Let's Play: Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards

[Smues]

Notes before we get started: If you haven't heard of Leisure Suit Larry then why are you reading this it's an old PC adventure game. The goal is to get laid, basically. Larry is a 40 or so year old virgin who goes to not Las Vegas to get laid. Antics ensue. It's similar to other Sierra Adventure games of the time such as Space Quest and King's Quest, just with the goal being sex instead of saving the kingdom or galaxy. I've played this before, many times. It's been awhile, but I'll likely be able to beat this without any problems. Same goes for Larry 6 and 7. 2, 3, and 5 may be a little trickier, but I'll note when I have to consult a guide, and I won't lie and be like OH MAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT THIS IS SO EXCITING YOU GUYS LET'S DO THIS YEAH. I will try and explain how you're supposed to figure things out if it's not obvious, and if I can remember. Also, my ability to screen cap and video cap dosbox is limited, so if something looks funky that's why.

YOU. ARE. WARNED.


http://youtu.be/-xpsTO14UzA
Oh man does that music take me back. Not just the theme itself but the internal speaker version of it. Kids, this is what PC games used to sound like. And we enjoyed it! Oh it's too loud? Tough shit it's being played through the internal speaker, good luck playing this without your parents hearing.

You're supposed to be 18 to play, so before you can start you have to pass a quiz that many 18 year olds would fail today, and many kids, like myself, passed back in the day. Good job with that one. Also you can skip it with some keyboard combo like ctrl-x or something, but I've seen the questions enough I can get in pretty well. If you fail you get kicked out of the game.

You get this message. Possibly with more text, but this is what I was talking about with my issues screen capping Dosbox. Despite it not looking like that to me, that's what Fraps pulled. Anyway, a brief sampling of questions:

I have no idea

I have some idea

E. In Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Leisure suit is on, let's roll. Or strut, yes let's strut.

Yes where better to try and lose your virginity in Las Vegas Lost Wages than at a seedy bar. Lefty's, I am about to be in you!

But first let's get used to having to use the keyboard to type out what you want to do and go try and read this sign. You navigate with the arrow keys but for everything else you have to type in exactly what you want to do and hope the game speaks the same English that you do. The sign is an advertisement for a taxi company, and this is the games way of letting you know you can call a cab here. We'll be doing that. A lot. But first let's go inside the bar. And get our shoes pissed on by that dog. Because that's what's happening here. At least the dog kind of looks like my dog, who thankfully has never pissed on my shoes.

Again, of all the places to go in mock Las Vegas and this is where we end up? Anyway first thing I need to do is go order a drink. You can try and talk to the other patrons at the bar but they mostly ignore you, except for the loud guy who just randomly yells out joke punch lines. Maybe I'll have better screen capping luck in future LPs and we can see some of his 'hilarity' later.

Having played this game I know why you keep the whiskey, but it seems odd that Larry would just randomly decide to keep it, where as anything else you order he drinks right away. Somebody peeked ahead at the game scripts, for shame Larry.

 

[Smues]

A drunk, the entrance to the bathroom, and a rose. Why is there a rose sitting there on the table? And why is there even a table there? Because you need the rose later in the game, and it would look silly just sitting on the floor, duh. Don't ask such stupid questions.

You give the drunk your whiskey and he gives you a remote control. How are you supposed to know that? Well he's a drunk, and I'm pretty sure he mentions whiskey as well.

Now to stink up the bathroom. I think we all know what that aroma is.

This is completely optional by the way, I just thought why not. When you gotta go you gotta go.

Reading the writings on the bathroom wall gives you some useless graffiti until eventually:

Aha, the clue you need for the next puzzle.

 

[Smues]

Getting the password was something I remember figuring out rather quickly.

Looking in the sink and finding the diamond ring, however, I did not figure out for quite awhile. Slow Smues is slow.

I need to wrap this up for now, but rather than just saving my game and saying good bye I'll show you some of the fun of the world of Larry. We should be a gentleman and flush the toilet eh?

Ok so that was a bad idea. There would be some text explaining how fucked you are, but well you know screen cap fun and all.

No, thank YOU for letting me play a game where die when you flush the toilet! I don't quite know how the water would rise so fast and not flood into the rest of the bar first, but hey I'm not complaining. As a 10 or 11 year old this was the funniest thing ever, and we did it to poor Larry a lot. Half of the fun of the game was fucking the hooker, but the other half was finding ways to die.

 

[Smues]

Back to the grind we go. Yo Taxi!

Oh you know you want to see poor Larry die again.

What no ride for the dead? But how will I cross the river Styx. Where's Charon when you need him?

$8 is serious business.

 

[DrVenkman PhD]

I vividly remember not paying the taxi driver.

 

[Smues]

After finding the first couple of ways to die we made it our mission to find as many as possible, because most of them were pretty funny.

 

[DrVenkman PhD]

The humour definitely helped the Siera-ness of it's specificness.

Not realizing a video game character specifically needs to be told to pay for a taxi, so he gets murdered = funny.
Losing because you didn't walk a circle around your police car before entering = seriously?

The by the book nature of Police Quest was a real pain in the ass.

 

[fazzle]

So after you get done with this, are you then going to go and play through the remake coming out at the end of the month and check out what's been changed?

 

[Smues]

So anyway into the casino we go. The gambling options in the game are slots or blackjack and I usually just go with blackjack. In fact this game is where I learned the rules of the game.

I failed to mention at the start that you start the game with some money, which will get you some cab rides, but it's not enough to complete the game. The ONLY way to make more money is gambling, so here we are. Saving and loading are your friends mmm'kay?

Because this is an adventure game you need to look at or in everything, and in this case doing show nets you a Disco membership card in that ash tray. Yes the Disco is members only, no I can't imagine people just beating down the door to get in. But now for a brief interlude that is not needed to beat the game and in no way helps, but I like extras like this: A shitty comedy club!

Oh it does, believe me it does.

PWN'D

You can sit there for awhile and read the jokes. Like I said this is just an extra and in no way helps you complete the game. My only problem with parts like this is you don't KNOW that your first time through, so it's easy to waste a lot of time trying to figure out just what you're supposed to do here.

 

[Smues]

Now we're off to the convenience store for one of the more memorable scenes in the game.

Of course it would be more memorable if you could see the text but uh, pretend the partial text is copy protection and if you want the full game experience go play it yourself. Yeah that's the ticket. So anywho there are several items to buy here. Breath spray and a dirty magazine are optional. Booze and a condom are not. For some reason in this universe condoms are sold behind the counter. Which results in the cashier asking you a whole ton of questions.

And then yelling out your order to the entire store. Which apparently has other customers in it who magically appear to yell at you.

If fraps liked Dosbox better this would say WHAT A PERVERT. Because buying condoms is so sketchy.

It's ok Larry, just take his abuse with gentle good humor. That condom will literally save your life later. It can also kill you, because adventure game.

 

[Baby Shoes]

This game is like Sammy Sosa baseball because IT'S SO REEEAAL.

 

[Smues]

Good thing I bought the wine, because here's a wine-o that would like some. You give him the wine and get a knife. Note: if you don't have the knife later in the game it's game over and I hope you didn't save in that room and make no other saves, because I've done that!

So back to the bar we go to finally go in the mystery room. Knock on the door and remember that the kindly bathroom wall told you that the password was KEN SENT ME. Apparently he sent you to get laid, because it's pimps and hoes time.

Well now we know what happened to Fat Albert after the show ended. Hey hey hey, it's fat Pimpbert. You can pay him to get upstairs, but I'll be honest as kids we never even knew that was an option, we figured out the remote control thing pretty quick and always did that. Just turn the TV and change the channel half a dozen times.

That's right, apparently you don't have to pay a pimp hundreds of dollars, just put some porn on the television and you're set. Because the porn is better than the hooker upstairs?

.....oh.

Next episode: PUSSY

 

[Smues]

Sexy. So the hooker is probably what people remember most when they think of this game. As I said I've played plenty of times and know what to do, but I'll go through it in the sequence most people would when first playing. First, let's fuck!

Oooo baby.

Just lost my virginity to a hooker. I am so cool. I am so

Oh shit.

This would be better with a video, or the VGA version, but if you can't tell, his dick exploded. STDs don't fuck around in video games. They should show this scene in sex ed classes.

Anyway it's game over and you have to load a saved game or re-start, but I'll show you what happens when you die this way (or get killed by the thug in the alley)

It's down to the Sierra lab to be recycled and replaced with a new Larry. I was always hoping they'd fuck up and send the King's Quest guy that is down there back up instead, but no dice.

 

[Smues]

So you reload your saved game and use the force condom this time. Ain't no hooker stank on you.

Yep, if you don't take it off before going back outside you're arrested for being a pervert and it's game over. Larry just can't catch a break. But hey third time is a charm.

Strip

Wear the condom

Fuck

Regret

Yep, this game is quite realistic.

Now remove the condom so as not to get arrested. We also took the box of chocolates that was in the room because...uhh...because it's an adventure game. Duh. And what to do after losing your virginity to a hooker?

Why climb out the window and go dumpster diving, of course. You can go to the dumpster at anytime, you don't even need to go through the hooker's window. But you do need to go check the dumpster out at some point because it contains a hammer. Please Hammer don't dump'em.

 

[Smues]

Banging the hooker is where most casual players stopped, and it is the highlight of the game so I don't blame them. But for those of us that wanted to complete the game (and just assumed hey you can have sex with one girl there must be lots more right?) the next stop is the disco to use that membership card.

Yeah a ton of guys and one girl, and the girl is still alone. Right.

You need to give the girl (named Fawn) the chocolates from the hooker's room, the rose from the drunk's room, and the diamond ring from the bathroom. Yes men, you too can impress a hot blond with nothing but shit you find in a seedy bar. You also need to ask her to dance.

I felt the need to get video of the dance, so after some effort here you go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXWG5m1QO1c

Wow. Although, given how many ways there are to die in this game I think Stayin' Alive is appropriate. Anyway Fawn is so impressed with your ability to burn up the dance floor that she:

Awesome! Except she wants to get married first. DOH!

 

[tekcop]

Nothing but <3 for that video.

 

[2GOLD]

Ahhh Leisure suit Ted Striker, fantastic.

 

[Smues]

So for the rest of the game I switched from Fraps to screen cap/paste/save. That takes a lot longer and much more effort, but it also means from here on out there shouldn't be any goofy looking images with half the text missing. YOU'RE WELCOME.

So you go to the casino and gamble until you have a couple of hundred dollars needed for the wedding and for Fawn to go get a room at the casino's hotel. You're limited to $20 a hand of blackjack, so it takes awhile, and a lot of saving and loading.

On the way out of the casino I find a weird guy wearing a barrel selling apples for $1. It's an adventure game so you know you're going to need what he sells, so we buy it. That makes two needed items that you get from a character that randomly appears outside of a building.

And now we're married. Sure we don't know a thing about this women, but she danced with me at a disco so she must be 'The One'

Now we have to go find our room at the hotel, which means you take the elevator to each floor until you find it on the 5th floor. The only clue as to what room is yours is there is a heart on the door. Ooooookkkkkk.

Oh a heart shaped bed, so you know it's classy. Let's turn on some tunes to get her in the mood.

Damn corporate fucks ruining my honeymoon. Well there's a phone number, so you know you have to go call it. Down to the lobby we go.

You sons of bitches! So then we take another damn cab ride to the store to use the payphone outside. I had to call twice because the first time I told them to deliver to the hotel and that didn't work. Told them honeymoon suite the second time and all was well. Now it's back to the room to make sexy time.

Alright, more hot PC sex action. And now Larry has some experience, so you know this is going to be a better time!

 

[Smues]

Kinky.

Oh shit. EPIC FAIL

I think we all know that there is.

Knives save lives. If you haven't gotten the knife from the drunk before this part then it's game over. A mistake I've made more than once.

You also need to take the rope, as once you leave the room you can't get back in. So if you say, forget to take the rope, leave the room, and then save your game, you're fucked. Something I have also done more than once.

So we go back to the alley with the dumpster and tie the rope to the railing and swing over to the other window.

Oh fuck. Ok so I forgot that you tie it to the railing AND yourself. Important step there. How you are supposed to figure out to go to that railing and use the rope and then swing over to break the window with the hammer I have no idea. I think I had to figure that out with help from the strategy guide.

Please Hammer don't of fuck it SMASH. You smash the window open and take a bottle of pills. Next stop is the top floor of the casino hotel. There's a desk and a woman there. You find this when you're exploring the hotel and checking every floor. I don't know what the clue is to give the pills to the women at the desk, but it's not too hard to figure out if you played a lot of adventure games as you usually tried to use every item you had on every person.

Odd. But whatever this game is almost over let's just get through this thing. With her gone you push a button on the desk which opens the door to the penthouse suite.

Going outside the suite you'll find a naked woman in a hottub. Who for some reason isn't at all freaked out about a stranger entering her room. No complaints when you join her in the hottub either.

 

[tekcop]

So... the woman married you to steal the little bit of money in your wallet? Huh.

 

[2GOLD]

So... the woman married you to steal the little bit of money in your wallet? Huh.

I think it's going to be the plot of Ocean's 14.

 

[Smues]

I forgot to mention after she leaves you with just $10 you have to go back to the casino floor and gamble again as you'll need money for at least two more cab rides. Padding!

 

[Smues]

Let's finish this bitch.

...the game. Not the woman in the hot tub. I meant no offense ma'am.

She doesn't really say much, other than to tell you her name is Eve. You give her the apple you got from the guy in a barrel, and BOOM touch actin' tinactin you've beaten the game. I don't know how you're supposed to know to do that, other than her name being Eve, but by this point in the game you don't have much in the way of inventory so as long as you bought the apple you'll figure it out pretty quick.

So let's recap. You essentially broke into the penthouse suite of a hotel and found a woman you don't know. You give her an apple, and boom it's sexy time. Even in the video game world I don't quite understand it, but I think they were just trying to figure out a way to end the game and this was it. So sex with hooker = unfulfilling. Sex with woman you don't know any better than the hooker that you give an apple to = fulfilling?

Anyway here's the ending. Congratulations, you've I've earned it.

This statement is in regard to your total points. You get points as you go along in the game but in this and pretty much every Sierra adventure game there are many optional things that earn points, so you won't get 100% just playing the game to completion by default.

I found the whoring for the sequel pretty funny, but can you imagine if a game today said 'Buy the sequel, and buy multiple copies'? I think the internet would shit a collective brick. And then throw it at the company's windows.

Anyway, that's Leisure Suit Larry 1. Join us next time for...I'm not sure yet.

 

[gWIL]

Anyway, that's Leisure Suit Larry 1. Join us next time for...I'm not sure yet.

Leisure Suit Larry 2? Do it.