WWE Superstars – 6/13/2013
Welcome to another edition of WWE Superstars featuring some brief matches of WWE midcard talents, outweighed by replaying HHH and Cena segments from RAW.
Somebody Call My Momma hits and Tons of Funk with the Funkadactyls dance their way out to open the show.
If that looks familiar, it is because they gave me the ability to use the same exact few sentences I used for last week. Oh, Superstars.
Matt Striker tells us Tensai is formidable AND fun!
MILLION DOLLAR MOVE! Here comes the Prime Time Players.
It is one-on-one tonight, Tensai versus the Real Deal Titus O’Neil. They keep telling us this is a coming out party for Titus tonight and he WILL be a future champion. Not soon enough…
Tensai vs. Titus O’Neil
The two powerhouses tie up to start the match, until it breaks up for a staredown.
Titus runs the ropes and bounces off Tensai, who laughs. Titus gives a swift kick to the gut, lands a couple punches but then bounces off Tensai again.
Tensai starts landing some punches and lays Titus into the ropes. Tensai gets Titus off his feet, then squashes him in a corner. As he sends O’Neil to the other side, the Prime Time Player moves and pulls off an impressive body slam on the former Albert.
Titus towers above a grounded Tensai and gets a quick one count. As Titus gains control, Matt Striker starts making up stories about Sunday’s Lumberjack match, trying to tell us it all started long ago between woodsmen.
During all of this, Titus gets tossed outside and Darren Young comes and shields him as we go to the first commercial break.
When we rejoin the action, Tensai has control with a wristlock until Titus breaks free with some nicely landed punches. Back and forth until Titus clotheslines Tensai over. Darren applauds his teammate, who begins barking and the audience seemingly joins in. Millions of Dollars.
Titus comes out to bring his opponent back in the ring. He stomps Tensai once, circles him and pulls him up to stomp him again. Titus starts choking Tensai in the ropes and Tensai seems to be busted open on his head.
Titus keeps control and barks at Tensai’s friends outside. Tensai appears cleaned up as he receives a big headbutt. The crowd starts trying to rally Tensai but Titus continues to use his strength to tie Tensai down.
A few punches helps Tensai land a quick suplex and both men are down, as Brodus starts rallying the crowd by banging on the apron.
Tensai falls into the corner as he gets up and O’Neil misses a charge. Tensai tosses Titus with a monkey flip. A splash in the corner leads to Tensai with a running knee to the face of Titus. As he starts doing his shovel dance, Darren Young causes a distraction. He regains composure and climbs to the top, Darren gets involved, so the ref comes over. Titus tosses Tensai off the top and gets the three count.
Winner: Titus O’Neil
As the Prime Time Players celebrate (and I smile, as I cannot remember the last time they won), we get an advertise for our first RAW recap this week, after the break.
Back from commercial, we get the HHH love fest from the open of RAW this week. It moves surprisingly quicker than I expected.
After another break, we got into the Bryan-Rollins matchup from Monday. While I prefer new stuff, I can be okay with this replay.
WOO WOO WOO
Back with new content as Zack Ryder comes out. Tony Dawson says he is more serious and philosophical. Okay…
3MB’s music hit and the trip come out. It sounds like it will be Slater but McIntyre comes out looking like he should be some of the Andy Samberg/Justin Timberlake videos…
Zack Ryder vs. Heath Slater
Matt Striker starts trying to talk about current events with some boring country music stuff and trying to impersonate Slater. I like both of these guys, so hoping they get a good match, as they both can’t be made into jokes in this one.
Slater backs Ryder into the corner, goes for a huge clothesline which Ryder ducks.
The audience is still going pretty crazy for Ryder as Slater hammers Ryder with a big hit and mugs for the crowd. Slater does a woo after knocking him down before they exchange some quick offense, which Ryder takes control of.
Striker starts comparing Ryder to the recent Los Angeles Dodgers sensation Yasiel Puig, which is bizarre. 3MB distracts Ryder and Slater takes control. After he mounts and pummels Ryder, we get some air guitar before resuming a rest lock on Ryder.
Ryder begins a comeback with punches but while running the ropes gets a high leg across the face from Slater. We hear how the way Ryder kicks out shows he has a lot of fight in him.
While these two continue to have a high energy match, we get to hear about HHH and how much fight he has in him. Slater maintains control but Ryder is really working the lone face in peril mode.
Jinder and Drew whisper on the outside as Ryder tries to fight out of a hold from Slater. As he starts to get free, Slater hits him back but Ryder soon is able to counter and slam Heath face first into the mat.
Ryder climbs the ropes and nails a nice dropkick. A few quick moves later, Ryder is about to go for the Broski Boot, when 3MB runs distraction.
Ryder misses, Slater hits his finisher, The Smash Hit and it is over.
Winner: Heath Slater
3MB celebrate in the ring as we hear that Ryder may have to continue re-evaluating things.
An ad for the Cena-Ryback match plays before we hit one more commercial break.
Back from break we get an extended hype video for Ryback-Cena and that brings us to the end of this week’s show.
WWE Superstars Win/ Loss Totals (beginning May 16, 2013)
Brodus Clay 2-0
Sin Cara 2-0
Justin Gabriel 1-0
Cody Rhodes 1-0
Heath Slater 1-0
Titus O’Neil 1-1
Brie Bella 0-1
Nikki Bella 0-1
Antonio Cesaro 0-1
Michael McGillicutty 0-1
Zack Ryder 0-1
Tamina Snuka 0-1
Jey Uso 0-1
Jimmy Uso 0-1
Darren Young 0-1
Alex Riley 0-2