Let's Play: Lagoon (SNES)

[Smues]

I pray to god the next one has actual range to it. So I get lost and die a ton in the 2nd dungeon, then FINALLY find the boss. Yay right?

FUCK. Level grinding again here I go.

 

[Smues]

You can't cast magic in the boss room. So I'm stuck with that stupid butter knife of a sword. BOO-URNS.

 

[Smues]

Life sucks and then you die, so re-load your save and die die die.

 

[Smues]

I KILLED YOU TAKE THAT YOU SON OF A ...WHATEVER A MONSTERS MOTHER IS. Echidna?

Beat that boss, who dropped a new sword. YES YES YES. It has the same attack range and speed as the other one, making me assume they all do and they just do more damage. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE. I must remember to make fudge. The monsters in the next area (a desert, the worst part of most video games for me. Forget what Spoony says about the sewer level, I always hate the desert level most) are kicking my ass, and there's this grey brain looking thing that is immune to my spell and REALLY hard to hit with my butter knife, so yeah gonna call it a night.

BUT, I'm not calling it quits, I'll get back to this sober tomorrow. YOU WILL NOT WIN FLIK, ODESSA WILL BE AVENGED.

 

[Smues]

Really not liking the desert.

 

[Kageho]

Wow. Between the words and the sword, I would've honestly thought you'd given up. Congrats. If you manage to survive this, I promise to do an LP of Saga Frontier II in return. And I promise not to look up a guide to figure out where to go and I'll do voice overs as it happens. There. You have incentives to beat this game now.

...please don't.

PS - I hated the desert too.

 

[Smues]

Fetch quest bullshit to pad the game out took me forever. Run back and forth all over the place, then go ALL the way through the dungeon, dying and getting lost a lot because I suck, only to figure out I had to go all the way to where the boss is but can't get to him, get an item, go out of the dungeon and back to another place to get another item that then let's me go to the boss, after finding my way back through and dying in the dungeon again. And then the boss raped me. He's huge, and you have to wait for his weak point to stick out of his face...thing...and it barely does, so you have to practically walk into the boss and take damage before you get in range with your butter knife. Needless to say he raped me, and I spent the night grinding like a bitch to level up like a motherfucker. Motherfucker went down this morning! I've gotten another sword and it's still butterknife range, but on the upside I also got wind magic, which kind of sucks, but also a new staff which gives you new spells with your old magic. Three fireballs at once motha fucka!

 

[Smues]

Just popping in to say I haven't forgotten or given up, I will finish this stupid thing, no matter how much I have to grind to not die!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HneOybvWbdc

This is Hobbit Valley. I DON'T LIKE HOBBITS. I dig the music though. Also check out how everything freezes when I cast that spell. MODE 7 POWER!

Is there an AND ROY castle too?

 

[Smues]

The bosses in this game are such bullshit. Because of the butter knifes awful range you have to get right up at them to hit, and half the time you walk to far and take damage. And then you run into the bosses that teleport and you have to run around and pray you can get to them in the one right spot where your fucking twig will hit them before they move again. Bullshit I says.

 

[Smues]

Look at this shitty looking boss. See those red things at the bottom? That's the weak point. You can only hit it when they extend, and it's like every other fucking boss you have to basically walk/jump into it and take damage because you're actually in range to damage it yourself.

Alright now THAT looks like a good old fashioned SNES RPG boss. Yeah boy.

FUCK YOU.

Yeah you gotta hit him in the face. See where I'm standing in that picture? That's not close enough you have to go a little closer. MY KINGDOM FOR A LONGSWORD.

OH SHIT SON, CUT SCENE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOerEmIx4Og

Well that sure was exciting.

 

[Smues]

*Gasp* forced heel turn for Thor? OH NO.

Oh this fucking thing...fuck. Ok so the big thing is the boss, but first he's got six of those little things you need to deal with. Each only takes like one hit, but you have to hit them in JUST the right spot like everything else, and all the while the little things and the big boss are throwing shit at you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSqpc2M_ncQ

Rabble rabble rabble

"We'll blow you" ALL I needed to hear. I earned this damnit!

 

[Smues]

Now I need to talk about something I've neglected so far: the jumping. Sure it helps with combat, but there's some places in the game you have to jump over holes or canyons or whatever. If you miss, you die, game over. It's really unforgiving and quite annoying as the boundary detecting is a little shitty.

ACK. And I didn't get pictures or video of the cloud jumping section where you have to jump on a bunch of clouds, but it was miserable.

Oh and then this:

So ok there's like an island in the distance, so? Maybe I walk to it?

Maybe not! You have to jump to that little island, that sure looks like it's way in the distance to me. And you have to hit it spot on or

I hate life.

 

[Smues]

I can just picture the developers saying to themselves "This game isn't a bitch enough, you know what we need? Teleporting bosses!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPHNtf32xqg

Assholes!

So anyway we finally get to the end, and here's one quick aside before final boss talk. In addition to staves and swords and armor and shields, you get rings in this game. Each ring has power like + defense, + offense, healing, etc. But the tradeoff is they drain your MP while on, quite quickly. So they're mostly ideal for bosses since you can't use magic anyway. The best by far is the healing ring, which saved my ass a number of times. But what I want to bitch about is the last ring, the ring that freeze enemies. It's called the time ring or something, and enemies can't move while it's on. You get it in the last dungeon, and it doesn't work on bosses, so it's basically useless. RAGE RAGE RAGE.

Ok so you get to the end and there's several bosses you have to fight in a row. The first starts easy but it's second form is a bitch, but I didn't get video for some reason. Then you face this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3OvDx8hEh4

Are the cheap bullshit bosses in the game, and this pushover is one of the last? Weird.

 

[Smues]

Next up is Thor, because he's possessed or some shit. Thor has 2 forms and...well let's let the video speak for itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcnTVcEWnBo

WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK. THIS, THIS FUCKING VIDEO is Lagoon in a nutshell. As far as I can tell it's pretty much pure luck on being able to get to him and at the right angle to hit him before you get knocked away. Luckily he only takes like 3 hits at max level (which takes 65535 exp, and gives 255 HP and MP, FF and FFFF for the win.) Then you get his second form, which I should have gotten more video of, considering he killed me a gajillion times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykRO0YopEaw

Yeah, that one sucked ass.

Then finally onto the last boss, who thankfully only has one form.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJFjS3RWUfE

Well that certainly was bullshit taking all that health before I could move, but he looks easy enough, in fact I think he's a palette swap of an earlier boss. So let's put on that healing ring and try again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_fvqAPl8o8

Oh for fuck's sake. Hey let's not make an interesting challenging boss, let's just make him rape you before you can do anything, yeah that's the ticket.

Ok, third time is the charm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzzwhjqGzDg

Well that sure was an exciting ending. There aren't even ending credits, not that the assholes who made this deserve them.

Suck it game!

 

[tekcop]

Somebody's getting some votes from me next year.

 

[Kageho]

Congrats Smues! I'm glad you managed to survive it! I wish there was some way to thank you.

...no, I totally did not promise to do a let's play in return. That would be silly.