Sage Cortez
So, I’ve went through a year of watching the WWF and JCP. It went by quite fast, but it seems as if it will take much longer to get through the next year. In any case, this is WrestleMania 2. It was an extremely ambitious project, with three venues, and three separate cards. In addition, the portion of the card not taking place in the respective arenas, would be shown before or after the live matches. It should be noted that the boys were given nearly a whole week off to rest, do PR, etc. That should be a good thing when it comes to match quality, as everyone should be fresh. This card also took place on a Monday, with Vince McMahon not being in Los Angeles for the title match. That seems insane to me, and a bit unlike him in terms of how hands-on he was. Perhaps he thought launching the show was of the most importance. Or that he needed to be there to make sure the Mr. T match went off smoothly. I do not know. My outlook heading into this show is that it’s perhaps the most forgettable of all the WrestleMania cards. Hopefully there’s something good for me to remember it by. Anyway, let’s get to the action!
– April 7th, 1986, from Long Island, New York
This starts off with a pretty sick entrance video. One of the better WrestleMania intros I can remember at this time, in fact. THAT SAXOPHONE. Vince does his “WELCOME TO RASSLEMANIA” bit, and introduces Susan St. James, his co-host for the New York portion of this card. Must keep my silence…fortunately, that is a short-lived introduction, and Vince quickly moves on to introducing RAY CHARLES. Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful,” which as Vince seems to think, is a better song than our national anthem in my opinion as well.
Quickly, the show bounces to Chicago, where Gene Okerlund talks about the 20 man battle royal later on. He uses that opportunity to lead into a promo with Lou Duva talking Roddy Piper up as a legitimate boxing prospect. Unfortunately, he’s obviously reading off cue-cards or a teleprompter. He’s staring right at it! Piper says that if Mr. T knocks him out, he’s retiring. The production work here was very impressive, jumping around from place to place like that, putting in a pre-taped segment, and all of that.
Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco (w/Mr. Fuji)
Pre-Match Thoughts: I’m having a hard time figuring out the exact reason Orndorff is facing Muraco, but my assumption is that he’s facing Muraco because Muraco helped set up Hogan for Bundy’s attack. Orndorff’s placement on the card shows how much he’s cooled off, he was the #2 face in the company for a brief time, and now he’s not.
Match Review: At the start of the match, voiceovers of both wrestlers are played. Muraco slams Orndorff, and Orndorff quickly replies with one of his own. They lock up again, and Muraco gets whipped into the turnbuckle, then Orndorff follows with a backdrop, arm drag, and drop toe-hold. Vince puts over both men’s physiques, before saying that it’s irrelevant in the context of wrestling. Make up your mind, man! I can’t believe he said that, to be honest. Orndorff has been working Muraco’s left arm for a bit, and drives a knee into his back. St. James is so bad as a commentator, of course. Muraco gives Orndorff a Samoan drop, but Orndorff fights back after being driven into the turnbuckle, and Muraco takes them both over the ropes to the outside. Of course, they brawl on the outside, and the referee rings the bell for a double countout at 4:33. The crowd chants “bullshit” after that, and I don’t blame them.
My Thoughts: I would also chant after that match. When you pay that kind of money to be at a show, you expect something more than that. Like a finish, or you know, more than 4 minutes of a wristlock and a couple of bumps. This is pretty much the definition of a DUD. Very disappointing outing.
After all that, Mr. T cuts a promo in the back, with JOE FRAZIER and Haiti Kid warming him up for the match.
George Steele vs. Randy Savage (w/Elizabeth) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship
Pre-Match Thoughts: I have covered just about everything leading up to this match in previous reviews. I think in some respects, this program was a waste of Savage, but in other respects, like drawing and making money, this was a good thing to do. I don’t like the commentary of course, so I’m going to try to ignore it except in the most egregious instances. Savage has a promo before the match, and it’s excellent.
Match Review: Steele scares Savage and chases him out of the ring a few times, which the crowd likes very much. The last time, Steele follows Savage to the outside, and grabs Savage before he gets in the ring, then bites him. Savage breaks free, and Steele gives him a big chokelift. Wouldn’t want to take that bump. Steele walks over towards Elizabeth, and Savage knocks him down, tying him up in the ropes. Savage chokes and kicks the Animal, then heads up to the top for a cross-body, which gets badly botched. Steele kicks out of it by pushing Savage out of the ring, then throws Savage out of the ring when he gets back in. Savage crawls under the ring and Elizabeth distracts Steele, which allows Savage to attack Steele from behind. Steele bites Savage when he tries a clothesline, which is really quite gross and dumb. Savage grabs some flowers that a fan had for Elizabeth, and slapped Steele across the face with them. Ow. Steele takes the flowers for himself, and jabs them in Savage’s face. St. James loves this, and it’s really annoying. Then, Steele goes over to a turnbuckle and starts eating it, while Savage is down in another corner. He shoves the turnbuckle padding in Savage’s face, and Savage heads to the outside to get away, as Steel chases. Elizabeth distracts Steele again, and this time, Savage hits Steele with the double axehandle from the top, down to the floor. Savage slams Steele and heads up top yet again for the BIG ELBOW, and lands it. Steele kicks out though. What the hell? After that, Steele throws Savage into the turnbuckle, and Savage replies by taking Steele down, and pinning him with his feet on the ropes to retain his title at 7:08. Once again, the fans chant “bullshit”. Steele then chases the referee out of the ring, and we’re done here.
My Thoughts: This was okay, but filled with silly nonsense. Some people like that, but I think it was a waste in terms of having Savage do something great in the ring. That being said, that wasn’t super important for the WWF yet at all. This kind of match would appeal to casual fans, which I am not, so it does not particularly appeal to me. However, I can see this for what it was, and it was not a negative star match. 1/2*.
Over in Chicago, Gene Okerlund has an interview with Big John Studd and Bill Fralic. They nearly fight, and the crowd seems amped up for the battle royal.
Jake Roberts vs. George Wells
Pre-Match Thoughts: There’s a pretty large gap in star quality here, I think. I love Roberts as a heel, though.
Match Review: Roberts starts the match off by walking over to Wells and slapping him. That wasn’t nice. Wells gives Jake a backdrop, but gets dumped to the outside. Jake follows, gets punched, gets tossed back in. Wells gives Jake a hard shoulderblock, and sends him to the buckle, which is followed by a flying head-scissors. That was nicely done. Wells slams Roberts, and lands a knee lift, which Roberts bumps for very well. That was a great bump, with his feet winding up on the top rope. Wells gives Roberts a powerslam for 2, but gets gouged in the eyes. Jake heads to the outside, gets Wells to follow him back in, and attacks with a knee to Wells head. Jake signals for the DDT, and DRIVES Wells head into the mat for the pinfall victory at 3:06.
Out comes Damien, and Susan St. James is very upset. However, I, and the other people do not care what she wants. That snake is huge, and Wells is quite obviously scared of it, so Jake wraps it all over George’s body. LOL at Wells foaming at the mouth. That ruled.
My Thoughts: That was a good little match. Jake perhaps gave Wells a bit too much, but he bumped well in that heel role. It was nice to see, and I liked the match, short as it was. The crowd didn’t know what to think of the snake, I’m not sure if Jake had no heat yet, or if they were shocked into silence. Not really sure. *1/2.
Before the next match starts, Jesse Ventura interviews Hulk Hogan. Wouldn’t that be awkward after the union thing? I think it would.
Mr. T (w/Joe Frazier & Haiti Kid) vs. Roddy Piper (w/Lou Duva & Bob Orton) in a BOXING MATCH
Pre-Match Thoughts: I know the reputation this match has, and I know what this match is like, but I’m going to try to judge it fairly. A video package is shown before the bout, but I have already recapped the feud in my other, recent WWF articles. Check them out!
As for the guest celebrity involvement in this match, Joan Rivers will be the guest ring announcer. The judges will be Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy. Seriously, the Watergate guy? The timekeeper is HERB. What a creep. T and Piper tease a fight before the match, and the crowd is pretty hyped up for this. I can’t fathom how with the card they’ve had to watch.
Match Review: Round 1 starts, and my WWE Network stream freezes for the 100th time today. This definitely is a service that works. Fuck this, I’m waiting until tomorrow. Never mind, I only waited 20 minutes, and finally it works. The first minute or so was realistic looking, at least. The hitting on the break, and stupid stuff, is where this all falls apart. It just looks so fake. The last 10 seconds of the first round were spent with both guys hugging, the referee unable to break them up, then them fighting after the bell. The first round was bad, but not that bad. The crowd isn’t that interested, either.
Round 2 begins with Piper having so much goo on his face that it needs to be removed. By goo I mean vaseline. Not that other stuff. Get your mind out of the gutter. The match has like, no heat at this point. The crowd seems to be more in Piper’s favor, though. They tease Piper knocking down T, and DOWN HE GOES. Piper kicks T while he’s down, but of course, he gets up. They fight after the bell, and Piper hits T after the bell. This is so corny. Orton threw a bunch of water on T in between the rounds, and here comes the third round.
Round 3 begins with T cornering Piper and clocking him, then knocking him down. Oh boy. T looks so blown up, it’s ridiculous. T knocks Piper down and out of the ring, which is so unbelievably silly looking. Funnier yet, not that many people seem to care. End of the round comes with Piper stumbling over to his corner.
Round 4 starts with Piper grabbing his stool and throwing it at Mr. T. That was kind of a hard throw, no. Then they do this stupid ass toe to toe slugfest, which Mr. T gets the better of. In reply, Piper pushes the referee down and bodyslams Mr. T to a decent sized cheer. Lou Duva and Joe Frazier do a little false brawl while this is going on, and Mr. T is declared the winner 1 minute into the 4th round, which is just about 10 minutes of match time.
My Thoughts: You know, I don’t think this was the worst match in history anymore, but it was still terrible. First, it was a gross misuse of both guys. There was no opportunity for either of them to use their characters and play to the crowd, so it led to a heatless match. Second, Piper should have been in a position where he could have had a better match. Third, Mr. T should have been in a position where he could corner the other guy in Piper’s match, and cost Piper the match. That all would have worked better for me. Anyway, I’m slapping a -** on this. I think that I’ll come across worse matches over time, but the concept for this match should never happen again. I know it did, though. Lastly, this is kind of sad because Piper disappears for a few months.
I feel like New York really got the short end of the stick for this card. They got some good star power, but they did not get good matches. The crowd died out by the end, which is understandable given what they just watched. Their third of the card was certainly not good.
– April 7th, 1986, from Chicago, Illinois
Over to Chicago we go, and our commentators are Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, and Cathy Lee Crosby. Some of the celebrity tie-ins here are ridiculous, I don’t want to hear somebody who doesn’t UNDERSTAND THIS BUSINESS on commentary. Some guy named Chet Coppock is the guest ring announcer, too. What is this shit?
Velvet McIntyre vs. The Fabulous Moolah for the WWF Women’s championship
Pre-Match Thoughts: No thoughts. I have no thoughts.
Match Review: Moolah attacks McIntyre at the start of the match, and snap-mares her repeatedly by her hair. After a hard clothesline, McIntyre replies with two dropkicks. McIntyre lands a back elbow, and goes for a bodyslam, then heads up to the second rope and misses a big splash. Her breasts nearly fall out, and Moolah goes for the cover, which she gets while McIntyre’s foot was on the ropes, at 59 seconds. So yeah, Moolah won.
My Thoughts: Perhaps some time was chopped off this match, because that was unbelievably short. Anyway, the finish was pretty bad, and didn’t make any sense to me. How did the referee not see McIntyre’s foot? DUD. Nothing happened.
Nikolai Volkoff (w/Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirchner in a FLAG MATCH
Pre-Match Thoughts: I’m pretty sure this is going to be the stupid version of the flag match where the winner waves their flag after the match. Volkoff is getting big heat, perhaps the best of any guy on this show to this point. This is silly, but I’m sure of what the point is, or rather is going to be.
Match Review: The crowd chants U-S-A, but Volkoff hits Kirchner with an early spinning kick, and toss the American to the outside. Volkoff throws Kirchner into the ring post, then back into the ring. Kirchner is a little bloody at this point, but he fights back, and knocks down the referee as well. With the referee down, Kirchner gets Blassie’s cane, nails Volkoff with it, and the referee counts the pin anyway (he should have disqualified Kirchner for knocking him down) for Kirchner’s victory at 1:36.
Afterward, Kirchner waves the US FLAG AROUND THE RING BAH GAWD LOOK AT THAT PATRIOTISM and heads to the back.
My Thoughts: That was extremely lame. Wasting blood on a nothing match like that was silly, but it made sense as Kirchner’s head did go into the ring post. Even still, it was a nothing match. I guess I’ll give it 1/4* for blood, but some of these matches are a complete waste of time.
20 Man NFL/WWF Battle Royal
Pre-Match Thoughts: I haven’t reviewed a Battle Royal yet, so this will be a work in progress. I’m not sure how I will be doing this just yet. We’ll see! Before the match, a few celebrities are introduced. First, it’s the WHERE’S THE BEEF? LADY as the timekeeper. You need a timekeeper for a battle royal? The guest referees are Dick Butkus, and Ed “Too Tall” Jones. You need referees for a battle royal?
The participants are, in order of entry: Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, TED ARCIDI, Harvey Martin, Danny Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, THE IRON SHEIK, Ernie Holmes, The Killer Bees, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, The Hart Foundation, Russ Francis (the only NFL player to wear trunks, because he used to be a wrestler!), BRUNO Sammartino, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.
Match Review: We’re joined by Ernie Ladd on commentary as this begins, and this, of course, is hilarious to watch. A lot of the NFL players don’t seem that sure about what they’re doing, but one thing’s for sure. Do not let THE FRIDGE get eliminated. The first two to go are Jimbo Covert and King Tonga, who eliminate each other. Ernie Holmes then is thrown out by BRUNO, as Andre and Studd brawl in the corner. Jim Brunzell is eliminated by Jim Neidhart off camera, and Tony Atlas is eliminated by THE FRIDGE shortly after. The crowd is really into this match, and obviously so. FRIDGE is their hometown guy! Studd and Fridge go toe to toe, while that is going on, Morales and Martin eliminate each other. TED ARCIDI tries to press slam Brian Blair over the top, but that doesn’t work, and an assortment of guys throw ARCIDI out. The Sheik tosses out Dan Spivey, and summarily Blair and Hillbilly Jim. TAKE THAT BUBBA. Studd and Sheik throw Fralic out, and clearly we’re getting to the end portions of the match. BRUNO throws out Sheik, and tries to make Studd follow him, but somehow I don’t see that working. Studd throws out Bruno, and shortly after, Fridge launches the Hart Foundation over the top, yet not to the floor. The crowd went bananas over that. Now Studd and Fridge are squaring off in the middle of the ring, and Fridge charges Studd into the corner. Fridge tries again, gets elbowed, and flung over the top rope by Studd. Aw. Fridge wants to shake Studd’s hand, and instead he pulls him over the top rope. Nicely done. So now, it’s Francis, the Hart Foundation, and Andre. The Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes due to a double dropkick, but that doesn’t last too long. They throw Francis over the top anyway, and he doesn’t take that bump well at all, hitting his head on the ring on the way down.
So, into the finishing sequence now, Bret whips Neidhart into Andre, which is in essence a shouldercharge to Andre in the corner. They do it again, this time with Bret, and Bret runs into Andre’s boot. Andre grabs Neidhart by his beard and rams the Hart Foundation into each other, to some applause. Then he gives Neidhart a big boot, and Neidhart flies over the top for no reason, so it’s Bret Hart and Andre the Giant as the last two men left. Bret’s on the top rope, Andre grabs him, and press slams Bret out to the floor for the battle royal win at 9:03.
My Thoughts: Well, this certainly was a battle royal. I think it was okay, not the best battle royal I’ve ever seen, but certainly not the worst. A lot of these tend to follow the same patterns, and more often than not, they’re ** matches.
Over to New York for a quick interview with Piper. Bear in mind the arena is still full, and they can all hear Piper’s promo, and that they’ve been watching the show. It’s a good promo on Mr. T. His line about dying himself black wasn’t cool though. Vince gave the impression he didn’t like that line. Back to Chicago, and Gene Okerlund has an interview with Jimbo Covert that I don’t really care about. Iron Sheik shows up in the middle of that and does his usual stuff. THE BEST STUFF. CAMERAMAN, ZOOM IT.
The British Bulldogs (w/Captain Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne) vs. The Dream Team (w/Johnny V) for the WWF Tag Team Championships
Pre-Match Thoughts: Oh shit, a real celebrity here. This match is a result of the Saturday Night’s Main Event match, where Valentine and Beefcake won via a fluke cover. There are also two officials for this match. Why? I’m genuinely unsure. One of the referees will be on the outside of the ring, one on the inside. This has to be good, but I’m not sure Ozzy was coherent enough to do much of anything at ringside.
Match Review: Valentine and Davey will start the match, and Davey quickly pushes Valentine to the canvas. They trade shots, then Valentine misses an elbow drop and gets his arm locked up. Valentine gives Davey a hip-toss, but misses a fist drop and Dynamite tags in. He pushes Valentine down and covers for 2, and gives Valentine a massive shoulderblock that drives him back into the corner. Dynamite gives Valentine a hard snap suplex, and an elbow drop. In comes Davey, who gives Valentine that delayed vertical suplex. Love that move. Cover gets 2. Valentine fights back and gives Davey a headbutt down low, then tags in Beefcake, who I hope keeps this pace going. Fortunately, it continues, with Davey giving Beefcake a press slam. Dynamite clotheslines Beefcake, gets 2, and a small package also gets 2. Davey tags in, and gives Beefcake a fisherman’s suplex for 2, which nobody really knew how to react to. Great move, of course. So many of them here. Valentine sneaks in a tag, and lands a shot from the top rope to break up the Bulldogs domination. Valentine gives Davey a suplex for 2, but Dynamite tags in, and now he and Hammer trade stiff forearms and elbows. Just what I want to see. This match is making the Bulldogs look dominant, yet unable to get the pin. Dynamite tried a sunset flip for 2, and as usually happens, Monsoon gets himself over by saying Dynamite shouldn’t have done the move because his legs were too short. Okay, Dynamite is a face. Don’t do that. Dynamite gives Valentine a backbreaker for 2, and drops the knee for the same count. After that, Gene Okerlund says that “Ozzy Osbourne is shaking at ringside.” I’m not going anywhere near that one. Valentine gives Dynamite…THE PILEDRIVER. Didn’t sit out either, just crunched his neck. Cover got 2. Valentine heads up to the top, and Dynamite slams him off the top turnbuckle. Cover only gets 2, and things get a little haywire, as Davey tries to press slam Dynamite onto Valentine, who bails to the outside. They quickly get back in the ring, and I notice that Beefcake has been absent in this match. That’s for the best. Davey tags in, picks Valentine up, and gives him the GODDAMN POWERSLAM. Cover gets 2. Another rough suplex by Davey gets 2 on Valentine. Valentine throws Davey shoulder-first through the turnbuckles into the post, and finally tags in his partner. Beefcake reverses a snap mare, and DROPS Davey nearly on his neck. The load on his back and neck for that bump was UNREAL. Valentine tags back in, with an elbow off the top onto Davey. Valentine gives Davey a shoulderbreaker, which gets 2. Unfortunately, in something that drives me nuts, Valentine picks Davey up during the cover. That was dumb. Then, in an amazing (also amazingly stupid) spot, Dynamite perches on the top turnbuckle, and Davey rams Valentine head-first into his partner. That knocks Dynamite off the top turnbuckle, straight down to the floor for a hard bump, and knocks Valentine OUT, leading to the Bulldogs FINALLY winning the WWF Tag Team Titles, with the pinfall victory at 12:03!
Ozzy is just standing on the outside like a dope, while everyone else celebrates. Then he grabs the title and jumps around with it. Cathy Lee Crosby gets in the ring, amd the camera pans to the floor, with DYNAMITE BUSTED WIDE OPEN. Unfortunately, the Bulldogs get very little of the mic time, and the trio of Albano, Ozzy, and Crosby takes a whole lot more. That sours me a bit on the moment, but Davey gets to say a few words. I guess that makes things better.
My Thoughts: This was an excellent match, I’d recommend it to anyone. The tenor of the match was basically to keep Beefcake out, and have a great match without him. That certainly worked. In addition, I liked the bits where Valentine wouldn’t make the tag after gaining his small slice of control. It made him look selfish and like he was desperate for revenge due to somebody getting the better of him. The Bulldogs did some great moves, and took big bumps when required of him. That Dynamite bump on the floor was ridiculous, too. Plus the blood, for that? They didn’t even show it! ****.
The Chicago crowd got a good show. Two junky matches, but hey, they got to see the match that is undoubtedly going to be the best on the night, and a battle royal with some good moments. They got a LOT more to cheer than the New York crowd did. I took a look at the ticket prices for the Chicago portion. Their price range was $15, $20, $25, $30, and $100. That’s not so bad at all. After Vince and Susan have some comments, we’re over to Los Angeles.
– April 7th, 1986, from Los Angeles, California
Our hosts in Los Angeles are Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, Elvira, and whoa there are a lot of empty seats at ringside. Little weird seeing Jesse in this role as the main host. The Sports Arena has never been a great venue, so it’s a little strange to see a WrestleMania taking place from it.
Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez
Pre-Match Thoughts: Whoa, Lee Marshall is the ring announcer for this portion. Hercules really hasn’t done anything in the WWF as of yet. Steamboat is, as we know, getting a push.
Match Review: Hercules attacks Steamboat from the start, and beats him up pretty badly. Steamboat responds by chopping Hercules and knocking him down, then following up with two arm drags. Steamboat then knocks Hercules down with a karate kick and another arm drag. Once match commentary started, things defaulted to Alfred as the PBP guy and Jesse in his usual role. That’s good. Elvira has not said anything. Steamboat had Hercules in an armbar, but that ended quickly and steamboat landed a back elbow. Steamboat suplexes Hercules, and goes back to the arm. Hercules gives Steamboat a huge clothesline, and a hotshot. That move always looks like it hurts. Steamboat tries a slam, but Hercules falls on top of him for a 2 count. That’s always a good hope spot that I don’t see happen often enough these days. Hercules lands a back elbow of his own and a few elbow drops, then poses to some boos. Cover got 2. Hercules gives Steamboat another stiff clothesline, which gets a 2 count. Hercules follows with a great looking press slam, then another. Steamboat is taking some hard bumps and shots here. Hercules heads up to the top, which I’ve never seen him do before, and his big splash eats Steamboat’s knees. Steamboat heads up to the top, and DOWN HE COMES with a flying body-press, which ges a 3 count and victory at 7:34!
My Thoughts: That may be the best match I’ve seen Hercules have in the WWF. Maybe that seems like faint praise, but it was pretty good. I liked the finish, and feel like that’s how Steamboat should be winning his matches. One counter move, one big move, and then the finish. He bumped great for Hercules in this match and made him look like a star, however, the finish did not make Hercules look like a star. Even still, I enjoyed it. **3/4.
Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer
Pre-Match Thoughts: We already know how much I hate Uncle Elmer and his stable. I believe this will be the last time I see him, that is certainly not a bad thing. He was too big, and really, too not good in the ring for me to enjoy his work. Adonis gets big heat during his entrance, which shouldn’t be a surprise considering that he’s wearing a dress to the ring. The “faggot” chants begin en masse. Those do not look good at all in hindsight.
Match Review: Elmer chases Adonis, who prances around the ring and then bails to the outside to hug Jimmy Hart. Adonis gets back in, and Elmer lanches him into the turnbuckle, where Adonis takes a big pinball bump. He also pinball bumps to the outside, and gets back in, then gets punched and heads shoulder-first into the ring post, knocking him out of the ring. Great bumping going on here. Elmer trips Adrian’s dress off, then slingshots Adonis back into the ring. He then chest bumps into Adonis, who tumbles into the ropes and gets tied up. His bumping…seriously. It’s great. Adonis finally sheds the dress, and gets whipped into the turnbuckle. Elmer lands an avalanche on Adonis, then goes for a big leg drop, which he misses. Adonis heads to the top, and lands a big splash for the pinfall victory at 3:04. After the match, Adonis punches Elmer in the face.
My Thoughts: That was short enough to be tolerable, and Adrian’s bumping was excellent, making the whole thing. * for a good performance by Adonis. I’m not a big fan of the gimmick, of the heat that the gimmick caused, but Adonis was a great athlete and this match was a good display of that.
In the back, Lord Alfred has an interview with THE HULKSTER. It isn’t one of Hulk’s most notable promos, but he says that he is going to climb out of that cage, brother.
The Funk Brothers (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. The Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana
Pre-Match Thoughts: Nice to see some semblance of conclusion to this angle between the Funks and JYD. It’s funny to me considering that JYD is usually the token partner for other guys in their angles, but this time Tito is the token partner. Terry is so good in the ring before the match, the way he postures around. As previously stated, I hate the Hoss Funk name.
Match Review: JYD and Tito chase their opponents out of the ring, which wasn’t a good idea. Terry starts throwing chairs everywhere as he usually does, fortunately they do not hit anyone. Dory and JYD will start the match, and they do a comedy big where Terry falls into the ring and Dory gets whipped into him. Then, it’s bodyslams for everyone, and Santana gets into the ring to knock Terry out of it. Once things normalize, it’s Santana and Terry going at it. Terry lands some hard chops on the former IC Champion, but Santana gives Terry a really hard clothesline over the top rope. Then Dory runs in, and Santana dropkicks him twice to clear the ring. JYD and Terry are in now, and JYD launches Terry’s head into the turnbuckle repeatedly. Something like 15 times. Then headbutts him and gets 2 on the cover. JYD throws Terry over the top rope now, and I’m thinking the same as Jesse Ventura, who says it will give the Funks an opportunity to regroup. Dory and Santana are in now, and Dory is hitting Santana with some EUROPEAN UPPERCUTS. Tito lands the FLYING FOREARM on Dory, but Terry runs in to break up the cover and gets beaten up. Dory and Tito criss-cross now, and Terry hits Santana with a knee to the back. Nicely done and Elvira finally has something to say. With Santana on the floor, Jimmy Hart starts kicking him. Cheap heat there. I love Jimmy Hart’s chickenshit heel tactics. Terry gives Santana a suplex now, and gets a 2 count. Santana blocks another suplex, and gives Terry one. After a double collision, Terry falls into his own corner and tags Dory. A butterfly suplex gets a 2 count on Santana. Terry tags in and they give Santana a double clothesline, and a leg drop which gets 2. These two (Funks) are really good at controlling the match and garnering heat. Terry misses a running leg drop, but prevents the tag for now. However, Santana evades Terry, and makes the tag.
JYD is a house of fire, who cleans house. He gives Terry a clothesline, and knocks Dory off the ring apron. Terry has the tag rope and chokes JYD with it (more great heeling), but JYD breaks free and backdrops Terry over the top rope and down to the concrete floor. What a bump! JYD now slams Terry onto a small table, and Terry takes all these bumps like a champion. What a wrestler. JYD goes over to grab Jimmy Hart and hits him, but that dastardly Jimmy Hart certainly has a plan. A JYD small package gets 2, and Tito puts the figure-four on Dory, getting the crowd really fired up. While the referee is getting Santana out of the ring, Jimmy tosses his megaphone into the ring, and Terry clocks the dog in the head with it. Down for the count, 1-2-3, Terry & Dory win the match via pinfall at 11:43.
My Thoughts: This was another really good match. It was well paced and put together by four people who were naturals. The comedy spots worked, and the segment after the hot tag was the shit. I loved seeing Terry bump around like that, it was chaos, and it was a great thing. ***1/2 and recommended. This match doesn’t get enough credit in terms of good WWF, and specifically good WrestleMania tag team matches.
King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship in a STEEL CAGE MATCH
Pre-Match Thoughts: It’s the debut of the BLUE BAR cage! Before the match, we get a video package, which is kicked off by Hogan training with taped up ribs. Hogan’s being attacked by Bundy on SNME is addressed. To be honest, I don’t remember a lot about this match, although I’ve seen it approaching 10 times by this point. Hogan’s promo during the video package is much better than the one earlier, and his weightlifting is hilarious. Bundy and Heenan have a promo of their own, and Heenan does a really good job on it. Elvira shortly sends things over to New York, as they kill time while the cage is being constructed.
Our celebrities for this match are Tommy Lasorda as guest ring announcer (good choice), Ricky Schroder as guest time keeper (he got booed), and Robert Conrad as guest referee (which considering it’s a cage match, is not relevant). Lasorda is really into his job, too. Hogan does that shirt tear at the top of the cage that has been replayed on WWE TV a million times, and we’re off. As with all WWF cage matches of the time, this is escape rules.
Match Review: Hogan’s ribs are taped, so of course, the match is going to have something to do with that. Hogan punches Bundy, and gives him a big boot right at the start. Hogan chokes Bundy with the strap of his singlet, but Bundy blocks Hogan’s attempt to ram him into the cage. Hogan lands a clothesline in the corner, and a running elbow in the middle of the ring. Bundy blocks another cage shot, and hits Hogan in the ribs, hurting him. Bundy slams Hogan, and goes for the cage door, but Hogan makes the stop. Bundy picks Hogan up, rams him into the cage and tries to leave the cage again, but Hogan makes the stop yet again. Bundy unravels Hogan’s rib tape, which makes Elvira very happy, and Bundy then chokes Hogan with that tape and ties him to the rope. Hogan breaks free and keeps Bundy from leaving the cage, and it is clear at this point that the match has big heat. Hogan delivers a back elbow to Bundy in the corner, and sends Bundy head first into the cage. Heenan covers Bundy’s face while he blades, so it doesn’t look too stupid or anything, and Bundy is split open. Hogan punches Bundy, causing more blood to leak out, and rams him into the bars again. Elvira cries out “why don’t they stop this” and now I’m laughing. This wasn’t weak bleeding by any stretch, there is a decent amount of it. Hogan very stupidly tries for a bodyslam, and Bundy falls on top. There’s the turning point. Hogan walks back over with his tape and chokes Bundy with it, but Bundy breaks free and gives Hogan the AVALANCHE. And a SPLASH. The crowd really does believe that it’s over, and they’re going crazy chanting for Hogan, but Bundy goes for the door…and Hogan pulls him back. Bundy hits Hogan with another AVALANCHE, but there’s no selling Hogan. NOOOOOO. Hogan gives Bundy a powerslam, drops the legs, and struts over to the cage wall. Up he climbs, Heenan comes over to stop him, and Bundy climbs up himself. Hogan kicks Bundy down from the second rope, climbs over, and drops to the floor for the win at 10:18. Of course, Hogan is still the champion.
Hogan chases Heenan out of the ring now, and causes Heenan to go into the cage. Heenan tries to lock himself in, but Hogan forces the door open and goes in for the beating that he thinks Heenan deserves. Heenan tries to climb over the top, and Hogan throws Heenan into the cage. Aw. Then, he atomic drops Heenan, causing him to fly out through the door…and that’s it! Hogan poses for the fans, and Vince gives a closing comment, that’s the end.
My Thoughts: This was decent enough, but it was paint by the numbers in a cage. Of course, it did also have the blood, and that was cool, but you don’t give an okay match a million stars just because blood is involved. The story was obvious going in, and whenever I see a wrestler with a body part taped up, at least back in the day, I expect that the tape will be used to cheat. Hogan’s cheating being acceptable is a double standard that I’ve never understood, but even still, this was a decent match, and his character holds up. **.
I guess this should be judged by each venue. The New York fans got screwed over, with a bunch of crappy matches, and heels going over at every point. They probably weren’t happy about that. I have heard that Piper vs. Mr. T was the main draw for this show, especially for casual fans, and that it disappointed. Clearly not to a degree where it hurt business, at least.
The Chicago fans got a good show. Their last match was excellent, the battle royal gave them good opportunities to pop, and the two matches before that…I think I’m going to no comment those two. It was cool for them to get to give a hometown guy like William Perry the love he deserved.
Los Angeles got, and by some distance at that, the best show of the bunch. One good singles match, an really good tag match, and a decent cage match. They were really into it too. Obviously, this show set the stage for the year ahead, but I don’t think it was that good. The good matches on here, besides the tag title match, got completely lost in the shuffle, buried in the muck. There were a LOT of bad or nothing matches. This is, at the very best, the second worst WrestleMania. Again, other than the tag title match, nothing that happened here had a big impact on much of anything. That’s unfortunate, but it was what it was.
Best: The British Bulldogs vs. The Dream Team. This was superb tag team action, and certainly one of the best WWF tag matches that I’ve ever seen. A lot of the ***1/2 matches get elevated above this one, but make no mistake. It holds up, and it is better than those.
Worst: Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper. This can’t be the worst match ever, but it’s awful, and something that shouldn’t have been booked. I am so glad that the overkill celebrity use is done going forward. It seems like Vince figured out less celebrities in the right spots was better than more celebrities all over the place. That is good.
Card Rating: 4/10. Despite the three good matches, ultimately the show was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, and one of the most irrelevant WrestleMania’s. It has been rated appropriately.
