Reappraising Blender Magazine's 50 Worst Songs Ever List from 2003

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

https://hooksandharmony.com/we-built-this-city-why-all-the-hate/
I just read this article, reappraising Starship's "We Built This City", voted The Worst Song of All Time by Blender Magazine (now defunct) in 2003. With 17 years of hindsight and a lot of time on our hands, let's get nostalgic about bad nostalgia. Were the "50 Worst Songs of All Time" (voted by now defunct Blender Magazine) really all that bad?

1. Starship- "We Built This City"
2. Billy Ray Cyrus- "Achy Breaky Heart"
3. Wang Chung- "Everybody Have Fun Tonight"
4. Limp Bizkit- "Rollin'"
5. Vanilla Ice- "Ice Ice Baby"
6. Huey Lewis & The News- "The Heart of Rock & Roll"
7. Bobby McFerrin- "Don't Worry (Be Happy)"
8. Eddie Murphy- "Party All The Time"
9. Madonna- "American Life"
10. Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder- "Ebony & Ivory"
11. Clay Aiken- "Invisible"
12. The Beach Boys- "Kokomo"
13. Genesis- "Illegal Alien"
14. Bette Middler- "From A Distance"
15 The Rembrandts- "I'll Be There For You"
16. 4 Non Blondes- "What's Up?"
17. Hammer- "Pumps and a Bump"
18. Chicago- "You're The Inspiration"
19. Mr. Mister- "Broken Wings"
20. Lionel Richie- "Dancing on the Ceiling"
21. Spin Doctors- "Two Princes"
22. Toby Keith- Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue
23. Corey Hart- "Sunglasses at Night"
24. Five for Fighting- "Superman (It's Not Easy)"
25. Puff Daddy (ft Faith Evans and 112)- "I'll Be Missing You"
26. The Doors- "The End"
27. Europe- "The Final Countdown"
28. John Mayer- "Your Body is a Wonderland"
29. Deep Blue Something- "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
30. Whitney Houston- "The Greatest Love of All"
31. Crash Test Dummies- "Mmm Mmm Mmm"
32. Will Smith- "Will2k"
33. Aqua- "Barbie Girl"
34.Dan Fogelberg- "Longer"
35. REM- "Shinmy Happy People"
36. Master P- "Make 'Em Say Ugh"
37. Gerardo- "Rico Suave"
38. Rednex- "Cotton Eyed Joe"
39. Ricky Martin- "She Bangs (Remix)"
40. Color Me Badd- "I Wanna Sex You Up"
41. Billy Joel- "We Didn't Start The Fire"
42. Simon & Garfunkel- "The Sounds of Silence"
43. Uncle Kracker- "Follow Me"
44.Meat Loaf- "I'd Do Anything For Love (Single Edit)"
45. Ja Rule (ft Ashanti)-"Mesmerize"
46. New Kids on the Block- "Hangin' Tough"
47. Bryan Adams- "The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You"
48. The Beatles- "Ob La Di Ob La Da"
49. Right Said Fred- "I'm Too Sexy"
50. Celine Dion- "My Heart Will Go On[/b]


I'll share more thoughts on this later but this list is a travesty and a scourge on the history of music criticism.

 

[Fall of Epic]

Thirst for 80s and 90s nostalgia in the last 10-15 years helped the reputation for a lot of those tracks. I can see "We Built this City" being universally loathed in 2003 but now? No way.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

I feel like all of the ragging on cheesy '80s music in the '00s actually helped its reputation as people were like "Wait. This is actually good." I'm all for ragging on boomer iconography but the way this list does it just random. Like I don't understand how "The Sounds of Silence" made the cut.

 

[Brocklock]

I agree that "The Sound of Silence" sticks out as a weird pick. A tad overused, but a very good song. Simon And Garfunkle should be nowhere near a worst song ever list.

"The Final Countdown" is definitely a song that has gained a lot in reputation since 2003. "Party All The Time" is a fun ass song that has been appreciated over the years too. If you are gonna put an Eddie Murphy song on it, there's a ton of other hilarious songs you could use like "Whatzupwitu" or the intensely titled "Put Your Mouth On Me". There's a lot of other Bizkit songs you could use before "Rollin" like "Break Stuff", "Nookie", The cover of "Faith", or something else off Chocolate Starfish.

There's definitely more bad than good on the list though. That Uncle Kracker song is an abomination. The Five For Fighting, Toby Keith, and John Mayer songs are garbage. If "American Life" is the song where Madonna tries to rap, then it definitely deserves a spot. "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex might be the worst song of this group, but then I see"Kokomo" right there.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

I would say it's probably 60/40 as to songs that belong on the list versus songs that don't. Which is probably not a terrible ratio for these types of lists.

Here's something that will probably make me more hated here than my recent gross food photo pics. I kind of LIKE Uncle Kracker's "Follow Me". I think it's a perfectly fine likable soft rock song. I DON'T CARE WHAT ANY OF YOU BASTARDS THINK!

For the most part, I think they did a much better job of what songs from the '00s would still universally be considered terrible. "Your Body is a Wonderland", "Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue" Clay Aiken song...if anything they should have been higher on the list.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

Genuinely surprised at no solo Phil Collins on the list since early '00s was peak of music media bashing him. I feel like "Sussudio" is very frequently cited as a terrible '80s song (even though it isn't IMO).


Also surprised no Creed on the list. Nickelback was still actually mostly ignored by the critics in '03 (I think their backlash started around '05) but I think it was already very cool to hate Creed in '03.

 

[Brocklock]

Should be a lot more Nu-Metal as well, but 03 was a weird time. It was like Hair Metal in 91 where it was pretty much done, but their were still some big songs and bands hanging around.

 

[tekcop]

I'm here to defend Barbie Girl.


It's good.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

I'm surprised that Drowning Pool's "Bodies" didn't make the cut. '03 was really when the backlash against nu metal started in full gear. In a year or two, the genre would be almost completely irrelevant. I think it had an even quicker death than hair metal.

Aqua "Barbie's Girl" is a complete novelty song. I think if you just say "This is terrible", it's like that's kind of the point of the song. Give me something fun and fluffy like that over a serious and self important song like 4 Non Blondes' "What's Up?" any day of the week and twice on sunday.

 

[Valeyard]

I've talked so much shit about this list (and Blender lists period) that I thought I made this while high. We had a feud.

This is almost exactly the same as VH1's awesomely bad list. Cross reference it and there's hilarious crossover to where I can't remember who came first. List doesn't hold up, as most things from 2003 do. Went for low-hanging fruit at the most, one or two bullshit troll ones ("Sounds Of Silence" doesn't belong anywhere near this), a lot of the early 2000s pop culture hatefuck ones. Fucking Blender.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

Valeyard! I was waiting for you!

Yeah. There were a lot of songs that I could have swore were on the list but it turns out they were on the VH1 list. I would say the VH1 list is mildly to moderately better. Blender really seemed to be trying to provoke boomers while there were enough of them still viewing VH1 that VH1 didn't want to piss them off. The Doors "The End" might belong on the list though tbh.

Top 4 in both lists are exactly the same btw, which seems weird.

 

[Brocklock]

Barbie Girl, Ice Ice Baby, I'm Too Sexy, etc are too goofy and harmless to really hate as songs. Rico Suave is fucking bad though.

Where the hell is "Who Let The Dogs Out"? Even as a novelty song and a easy target it's terrible.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

VH1 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs of All Time list from 2004.


1. Starship- "We Built This City"
2. Billy Ray Cyrus- "Achy Breaky Heart"
3. Wang Chung- "Everybody Have Fun Tonight"
4. Limp Bizkit- "Rollin'"
5. Vanilla Ice- "Ice Ice Baby"
6. Deep Blue Something- "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
7. Eddie Murphy- "Party All The Time"
8. Ricky Martin- "Elle Braga (She Bangs)
9. Bobby McFerrin- "Don't Worry (Be Happy)
10. Huey Lewis & The News- "The Heart of Rock & Roll"
11. Gerardo- "Rico Suave"
12. New Kids on the Block- "Hangin' Tough"
13. Aqua- "Barbie Girl"
14. Will Smith- "Will2k"
15 Crash Test Dummies- "Mmm Mmm Mmm"
16. Europe- "The Final Countdown"
17. Right Said Fred- "I'm Too Sexy"
18. Hammer- "Pumps and a Bump"
19. Chicago- "You're The Inspiration"
20. Toby Keith- "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue"
21. The Rembrandts- "I'll Be There For You"
22. Lionel Richie- "Dancing on the Ceiling"
23. Sisqo- "Thong Song"
24. Phil Collins- "Sussudio"
25. Michael Jackson- "You Rock My World"
26. Bryan Adams- "The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You"
27. Wreckx-N-Effect- "Rumpshaker"
28. Rick Astley- "Never Gonna Give You Up
29. Meat Loaf- "I'd Do Anything For Love (Single Edit)"
30. Nelly- "Pimp Juice"
31. R. Kelly- "You Remind Me of Something"
32. Mr. Mister- "Broken Wings"
33. Jennifer Lopez (ft Jadakiss and Styles P)- "Jenny From The Block"
34. Crazy Town- "Butterfly"
35. Don Johnson- "Heartbeat"
36. Color Me Badd- "I Wanna Sex You Up"
37. Bette Midler- "From A Distance"
38. Ja Rule (ft Ashanti)-"Mesmerize"
39. Snow- "Informer"
40. 4 Non Blondes- "What's Up?"
41. JC Chasez (Ft Dirt McGirt)- "Some Girls Dance With Women"
42. Rednex- "Cotton Eyed Joe"
43. Master P- "Make 'Em Say Ugh"
44. Billy Joel- "We Didn't Start The Fire"
45. Ruben Studdard- "Sorry 2004"
46. Spin Doctors- Two Princes
47. Bobby Brown (ft Whitney Houston)"Something in Common"
48. Michael Bolton- "Can I Touch You There?"
49. Puff Daddy (ft Faith Evans) "I'll Be Missing You
50. Corey Hart- "Sunglasses at Night"

Looking at it, with a few exceptions (HOW THE HELL IS "Rumpshaker" on a WORST songs list!?), I think VH1 did a better job with the list by picking on easy targets. Also they were badmouthing R. Kelly and Michael Jackson decades before it was cool. Although I guess shitting on them was cool in 2004 for different reasons.

 

[Brocklock]

Maybe it's the wrestling fan in me and it's by no means a good song or even that listenable. But, "Rollin" isn't that bad.

No Baha Men on that list either, but Butterfly is on it at least.

I think I like the Blender list better cause WTF VH1 HEARTBEAT IS A GOOD JAM.

 

[AA484]

Some pretty bad stuff on both of these lists so I can't object too much. Way worse songs out there than "Sunglasses at Night," though.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

Maybe it's the wrestling fan in me and it's by no means a good song or even that listenable. But, "Rollin" isn't that bad.

Yeah. I think Limp Bizkit is deserving of a Top 5 spot but not that song. I think "Break Stuff" or their cover of "Faith" are more deserving. If we're going deep cuts then I'd say "CrackAddict". Everytime I watch WrestleMania XIX, I'm befuddled that WWE used that. Even by their soundtrack standards, it stands out as screechingly bad.

They could've picked much worse goofier MJ, R. Kelly, and Bobby Brown songs. "Humpin' Around" was right there but I guess they wanted to take a potshot at Whitney too since this was when they were doing their awful Bravo series.

 

[Valeyard]

"Sunglasses At Night" being there is bullshit too. Most of these are just harmless things that, I think, are only on there so assholes like myself can't accuse them of just picking on certain decades or something. All the one hit wonder stuff on these lists are songs that define the era they came out in, and in a post 9-11 world we did not want to admit how good some of these were.

"Party All The Time" gets way too much shit, too. I never got it. I feel like putting Eddie or Don Johnson on these are lazy, though. Neglecting anything pre-MTV is insane, not counting troll picks like Simon and Garfunkel or the Beatles (although they aren't too wrong about "Obla Di Obla Da"). These lists need more "American Pie" or "Seasons In The Sun" kinda stuff.

Limp Bizkit's murdering of "Behind Blue Eyes" is the right answer for them, by far.

 

[Baby Shoes]

I hate this list. Just looking at the Top 10, I don’t think I know the Madonna song (by title at least) but I love all them other trashes.

Music is one art genre to me that I often prefer the bubblegum trash stuff above more artistically constructed pieces so fuck this list.

 

[HarleyQuinn]

I'll also defend the 4 Non Blondes song. It's perfectly fine for what it is and there was worse out there in that same time period. I feel like it gets shit on as much for the Music Video than anything else.

VH1 list, I'll defend the shit like Sisqo, Wreckx-N-Effect, and Color Me Badd because they did what they said song content wise. Also as misogynistic as such songs can be, there is a place for them IMO.

There's lots of album cuts from "big hit single" albums that nobody remembers because they suck and deserve more awareness.

 

[Valeyard]

As someone who has spent entirely too much of his time in places with karaoke, 4 Non Blondes can rot in hell. Linda Perry sounds like James Earl Jones with a stomach ache.

 

[Brocklock]

Yeah I like a lot of bad music, but that 4 Non Blondes song is atrocious.

I think on a more modern list most of these songs wouldn't be included. There's been some bad bad music the past 17 years.

Also, the Madonna song is absolutely terrible and needs to be on the list. Even with liking bubblegum stuff, the message of the song is unfocused, the lyrics vapid, and the music itself is terrible. The original uncensored video was supposed to have antiwar and anti George W. Bush imagery, but the lyrics are about Madonna being bored that she's rich and drinking soy lattes and doing yoga so it would've been a weird mix. She pulled the original video at the last minute because I'm guessing The Dixie Chicks backlash was fairly recent. And once again, she tries to rap at 2:42.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYduJw5LyFM

 

[AA484]

This should have been on there:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRC8jaO3qgw

 

[AA484]

This, too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFood_bTOX4

 

[Big Papa Paegan]

This entire list is better than the Arcade Fire back catalogue.

 

[AA484]

Oh hey everybody, Laz hates something fun

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

As someone who has spent entirely too much of his time in places with karaoke, 4 Non Blondes can rot in hell. Linda Perry sounds like James Earl Jones with a stomach ache.

I hosted live band karaoke for two summers in 2012-13ish and I've gone to karaoke semi-regularly since. White women in their 30s-40s still unironically love scream-singing that song and it haunts me. Harley being the one to defend the song on here makes total sense.

Michael Bolton should've had multiple songs on the list. I think if only one had to be picked, "Can I Touch You There" is the right choice. "Said I Loved You (But I Lied)" is pretty awesomely bad too. And of course, any of his crappy covers of '60s soul songs.

I don't know if any band regrets writing a line more than Wang Chung does writing "Everybody Wang Chung tonight!" Singlehandedly that line turned them from respectable '80s pop band (Seriously, they did the soundtrack for To Live & Die in LA damn it) to punchline. That being said, that goofy line aside, I still think it's a really fun, big dumb '80s pop song and doesn't deserve to be on these lists.

In a similar vein, I'm agog Huey Lewis & The News' "The Heart of Rock N Roll" is on these lists. Yeah, it's a bit goofy but it's supposed to be goofy. And if you want to pick on Huey, "It's Hip To Be Square" is right there!

 

[Gary]

There's definitely some awful stuff on the lists (4 Non Blondes, "Breakfast at Tiffany's"*, The Bryan Adams and Billy Ray Cyrus songs and "Kokomo"), but a lot of these are lame but not particularly notable in their badness. Like sure, "Ice Ice Baby" ia dumb, but Vanilla Ice has so many songs that are worst (even from that time, like "Havin' a 'Roni"). Also, most of it just feels like low hanging fruit, as it's mostly just well known songs and stuff that was once popular. "Hangin' Tough" is at least amusingly bad for the idea of the NKOTB being tough guys.

"Bodies" by Drowning Pool is a good selection as far as Nu Metal is concerned, but "Down With the Sickness" and "Your Disease" are even worse.

*I tend to have a tendency to hate some of the soft alt rock of the 90s. Like I'll listen to "Two Princes", but if I hear "Hey Jealousy" or bands like Vertical Horizon, I will cringe.

I don't know if any band regrets writing a line more than Wang Chung does writing "Everybody Wang Chung tonight!" Singlehandedly that line turned them from respectable '80s pop band (Seriously, they did the soundtrack for To Live & Die in LA damn it) to punchline. That being said, that goofy line aside, I still think it's a really fun, big dumb '80s pop song and doesn't deserve to be on these lists

That movie and it's soundtrack are awesome.

 

[Brocklock]

This entire list is better than the Arcade Fire back catalogue.

I feel that way about AC/DC and yes I did listen to their early stuff. The damn Smackdown song would definitely make my personal list.

 

[Cackling Co Pilot Kamala]

STUDZ and Laz, neither of you are allowed in the next wrestling draft over those posts! Let's try and keep this thread on topic and keep the UNFAIR ANTI AC/DC bias to the Classic Rock That Sucks thread.


Another band I'm amazed didn't make the list at all is Hootie & The Blowfish since they were a real fun punching bag in the early '00s but I'm guessing their music is so bland, it'd be hard to single a song of theirs out for this list.

 

[Brocklock]

Man you bashed some fun Arnold/Stallone movies in the action tourney thread. AC/DC bashing is allowed.