Jonathan Dehn
WWE Smackdown
03/07/2014
Detroit, Michigan
-Batista is going to talk to start off this show. He’s wearing those jeans that make him unable to hit his own finisher, but the black leather vest looks pretty badass. He takes some shots at Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan, saying that he destroyed both of them with no effort. This brings out the “sawed-off, goat-faced troll”. Yeah, that’ll look good on a t-shirt. Bryan asks Batista if he thinks that Dave is the hero. Batista just calls Bryan a fan, saying that it is the illness of the business letting smaller guys into the locker room. Bryan says that Batista should be embarrassed that a fan showed him up. Batista says that Bryan needs to understand that it’s his universe and that Bryan needs to watch his words. Bryan makes fun of Batista’s belly button tattoo and it’s on! Bryan dropkicks Batista from the ring, but Corporate Kane runs in. Big Show returns to siphon a bit of Bryan’s heat, saving him from a beating and performing his taunt after Vickie schedules a tag team match for later on.
Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler
Alberto Del Rio is on commentary for this match. Dolph gets a shoulderblock to begin. Christian hits some right hands in return. Dolph pulls up on the whip to strut, getting into Christian’s head and hitting a clothesline. Dolph hits five elbow drops. Christian tries to get away, but Dolph pulls him back for the next five. Cute. Outside, Dolph dodges a baseball slide, but gets tossed into the apron and catapulted into the steel steps. Ouch. We hit a quick break.
We return with Dolph fighting back against Christian, but getting pulled down by his hair. Christian hits a guillotine on Dolph and stomps away. Christian goes to a neck vise, but takes a jawbreaker to break it up. After a back elbow and kick, Christian comes off of the second buckle, but eats a dropkick from Ziggler. The two trade in the middle of the ring, before Dolph gets the best of the exchange, hitting some punches in the corner. Dolph hits a neckbreaker for two. Dolph gets out of the Killswitch and gets a DDT for two. Christian gets the boots up in the corner, but Dolph charges as Christian rises, and hits a facebuster from the top for two. Alberto doesn’t like this, and gets revenge for Monday, distracting Dolph from the table and helping Christian hit the Killswitch for the win.
After the match, Renee is in the ring to interview Christian. We don’t get very far before Sheamus runs down and they brawl, with Christian running away before Sheamus can take his head off with a Brogue Kick.
Final Thoughts: *3/4. This was fine, but abbreviated. At least Del Rio’s distraction made sense compared to most of the “music hits and grappler loses by rollup” fare. On the bright side, Dolph Ziggler has some direction and isn’t looking like a joke.
Rybaxel vs. The Usos
Those belts look really, really good on those guys. Axel and Jey begin the match, with Ryback tagging in quickly and taking a headbutt. Jey hits a few chops and brings in Jimmy. They take turns chopping away at Ryback, finally chopping him in the middle of the ring. Axel gets the blind tag and pulls down the ropes on Jimmy. Outside, he puts him into the apron and works at the arm. Back in, Axel charges with a manly knee lift and stomps Jimmy around. Ryback returns and torques at the arm. Ryback cuts off the comeback with a body slam, but misses a splash from the second buckle. Jey gets the hot tag and comes forth with a flurry. He gets out of a powerslam and hits the full nelson bomb and Samoan drop. He backs it up into the corner on Ryback. Axel comes in to help, but gets dumped. Double superkick to Ryback sets up a splash outside onto Curtis and a the big splash from the top for the win.
Final Thoughts: *. This was decent but doesn’t serve much of a purpose. I’d like to see Axel and Ryback with some backstage segments where we can get a feel of who they are as a unit. They should both be bullying people together and starting a bromance.
-Byron has an upset Kane backstage. Kane denies that Bryan defeated him, and says that his good luck is going to run out. He goes on to say that he’s going to tear his beard from his face.
Natalya and Eva Marie vs. AJ Lee and Tamina
Eva starts with Tamina, and doesn’t know how to convey fear. Tamina pushes her around and they fight over a headlock. Eva hits a shoulderblock and armdrag. AJ comes in after the tide turns on Eva. Eva doesn’t really know how to sell and just looks confused all of the time. Tamina and AJ exchange quick tags. AJ goes to the chinlock, and Eva just looks really, really bored. Nattie gets the hot tag and cleans house. AJ takes a snap suplex, and another. AJ gets the boot up on the whip, but takes a Michinoku Driver. Tamina breaks the cover. Nattie hits the spinning clothesline on Tamina and reverses the Black Widow into a Sharpshooter for the win.
Final Thoughts: It would seem that we’ll have Nattie vs. AJ in some form at WrestleMania. That’s fine, but hopefully we see very little of Eva in the meantime. She has the exact opposite of a rubber face. It just doesn’t move.
-Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose are in the ring without Seth Rollins. This is called the Shield Summit, apparently. Dean is losing sleep over Seth’s actions and feels that the last eighteen months were for nothing. Ambrose tells Rollins to get to the ring and explain himself. Seth enters, but down the aisle. Roman cuts him off before he begins and tells him that what he has to say better be good. Seth says that the war isn’t with the Wyatt’s but within them, and tells him that the point was to get Reigns and Ambrose on the same side, even if it’s against him. Seth says that they’ll be fine alone, but why settle for fine when they can be The Shield? Seth delivers here, and says that they need to get back to what they were. Dean doesn’t like this, and he shoves Seth before Roman breaks it up. Seth gets up and slaps Dean across the face. Dean retaliates and slugs Seth to the mat on the next round. Seth asks if they’re done and puts his fist towards the middle of the ring. Reigns is the first to join. Ambrose drags himself towards the middle and reaffirms his allegiance, as well.
Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio
I’m willing to bet that I could just paste in a recap from one of their matches a year or so ago and no one would care, sadly enough. There’s a lockup to start this thing. They break, and it’s worth mentioning that Sheamus’ arm is heavily bandaged. Sheamus gets a head of steam following some shoulders in the corner and clotheslines Del Rio from the ring. Outside, Sheamus hits the rolling slam and follows by sending Del Rio into the barricade. Back inside, Sheamus drops a few knees. Back outside, Del Rio suckers Sheamus in and puts him into the steps. Cool spot as Sheamus is hunched over the stairs and Del Rio dropkicks the bad arm into the stairs.
We return from break with Del Rio hitting the corner enzuigiri on Sheamus’ arm. This gets two. Del Rio locks on the armbar! Sheamus fights back to his feet and punches Del Rio with glee. Del Rio misses a charge and winds up on the apron. Sheamus gives him a clothesline and they both fight back to their feet. Del Rio gets the knees up on a corner charge, but walks into a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Sheamus goes up, but Del Rio meets him. They tussle into the ropes, and Sheamus beats him like a drum. Del Rio breaks off of him and hits him with a Si Kick through the ropes. That gets two. Sheamus gets out of the cross armbreaker and hits the Irish Curse for two. Alberto fights back with the knee to the arm and the cross-armbreaker. Sheamus fights out with a slam, showing impressive strength. Del Rio is able to hook it in once more. Sheamus is just able to make it to the ropes. Del Rio works him over in the corner, but the referee pulls him away. This gives Sheamus the window to hit The Brogue to an apathetic crowd.
Final Thoughts: There wasn’t much of a visual response for this match. That was a shame. ***1/2. It was a good match that everyone will forget before too long. Sheamus and Del Rio were battered coming into the match, their bodies covered in bruises. They then proceeded to work a good, snug match.
-The Wyatt Family are in their dim settings. Bray says that he is what the world made him and he just wants to stand back and warm his hands as the world ends.
-Batista is getting ready and Byron wants his thoughts on his match. Batista says that Bryan isn’t special and he has to start paying attention to Randy Orton, who he’ll beat at WrestleMania and replace as the face of the company. A real man as the face of the company!
-We see the Smackdown panel for a moment, with big cheers for Booker, Hacksaw, and even a nice reaction of Alex Riley! SAY IT TO HIS FACE!
-Super hot Lana walks out onto the stage to once again introduce Alexander Rusev, who is going to invade WWE. Get it? I wouldn’t be too surprised for WWE to just say that Rusev recently found out that he is Russian.
-Bryan and Big Show are now backstage with Renee. Bryan disagrees with Batista’s assessment that he needs to hide behind people like Big Show, and mentions the number of people that HHH hides behind. Big Show then asks Bryan if he should wear skinny jeans in order to be a real man. Bryan shakes his head. Now, all we have to do is ask William Regal what makes a real man. We can get to the bottom of this.
Kane and Batista vs. Big Show and Daniel Bryan
Kane and Bryan begin, continuing their battle from Main Event. Kane gets a back elbow for just one. Bryan hits a Thesz Press and peppers Kane with right hands. Glass shatters! Big Show tags in and they combine for a corner dropkick from Bryan. Kane hushes the crowd and chops Kane. Big Show hits a corner splash, but Kane hits a dropkick to Show’s knee. Batista enters and the baddies look for a double suplex. Big Show takes them both over, but it’s sloppy and dangerous as Batista lands right on his head. Damn. The heels head outside, and Bryan tags in. Bryan dives out onto both of them and we head to the break.
We return with Big Show having his way with Batista. Bryan comes back in and kicks away at Batista. Bryan flips out of the corner and gives Batista a clothesline. Kane is knocked off the apron and Bryan tries to kick Batista’s head off. Dave, however, hits a spinebuster. Kane comes in to slug away at Bryan in the corner. They go to the top, with Bryan knocking Kane off. Bryan hits the missile dropkick, and Big Show calls for the hot tag. Batista enters and cuts this off, however. Dave hits a short-armed clothesline and sends Bryan into the corner for an HBK bump. Cole and JBL bicker for a while, ignoring the match.
Batista and Bryan trade blows before Batista takes Bryan down with a spear. Daniel squirts out of the Batistabomb and kicks Big Dave in the head. Big Show gets the hot tag and goes after Kane, hitting a flying shoulderblock. I guess this is the end of the Dick Spear. Bryan gets the tag and hits the headbutt from the top. Batista breaks it up and he gets run into the steel post by Big Show. Back inside, Kane goes for the chokeslam and almost falls prey to the sunset flip from Bryan, but fights out and makes it to the ropes, where Show is waiting to punch him in the face. Bryan picks up the pin and JBL ruins the fun little match to call them Shrek and Donkey. Show carries Bryan on his shoulders as they play to the crowd to end the show.
Final Thoughts: **1/2. This match was just fine and well put together. You could tell that the workload might have been getting to Kane, as he moved around stiffly. Batista seems to be getting into better shape with each match. It’s a work on progress, but I’m beginning to think that his motor won’t be a concern at Mania as long as it’s a multi-person match. …Crap.
–The main event was fun enough, with Big Show showing his worth as a tag team competitor. Once again, commentary is much more of an obstacle than it should be, with JBL and then Cole yelling to try to get your attention, but you just want to enjoy what is going on in front of you. Eva Marie is hot, but not as hot as Lana. Lana is hot, and plays her character from Rocky IV pretty well. Eva Marie should not be in a wrestling ring with a camera focused on it. She’s so bad that she exposes everything she comes in contact with. Elsewhere, Sheamus and Alberto performed well to general apathy. Hopefully, Sheamus gets a heel turn after Mania and an ally to play off of. At the end of the day, this is a show to skip, unless you enjoy people making fun of Batista’s fashion sense and poor choice in tattoo placement.
