Joseph Howell
“It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time” is a series that focuses on movies which have a bad critical reputation, bombed in the box office, or serve as guilty pleasures. It will largely focus on genre movies, though I will venture outside of that area
Today, one of the only comedy stars of the 90’s who still has a lot of success going is Adam Sandler. Sure, Jim Carey is still around, but his days as a leading man seems to be over. Then there is the case of Mike Myers. Like Sandler, he was a graduate from SNL who went on to find a wave of popularity thanks to the likes of “Wayne’s World”, “Austin Powers” and “Shrek.” He was popular not only with critics, but with audiences as well, as it seemed like the man would go on to be the most successful of the former SNL cast members.
Then we got movies like “Shrek the 3rd” and “Austin Powers 3”. Sure, these were box office hits, but the critical acclaim had begun to wane, and something like “The Cat in the Hat” (aka no, not even I want to cover that) hindered him. So, how would Myers try to get himself out of this artistic rut? Well, he would work painstakingly hard on a passion project that he felt would be a surefire success? He thought the movie would be “The Love Guru”. A movie in which Ben Kingsley shows up as a guru named Tugginmypudha, who pisses, farts and looks like this
To be fair, the movie does open in a somewhat amusing fashion, as we hear the voice of Morgan Freeman-only for it to turn out it’s Guru Pitka (Myers) talking through the “Morgan Freeman” setting on a Voiceover Machine. It’s a cute gag, but we then get to the movie in itself, which gives us Stephen Colbert himself as a sportscaster who is battling a losing fight with his addictions to sex and peyote. Amazingly, he’s not the only gifted comedic talent to be wasted here, as John Oliver and Jim Gaffigan show up because-well, I guess because they are mortal and make mistakes.
Now on to the plot, in which Toronto Maple Leafs star player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) is undergoing stress. Why? Is it the pressures of celebrity and expectations of his talents? No, it’s because his wife has been fucking Jacques “Le Coq” Grandé (Justin Timberlake), the goaltender of the rival L.A. Kings. Jacques himself is essentially awful, as the whole aspect of the character is that he’s a horny sex freak with a huge cock that speaks with a cheap sounding accent, all while Timberlake seems to be uncomfortable no matter how much effort he puts into the character. Anyways, Maple Leafs owner Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) needs someone to help turn this situation, so she turns to Pitka to help Roanoke with his stress problems.
That’s not the only story involving Pitka. You see, he also wants to appear on Oprah, and also wants to become the world’s biggest guru, a title held by Deepak Chopra (who has a cameo as himself). You’d think that the movie would have fun with something like fake spiritual gurus, but nope, none of that. Instead, the film seems to take Chopra as the real deal. The kind of guy who really is looking to make the world a better place instead of making a quick buck. Granted, I kind of understand, as Myers probably got help from the guy in what was a difficult part of his life (the passing of his father and a rather messy divorce), but he doesn’t seem to be interested in adding any actual humor to this subplot.
So, what do we get instead? Indulgence. Lots and lots of indulgence. Such as a straight performance of “9 to 5” and a joke free rendition of “More Than Words” that was included because…well, because Myers thought it would be a good idea. That and the inclusion of Vern Troyer, who shows up to destroy whatever dignity he probably had left for an easy paycheck. Oh, and the awful performances. Alba seems lost throughout, probably wondering why her agent agreed to this, whilst Timberlake annoys from the get go, hamming it up with bad smutty humor and forced gags that left me wanting to fast forward his every scene. Oh, and Ben Kingsley, who as I mentioned, shows up as a grotesque Indian caricature. I know that the man is no stranger to shitty movies, but it’s still depressing to see the man who played Gandhi being reduced to this.
However, none of them match Myers himself. As Guru Pitka, he mugs for the camera, laughs at his own dirty jokes and seems to be constantly amused with himself. Everything about his performance reeks of a sad man-child who refuses to grow up and also is fully convinced that he is a genius. It’s embarrassing to watch, and at times I was almost surprised even Adam Sandler didn’t show up to say “Dude, you’re embarrassing yourself. Cut it out.”
So, what is all this building up to? What great punch line could this all lead to? Why, it all leads to *spoiler*two elephants fucking at the end. That’s it. That’s the ingenious finale Mike Myers thought he had. That’s what he thought would be hilarious. Even a 13 year old boy would look at this and go “that’s it?” That’s the biggest attempt at a joke in this movie.*end spoiler*
It’s funny that I mentioned Adam Sandler. Whilst many of his movies are awful (shit, just as bad if not worse than this), nobody really has had high expectations from him. Myers was a guy that for a while, people actually expected something from. He was going to be the big risk taker. However, when Sandler takes a risk, such as with “Punch Drunk Love” and “Funny People”, it really does feel like a risk, as it’s different than the kind of thing we normally expect from him, and it can be rewarding. For Myers, a big artistic risk was a movie in which one of the primary jokes is that someone has a massive penis.
Needless to say, Myers career didn’t recover after this. Sure, there was another “Shrek” movie, as well as a great cameo appearance in “Inglorious Basterds”, but apart from that, we haven’t seen or heard much from Myers since this movie. Last I heard, he and a studio wants to do another “Austin Powers” movie, but even that most likely won’t be a big box office draw. In the end, “The Love Guru” is a walking reminder that sometimes, taking a risk can be a disaster not just because of financial reasons. Sometimes, that risk just results in an awful movie.
Budget: $62,000,000
Box Office: $40,863,344
Next Time: Terry Gilliam followed up “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” with a warped take on the Lewis Carroll poem “The Jabberwocky”
