Starrcade ’94

Boxing promoters are trying to put together a George Foreman vs. Mike Tyson bout on closed circuit instead of PPV in order to strong arm PPV companies into giving them a bigger slice of the pie. If the ploy works, it could open the door for WCW and the WWF to demand a larger cut as well.
Ricky Steamboat was fired due to his career ending back injury. Classy.
The yearly Omni Thanksgiving card was canceled yet again due to non-existent ticket sales.
Curt Hennig and Rick Rude showed up together in suits at a TV taping. They got the fans riled up but WCW hadn’t authorized them to be there.
Mean Gene is spreading false rumors that the Ultimate Warrior and Bret Hart will both soon be in WCW.
Brian Pillman is scheduled to be given the new “cruiserweight” title and a renewed push. Of course the title wouldn’t show up for another year and a half after this.
Jim Duggan’s push has created a lot of resentment among the WCW long timers.
Steve Austin’s knee injury is worse than first thought and he may be out for 9 months. Arn Anderson also suffered a knee injury. Paul Orndorff also has a knee injury and will miss Starrcade because of it.
Dick Slater has been signed to join the Studd Stable.
John Tenta tore his groin in the weeks prior to Starrcade.
Van Hammer is back, because WCW hates good wrestling now.
Speaking of bad wrestling, Dave Sullivan and DDP are beginning a feud.
WCW toured Germany and only drew around 1000 fans a night. Due to injuries and no Hogan, the main events of some cards were Sting vs. Paul Roma.
WCW is starting their own magazine up again. This caused a big headache because PWI had already struck a deal with WCW to give Hogan, Jimmy Hart and The Nasty Boyz the top awards in their categories in exchange for plugging PWI during Starrcade. The WCW hotline wanted to run their own fan call in voting for year end rewards but the company feared Ric Flair would win and embarrass Hogan.
Honky Tonk Man quit the day of the show over being asked to lose, not being given a contract and Macho Man being given a big money deal after WCW told Honky they won’t sign such deals with talent anymore.

Starrcade 94
The opening video is full of groan worthy puns. It seems Macho Man’s decision to either slap Hogan or shake his hand is the most intriguing event of the night.

Mean Gene, The Brain and Schiavone introduce the card. Dave Sullivan is wandering around dressed as Santa.

The hick who sings the national anthem is wearing a hockey jersey. Classy. It’s not even for a team in the local (Nashville) area.

We see clips of Macho Man cutting a heelish promo on Hogan. Then we see Hogan receiving the Pro Wrestling Illustrated Wrestler of the Year award.

US Champion “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Vader
Interesting choice for an opener. Duggan appears to have found his steroid supply again… maybe he’s just eating less cheese burgers. Vader attacks on the floor and Duggan knocks him into the railing. Harley Race is then pummeled and sent flying over the top rope. The bulls brawl on the floor again and Vader is again introduced to the railing. Vader is battered with fists when things go back in the ring and then he is sent tumbling to the floor. More fists rock Vader before Duggan slams him with ease. Vader pokes his eye to final slow his momentum. Hacksaw keeps on the attack before missing a flying elbow.

Vader starts to attack the champ’s ribs with fists. A Vaderbomb rocks Duggan but a low blow stops Vader dead in his tracks. Vader downs him again but misses a moonsault. Vader manages a corner splash, but a follow up atteampt is halted by a Hacksaw clotheline. Duggan connects with a 3 point stance clothesline but Race pokes his eyes before a pin can be made. Duggan gets a powerslam but the ref is tied up with Race. Hacksaw tries another clothesline but runs into his own 2X4 which Race is holding. A reverse powerbomb finishes Duggan. Solid big man match, but it was strange seeing Duggan presented as a headliner. Hacksaw took Vader’s finisher poorly, landing on his feet for a second before taking the face first bump.

The 3 Faces of Fear cackle over evil intentions. Beefcake talking about partying after his victory really doesn’t fit with the devilish gimmick.

Alex Wright vs. Jean Paul Levesque
HHH’s music really doesn’t fit his French royalty gimmick at all, it’s a guitar riff with a rock beat. Meanwhile Wright’s techno beat is catchy. I was a fan of his until his push went by the wayside. HHH tries to wrestle Wright, but the German sensation wants to show off his flashy moves, so Levesque’s early grappling attempts are thwarted by Wright’s flying attacks. The crowd dies in a hurry. Heenan implies Wright is a Nazi.

Both men exchange rest holds as the fans head to the concessions in record amounts. They exchange some nice technical reversals but since the fans don’t care about the men it’s greeted with crickets. Just like that HHH snaps and goes with a full on fist and kick attack out of frustration. Wright is knocked to the floor as HHH panders for heel heat. Heenan continues with the Nazi jokes. More restholds follow.

HHH hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker which the crowd pops for. Wright fires up with a series of European uppercuts before both men collide and go down. Wright sneaks a cradle for the win. The match was technically fine but boring as hell. That’s WCW’s fault for giving rookies 14 minutes to fill on PPV.

~~TV Champion Johnny B. Badd vs. The Honky Tonk Man~~

Honky’s music plays as Arn Anderson, Meng and Col. Parker come down the aisle. Arn replaces Honky without explanation.

TV Champion Johnny B Badd vs. Arn Anderson
Anderson knocks Badd down and mocks his prancing. Awesome. Arn tries to grab Badd’s hair but finds it greasy. The little mannerism The Enforcer does is great. Badd and Anderson exchange arm locks before the champ’s boxing background sends Arn reeling. A spinebuster from the challenger stops Badd in his tracks. Anderson wears at him with an abdominal stretch and cheats at will. Arn locks on a few other restholds before Badd fires up on Anderson. The Enforcer tries a cradle but the ref catches him cheating, so as they argue Badd gets his own cradle for a win. Disappointing match, perhaps due to not having time to work out a match?

The Nasty Boyz vs. Harlem Heat
UGH. This combo again. I can feel a DUD coming. A four-way brawl kicks things off and Heat are sent to the floor. The Nasties dominate the early going, which is all sloppy punch and kick stuff. They go to the floor for more clubberin’. Knobbs and Ray blow a spot and then struggle in the corner to figure out what they should do next. The Answer? More punching. Booker T’s arm is worked on for a while as the crowd is silent for this heel in peril segment. Ray attacks Saggs on the floor and tries to suplex him belly first on the railing but they blow that move too and Saggs ankles drag across the steel.

Things pick up back in the ring with a headlock. End this crap… please? Nope, it’s chinlock time. Kill me. Now Ray locks on a bear hug. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. Booker tags in and he locks on a BEARHUG. AUGHHHHHH!

AUGH!!!!

Things break down again into a four-way brawl and Sherri comes in for the DQ. Martel is given the “Pit Stop” and sells it like a champ. This was absolutely one of the worst matches I’ve reviewed for this series.

Mr. T vs. Kevin Sullivan
T is wearing his ref outfit because reasons. Sullivan charges at T and sets himself up for a hiptoss. T gets a fireman’s carry and some ugly headbutts. T unloads with punches before being sent to the floor. Sullivan strips off his first shirt, but he’s wearing three of them for some reason. Probably to hold back his belly. Sullivan delivers a series of forearms as T’s hands are trapped in his shirt. Dave Sullivan comes down and pops Kevin with the megaphone and T gets the win. The match was short and yet terrible of course. Kevin beats up Dave after the fact.

Sting vs. Avalanche
They both stand off at the start, trying to intimidate the other. Quake bullies Sting into a corner and cheap shots him. Sting tries to hurt his massive opponent, but the Avalanche is having none of it. Sting is out powered and feels the force of some forearms before trying to kick out Tenta’s legs. That fails, as does a slam attempt. Avalanche casually crushes Sting with elbow drops and then slams Sting into the turnbuckles. Sting again attempts to kick out his legs and this time it hurts Tenta enough to force him to bail out of the ring. Tenta throws Sting around the ring with ease as they are channeling some early Sting vs. monster Vader psychology here.

They trade restholds and a sleeper finally forces Tenta off his feet for a brief second. Another slam attempt sees Sting squashed on the mat. A powerslam sets up the butt splash but Tenta poses instead of going for it and Sting clotheslines him off his feet. The ref is bumped as Sting throws the whole arsenal at Quake including a slam and a Stinger splash. A Scorpion death lock is interrupted by Sullivan running in. They double team Sting and Tenta deliverers a butt splash. Hogan runs in to finally put an end to the mauling. Hey! This was actually watchable – which puts it in the running for match of the night. How sad that statement is.

World Champion Hulk Hogan vs. The Butcher
Michael Buffer earns his paycheck by saying Hogan is the leader of “Hulk-mania”. Hogan shoves Butcher around, so Beefcake responds with chop thrusts. Butcher and Hogan take it to the floor where the Hulk is choked with a cord and nearly battered with a chair before Jimmy Hart intervenes. Hogan smacks Beefcake with a chair to his surgically repaired face before pumping fists into his forehead. Beefcake gets a powerslam back in the ring but Hogan starts to no sell and punches Butcher in the face. Hogan bites and scratches at the Butcher out of frustration.

Hogan does some mock karate poses before raking Beefcake’s eyes. Beefer locks on a pair of nerve holds. Dear God Beefcake, that man has a family! Beefcake cranks on a sleeper. Hogan’s arm drops 3 times but Butcher lets it go too soon and Hogan is saved. A pin attempt leads to the Hulk up. The leg drop is interrupted by Sullivan and Tenta running in and Hogan knocks them down too before dropping the leg for a 3 count.

Hogan beats up all three members of the Faces of Fear before Jimmy Hart hands him a chair to help fend them off. Sullivan was bad here, as he just walked up to Hogan and stood still in front of him, waiting for Hogan to throw punches. It looked really fake.

Macho Man runs in and pretends to align with the heels before he shoves them into Hogan. The crowd pops big for the MegaPowers reunion. Match was bad bad stuff, as expected.

Vader interrupts the post match celebration and challenges Hogan.

Final thoughts: No Pillman, No Austin, No Arn Anderson originally booked, No Rhodes, No Regal and so on… with all your workrate left off the card or retired what your left with is a brutal 3 hour event like this. I don’t have any words that can properly sum this up other than only watch this if you’re a masochist.