  Maddox continues to put over No Days Off for Young, which was part of the reason he gave the Players the advantage, but it seems to have been the bulk of his commentary.

The Usos utilize quick tags and Josh once again distinguishes the Usos via Jey’s chest tattoo.  As the Usos dominate, Darren scrambles out of the ring and tries to call time out.  While Brad says they still have one left, Josh reminds the audience, there are no time outs in the WWE!

Darren runs past the ring and seemingly fakes injury by tripping over the stairs.  Staying true to the WWE face mold, the Usos both stop and point and laugh at the heel, clutching his injured ankle.  As an Uso goes to toss him in the ring, he limp-runs around the ring and slides in to tag Titus before Uso can get to him.  Titus knocks down, performs his trademark bark and start the offense before we get another short break.

We return with another video reminded us not to try this at home, school or anywhere.  This week, instead of one superstar, we get Foley talking while clips of assorted WWE stars are shown.

As we return, Titus is reasoning with the ref, who accuses him of a hair pull.  The Players work over Jimmy Uso as Josh states the Usos have been in control all morning.  Brad refutes his point, telling him to look at his screen.

Quick tag to Darren and the PTP utilize the Titus suplexes Darren onto their opponent spot.  Darren takes over and after some quick offense, start doing a Millions of Dollars dance, getting Titus going on the apron.  Titus comes back in while Brad tells us that Bricky is always scouting and Vicky will be very happy with what he is working on.

Every shot of this commentary team, they are not looking at the ring, just down at the desk.  This is even happening on close ups…

Titus gets the crowd very angry and he celebrates.  He gets Uso in the corner and sets up a three-point stance.  Titus goes shoulder first into the turnbuckle as Jimmy dodges.  Jey tries to start rallying the crowd but Titus makes the tag first.  Jimmy makes it over before Darren can stop him.  We are told Jey is the more explosive of the Usos.  I hope this does not mean he goes on to become champion while Jimmy makes strange YouTube videos and appears to have an addiction to Volcano Tacos (see: Hardy, Jeff and Hardy, Matt).

The Usos clean house, do some double teams and get everything going to finish Darren off with a big-time top rope splash to end it all.

Winners: The Usos

Jey Uso just went 2-0 this morning to solely bump himself to the top of the current Saturday Morning Slam rankings.  I guess we consider every first post-WrestleMania show a fresh start.  This report started then and Jey Uso is the lone man on top, with his brother tied with Kofi Kingston at the #2 spot.

That will close the show, we will see you next week!


WWE Saturday Morning Slam Wins/Losses (beginning 04/13/2013)

Jey Uso                                3-0

Jimmy Uso                          2-0

Kofi Kingston                     2-0

The Great Khali                 1-0

Hornswoggle                     1-0

Mark Henry                        1-0

Jinder Mahal                      1-0

Drew McIntyre                                 1-0

Natalya                                 1-0

Daniel Bryan                       0-1

Epico                                     0-1

Rosa Mendes                    0-1

Titus O’Neil                         0-1

Primo                                    0-1

Cody Rhodes                     0-1

Zack Ryder                          0-1

Damien Sandow               0-1

Heath Slater                       0-1

Justin Gabriel                     0-2

Darren Young                    0-2



Written by B. Patrick

Currently residing in Phoenix, Arizona, B. Patrick's interests include comedy, basketball, wrestling, comic books and can change as quickly as a butterfly flaps its wings.

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