VH1's 40 Most Awesomely Bad Metal Songs

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

The Blender thread was most successful thread music folder has seen in years so I'm doubling down. Mentioned this list in that thread. Let's see if I can give my man Laz a conniption.

40. Judas Priest- "Turbo"
39. Jackyl- "The Lumberjack"
38l. Grim Reaper- "See You in Hell"
37. Iron Maiden- "Bring Your Daughter...To The Slaughter"
36. Creed- "Higher"
35.Green Jelly- "Three Little Pigs"
34. Frehley's Comet- "Rock Soldiers"
33. Dio- "The Last in Line"
32. Guns N Roses- "Estranged"
31. Loudness- "Crazy Nights"
30. BulletBoys- "Smooth Up in Ya"
29. Accept- "Balls to the Wall"
28. Slaughter- "Up All Night"
27. Trixter- "Give It To Me Good"
26. Helix- "Rock You"
25. Marilyn Manson- "I Don't Like The Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me)"
24. Motley Crue- "Without You"
23. Dokken- "Breaking The Chains"
22. Van Halen- "Without You"
21. Quiet Riot- "Party All Night"
20. Danzig- "Mother"
19. Vixen- "The Edge of a Broken Heart"
18. Manowar- "Blow Your Speakers"
17. Scorpions- "Wind of Change"
16. Queensryche- "Silent Lucidity"
15. Whitesnake- "Here I Go Again"
14. Britney Fox- "Girlschool"
13. Insane Clown Posse- "Tilt A Whirl"
12. Hear N Aid- "Stars
11. Autograph- "Turn Up The Radio"
10. Limp Bizkit- "My Way"
9. Cinderella- "Nobody's Fool"
8. White Lion- Wait
7. Ugly Kid Joe- "Everything About You"
6. Stryper- "Honestly"
5. Winger- "Seventeen"
4. Poison- "Unskinny Bop"
3. KISS- "Forever"
2. Warrant- "Cherry Pie"
1. Europe- "The Final Countdown"

I will say this has more genuinely deserving of being included on a Worst Of list than the other two lists I posted today. But the songs that don't deserve to be put there stand out even more. Like "Estranged" is only on there cause the music video is bad, that's a genuinely great power ballad. What makes "The Last in Line" so bad? That's one of Dio's most famous songs. And this countdown I'm 99.9% sure came out right around the time Danzig got KTFO cause that's the only reason I can think of "Mother" being included on a WORST list. And there's a lot of bad bands on here who had worse song. Like for the token Limp Bizkit song, they pick the BEST Limp Bizkit song. WTH?

Also I'm 99.9% sure Jericho was one of the panelists on this show because I weirdly distinctly remember hearing him do an impression of Mike Tramp's accent and it had to have been from the segment on "Wait".

 

[Brocklock]

There's some songs that don't belong.

33. Dio- "The Last in Line"
32. Guns N Roses- "Estranged"
29. Accept- "Balls to the Wall"
25. Marilyn Manson- "I Don't Like The Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me)"
23. Dokken- "Breaking The Chains"
20. Danzig- "Mother"
17. Scorpions- "Wind of Change"
16. Queensryche- "Silent Lucidity"
15. Whitesnake- "Here I Go Again"
10. Limp Bizkit- "My Way"
7. Ugly Kid Joe- "Everything About You"
1. Europe- "The Final Countdown"

I like all of these songs.

A lot of metal snobs would probably say most of these bands fall under hard rock more and a younger me would definitely point that out, but really who cares. There's some really bad stuff, but there are some songs from terrible eras of bands I like that would fit more. Something off "Risk" from Megadeth. A bunch of stuff from Metallica after The Black Album. Celtic Frost's attempt at hair metal might be too obscure for VH1, but I think the video got some play on Headbanger's Ball and probably VH1 Classic's Metal video block.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fs7TO3oxt6M
The first 30 seconds don't sound too bad because the riff is a ripoff of "Seek And Destroy", but oh my god those vocals and lyrics.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

Dokken- "Breaking The Chains" is a really good hair metal song. I think VH1 liked to bag on them cause of the goofy name (HEY! Couldn't help it. That was their singer's name) but they could've picked a lot worse song from them.

 

[SFH]

38l. Grim Reaper- "See You in Hell"

Former colleague that we lost last year used to play the hell out of this song when we'd have down time, so much so it worked its way into my personal playlist. When he passed, this was the song I chose to honor him with, weird as that worked out.

 

[Baby Shoes]

Is it me or does “The Final Countdown” seem inappropriately categorized as metal?

Surprised we didn’t get something from a band like Hole on the list.

 

[Youth N Asia]

I don’t think I’ve willingly watched a moment of VH1 in over a decade. I have no idea what their format is anymore.

And Mother is only on this list because Danzig is a little douche. That song still rocks.

 

[Fall of Epic]

Why are ICP constantly categorized as a metal group by mainstream media? They're featured in metal publications and are always trashed in countdowns like this. What do they have in common with metal outside of that one song they had that was popular because Slash played guitar on it? (no I'm not looking it up).

My brother was into them for a spell. I've always seen them as strictly a rap duo; albeit a pretty bad one.

I do respect their appreciation for their fans, though. I think that's admirable.

 

[Big Papa Paegan]

Is it me or does “The Final Countdown” seem inappropriately categorized as metal?

Surprised we didn’t get something from a band like Hole on the list.

Literally more metal than Creed, Limp Bizkit, Britney Fox, and ICP.

And Accept fucking rips. "Balls to the Wall" has one of the nastiest riffs in rock/metal history, enough to forgive the silly as hell lyrics.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

"Tilt A Whirl" is probably ICP's most metal song but it's still not metal at all.

 

[HarleyQuinn]

I think this list was made around 2004 or thereabouts. The Manson thing I feel like they had to include a Manson song but even this one's fine with a bluesy-funk riff going on that's actually better than most of the other songs on that list, which should disqualify its inclusion.

I also feel like they purposefully ragged on 80s Hair Metal as several bands (BulletBoys, Trixter, Helix) I had literally never heard of and the mostly ignored any late 70s/early 80s NWOBHM contenders.

With that said... Poison's "Unskinny Bop" is pretty bad. I couldn't even troll defend it after re-listening to it for the purposes of this thread.

 

[Fall of Epic]

It's worth noting that VH1 had a "Best Metal Songs" list that included a few of these songs so I never took it seriously.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

With that said... Poison's "Unskinny Bop" is pretty bad. I couldn't even troll defend it after re-listening to it for the purposes of this thread.

Poison has a few decent to good songs but "Unskinny Bop" is definitely not one of them. Simply horrible. If anything it should be ranked HIGHER. I wouldn't complain if it was #1. Just one of those songs you listen to and wonder what the hell they were going for. The dumb skittering opening bluesy riff, the nonsensical chorus. I think they were going for a '70s Aerosmith vibe and failing horribly.

I'm gonna pull out my KISS Army card and say "Forever" is ranked way too high. It's obvious why it wasn't ranked that high (non makeup era, ballad, co-written with Michael Bolton) but it's a perfectly fine power ballad. They could have picked a bunch of worse KISS songs, singles or deep cuts. "Let's Put The X in Sex" or "Take It Off" are two singles that come to mind.

 

[Brocklock]

It's hard to take any mainstream countdown like that seriously since they rarely acknowledge the sub genres of heavy metal like Death Metal, Black Metal, Power Metal, Doom Metal, Progressive Metal, Thrash Metal, Grindcore, etc. That's like 70% of metal bands not being included.

And the bands they just use are Hair Metal, Nu Metal, Grunge, the 90's Alt bands with heavier sounds like Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, Rage Against The Machine, a ton of hard rock bands from the 60's and 70's, and then Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, and Motorhead. Those 7 bands are unarguably heavy metal, while most of the other bands VH1 includes in either list I think are closer to hard rock. But Metal is a genre where everyone has a different opinion on what fits.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

VH1 a few years earlier than this had a Greatest Hard Rock Artists countdown that would probably not be good by TRTSM's lofty standards but I thought was deep/good by mainstream standards. It was first time I remember hearing about Slayer, King Crimson, Ministry, Pixies, and a bunch of other bands.

 

[Fall of Epic]

VH1 a few years earlier than this had a Greatest Hard Rock Artists countdown that would probably not be good by TRTSM's lofty standards but I thought was deep/good by mainstream standards. It was first time I remember hearing about Slayer, King Crimson, Ministry, Pixies, and a bunch of other bands.

That legit was probably the best countdown series the network ever did (I rewatched it recently; it's actually on Youtube in parts). 20 years later and I think the list holds up for the most part though there are some clear WTFs (Danzig being included but not the Misfits, Megadeth being criminally low for starters).

 

[Brocklock]

I remember watching that Hard Rock list a ton as a kid. It did help me to check out some good music which I wasn't doing at the time. It was definitely their best list I believe. I think they did another one that was the most 100 shocking moments in music history that also was very informative.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

I'm not gonna say the list was great but it did present a diverse spectrum of artists, for a mainstream show.

Although I'm not sure the Pixies count as hard rock. I'm sure they were glad for the VH1 airtime in '00.

 

[Fall of Epic]

The thing I enjoyed most about the list was when they recognized and acknowledged that certain bands don't fit the "hard rock/heavy metal" label (Stones, Doors) but their influence in the genre(s) was too great to ignore.

Also, don't forget about VH1's "Least Metal Moments" which included Alice Cooper playing golf, Pat Boone's metal album, and James Hetfield rocking out to Avril Lavigne!

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

I remember watching that Hard Rock list a ton as a kid. It did help me to check out some good music which I wasn't doing at the time. It was definitely their best list I believe. I think they did another one that was the most 100 shocking moments in music history that also was very informative.

There was a period between I'd say like 1996 and 2001 where VH1 was a really cool network to watch and tbh, shows like those and Pop Up Videos really shaped my pop culture sensibilities.

I would say the slow decline started when I Love the '80s premiered. I actually liked the '80s and '70s was pretty good. Then '80s sequel, which was decent but diminishing returns. Then I Love The '90s which was also decent but it's 2004, we're still trying to figure out what the '00s are going to be like (spoiler: not much). Then I Love The 90s sequels and '80s threequel and I'm like "Alright my interest is waning, guys. Then it nadirs with them doing the I Love the '00s in 2008. Decade isn't over and we're already supposed to be nostalgic? It did give us Michael Ian Black trying to be serious talking about 9/11. And Oh God, now I'm remembering he tweets a lot of mainstream centrist neoliberal Democrat stuff on Twitter.

ANYWAY... that series just led to VH1 using the "Let's be snarky and make fun of old stuff" phase which led to them acquiring The Surreal Life in like '04ish and ratcheting up the trash factor (Hottest TV Take: the first few seasons of The Surreal Life on WB were genuinely entertaining and legitimately surreal feeling), which planted the seeds for the CelebReality era.


Damn. I'm at the stage of quarantine where I'm ranting and raving about '00s VH1 programming.
'

 

[Brocklock]

VH1 from like 2002 to 2009 was most of what I watched tbh.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

VH1 was still watchable for most of the '00s but early '00s were the sweet spot. It was actually a good network at one point, I tell ya!

 

[Big Papa Paegan]

The Best Hard Rock list was great, like everybody said. It actually got me to give a ton of bands I'd initially written off a try, and although I didn't like a whole lot of them on second spins, there were a few I really enjoyed. Rush, in particular.

 

[Brocklock]

Damn. I'm at the stage of quarantine where I'm ranting and raving about '00s VH1 programming.
'

Also my man, that usually happens at least 3 times a month in the chat.

 

[Fall of Epic]

VH1 jumped the shark for me with all those "I Love..." series. I really enjoyed the 80s and 90s versions but then they made sequels to the decades and they got a bunch of talking head celebrities for "I Love the 70s" who either were born after the decade or were too young to really remember anything about it!

As someone who hasn't had cable for over a decade, is there ANY music channel that primarily has music-related content? I remember when MTV started going off the rails in the late 90s/early 2000s and we had MTV2 for our music fix but then they mostly got rid of their music programming as well. When VH1 were headed in the same direction, I remember watching a lot of VH1 Classic. Nothing like watching classic Iron Maiden and Judas Priest videos in the morning before college! Also, That Metal Show.

Does anyone remember the BOX? I used to watch videos on there before school when I was like 14-15. TONS of nu-metal.

(Maybe we need a general "Music Channel" thread).

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

AXS TV is pretty good if you like boomer music. They have a show that is basically a series version of "I Love The '70s" except they have D list celebrities who actually remember the 70s.There's a channel called REVOLT that looks decent if you like current hip hop but other than that, slim pickings.

 

[Fall of Epic]

Also, don't forget about VH1's "Least Metal Moments" which included Alice Cooper playing golf, Pat Boone's metal album, and James Hetfield rocking out to Avril Lavigne!

YES