Joseph Howell
“It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time” is a series that focuses on movies that either have a bad critical reputation, bombed in the box office or serve as guilty pleasures. It will largely focus on genre movies, though I will venture outside of that area
Back in the late 1970’s/early 80’s, a post “Meatballs”/Pre-“Ghostbusters” Ivan Reitman wanted to take the popular adult science fiction/fantasy magazine, “Heavy Metal” (itself a French magazine called “Métal Hurlant” which translates to “Howling Metal”) into an animated anthology film that offered audiences something they normally didn’t get from these kinds of movies – female nudity, bloody violence, and loud rock music (Black Sabbath, Cheap Trick, Blue Oyster Cult, Sammy Hagar, and Nazareth were among the artists included on the soundtrack). Something that would live up to the name, “Heavy Metal” or at least act as a cartoon for the rest of us.
As an animated movie, “Heavy Metal” pales in comparison to something like “Wall-E” or “The Iron Giant.” As a juvenile fantasy film, it’s a masterpiece that practically defines the adolescent male libido aged 12-16. All the women are voluptuous and end up naked. The action scenes feature beheadings and disembowelments instead of the usual fistfights. Instead of a nice pop song or folk standard in the soundtrack, you had Dio proclaiming that “The Mob Rules.”
Even outside of that, it’s an enjoyable movie. It has primitive but fun animation (made up of traditional and Rotoscope styles), a cast of reliable comedic talent (John Candy, Harold Ramis, and Eugene Levy), character actors (Rodger Bumpass and John Vernon), and a sense of originality and imagination. Hell, only one story is a dud (the girl is abducted/meets robot/fucks and wants to marry robot tale, “So Beautiful and So Dangerous”), as the rest of it works extremely well.
Interestingly enough, it took a while for the film to finally come to home video thanks to legal issues with the soundtrack and the studio worrying about the content. However, as its cult status continued, talk about a sequel of sorts began. Here’s the thing about doing a sequel to something that’s a cult favorite instead of a mainstream one: normally, it’s a very bad idea. Everyone loves “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” and “Re-Animator”, but not as many are going to go crazy for “Shock Treatment” or “Bride of Re-Animator”. Movies like this are lightning in a bottle and can’t be caught twice. Equally problematic was the fact that many of the actors, animators, writers, etc. had either died or moved on. Ivan Reitman, for example, had no interest in the project and instead went to work on the largely forgotten science-fiction comedy “Evolution” instead.
Nonetheless, those who insisted on it soldiered on. They decided from the get go that, apart from being an R-rated animated film that was a Canadian production with loud music in the soundtrack, this would have little to do with the original. It wouldn’t even be an anthology. Instead, it would be an adaptation of a story featured in the pages of the magazine called, “The Melting Pot,” which was written by “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” creator Kevin Eastman. Originally, it was meant to be a limited theatrical release that particularly catered to the midnight audience (aka fans of the original), and was going to have the likes of Guns n’ Roses on the soundtrack. While it did get a few big names to add songs (Billy Idol and Pantera along with Bauhaus releasing their first new song in 17 years), it ended up debuting on the cable network Starz, and was then dumped to home video without much fanfare.
Our story begins with a miner named Tyler (Canadian character actor Michael Ironside, whose mostly known for his roles in “Scanners,” “Total Recall,” and “Starship Troopers”) discovering a green crystal that causes him to go mad and turn into what looks like Nathan Explosion with a mullet. Now thirsty for immortality, he and his crew decide to attack a planet designated a Federation-Assigned Ketogenic Killzone to the second level (or F.A.K.K.²) because the inhabitants have small amounts of a water that holds the key to immortality.
He leaves everyone dead except for Kerrie (Sonja Ball), whom he abducts, and her sister Julie (Julie Strain, who was then Eastman’s wife). Julie now wants nothing but payback, and decides to get Germain St. Germain (Pier Paquette), a former crewmate of Tyler’s, to help. It all leads to Tyler, his crew, Julie, and Germain to end up on a planet that contains what Tyler believes is all the immortality water he’ll ever need. In the process, Julie meets Odin (Billy Idol), an alien being who, along with his rock-beast companion Zeek (Rick Jones) may hold the key to stopping Tyler once and for all.
Little of what made the original “Heavy Metal” a cult favorite is available here. Sure, it has boobs and blood, but it all feels like a bad Saturday morning cartoon with four letter words peppered in (the fact that one of the studios behind it, CinéGroupe, largely made kids cartoons is probably one of the reasons). The animation doesn’t help either. Whilst the animation in the original has become dated, it still has charm to it. Here, it’s mostly flat 2D animation combined with really poor CG that’s especially obvious in a lame twist that pops up near the end.
So, how about the cast? They don’t do that good either. Julie is basically just a “tough girl” stereotype that spouts bad one-liners and of course, ends up naked. It’s telling when Germain St. Germain, himself a drab comic relief character, has more humanity than her. Ironside tries all that he can, but Tyler himself is poorly written and not a particularly interesting character. He’s just your typical “villain who is hard to kill” who does foul things and has no back story or personality. Only Idol seems to know what kind of movie he’s in, as the “White Wedding” singer is the only guy who is having any sort of fun here.
Well, it’s called “Heavy Metal 2000”, so how is the soundtrack? It pales in comparison to the original. There are a few good songs (the highlight being the Stoner Rock groove of “Infinity” by Queens of the Stone Age), but most of it is pretty nondescript. Let’s just say that if Nu Metal (Coal Chamber and Full Devil Jacket), nondescript Industrial Rock (Apartment 26 and Hate Dept.), and awkwardly added Horrorcore Rap (Insane Clown Posse and Twisted) is your cup of tea, then you will by all means love it. Me? I’ll stick with “Veteran of the Psychic Wars” instead.
Ultimately, “Heavy Metal 2000” feels like a bad tribute to the original (complete with scenes paying homage to that movie) that just makes you want to watch that one instead. Is it a perfect film? Not really. However, even if you don’t like that movie, you’ll at least find more to it than this one, which like many things from 2000-01 feels like a last dying gasp of the “extreme” 90’s. An era in which Insane Clown Posse had a top 5 album and one of the biggest rock stars of the world was a doofus wearing a red baseball cap.
At the very least, you can say that the legacy of the original lives on. “South Park” did an entire episode that paid tribute to it. It had a cameo on the cult sitcom, “Happy Endings,” and there was talk of a David Fincher/James Cameron produced third movie that never came to fruition. All these years later, there’s a reason “Heavy Metal” still has an audience whilst the sequel has pretty much been forgotten.
Next Time: “Lifeforce” killed Tobe Hooper’s chances at being a major voice for major studio horror. The film itself is one of the most bonkers horror movies released by such a studio.
