Joseph Howell
“It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time” is a series that focuses on movies which have a bad critical reputation, bombed in the box office, or serve as guilty pleasures. It will largely focus on genre movies, though I will venture outside of that area
Before I go on, I will mention what happened to the “Jabberwocky” review. Basically, it sat for at least a month or two in my Netflix DVD queue, and I eventually lost patience. So instead of that, here’s a review of a different movie. Sorry for the inconvenience (and the long wait for a new entry)
There comes a point in some actor’s careers in which they reach overexposure. One who really suffered for this was Jennifer Lopez. Whilst she still has a career, she isn’t the phenomenon that she was earlier in the last century. The fact that her latest album apparently bombed and that we haven’t seen much of her in movies is proof of that. So, how did this all happen?
First, a little primer: Lopez started out as a “fly girl” dancer on the sketch comedy show, “In Living Color,” before she graduated into acting. Sure, she did some awful films such as “Jack” with Robin Williams playing a child trapped in an adult’s body, but later movies like “Out of Sight” (as well as “The Cell” and the hit and miss “Angel Eyes”) proved that hey, this girl who shook and gyrated on a sketch comedy show that hasn’t aged all that well can actually act.
But, she wanted more. She wanted to be a pop singer. And at first, society accepted this. Then we started seeing more of her. She got in a very public relationship with Ben Affleck. They were everywhere. He even appeared in a music video of hers. Soon, the public finally began to turn on her. This all came to a head with the notorious disaster, “Gigli,” which was a punch line before it even came out. Ben and Jennifer broke up, and whilst Affleck has rebounded from this, Lopez’ career never recovered.
However, even before all that some were getting tired of her. To me, I think it really began to come to a head by the time 2002’s “Enough” came out. At this point, she had been calling herself J.Lo, and you couldn’t turn on the TV or go into a store without seeing her face on a television gossip show or magazine cover. By now, she had reached overkill, and the public had gone from accepting to collectively saying ‘Please, go the fuck away.’
So, how about the movie? Okay, I’ll talk about it.
Lopez plays Slim, an L.A. waitress who one day is receiving unwanted attention from a customer. Said attention is put to an end by Mitch Hiller (Billy Campbell). The next thing you know, they get married, have a kid, and everything seems to be coming up Milhouse for Slim. That is, until Mitch starts slapping her around and punching her, as well as implying that he would like an open marriage. After a conversation with Mitch’s mother (Janet Carroll), she discovers that her husband might have a history of abusive behavior.
Mitch finds out about Slim confiding in his mother, berating her and later beating her when she attempts to escape. Thankfully, Slim has friends that try to stop Mitch, allowing their daughter some safety (as well as a witness to all the shit going down) and offers Slim a chance to escape to Seattle. It’s here that she starts to live with her old boyfriend (Dan Futterman) and what do you know, a group of Mitch’s friends disguised as FBI officers decide to pay a visit so they can “investigate a kidnapping.”
It’s at this point that the movie goes from bad (and more than a little unpleasant to watch) to unintentionally hilarious at the drop of a hat. Apparently, Mitch is not only a wife beater, but also one that is some sort of evil stealth mastermind of spousal abuse. The fact that Campbell plays him with all the subtlety of screaming through a megaphone and that there isn’t anything to his character other than “abusive asshole” doesn’t help. There is no explanation as to why Mitch is the way he is, just that he’s a dick.
Also adding to moments that are meant to be dramatic but end up coming off silly is the meeting between Slim and her dad (Fred Ward), who has the simultaneously kinda cool and really goofy name of Jupiter. It’s here that the men come after them, and he claims that they are homeless (and not related), giving them about $12 dollars. Slim is understandably upset that her dad seems to think she’s only worth that much. She goes back to Michigan to live with her daughter, but when those men come after them, dear old daddy tries to make it up by giving them enough money to buy a new house.
Once again, this is an example of one of the film’s problems: certain characters change out of nowhere. Here, it’s Jupiter (whose name I can’t say without chuckling). Why is it that this guy goes from being the antithesis of father of the year to someone who is really worried about his daughter? Like Mitch, nothing about him makes sense, and he only seems to exist as another obstacle in Slim’s life. Granted, he ends up being an asset, but by then it’s hard to like the guy.
Of course, this is all leading to a final confrontation between husband and wife, and it will end with the two kicking each other’s asses. So, is it worth it? Not really. By then, you’ll have to go through enough bad dialogue and ridiculous plot points to get there. It’s weird watching it though, as it’s hard to tell what kind of movie it wants to be. Is it trying to be a serious commentary on domestic abuse? If so, it fails at this, as it is too lurid to achieve such a goal. Is it a pulpy thriller? Not really, as it lacks the thrills and excitement. Some kind of exploitation homage? Don’t even kid me, as it lacks everything that makes exploitation movies enjoyable. In the end, the whole thing is just a mess that’s horribly written, directed, and acted. Really, it feels less like a movie at times than it does another product in the catalog of Jennifer Lopez: Brand Name instead of Jennifer Lopez: Actress.
By the time it ended, I wanted to forget it. So don’t say I never suffer for my art. By “art,” I mean complaining about terrible movies. Though it made its budget back, nobody really remembers this movie apart from airing on TV stations on weekend afternoons. That totally makes sense, as it’s exactly the kind of time waster you find when bored on a Sunday. It’s just missing you know, anything worth watching.
Budget: $38 Million
Box Office Total: $51,801,187
Next Time: Audience and Critics didn’t like Tobe Hooper’s sequel to “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” when it came out. It’s actually a pretty awesome movie.
