Andrew Lutzke
Presented by Highspots
Funk kicks things off as only he can, swearing about everybody being in the lounge buying JJ Dillon’s book, then cracking open a beer and taking a big swig.
He playfully threatens Bob Caudle.
Funk praises Dillon and talks about some of the goals JJ had in the business, seguing into his own goal of having a great match no matter how many people were in the crowd.
Terry gets himself riled up as soon as he leaves the house and he’s Terry Funk until he gets home again.
Wrestling today has better athletes, but his generation had better pure wrestlers.
The WWE has a monopoly and it’s a shame because guys only have one chance to become true stars in the business.
The business then was full of personalities and Dusty Rhodes, Harley Race , Ric Flair and others of their ilk really believed they were the best in the world.
Funk playfully relates how Dusty would talk himself up in the locker room, dreaming big and planning out spots which his body had no chance of executing. Then he’d go to the ring, do the spots anyway and celebrate in the locker room. “He’s a damn fool!”
A Japanese fan once ran up to Funk and showed off a pair of shit-stained underwear. He had just bought them off of Mick Foley for 8 bucks.
WWE offered Terry Funk 7500 dollars to work ECW One Night Stand but he turned him down to work for Shane Douglas and a 2500 payoff. Funk wanted to support the smaller group and give back to the fans. Funk physically could not work both shows at his age.
ECW was about the fans rabid obsession with a crazy bunch of characters. WWE buying the name and running shows does not live up to the true ECW experience.
When the New Age Outlaws were working the dumpster match with Cactus Jack and Terry Funk, a prop guy put a big board in the bin to prop up the lid without telling the workers. Funk ended up being power bombed on it and busted his ass.
The same prop guy was suppose to prep the Hell in the Cell that Foley ended up breaking through and being seriously injured by falling to the mat.
The prop guy also failed to secure the gas cap on “Chainsaw Charlie’s” chainsaw, and Funk ended up being covered in gas.
Funk blames the same guy for setting up Owen Hart’s fall from the ceiling. He wonders if he and Foley should have gotten the guy fired the year before which could have potentially saved Owen’s life.
A fan asks who Funk would have made NWA champ in 1981. Funk takes himself off the list as he didn’t want to work the crazy schedule. Jack Brisco felt the same way.
Harley Race had to work hard and grind his way to the top of the business. Funk respects the hell out of that because Terry had a much easier trip to the top since his father was a powerful promoter.
As part of the movie “Paradise Alley”, Funk got 18 workers from Amarillo a job on the film. Funk and the others had to train an actor how to be a worker since he and Funk had to put on the big final match together.
Norman the Lunatic (Mike Shaw) was a hilarious guy and Funk loved traveling with him.
Dick Murdoch was called in the WCW office by Jim Herd and asked why business was down. Murdoch said “Because of you, you dumb son of a bitch!”
“I love my stories!”
Bruiser Brody came to West Texas State to play football after being kicked off two other squads. He was third string, but he’d rile up his fellow bench warmers and they’d give the starters hell in practice.
The football players would find fun in going to a local bar where the cars were parked end to end, then compete over who could run over the most cars before getting blown up.
Brody was kicked off the team for chopping down a fruit tree.
In order to get bulked up, Brody ate tons of desiccated liver for protein. This gave him terrible gas.
Gary Hart appears in the crowd and teases Funk about his days managing him. Funk remembers how Hart got his first push from Dory Funk Sr. as “Gay” Gary Hart.
Terry once named a guy “Joe Chit” as a rib. The crowd ate it up and chanted “We want Chit!” The worker was not amused and quit soon after.
“The Wrestler’s were all nuts! That’s what’s so great about the business.”
Funk chugs a beer with gusto.
Harley Race once worked against a man named “Lawman” Don Slatton in a chain match for the World title. Slatton touched the fourth corner of the ring against script and was awarded the belt. Race confronted him in the back and Slatton begged off and claimed it was a mistake.
Antonio Inoki was a threat to shoot on the champion, so Terry joined Dory Jr. down at ringside for his defense against Inoki, in case there was any funny business.
The fans can still suspend their belief in the product, even though all the secrets are now out. The wrestlers can have a lot more fun now since they don’t have to convince anyone this crap is real.
Dick Murdoch was a heel, so he had to hide in a trunk of Funk’s car until they could get out of a small town. Funk never stopped and drove the full 100+ miles as a rib.
Another time, Funk convinced Murdoch to jump in a shopping cart and let Funk push him in the parking lot with his truck.
Thunderbolt Patterson was a tremendous talent, and the rumors of Patterson demanding to beat Funk for the World title one night in Georgia are false.
Lou Thesz was not impressed with Ricky Romero’s ability, so he ate him up on the mat and caused their match to be a true stinker in Amarillo. Funk does not agree with such a mentality, as the champ should always be mindful to leave the town stronger for the following week,
Funk tried to work a masked gimmick known as “Dr. Knows-It-All”. He wanted to use a bunch of medical puns. It bombed.
Wahoo McDaniel’s funeral was only attended by Terry Funk and no one else connected to wrestling.
Wahoo would fight for the pay of everybody on the roster. He was a wild and crazy guy outside of the ring.
A mugger confronted Wahoo outside of a bar. The man had a knife, but McDaniel had a gun handy. McDaniel cracked the guy with his gun, causing it to go off, and Dick Slater ended up being shot in the leg.
Dory Funk Sr. once took part in a “Texas Death Match” that went over four hours.
Funk used to call Jerry Lawler a “baby banger” in promos to play off his statutory rape charge.
Nick Bockwinkel thought Funk was a bit of a moron, so Funk would beat him at “Scrabble” consistently to frustrate the hell out of him.
Terry repeats his often cited belief that MMA will turn into pro wrestling once the promoters figure out that booking squash fights will make superstars.
Final thoughts: Terry Funk is a national treasure and his crazy personality was on full display here. A very fun hour with the Funker.
