Let's Play: Legend of the Red Dragon (LORD)

[Smues]

Go red or go home

 

[2GOLD]

I'd love to seen the divorce court episode for that. See if judges join little girls and trolls as your nemesis.

 

[Smues]

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Alright let's finish this bitch. LORD, not Violet.

You have to talk to the bartender for some reason before you can find the dragon. Because he's this big evil everyone wants to kill, but he isn't easy to find? I assumed he was terrorizing everyone, hence why you'd need to kill it.

Running away like a wuss is probably the smart choice, but what the hell. I'd be afraid of all those small pieces of murdered children, but my character probably killed them so no biggy.

15,000 HP. I have a feeling I'm about to be stomped like an ant. But have no fear, it's death knight attack time!

I was wondering who posted that ad on Craigslist.

Missing: MY FUCKING ARM OWWW CHRIST IT WON'T STOP BLEEDING FUCK

I'd celebrate more, but he did a ton of damage with his stupid breath (have a mentos asshole) so this will be close and I might very well die.

When castrations lost its fun you're fucking lazy. AND he misses me. YES YES YES YOU GOIN DOWN

One might think chopping the crotch would hurt less the second time, but whatever. He be dead. Celebration time bitches.

 

[tekcop]

I'm just really, really dissapointed in the lack of some sweet RED DRAGON art at the end. We get head-stump lady and a castle, but not the eponymous final boss? WTF.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

Did you ever talk to him about Violet?

 

[Smues]

SPOILER ALERT OMG THE ENDING IS BELOW. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT IT SPOILED I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'LL EVER FORGIVE YOURSELF

It truely is a tragedy. I wanted to be the one to murder those kids. Or rape them when they got older.

Yes Barak Obama got own'd, but that is still really stupid. Did they really need to have someone doubt that you killed the fucking dragon? I assume a dragon's heart looks different than a sheep. Plus, apparently I could have lied about killing it long ago, since all the proof you need is to be a higher level than your accuser. Go back to noob school, you noob.

The Violet thing might be more enticing if A. you hadn't already been married to her for day B. you hadn't already proven I can fuck her at will, and C. you didn't fuck anything that moves, and things (Olivia) that don't move.

And that's the game. In Tournament Lord the game ends when someone slays the dragon. Non T-Lord goes on for however many days the game is set to go until resetting. After killing the dragon you go back to level 1 with level 1 stats and no gold. All you keep is your charm and skills, so it's not much of an advantage. But for the hardcore player you can max out your skills in your chosen profession, and if I remember correctly then switch to another, so if you have a lot of time (and forest fights) on your hand it is possible to get death knight, wizard, and thieve skills, which would make you quite powerful I suppose.

But anyway that's LORD. And thus concludes the most boring let's play in history. I really wanted to record video of the text based game just to pile on the boring, but oh well. I have another text game in mind for a future LP, and this one I haven't played much of so it'll be new to all of us!

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find Olivia.

 

[Smues]

Did you ever talk to him about Violet?

I KNEW I forgot to screen cap something.

BONUS BULLSHIT:
I loaded up my post dragon kill to play a little more and get that screen cap. Note: I had re-married Violet but didn't bother capping that because it's the same shit.

I'm sure women just LOVED this game.

And it's so important that everyone playing should know about it!

So I guess sexual stamina is one of those "a few other things" that carry over after you kill the dragon. But anyway, the bartender.

Oh you arrogant son of a bitch. I killed the red dragon! But I forgot you have to be level 2 to talk to the bartender, for some reason.
Fine I'll go do some MORE fucking forest fights.

So yeah this is the game's clumsy way of telling you to get charm, though it's not like you can do anything but hope for the random encounters in the forest to increase it. He also seems to ignore the fact that I'm married to her. DIDN'T YOU READ THE NEWS SHE PMS'D ON ME THIS MORNING.

Ok, NOW I'm really done with this game.

 

[vivisectvi]

DUDE! In keeping with some bad-ass ascii ms dos style gaming... You should do your next LP on: http://www.tnm7.de/cgi-bin/rmcms.cgi?page=main

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

Just noticed, but it says "I can never replay you" instead of repay. I also saw it spelled debris as "debry". Did nobody check the script?