Andrew Lutzke
Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred Hayes are in front of a green screen pretending to be be airline pilots. Mooney delivers puns based on flying. This goes on before each match…
Intercontinental champion “Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich vs. Mr. Perfect
Sean Mooney and Hayes call the action. Hennig flies across the ring to put over Von Erich’s strength advantage. Perfect quickly gains control by snagging the champ in a sleeper. This goes on for several minutes. My suspicious side wonders if Hennig didn’t realize quickly that Kerry was messed up and went into “idiot-proof” mode.
Hennig cuts off several Von Erich comebacks before missing a dropkick and briefly surrendering control. Von Erich secures a claw hold to gain the advantage, then tags Perfect with the discus punch.
Hennig goes to the floor to recover, Von Erich pursues him but ends up posted. Perfect races back in the ring and earns a count-out win. Hennig attacks Von Erich after the match, but is fought off. This really felt disjointed and was borderline dull, which is pretty surprising for a pair I assume worked a bunch together in the fall of 1990.
Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka vs. The Barbarian
Mooney and Alfred once again are on the call. Snuka may have lost his luggage as he is fighting here in plain black trunks, with none of his normal gimmick apparel. Barbarian shoves Snuka, so Superfly hoots in his face. More shoving, more hooting. The crowd begins to crow about the inaction.
Snuka hacks away at the Barbarian, but it takes a litany of shots to hurt the big man. More stalling. Then we stall again for some variety. The bastards in the WWF picked THIS for their “best of” tape. UGH!!!
More stalling. Snuka hoots. Snuka sells big when the Barbarian finally starts hammering some forearms down on him. Snuka fights back with chops and an arm bar – lest the pace move past that of a sleepwalking zombie.
The Barbarian leisurely pounds on Snuka. The Superfly takes a break on the floor. Barbie slams Snuka into the poll and railing to give Snuka an excuse to lay around for a bit. A bearhug livens things up in the ring. Then another bear hug tests the fan’s willingness to watch paint dry.
Snuka frees himself and slowly mounts his counter offensive. Even the announcers are questioning why both men are so lethargic. Snuka attempts a crossbody, but Barbie rolls through with it for a near fall I bought as the finish. Barbie scores with a big boot seconds later and uses his feet on the ropes to ensure this trash is put to an end. HORRIDLY DULL match.
Tugboat vs. Earthquake
Mooney and Hayes are once again ruminating on these events. Tugboat attacks before the bell can even sound and Quake takes a hip toss(!) from the massive mariner. They exchange shoulder blocks to determine who is fatter. Quake wins that challenge by drop kicking the Tugster.
Quake elbows, kicks and chokes Tugboat to maintain the advantage. Tugboat manages to clothesline Quake and catches him with a splash. Jimmy Hart saves Quake from being pinned. Tugboat unleashes his own dropkick. Jimmy Hart again gets involved, so Tugboat grabs him. Dino Bravo runs in to save his manager and helps Quake batter the Big Boat Man. This would normally be derided by me, but following the Snuka debacle, this was practically War Games.
The Legion of Doom and The Ultimate Warrior vs. Demolition
Lord Al and Gorilla Monsoon are at the commentary booth. The faces roided physiques make Demolition look like your fat uncles dressed in S&M gear in comparison. Warrior clears the ring in a hurry. Smash jumps Animal to give his squad the advantage once things formally begin.
We get a few tags off in quick succession, with the L.O.D. taking the blunt of the punishment. Warrior finally tags in to turn the tide for his team as he wrecks all 3 heels. Warrior’s execution of some of the moves leaves much to be desired. Warrior misses a splash so badly that even Monsoon has to mention that Warrior would have missed even if Ax hadn’t moved. Warrior is moved into the heel corner and becomes the unlikely face in peril.
The LOD save Warrior from being finished off and the match breaks down into a multi-man brawl for a bit. The heels cheat to place Animal in trouble next as they take turns wearing him down. Warrior makes the hot tag after Animal is beaten for several minutes. Warrior blitzes through the heels, blasting Smash with a flying shoulder block to finish things in exciting and rapid fashion. Good enough for what it was.
The Legion of Doom vs. The “New” Demolition
More from Mooney and Lord Al with the commentary voice over. Mr. Fuji is back with the heels, and Ax is gone. As is their classic theme music. Grrrr….
The LOD outclass the heels in the opening minutes. Even the announcers speak out on how Demolition are getting wrecked. Fuji and his cane help Demolition turn the tide. Hawk is battered by double teams as he is trapped in the heel corner. The Demolition Decapitation fails to finish things as Animal breaks up the cover.
Animal gets the hot tag and wipes out both of the heels. LOD look to go for the Doomsday Device, but Mr. Fuji gets involved and once again turns the tide for his team. Crush and Hawk take the fight to the floor as Smash pounds on Animal in the ring. Hawk sneaks up to the top rope and catches Smash with a flying clothesline to secure the win. This was a solid, paint by numbers power man match. The fans enjoyed it and I probably would have too in 1991.
Marty Jannetty vs. Paul Roma
Marty charges the ring and goes right after Roma. This is coming off of Roma and Hercules injuring Shawn Michaels at Summerslam ’90. Roma uses his size and strength advantage to quickly turn the tables on the Rocker. Roma shows off his raw power by tossing Jannetty around with little effort. Marty responds with a few desperation cradle attempts before finding himself bound in a headlock.
More headlocks from Roma keep Jannetty trapped. Marty is at least working for the escape and not just sitting there. The crowd is absolutely dead, minus a smattering of “boring” cat calls. Jannetty briefly escapes, but Roma relocks in the headlock. Good grief.
Jannetty finally gets free and explodes on Roma with fists and flying attacks. Jannetty delivers a long distance flying fist to Roma’s skull. Hercules pulls Marty out to prevent the pin. Jannetty runs to the floor and pops Hercules for his actions. Marty next tries to slam Roma, but Hercules trips him up and holds his leg to ensure his parner secures the tainted win. Jannetty goes after them post-match and is beaten down for his efforts. Roma did his best to drag this down to mediocrity.
Big Bossman vs. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase
Dibiase is not interested in tangling with the man who refused to be bought prior to Wrestlemania 6. Dibiase takes a walk to avoid the action. Virgil tries to distract the Bossman, but Dibiase is caught attempting a sneak attack. Bossman greets him with a plethora of fists. The big man next takes off his belt to choke and whip Dibiase.
Dibiase avoids a splash, then retrieves Bossman’s nightstick and cracks it across his chest. Bossman goes to the floor to recover, but Dibiase follows him and drives him into the ring post.
A wounded Bossman tries to fight back in the ring, but his accumulated injuries allow Dibiase to keep things under his command. Dibiase stomps on the prone Bossman, in addition to focusing multiple attacks at Bossman’s battered ribs. Dibiase then locks on a Bearhug to continue damaging Bossman’s ribs. The Million Dollar Man gets a bit too confident and attempts a top rope attack, only for Bossman’s fist to greet his midsection.
Bossman’s shine only lasts a few seconds as Virgil gets involved. Bossman drags him in the ring and earns himself a DQ. The heels attempt to finish off the Bossman with his own nightstick, but Bossman is able to wrest it away and scares the men off. Both men tried hard, sold well and had themselves a good match.
Intercontinental champion Mr. Perfect vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Roberts out grapples Hennig in the opening minutes, wrenching his arm in unnatural directions and driving his knee into the arm at least a dozen times. A top wrist lock keeps Perfect at bay. Hennig manages to reverse a hammerlock for a moment, but eats an elbow and goes to the floor. Perfect returns to the ring, only to be tossed over the ropes by Roberts. The Snake goes after Heenan, finally allowing Perfect to get the jump on Roberts. Hennig avenges himself by bending Roberts’ arm behind his back and wrenching at it.
Lord Al reveals a knowledge of old school torture holds as he teaches Mooney about the infamous “Sugar Hold” that hookers utilized to mess up unexpecting victims. Roberts mounts a comeback and attempts a DDT, but Bobby Heenan gets involved to earn Hennig a DQ. Heenan drags Damien to the center of the ring, where Perfect attempts to Perfect-plex Roberts on the snake. Jake fights out of it and DDT’s Hennig. Heenan yanks Perfect to safety as Jake and Damien stalk them to the back. This felt like the first ten minutes of a 20 or 25 minute match. We got a solid feeling out engagement but never took things to the next level and skipped right to the finish.
Final thoughts: That Snuka match might be the worst match I’ve seen from this Coliseum Video dump, but there’s some decent action to see here otherwise.
