WWE Superstars – August 29th, 2013

WWE Superstars – 8/29/2013

Hulu’s image for this week’s show lets us know Total Divas star Eva Marie will have an appearance tonight, so that will be fun.

As the show opens, the Usos are on the ramp doing their entrance.

Eva is already in the ring doing some porn-style ring announcing.

Justin Gabriel comes out to be in their partner.  Justin comes out wearing the same gear as the Usos, the shiny shorts and the face paint.

3MB comes out next for what should be a fun six-man tag while Alex Riley starts quoting Justin Timberlake ringside.

The Usos & Justin Gabriel vs. 3MB

An Uso and Heath Slater start the match but I get distracted because Alex Riley is rambling about playing in college against both Michael Vick and Matt Ryan. Given that Vick went pro in 2001 and Ryan went pro in 2008, I was trying to figure out how much college eligibility Riley had before realizing it may have been slightly possible.

Jey Uso chases Slater around the ring who sneaks in a tag to Drew McIntyre, who immediately downs Uso.  He backs off to allow his 3MB mates to throw some punches at Jey behind the refs back and Jinder gets brought into the match.

Both men go down and Gabriel and McIntyre come in.  Gabriel explodes with some crazy offense to down McIntyre while also knocking his former championship partner, Slater, off the apron.

Both Usos dive over the ropes onto different members of 3MB while Justin gets some high impact offense on Drew in the ring.

Justin goes up quick for a 450 splash and connects to end this super short six-man match.

Winners: The Usos & Justin Gabriel

Eva Marie shouts the winners while sounding like she has something in her mouth.  But that’s okay.

The victors celebrate in the ring while 3MB does their commonly seen “disappointed on the ramp” stare.

A recap of the Punk-Heyman-McGilliaxel segement airs.

Randy Orton’s RAW Recap is next as we see him receiving the car and highlights of the Christian match.  This plays through Bryan’s spray paint reveal.

Dolph Ziggler’s music hits.  Dolph has been working Superstars a surprising amount lately.

The Real Americans come out next and it will be Cesaro versus Ziggler.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Antonio Cesaro

The two men lock up to start the match before Antonio shifts into a headlock on Dolph.  He does a shoulder block to knock Ziggler down before doing a WE THE PEOPLE.

Ziggler back up nails a dropkick on Cesaro and tries to pick up Antonio.  Cesaro misses a clothesline but nails Ziggler with a big kick to the gut.  After a few exchanges, Dolph nails a hip toss and ten consecutive elbow drops on Cesaro to the crowd’s enjoyment.

As Cesaro distracts the ref, Swagger clothesline Dolph to turn the tables.

Cesaro lifts and tosses Ziggler before locking in the big headlock.  Riley likens Cesaro to a James Bond villain.  My mind shifts to a Wade Barrett-Antonio Cesaro feud entirely set up like a James Bond movie.

Cesaro stands tall over Dolph and the Real Americans all do another WE THE PEOPLE shout before Dolph gets caught in another chinlock.

Dawson references a Dolph tweet talking about banging married women, which catches me off guard that they would bring that up on air (albeit for a show four people watch) for a face in the PG-era.

Ziggler breaks free and makes his way to the top.  Swagger distracts him, which allows Cesaro to knock him onto the apron.  Cesaro climbs to the second rope and goes for the middle rope-apron superplex spot he did in the Sami Zayn Two out of Three Falls NXT Classic.

Not only did he do this, but he held Ziggler in the air for a while.

Two count!

Ziggler reverses the pin for a two and nails a quick dropkick to Antonio.

Cesaro crawls over to the corner and Ziggler splashes him and lays in a bunch of punches before a neckbreaker.  As both men are on the mat, Colter and Swagger are seen strategizing.

Ziggler goes tilt-a-whirl on Cesaro before locking in his own sleeper, which Antonio uses his strength to break out of.

Swagger tries to get involved again but Dolph knocks him out.  Cesaro misses a move and Ziggler nails the Famouser for a two-count.  I know it was Fameasser but assume it is now Famouser.

Dolph dives on Antonio.  Antonio nails his upper cut and then actually hits the Neutralizer.

Winner: Antonio Cesaro

Wow.  Antonio Cesaro, who I can’t remember the last he won on a main show, just beat a main event player in Dolph.  Probably because Superstars was taped in Phoenix, where Dolph lives.

RAW’s main event of Bryan against The Shield airs to wrap up another week of WWE Superstars.



WWE Superstars Win/ Loss Totals (beginning May 16, 2013)

Brodus Clay                                                        3-0

Natalya                                                                 3-0

R-Truth                                                                 3-0

Sin Cara                                                                3-0

Kofi Kingston                                                     2-0

Layla                                                                      2-0

The Miz                                                                   2-0

Christian                                                              1-0

The Great Khali                                                 1-0

Cody Rhodes                                                     1-0

Ryback                                                                  1-0

Antonio Cesaro                                                 3-1

Justin Gabriel                                                     3-1

Tensai                                                                   3-1

Jey Uso                                                                    2-1

Jimmy Uso                                                          2-1

Wade Barrett                                                     1-1

Cameron                                                             1-1

Dolph Ziggler                                                      1-1

Titus O’Neil                                                         2-3

Naomi                                                                   1-2

Heath Slater                                                       1-3

Zack Ryder                                                          1-5

Darren Young                                                    1-5

Brie Bella                                                             0-1

Nikki Bella                                                           0-1

Brooklyn Brawler                                             0-1

Epico                                                                     0-1

Alicia Fox                                                             0-1

Curt Hawkins                                                     0-1

JTG                                                                         0-1

Big E Langston                                                   0-1

Michael McGillicutty                                       0-1

Primo                                                                    0-1

Tamina Snuka                                                    0-1

Alex Riley                                                            0-2

Jinder Mahal                                                      0-3

Drew McIntyre                                                  0-3



Written by B. Patrick

Currently residing in Phoenix, Arizona, B. Patrick's interests include comedy, basketball, wrestling, comic books and can change as quickly as a butterfly flaps its wings.

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