After some arm-twisting with the folks at Best Buy, I ended up with the Acer AS6530-6522 for $400. When I walked in the store, that first guy at the door told me that the laptop I was looking for was not in stock, and was directed to customer service where I could possibly order it. Then customer service said they have three in stock, but cannot sell them, because they're waiting to roll them out on Sunday, when the sale (laptop+case+mouse+printer) will no longer apply. So I asked how they could have them in stock but not sell them while the sale is ongoing, which is really kind of unethical, if not just plain wrong, and the customer service girl said she'll make an exception for me. So I was directed to the computer department, where a very nice girl helped me get the laptop I want/need, along with either the listed throw-ins or similar items of similar value, which was quite gracious. I'm sure the retail mongs here are going to pour in and tell me what an awful human I was for questioning someone's ethics like that, but I made up for it by being nice and thankful to the people that helped me, and look, it's not as if Best Buy (or any retailer) really has us consumers by the balls these days. You can sell me $500 worth of computer shit for $400, or you can gfy. All things considered, I think it was a pleasant transaction.
What won't be pleasant is switching from comfy old XP to daunting new Vista. I'm grimly resigned to entering modernity, but it's probably going to be a huge pain. Oh well. Just give me two good years of this thing before it falls apart and sets itself on fire. Remember in "Hired! Part 2" when the salesman says "we hope you'll buy your next ten cars from us" and Joel goes "TEN CARS?!?!?!?" Laptops are the new Studebakers, man.