WWE Saturday Morning Slam – 04/13/2013 – CXF | Culture Crossfire

Saturday Morning Slam, in my opinion, is one of the most entertaining parts of WWE’s weekly programming lineup. A throwback to the WWF programming most adult fans grew up, Saturday Morning Slam also doesn’t feel so far removed from the superhero cartoon shows it is sandwiched between on The CW’s Vortexx program block, aimed at young boys. Whether it is a match between some underutilized talent, a feature on some wrestler or moment in WWE history or your favorite superstar doing guest comedy, this half hour burst of WWE action has more to offer than a lot of fans would expect.

WWE Saturday Morning Slam (04/13/2013)

The first Slam following Wrestlemania XXIX, the opening package promotes a major announcement from the show’s GM and new WWE Hall of Famer, Mick Foley.

We are introduced to our feature match of the week, as show mainstays the “Capetown Werewolf” Justin Gabriel and “Long Island Iced Z” Zack Ryder team up to take on Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre of 3MB.

Right away, this episode features one of the things I really like about this show. They do a quick intro to the match and show some of the more fast-paced highlights of the stars involved. These quick recaps feed an audience that may be unfamiliar but don’t beat the faithful audience over the head, much like full segment recaps of moments earlier in the show that can be seen on RAW or Smackdown. The main point of the recap? Can the team of Gabriel and Ryder be enough to offset the Heath Slater factor on the outside.

3MB enters the arena first as Josh Mathews welcomes the audience to this week’s episode. As 3MB climb into the ring, we are introduced to Josh’s broadcast partner for the day, Kofi Kingston.

Kofi tells us he does not understand 3MB, which is most likely why he was left off his first Wrestlemania since debuting on the main roster.

Gabriel is introduced next and comes out in a Ryder t-shirt and sunglasses, much more acceptable than when he was on NXT wearing a Matt Hardy t-shirt.

Ryder is out next and our first match is underway.

3MB (Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre w/ Heath Slater) vs. Justin Gabriel & Zack Ryder

Gabriel and Mahal begin the contest as Kofi hypes up the thrill-seeking aspects of Gabriel’s life outside the ring. Gabriel quickly tags in Ryder, so Kofi switches up to hyping Ryder, while saying Gabriel and Ryder should have no problems teaming up and are already gelling like The Major Brothers.

Heath focuses on the important part of the show and bangs the announce table in front of Kofi to get him talking some 3MB while the band takes advantage.

Very quickly, Drew hooks the tights and 3MB is dancing in the ring. Ryder and Gabriel talk to the ref while Kofi is outraged at the announce table.

Winners by Pinfall: Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre (3MB)

3MB solidify their victory by tossing Gabriel and Ryder from the ring. Kofi has seen way too much and flies into the ring to clear the ring of 3MB.

As the faces stand tall in the ring, squealing tires hit and GM Mick Foley comes to the stage.

Foley tells Kofi that he was fully justified but in maintaining control of the show, he ejects Kingston from commentary to the boos of the crowd and glee of 3MB. The Hardcore Legend in turn reveals that Kofi will fight Heath Slater with Drew and Jinder banned from ringside. If 3MB wasn’t irate enough, Mick does a little air guitar of his own as we head to commercial.

After a bumper with Kofi and Primo squaring off, we have Kofi and Heath in the ring. Dolph Ziggler is now at commentary at ringside as in his own words “any weak point of Kofi’s is a strong point of mine”. As much as I enjoy Kofi in the ring, he has probably been the blandest. Not the worst, because we have had Santino on commentary, but Ziggler, Daniel Bryan and Heath Slater have all proved to do really strong color commentary.

Kofi Kingston vs. Heath Slater

Dolph really talks highly about Kofi’s ability. The two are exchanging a lot of grapples and mat-based maneuvers and Ziggler praises Kofi’s shaking it up from his usual high-flying offense.

Kofi dominates early until Heath uses his heel prowess to get in the ropes and toss Kofi in the turnbuckle after the ref breaks it up. Heath then celebrates to the ire of the crowd and outside a brief roll-up, takes control before another commercial break.

The commercial returns with the weekly “Don’t Try This at Home, School or Anywhere” brought to us by Kofi this week.

Our match resumes with Kofi quickly regaining control, getting his boom drop before a quick miss of Trouble in Paradise. A series of counters between Slater and Kingston and after about a minute back and forth, Kofi nails the SOS to get the three count and the win. Dolph puts over Kofi the best way he can, letting the audience know “Kofi is great, just not as great as I am”.

Winner by Pinfall: Kofi Kingston

We join Mick Foley in his office/locker room/it isn’t really clear and he is mumbling about life-sized waxed figures when someone enters. Mick starts to say he was expecting the person, until it reveals Daniel Bryan was standing there. Foley explains he has a meeting planned and wasn’t expecting Bryan, who questions “WHO BETTA THAN THE DAZZLER” (or actually what is more important than meeting with Bryan, who is his assistant on this show).

At this time, “The World’s Strongest Man” Mark Henry enters to speak to the GM. As he asks “Mick, you wanted to talk to me?”, Assistant to the GM Daniel Bryan meets him with his trademark “NO!” Daniel teaches Mark a lesson on taking turns, which Mick interrupts to say Mark Henry will be in the main event and tells Bryan he is not officially his assistant. Mark Henry insists Daniel Bryan be his opponent and Mick proclaims this meeting of two former World Heavyweight Champions “The Biggest Match in the History of Saturday Morning Slam” to a pensive Bryan. Bryan follows up on a job offer, Mick says no job offer at this time, but rather offers a hug, lending Bryan another opportunity to shout “NO!”

We return from commercial for a Saturday Morning Spotlight on Mark Henry.

“The Hall of Pain is now open” opens the package showing Henry flexing, squashing opponents from Christian and Bryan to Big Show and Khali. A nice little video shows Henry simply being Henry and just dominating people.

Daniel Bryan enters with his tag team championship belt and his special Saturday Morning Slam parted hair. Josh discusses “The Dazzler” nickname, while Dolph states he thinks it is “The Sparkler”.

Mark Henry enters as the announcers seemingly start speaking in a hushed tone. Henry is using an instrumental version of his theme song, as this is a G-rated show, nobody gone get they ass kicked. For those who haven’t watched this show before, the theme song is minor. Weekly, you will see blurs of t-shirts and signs.

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry

Bryan opens the match looking for a hug, which Henry meets with a bearhug. Dolph does his commentator duty putting over Henry’s strength and refers to the frying pan bending. Henry quickly goes for a splash, where Bryan moves out of the way. Dolph begins laughing a saying while Mark Henry is the last person you want to laugh at, he “looks so dumb” and “what a bonehead move” until the camera shows Mark Henry questioning Dolph’s laughter. Dolph stops and tells Henry that Josh was telling jokes earlier.

Bryan is on the attack as Henry re-enters the ring. Ziggler states that Bryan is simply capitalizing on him again and discusses Bryan’s “Claymation Hair” staying in place when Henry tosses Bryan off of a cover attempt.

Bryan starts working the legs of Henry while the commentators praise the decision. Bryan goes up top only to be caught in a World’s Strongest Slam to be inducted in the Hall of Pain for a loss.

Winner: Mark Henry

Josh gives everyone a goodbye as Henry stares at the destruction he caused. A quick commercial shows for the show’s move to a new time next week, as we close this week’s edition of Saturday Morning Slam.

WWE Saturday Morning Slam Wins/Losses (beginning 04/13/2013)

Mark Henry 1-0

Kofi Kingston 1-0

Jinder Mahal 1-0

Drew McIntyre 1-0

Daniel Bryan 1-0

Justin Gabriel 0-1

Zack Ryder 0-1

Heath Slater 0-1

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