Jonathan Dehn
–This is going to be a bit different than how I usually recap the show. We’re going to list off a few different things that I find noteworthy about this show. I’ll then expand upon those topics and toss in a few more words. I look forward to the challenge of finding Smackdown that important to cover like this. People like lists, so why shouldn’t I experiment with them? At the end of this I’ll still toss out star ratings, since I’m such the authority on this topic and neglecting to give them would just be a terrible thing.
1. Where’s Poochie?
John Cena has the opening promo. Usually, they make sure to mention Cena’s appearance on Smackdown during Raw in order to drive up interest. John is there to hype up the big ladder match, but is then interrupted by everyone else involved. I’ve grown tired of these segments, since you have to imagine each guy getting the idea to come out to the ring to interrupt the proceeding guy at such a time interval that a fight doesn’t happen right behind the curtain.
Or, the other way to look at it is that all of them are in wait and looking for an opening to come out to the ring, and get into the argument and trash talking before they are even introduced. I’d much rather they just have one guy or two guys do the talking and quickly have some type of fight break out between the competitors that spills out around the ringside area. Then, we go to break with that cliffhanger. But no, we need Randy Orton talking. Then, we have an inconclusive fight where the heels get knocked to the outside, Cena’s music can play for some reason, and the crowd can just look kind of confused.
2. Seth Rollins
Seth’s new gear is a rushed job that looks like something that you craft for a video game CAW. It reminds me of when you’re low on time and coming up with a character and you don’t have time to match colors correctly and just go with a shiny black look that certainly makes you look like a character from X-Men. Oh, and you always grab the general metal music that will go along with your high impact offense. On the bright side, Seth removes his shiny black shirt, as it just entrance attire.
Speaking of entrances, as an added bonus, WWE mistakenly started to play Seth’s theme once more before quickly switching it over to Kofi’s music. Man, that production error came out of nowhere and I have no idea where the mental fatigue could come from that could cause such a blunder.
As Seth goes along in his match with Kofi, I also realize that Seth at least reminds me of Snake Plissken. Unfortunately, this crowd is very apathetic to the proceedings. WWE really need to figure out a way for us to not be able to hear the damned air conditioning during a heatless match. I makes me want to take a nap and snuggle underneath my comforter. On the bright side, Dean and Seth have a verbal exchange after the match that goes over well enough, even if Dean’s theme song also feels hastily tied together and generic.
3. The Recurring Tease
Dolph Ziggler had decent encounter with Bad News Barrett. The match was perfectly acceptable, and followed the formula for Dolph Ziggler matches that we’ve come to know, love and hate. Dolph bumped around like a pinball for Barrett before winning with a sunset flip out of a powerbomb predicament. Ziggler immediately went back to making BNB look great as he got laid out with a Bullhammer during his post match celebration.
Ziggler is lobbying for an opportunity to get into the proper MITB match at the PPV, so once would think that this win would give him another opportunity to qualify. Expect him to lose spectacularly on Raw right as the fans buy into him actually doing something of consequence. Then again, maybe they have to fill a card and Dolph gets an opportunity.
4. Dean Ambrose Like a Rocket Ship
Dean wrestles in an undershirt and jeans, now. He can certainly pull it off. The good news is that Ambrose and Rollins have a nice feud going when they are actually on screen together. Dean has two very good things going for him. He’s getting plenty of microphone time, has a finisher that can easily be used on virtually every potential opponent, and has an offense that works well in its unpredictability. The crowd certainly picks up when Ambrose is at work, not knowing just exactly what they will see from him.
If there is a former member of The Shield that can be crossover and turn into a complete mega star, it’s this generation’s Roddy Piper. Right now, I’d argue that Dean is the best talker in the company. Give him a microphone and just get out of the way, I’d argue.
5. Elevation
The main event for the evening was a handicap tag team match between the heels and the faces of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match at MITB. There are many problems with matches like these. Usually, handicap matches just don’t deliver quality. Also, you don’t want one side looking weak. This is usually the heels that take on this burden. The largest problem is why the powers that be can’t just tell these outnumbered faces to find a fourth partner.
It’s a hell of an opportunity to give someone a chance to get into the main event and associate with big stars. Furthermore, if you need someone to take a job, the plucky underdog is the right person. There are still plenty of people that could fit in into this main event. At the top of the list would be Goldust or an Uso. And, God forbid that one of these babyfaces is taken out before the match, a tag team can fill in. However, unless it’s John Cena and only John Cena needing support, you never see midcarders get slotted into a scenario such as this.
Oh Yeah, There’s Wrestling
Kofi Kingston vs. Seth Rollins – Seth wins a rather heatless match, but does debut terrible new ring gear unless he’s going to Comic-Con as Snake Plissken. Then, he’s on the right track. This wasn’t more than a squash.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett – Dolph picks up the win in something of a short match. **.
Titus O’Neil vs. Adam Rose – Rose wins in about thirty seconds with a rollup.
….Titus O’Neil vs. Adam Rose – Rose wins in about ten seconds with a rollup. See, Titus wasn’t ready the first time and wound up looking mighty weak right here. JBL claims that Titus should just quit the business after this showing.
Dean Ambrose vs. Kane – Seth Rollins is on commentary and his distraction leads to the win for Kane. *. Still, Ambrose looks good in this segment and kicks some ass before falling.
Jack Swagger vs. Big E – This a squash victory for Big E, who must have been inspired by Zeb Colter accusing him of conspiring against the old U.S.A. with that dastardly Lana.
Fandango vs. Bo Dallas – Before the match, we have a scene where Summer Rae professes her “love” to Fandango and exchanges a kiss with him. Layla walks in on this and is heartbroken….still, Layla and Summer Rae fight over Fandango before Layla kicks Fandango in the head. Bo goes to console Fandango, and we forget about disqualifications as Bo hits the finisher for 8-Bo. Thanks, Kevin Dunn.
Outnumbered Faces vs. Heels – In a match that was built around the Roman Reigns hot tag, the faces defeated the heels. Wouldn’t you believe it that Del Rio took the pinfall, too? So, Reigns looks strong, but the heels look pretty bad at the same time. ***. I realize that the match was a vehicle in which to put Reigns over, but you’ve been doing that for months now. We’ll just act like the previous section to this recap wasn’t complete bullshit, though. Thank you.
