Through the Years: Saturday Night’s Main Event #5

It has been a little bit of time since I’ve watched anything from the WWF. This is the big setup show for WrestleMania 2, and it was necessary that everything came off as planned. Obviously, this show was presented correctly, and things took off to even greater degree. I still feel that the WWF hasn’t hit their 80’s peak in the stuff I’ve been watching. Phoenix is a strange place for them to have gone, considering that it wasn’t a big territory town. I guess it was reflective of their national expansion. The lineup features one potentially great match, too.

– Taped to Air March 1st, 1986, from Phoenix, Arizona

We open up with Mr. T slamming his fists into a punching bag. “Get that microphone out my face fool!” I don’t know how anyone could cheer this guy after he talked to Mean Gene that way! After the introduction video, Vince and Jesse run down a few of the matches. Bulldogs vs. Dream Team! Muraco vs. Hogan!

“Battling” Bob Orton vs. Mr. T in a 10 round BOXING MATCH

Pre-Match Thoughts: Do I really want to see this? I don’t know. So, as for what got us to this point…

Bob Orton shows up as “Boxing” Bob Orton on an episode of Piper’s Pit. Nothing special here, just some backstory. Piper does his best to get this stuff over.

Second time Orton shows up wearing boxing gloves, he challenges Jose Luis Rivera.

Orton then faces Rivera in a really stupid looking boxing match, but the punches look better than they do in any other WWF work boxing match I’ve seen.

Lastly, Hulk Hogan shows up in defense of Jose Luis Rivera, and says that Mr. T will face Orton in a boxing match. Crowd liked it.

Anyway, before the match, I find out during a promo that they changed Orton’s name to “Battling” Bob Orton. What the hell. They do a bit in Mr. T’s dressing room before the match, show his sparring from earlier, he cuts a promo, and entrances are underway. I haven’t decided how exactly I’ll recap this, yet, but obviously, and unfortunately, this is setting up another match.

Match Review: Orton attacked Mr. T at the start, when the referee wasn’t paying attention. Okay. Orton got warned for holding or something, after about a minute. T hit him with a few decent looking punches, jabs and whatnot, nothing special. They do a thumb to the eye angle, where Orton punched him in the eye with his. Man, this is terrible. A doctor comes into the ring, and they somehow swell up T’s eye, or something. I literally could not care less. End of Round 1, right after the bell, Orton clocks Mr. T in the face while the referee is separating them. Ha.

At the beginning of Round 2, Orton rushes over to corner T, and taunts him. This is so dumb. T rocks Orton with a shot, Piper distracts the referee, and Orton knees T in the gut. He holds T and walks him over to Piper for a punch, but Piper punches Orton in the head instead. Then Orton does a stupid bump over the top rope after a left hook to the head, and Mr. T beats Orton via count-out at 1:00 of Round 2.

Piper spits at T after the match, and challenges T to a fight. The crowd for some reason likes this, although not as much as they would have if not for the earlier terrible boxing match. Orton attacked Mr. T from behind with a high knee, and then the heat built up. And Piper whipped him with his belt. That’s bad, very bad. Jesse called the incident “Roots 2.” Seriously?

My Thoughts: This was one of the worst TV matches that I’ve seen, but that being said, it was nowhere near as the Mr. T vs. Piper boxing match that I swore to never watch again after the last time I watched it. Guess what? I’m watching it again. Still, this is deserving of negative stars, and that’s what I’m giving out. -* for awful, awful stuff, the likes of which should never happen in a wrestling ring. Other than what will likely be the worst match I’ll ever see (again) at WM 2, this is the worst match I will see during this project for some time. Avoid like the plague.

King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Steve Gatorwolf

Pre-Match Thoughts: Heenan cuts a promo on Bundy’s behalf, and says that Bundy has every intention of taking the WWF Championship away from Hulk Hogan.

Match Review: Bundy beats up Gatorwolf, takes him into the corner, and follows with the AVALANCHE. Didn’t take very long. Cover gets 3 after 41 seconds. COUNT TO FIVE REFEREE. He did. I don’t rate squash matches.

Afterward, Bundy calls out Hogan on the house microphone. Well, I wonder if there’s going to be any advancement on that angle shortly…

Don Muraco vs. Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship

Pre-Match Thoughts: Muraco is acting pretty strange before the match, and it’s because Mr. Fuji has the flu. Because Fuji is laid up, Bobby Heenan will be his manager! The camera shot of a sick Mr. Fuji was hilarious. Hogan has a few words after that, and it’s time for the match…

Match Review: Jesse complains about “Real American” as Hogan makes his entrance. That’s blasphemous, brother. Muraco rams Hogan into the turnbuckle from the off, and rakes his back. That was sold in hilarious fashion by Hogan. Crowd chants for Hogan while he gets beaten up, so Hogan responds by throwing Muraco into the corner and giving him a backdrop on the way out. Hogan has control of Muraco now, and shoots him into the buckle, following with a clothesline. Hogan gives Muraco an atomic drop, which knocks Muraco over the top rope. You know, I’ve never really liked the psychology of that move and bump. Hogan followed Muraco to the outside, punched him, and tossed him back in. Hogan punches Muraco down in the ring for 2, and puts Muraco in a bearhug. The challenger headbutts his way out, and gives Hogan a leg drop. A knee drop too. Cover gets 2. Muraco gives Hogan a few knee lifts, and headbutts Hogan in the groin. Weird how that’s allowed. Muraco gives Hogan a Russian leg sweep, and follows with a thumb spike from the top rope, before going for the cover. Obviously, it gets 2, and I guess it’s time for Hogan to HULK UP. Three punches, a back elbow in the corner, a big boot, and the LEG DROPPPPPP. Heenan then runs in the ring and breaks the cover, getting Muraco disqualified at 6:53.

Hogan goes to attack Heenan, and puts him in a choke lift, but there’s KING KONG BUNDY ON THE ATTACK. He backs up, and WHAMMO he gives Hogan an AVALANCHE in the corner. And another. A third one follows for good measure. Hogan plays dead, and Bundy gives him two BIG SPLASHES. Pedro Morales and the British Bulldogs run in to save Hogan, but it’s too late for that. Hogan does a stretcher job afterward, and Vince puts on his serious voice. That part is pretty funny.

My Thoughts: This was quite the poor match. The post-match was historic, in that it was the first time anyone had been able to destroy Hogan like that, but the match with Muraco stunk. That’s two bad matches, two decent angles, and a squash so far. The lack of athleticism in the WWF at this point is quite glaring, but I know for sure that the next match will make up for that. It has to. 1/2*, and I am increasingly souring on Muraco. I know he was over, but I can’t figure out how.

The British Bulldogs (w/Captain Lou Albano) vs. The Dream Team (w/Johnny V) for the WWF Tag Team Championships

Pre-Match Thoughts: Yes, finally! I’ve deliberately avoided many of their matches so that this would be a fresh view for me. With three really good workers involved, this has to be a strong match, right? Before the match, Johnny V has some comments on his team’s behalf. A video is shown of the Bulldogs beating the Dream Team a few months ago, too. The finish of that match was great.

Match Review: It seems that some people left after the Hogan match. Anyway, who cares about that match. Davey gives Valentine a big atomic drop at the beginning, and both men headbutt the Hammer, getting a 2 count. Davey suplexes Valentine back into the ring for 2, and tags in Dynamite. They give Dynamite a double shoulderblock, for 2. Valentine makes the tag to Beefcake, but it doesn’t matter, and Dynamite gets control of him too. DK tags in Davey, who grabs Beefcake’s left arm and lifts him into the air, quite impressively. Crowd is very much into this match. Davey elbows Beefcake, who tags in Valentine after he falls back towards his corner. Davey PRESS SLAMS Valentine, gets 2. That’s a big guy for Davey to be press slamming at this point in time. DK tags in, and dishes out a few knee drops. He gives Valentine a back suplex, and a falling headbutt, which gets a 2 count. Dynamite heads to the second rope, and flies off it with a knee drop. He tags in Davey, who trades big forearms with Valentine. After getting hit with an especially hard one, Davey gives him a dropkick, and puts him in a small package for a close two count. These two can GO. Dynamite tags in and is given an inverted atomic drop, and Valentine tags in Beefcake. Then they do a bit where Albano pulls Johnny V down from the ring apron, and both teams back up their managers, heading into the commercial.

After the break, Beefcake is driven to the challengers corner, and Davey flies in off the top rope with a missile dropkick. Cover gets 2. Valentine tags in, and the champions put the boots to Davey, then Valentine locks in the figure-four. However, Dynamite does something awesome, and leg drops the former Intercontinental Champion. Then he tags in, and gets stopped. Valentine heads to the second rope, and lands an elbow drop. Never seen him do that. Cover gets 2. A big shoulderbreaker follows for 2, and well, this match is very good. Beefcake tags in, and gives Dynamite a big stomp. Gets 2. Funny how the other guys are doing these great moves and Beefcake is merely giving out kicks to the chest. Valentine tries for the figure-four and gets kicked into the corner, then he tries to go up top, and Dynamite slams him OFF THE TOP ROPE. Dynamite lands a huge dropkick from the top, and Valentine puts his foot on the bottom rope during the cover. Dynamite lands a huge clothesline for 2, and a snap suplex. Davey and Beefcake run in, the referee gets distracted a bit, and they both run back out. Valentine and Dynamite do a collision spot, and Valentine winds up with his foot on top of Dynamite. I guess this is the end of the match, because the referee just counted 3! Huh? Time was around 12 minutes, counting commercials.

My Thoughts: That was a great match, with an interesting yet clean finish that provided pretext for a rematch. It also kept the Dream Team from looking like cheaters in case a title switch at WM wasn’t on the cards. That’s a good thing. Left the option to have a cheat finish available to use, and all of that. ***1/2, it was just that little bit better than the Midnight Express/RnR match I watched recently. Looking forward to the WrestleMania 2 rematch.

After the match and commercial, Gene Okerlund is trying to get information on Hulk Hogan. He’s standing outside of the emergency room, wearing his tuxedo, but he doesn’t have any information yet. They wanted to show the Real American video, and it’s fitting because Hogan has basically been killed by Bundy.

I’ve seen the video about a hundred times, and heard the song a couple thousand, but there it is. Great entrance theme, no doubt about that. One of the best. Whoever put the video together deserved some kind of award. The images of Hogan juxtaposed with Neil Armstrong and Martin Luther King Jr. are the best.

Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog

Pre-Match Thoughts: I find this match a bit strange. For one, JYD rarely ever loses matches. Two, Adonis has a new gimmick, therefore he should be kept strong. So what’s going to happen here? I don’t know yet. Unfortunately, before he match, there are a lot of “faggot” chants at Adrian Adonis. His pretaped promo is weird, too.

Match Review: Adonis does some really gay stuff in JYD’s face, and apparently JYD doesn’t take too kindly to that. He grabs Adonis by his scarves, throws him across the ring, and then whips him through the turnbuckles into the ring post. Then, after that, knocks Adonis over the top rope, and Adonis gets tied in those ropes. That’s a very good rope tie-up spot. That got a huge crowd reaction. Adonis gets slingshotted back into the ring, and JYD hits him with a clothesline. Cover gets 2. Adonis hits him with some sissy punches, which get big heel heat, and then JYD launches him over the turnbuckles, Flair flip style. JYD then headbutts Jimmy Hart in the back, while Adonis and Hart are hugging. I hope this comment doesn’t make me out to be a homophobe, but this match has some really funny spots. Hart brushes Adrian’s hair, which nobody seems to notice, and I’m assuming that because of the lack of heat for it. JYD drags Adonis and Jimmy Hart into the ring, and throws Hart into Adonis, which knocks both of them out of the ring. Not joking when I say once again that there have been some great spots in this match, and a lot of things that build heat and give fans what they want to see. Also, I’m starting to buy the “Adonis was given this gimmick as punishment” trope, after hearing some of Vince’s commentary about his fat body.

After the commercial, both men are wrestling a regular match, and Adonis gets covered for 2 after being punched. JYD gets tripped by Hart when he tries a headbutt, and falls face first into the canvas. Then Adonis hugs the referee, and Hart ties JYD up in the ropes with one of Adrian’s scarves. Adonis chokes JYD with great fury, and eventually the referee grabs the hair of Adonis to break the chokehold. I don’t like that, referees should not get involved. Adonis covers for 2, and clearly the tie on JYD’s leg is broken by this point. Adonis goes for a piledriver, and the referee very stupidly stands in front of him so that JYD’s feet kick him in the face. I hate that too! Jimmy Hart gets on the apron, JYD rams Adonis into Hart’s megaphone, and JYD gets the pinfall victory at around 6:30 shown.

After the pinfall, JYD chases Hart around the ring while on all fours, headbutting him. Adonis grabs the megaphone however, and gets his heat back by hitting JYD with it and knocking him out of the ring. Very well done.

My Thoughts: This was a ridiculous match, but on the whole I’d say that it was not half bad. The Dave Hebner stuff was nonsense, but the rest was perfectly acceptable entertainment. Against better thought, I’m going to give it a ** rating. It’s among the best WWF JYD matches I’ve seen, for the record. With that rating, it means I haven’t seen very many great ones from him.

After a replay of some of Adrian’s bumps is shown, we get an update on Hulk Hogan. The doctor says some x-rays are needed. Okay. That is the end of the show!

Well, there was decent WrestleMania preparation here. Some poor matches were sprinkled in, but so was one very good one. The lack of athleticism in the WWF is starting to become telling, and quite frankly a bit annoying. However, they’ve prepared for the big matches well, and I guess we’ll see how it comes off. The Hogan angle was a bit silly, but in the context of the time it was a big deal. Nobody had taken him out before. Little bit disappointed that Savage wasn’t on this card, but considering they have a Steele match planned for WM2, maybe that’s a good thing! Going forward, next up will be a review of the WWF in March 1986. That’s one month before WM2. Then back over to the NWA for a bit, and the big one shortly after. I’m trying to make things coincide with the launch of the WWE Network so that I’ll be able to watch WrestleMania 2 on there, but I don’t know if the timing will quite match on that.

Best: British Bulldogs vs. The Dream Team. Great tag team match with an excellent finish, keeping things fresh going forward.

Worst: Bob Orton vs. Mr. T. It was like a sick joke.

Card Rating: 5/10. One really nice tag match and a good show finisher, but there were three nothing matches, two of which were absolutely awful. At least the post-match angle after Muraco/Hogan had something to offer.