Bands as Food

[Red Baron]

Eminem is like Budweiser or Coors Light. It was awesome when you first had it at 15-16, but once you got older you found out there is a lot better out there.

 

[Czech]

1. U2

Boy-October-War Angry Irish Youth U2 is a modestly-sized, but very nice piece of steak. Full, brassy taste, tasty side dishes with it (uilleann pipes are green beans, the nice snappy drumming is nice crispy salad), but it never leaves you feeling full (of unbearable sanctimony) and bloated (with overproduction). Just good masculinity-affirming meat.

Mid-'80s U2 is free range boneless skinless chicken breast, cooked in the Eno Oven and served with a variety of sauces: perhaps a nice nuanced balsamic reduction on The Unforgettable Fire and The Joshua Tree, but Rattle and Hum gets slathered with cheap-ass icky KC Masterpiece in a cosmically doomed effort to make Real American Food, one so doomed that Chef Bono has to dream it all up again.

Achtung-Zooropa-Pop U2 is a bag of salt water taffy. A bunch of little carefully contrived treats, all brightly colored and sugary, some of which taste terrific ("The Fly" is black licorice, "Who's Going To Ride Your Wild Horses?" is French vanilla, "Lemon" is lemon), some of which make you gag ("Miami" is maple). Consuming the whole thing at once--I mean all three--makes you grievously ill.

ATYCLB-Atomic Bomb-No Line U2 is a fucking McDonald's Happy Meal. You get it for the ubiquitous promotional toy (Beautiful Day, Vertigo) and then get nauseated on the accompanying honey-dipped McNuggets, soggy fries, and diluted Coke, and regret that you didn't or couldn't just buy the toy straight up.

This is the most Chuck Klosterman shit I've ever done and I'm less of a human being for having written this. I want to die.

 

[Mickey Massuco]

That was much more insightful than anything Klosterman could ever come up with. I think you're a little harsh on Achtung baby in lumping it in with Zooropa and Pop, but other than that you're spot on.

 

[Czech]

Well, it certainly doesn't have as many stinkers on it as the other two do, mostly because they were still writing really good songs at the time, but stylistically it's right there in the whole Go To Berlin, Reinvent Selves, Graft A Drum Machine On Arena Anthems milieu. I like how U2's catalogue breaks down into clearly delineated trilogies (as long as you count Passengers as a weird side project). It works out well with the four trilogies they have now, and the last two albums blew goats for change, so U2 should never record another album again.

I ran that post through I Write Like and even by calling myself a poor man's Chuck Klosterman right in there, I still got David Foster Wallace. I'm beginning to suspect that I Write Like only has one outcome and exists solely to make dorks on the internet feel better about their writing acumen.

 

[BurningPirateShipSex]

I ran that post through I Write Like and even by calling myself a poor man's Chuck Klosterman right in there, I still got David Foster Wallace. I'm beginning to suspect that I Write Like only has one outcome and exists solely to make dorks on the internet feel better about their writing acumen.

I ran KOAB's SLAM DEYGO post through I Write Like and got David Foster Wallace!

 

[Czech]

FUCK YES IT'S ABOUT TIME I HAD A WAY TO TRULY EXPRESS MYSELF HERE AND IT'S UP IN THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE. CONSIDER THIS THREAD MY LOUNGE AND YOU'RE ALL INVITED (EXCEPT CBRIGHT) WHERE WE WILL PLAY THE FINEST MUSIC WHICH HAS INFLUENCED MY LIFE. I COULD START A BLOG LIKE THE OTHER FAGS HERE, BUT WHY GO TO THE D LEAGUE WHEN I'M ALREADY AN MVP OF THE ASSOCIATION? NO WHAT I'M SAYING DAWG. HERE BE THE FIRST HIT.

I write like
David Foster Wallace

hahaha

 

[Czech]

This pisses me off more than a message forum has ever pissed me off before. Even though it's just text from someone that I will never meet, it pisses me off. Not just because I'm a Morley mark, but because people are so dimwitted they have to always use the same excuses for everything.

His matches are repetitive? Fuck you. Alright. Just straight fuck you. This is the WWE. EVERY match is repetitive. Every fucking one. That's what happens when you only get four minutes to work. I think, no fuck that, I KNOW Val is the best wrestler on RAW. Yeah, that's right. Better than Jericho, better than RVD & better than Lance Storm. You can call me crazy all you want, but I know what I have seen. Morley always...ALWAYS entertains me. On the stick, in the ring, everywhere. He should be a main eventer by now. Especially after having to go through all the "Val Venis" bullshit.

He is WAY above average in the wrestling department. "Average at best?" Fucking please. Rodney Mack is average at best. Test is average at best. Morley is better than half the roster (including Smackdown). Average at best means that when he has his best nights, it's only average. Or, it could mean if you added up all of his matches and rated them on quality, then divided by the number of matches you would end up with a number that was "average" based on a scale that would have to be made up as well. Fuck that. Did you even think before you typed that?

His offense is rather dull aside from a few moves like the Blue Thunder? Why's that? Because not every single move he uses is exclusive to him? I beg to differ. He executes all of his moves well. He has a great finisher. The 'Money Shot' is highly underrated. Everytime I see it I just have flashbacks to Jimmy Snuka days. Just because he doesn't do twenty moonsaults and six corkscrews before hitting a body splash doesn't mean that it can't still be impressive.

I swear, it's like people have selective viewing habits. If you don't think Morley is talented, you shouldn't be allowed to form an opinion about wrestling on a wrestling forum. The same people that preach about Chris Jericho, Booker T. & The Hurricane had better damn well see something in Morley.

Now I'm bitter. I can't believe that someone would go out of their way to call Morley average. I've never even seen Morley botch a spot! Remember his feud with D-Lo way back when for the IC title? Yeah, he was even good back then. I've also never heard about Morley being hard to work with or causing problems backstage. In fact, whenever I do read something about him, it's usually just something like him going to another wrestlers wedding. That just shows that he's a nice guy with a lot of friends. I guess we all know where nice guys finish.

I just think it's a case of the good old TSM double standard again. I have no doubt in my mind that if people talked about Morley as much as they talk about some other 'Smark Darlings" everyone would act like they liked him. Why? Because this place is full of fucking sheep. Just a bunch of damn bandwagon jumpers. It makes me sick. It's like everyone just tries to fit in. Everyone likes the same five wrestlers...and I know that they are talented, but I guarantee half of the people that act like they like Guerrero or Jericho only say that to try and fit in here. The reasoning is because they don't want to be "ran off" for having a different opinion. Don't act like it wouldn't happen either, because it's happened in the past.

It's not just a difference of opinion either. You might not like Morley as much as me, that's fine. You might think other wrestlers are better than him, that's fine too. Those are opinions, I'll admit that. Saying the man is not talented or is average is not an opinion. Not to me. To me it's false information. It's bullshit. He obviously has talent. OBVIOUSLY. If you can't see that, quit watching wrestling because you wouldn't know talent it it took you out into the middle of the street and blew your brains out.

I write like
James Joyce

 

[KOAB]

FUCK YES IT'S ABOUT TIME I HAD A WAY TO TRULY EXPRESS MYSELF HERE AND IT'S UP IN THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE. CONSIDER THIS THREAD MY LOUNGE AND YOU'RE ALL INVITED (EXCEPT CBRIGHT) WHERE WE WILL PLAY THE FINEST MUSIC WHICH HAS INFLUENCED MY LIFE. I COULD START A BLOG LIKE THE OTHER FAGS HERE, BUT WHY GO TO THE D LEAGUE WHEN I'M ALREADY AN MVP OF THE ASSOCIATION? NO WHAT I'M SAYING DAWG. HERE BE THE FIRST HIT.

I write like
David Foster Wallace

hahaha

this is awesome david foster wallace was the man.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

If I had to pick my favorite era of U2, it'd be the Acthung Baby/Zooropa/Pop era closely followed by the first three albums. I haven't listened to them in years even though they were my absolute favorite band for a very brief period in sophomore/junior year of high school. I haven't even heard their last two albums and I'm better for it.

 

[still fly]

Ludacris is a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. The first two pieces taste great but then every other piece makes your stomach churn.

 

[BUTT]

Ludacris is a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Racist

 

[KOAB]

that's why he named his album chicken & beer

 

[KOAB]

This pisses me off more than a message forum has ever pissed me off before. Even though it's just text from someone that I will never meet, it pisses me off. Not just because I'm a Morley mark, but because people are so dimwitted they have to always use the same excuses for everything.

His matches are repetitive? Fuck you. Alright. Just straight fuck you. This is the WWE. EVERY match is repetitive. Every fucking one. That's what happens when you only get four minutes to work. I think, no fuck that, I KNOW Val is the best wrestler on RAW. Yeah, that's right. Better than Jericho, better than RVD & better than Lance Storm. You can call me crazy all you want, but I know what I have seen. Morley always...ALWAYS entertains me. On the stick, in the ring, everywhere. He should be a main eventer by now. Especially after having to go through all the "Val Venis" bullshit.

He is WAY above average in the wrestling department. "Average at best?" Fucking please. Rodney Mack is average at best. Test is average at best. Morley is better than half the roster (including Smackdown). Average at best means that when he has his best nights, it's only average. Or, it could mean if you added up all of his matches and rated them on quality, then divided by the number of matches you would end up with a number that was "average" based on a scale that would have to be made up as well. Fuck that. Did you even think before you typed that?

His offense is rather dull aside from a few moves like the Blue "Thunder"? Why's that? Because not every single move he uses is exclusive to him? I beg to differ. He executes all of his moves well. He has a great finisher. The 'Money Shot' is highly underrated. Everytime I see it I just have flashbacks to Jimmy Snuka days. Just because he doesn't do twenty moonsaults and six corkscrews before hitting a body splash doesn't mean that it can't still be impressive.

I swear, it's like people have selective viewing habits. If you don't think Morley is talented, you shouldn't be allowed to form an opinion about wrestling on a wrestling forum. The same people that preach about Chris Jericho, Booker T. & The Hurricane had better damn well see something in Morley.

Now I'm bitter. I can't believe that someone would go out of their way to call Morley average. I've never even seen Morley botch a spot! Remember his feud with D-Lo way back when for the IC title? Yeah, he was even good back then. I've also never heard about Morley being hard to work with or causing problems backstage. In fact, whenever I do read something about him, it's usually just something like him going to another wrestlers wedding. That just shows that he's a nice guy with a lot of friends. I guess we all know where nice guys finish.

I just think it's a case of the good old TSM double standard again. I have no doubt in my mind that if people talked about Morley as much as they talk about some other 'Smark Darlings" everyone would act like they liked him. Why? Because this place is full of fucking sheep. Just a bunch of damn bandwagon jumpers. It makes me sick. It's like everyone just tries to fit in. Everyone likes the same five wrestlers...and I know that they are talented, but I guarantee half of the people that act like they like Guerrero or Jericho only say that to try and fit in here. The reasoning is because they don't want to be "ran off" for having a different opinion. Don't act like it wouldn't happen either, because it's happened in the past.

It's not just a difference of opinion either. You might not like Morley as much as me, that's fine. You might think other wrestlers are better than him, that's fine too. Those are opinions, I'll admit that. Saying the man is not talented or is average is not an opinion. Not to me. To me it's false information. It's bullshit. He obviously has talent. OBVIOUSLY. If you can't see that, quit watching wrestling because you wouldn't know talent it it took you out into the middle of the street and blew your brains out.

I write like
James Joyce

good thread idea lets take the most memorable posts and compare and contrast with I Write Like

 

[BUTT]

This pisses me off more than a message forum has ever pissed me off before. Even though it's just text from someone that I will never meet, it pisses me off. Not just because I'm a Morley mark, but because people are so dimwitted they have to always use the same excuses for everything.

His matches are repetitive? Fuck you. Alright. Just straight fuck you. This is the WWE. EVERY match is repetitive. Every fucking one. That's what happens when you only get four minutes to work. I think, no fuck that, I KNOW Val is the best wrestler on RAW. Yeah, that's right. Better than Jericho, better than RVD & better than Lance Storm. You can call me crazy all you want, but I know what I have seen. Morley always...ALWAYS entertains me. On the stick, in the ring, everywhere. He should be a main eventer by now. Especially after having to go through all the "Val Venis" bullshit.

He is WAY above average in the wrestling department. "Average at best?" Fucking please. Rodney Mack is average at best. Test is average at best. Morley is better than half the roster (including Smackdown). Average at best means that when he has his best nights, it's only average. Or, it could mean if you added up all of his matches and rated them on quality, then divided by the number of matches you would end up with a number that was "average" based on a scale that would have to be made up as well. Fuck that. Did you even think before you typed that?

His offense is rather dull aside from a few moves like the Blue "Thunder"? Why's that? Because not every single move he uses is exclusive to him? I beg to differ. He executes all of his moves well. He has a great finisher. The 'Money Shot' is highly underrated. Everytime I see it I just have flashbacks to Jimmy Snuka days. Just because he doesn't do twenty moonsaults and six corkscrews before hitting a body splash doesn't mean that it can't still be impressive.

I swear, it's like people have selective viewing habits. If you don't think Morley is talented, you shouldn't be allowed to form an opinion about wrestling on a wrestling forum. The same people that preach about Chris Jericho, Booker T. & The Hurricane had better damn well see something in Morley.

Now I'm bitter. I can't believe that someone would go out of their way to call Morley average. I've never even seen Morley botch a spot! Remember his feud with D-Lo way back when for the IC title? Yeah, he was even good back then. I've also never heard about Morley being hard to work with or causing problems backstage. In fact, whenever I do read something about him, it's usually just something like him going to another wrestlers wedding. That just shows that he's a nice guy with a lot of friends. I guess we all know where nice guys finish.

I just think it's a case of the good old TSM double standard again. I have no doubt in my mind that if people talked about Morley as much as they talk about some other 'Smark Darlings" everyone would act like they liked him. Why? Because this place is full of fucking sheep. Just a bunch of damn bandwagon jumpers. It makes me sick. It's like everyone just tries to fit in. Everyone likes the same five wrestlers...and I know that they are talented, but I guarantee half of the people that act like they like Guerrero or Jericho only say that to try and fit in here. The reasoning is because they don't want to be "ran off" for having a different opinion. Don't act like it wouldn't happen either, because it's happened in the past.

It's not just a difference of opinion either. You might not like Morley as much as me, that's fine. You might think other wrestlers are better than him, that's fine too. Those are opinions, I'll admit that. Saying the man is not talented or is average is not an opinion. Not to me. To me it's false information. It's bullshit. He obviously has talent. OBVIOUSLY. If you can't see that, quit watching wrestling because you wouldn't know talent it it took you out into the middle of the street and blew your brains out.

I write like
James Joyce

I'm not sure that his reference to Jimmy Snuka could be considered an allusion...