Smues Plays 960 Arcade Games

[Smues]

12. Game #280 - Haunted Castle,1988

Have I heard of the game before?
No, and that surprises me given what I realized as soon as I saw the title screen.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it
Castlevania! As soon as I saw a dude with a whip and the Konami logo I was stunned. I had no idea Castlevania was ever in arcades except for as part of a Play Choice 10.

How much did I play?
I played the first stage a dozen or so times before I gave up.

Thoughts?
I was really excited when I realized this was a Castlevania game, until I played it and remember oh yeah, Castlevania is fucking difficult It's the usual setup of you have a whip that can power up and collect hearts to throw other weapons. Except I think I got another weapon all of one time, and not many hearts either. Also, you get one life and from what I can tell you can only continue a few times. Or you can use more credits to buy extra health, but only a couple of times and then you can't continue. WTF. There is some cheese ass shit in this game that'll take 50% of your health in one shot, so one life and limited continues is a bunch of crap. Half way through (I'm guessing) the first level pieces of a wall start flying at you and you have to dodge or hit them until the wall is gone. Or at least I figured out you could also hit them on like the 4th try. Before that I could only get past it with extra health. There's also a lot of falling shit that if you walk into it's GOD DAMNIT OW WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME KONAMI.

I'll probably spend some more time on this to at least try to beat the first level, but even if I improve with very limited life and continues I'm never going to get far in this one. Oh how I wish this machine had save states.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
Not that I saw.

 

[Smues]

13. Game #552 - Asuka & Asuka

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A vertical scrolling shooter. Made by Taito, who I think made roughly 6,000 of these types of games.

How much did I play?
I played the game to completion. Something that I certainly would never do in an arcade do to how many quarters it would have taken.

Thoughts?
I was not a fan of this one. I mean it's playable, but it's boring and bitchass hard. Your gun only shoots a half or maybe two thirds of the way up the screen, so you have to fly forward to hit shit and then you get blasted. The first stage music was also very irritating, but it got better after that. The main problem though is that it's really hard in a lot of areas to actually see enemy fire. You have an OH SHIT button (bombs) but they take a second or so to explode so they usually won't save you from dying. You get three per life and you're going to go through those lives fast, so I figured out pretty early not to try and save bombs. Use them early and use them often. Also use the 'insert coin' button early and often, jeebus. By stage three I was ready to be done with it but I figured I should at least try to finish it, which I did. Of course the ending mentions there's still the REAL bad guys to fight, so you don't even get a satisfying conclusion to a game that didn't look to have any story to begin with.

Pass.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
I wasn't able to write anything down but yes. The ending text was Engrishy. They also spelled galaxy as galaxie.


SPECIAL TEASER
The next game on the list is listed as 'Ninja Baseball Batman'
STAY TUNED!

 

[starvenger]

The next game on the list is listed as 'Ninja Baseball Batman'

With a title like that, the game is sure to be a disappointment.

 

[HarleyQuinn]

The next game on the list is listed as 'Ninja Baseball Batman'

With a title like that, the game is sure to be a disappointment.

I for one refuse to have lowered expectations with a title like that. I expect the Game of the 960 Game System Award here.

 

[Robert]

I've played it at a few conventions, it's an enjoyable beat-em-up.

 

[Big Papa Paegan]

SPOILERS

 

[Tino Standard]

I have a raspberry pi that has something like 1100 arcade games on it. The Simpsons and the first TMNT arcade games were immediately played.

Did you set this up yourself? Can you play with a console game pad? The reason I ask is because I have a Raspberry Pi with SNES and Genesis controllers. It plays games for those systems great, but I haven't been able to get any arcade games running.

 

[Smues]

14. Game #222 - Ninja Baseball BatMan,1993

Have I heard of the game before?
No. With a title like that I would have remembered it.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
Sadly it's not what you likely think of when you see the title NINJA BASEBALL BATMAN. Really, this game should be called Ninja Baseball Bat Man. You play as a ninja with a baseball bat, and it's a standard side scrolling beat'em up.

How much did I play?
I played as all four ninja baseball batmen and played the game to completition.

Thoughts?
Well, that's sure a hell of a title but how is the game? Surprisingly quite good. It's a standard early 90's side scrolling beat'em up like The Simpsons or Ninja Turtles just without being a licensed property but it's so bizarre and what the fucky that it stands out on its own. There are four playable characters and each plays a little different, which is a nice touch. There's the well rounded guy, the fast guy, the strong guy, and the guy with long reach. Also, despite each of them having a name (see the picture at the bottom of this post) during the story scenes they actually call the red one Ninja Baseball Batman, or N.B. Batman, like that's his name. Amazing.

This concept is crazy enough, and then you have the enemies which are all over the place. Walking baseball, pumpkin head baseballs, giant playing cards, a fucking slot machine, someone was quite high when they designed this game. Thank goodness for that! It plays surprisingly well and I think would be a blast with a group of people. I think this game is on par with the more popular games in the genre. It's not all good however. The music sucks and the sound effects get old really quick, but in a loud arcade I don't think this would be a problem. I also had the damnedest time trying to hit enemies on the ground. Like most games you walk up to them and hit the attack button, but you have to be in such a specific spot for it to work that I could rarely make it happen and in boss fits it's critical to get some damage in when they lay on the ground. I had to resort to dashing and doing the slide attack to get any hits in.

Faults aside I'd give this one an easy thumbs up. Check it out in MAME if you were a fan of these types of games.


Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
Check out the character selection screen.

Hmm I don't know what would be more helpful for this run: speed, power, long, or EQUATION!

 

[vivisectvi]

Any classic wrasslin games on this thing?

 

[Smues]

I know it has Wrestlefest, which is like the best one ever. And it claims, twice, to have WWF Wrestlemania but I don't think it actually has that one.

 

[vivisectvi]

Nice! Let me know if you find any others on there. I'm especially interested in this one:

https://youtu.be/H10I7uU67eY

 

[Smues]

15. Game #444 - UFO ROBO DANGAR,1985

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A vertical scrolling shooter. The gimmick on this one is you can power up with more ships, which makes your ship bigger and stronger, but you can detach the extra ships temporarily. I didn't find that very helpful.

How much did I play?
Half an hour or so, and through 5 or 6 check points. I don't know if the game has levels or is just one long one, but I did beat a boss.

Thoughts?
It's ok. The gimmick does nothing for me but it's a standard vertical shooter. It's quite difficult since when you die (one hit) you go back to the last checkpoint so you can't just keep plugging quarters in to beat it. I think it would take a lot of memorization to get through this one, especially when some of the backgrounds make it hard to see enemy fire.

Nothing special or that I'd ever play again, but perfectly serviceable for what it is and for being from 1986.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
I don't know if Dangar is the name of your ship or if it's supposed to be danger. Dangar? I JUST MET HER!

Alternatively: Dangar, dangar, get a rope and hangar!

 

[Smues]

16. Game #891 - Super Cobra,1981

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No, well maybe, see below.

What is it?
Side scroller where you steer a helicopter up and down shooting and avoiding enemies and navigating caves.

How much did I play?
Twenty minutes or so, and 4 or 5 zones in. I would have gone farther but you are limited on your number of continues.

Thoughts?
It's ok. I've played flash games similar to this. Once I got to the caves I had a bitch of a time, but I kind of got the hang of it. It lists 10 areas and then a base, but I'm guessing the game goes on endlessly and just repeats the areas. There's not much to talk about here, except for what I found when I Googled it.

Well holy shit, I HAVE played a version of this game before. My dad totally owned that thing and I played it as a kid. He had that and some other handheld game where you blew up Astroids and I played the fuck out of both of them. I'm sure I eventually broke it because that's what kids do because kids are awful, but yeah I remember this!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMG_mCDuCag

I am having all the memory flashback feels right now. I wish I still had that version so I could compare it to the arcade, but just from memory I like the tabletop one better, because the bombs go straight down and were a lot easier to aim. In the arcade the bombs go off at a weird angle and it's really hard to hit shit on the ground. I need to look this thing up on eBay.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

17. Game #417 - Black Heart,1991

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A side scrolling shooter but instead of flying a ship you ride a dragon and have fairies helping you out.

How much did I play?
To stage 7, of how many I don't know. I was going to beat it but I got distracted and missed my chance to continue and don't feel right now like replaying it.

Thoughts?
Decent. It can get really hard to see shit on screen with so much crap going on, but I enjoyed it. It's very colorful. The music is pretty good (except for a couple of levels where it was an annoying three notes repeating over and over. It gets frustrating during some of the levels when you have a ton of enemies coming from behind and there's really no room to dodge. And it's often hard to avoid anything just because there's so much shit on the screen you can't see. When fully powered up you're shooting yourself and have three fairies shooting as well so just your own fire is taking up half the screen and it's just too chaotic.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

18. Game #755 - Puzzlove,1994

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A puzzle game. There's a variety of puzzle types, and the ones I saw were jigsaw puzzles, a matching puzzle, and a slide puzzle.

How much did I play?
Maybe 20 minutes, and that was too much. I played the first two puzzles no problem, then hit that fucking slide puzzle and after 10-15 minutes on it gave up.

Thoughts?
I fucking HATE slide puzzles. Never in my life have I been able to complete them. Not the physical ones I had as a kid, and certainly not the video game ones that have tormented me over the years. There was a bonus stage in Bart Vs. The World that was a slide puzzle and I could never ever complete it. There was also a slide puzzle in Beetlejuice Gameboy game. It was either at the end of the first level or in the start of the 2nd level, and I think I beat the fucking thing once. I could usually only continue when I had a friend beat that part for me. I'll never know what else this game has to offer thanks to the fucking slide puzzles.

That aside, this is another game that really would be better suited to a counter top machine in a bar or restaurant. It's just screaming to have a touch screen.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
Yes. The text crawl when you start a new game is full of it.

 

[Smues]

19. Game #547 - Arcadia,1994

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A vertical scrolling space shooter. No real gimmick to this one.

How much did I play?
I played the game to completion and I believe there were 8 stages.

Thoughts?
I'm running out of things to say about these games, so expect a lot of repeating myself (eating myself!) as we go along with these. Didn't see anything special about this one, but if I was in the mood for a vertical space shooter I'd have no problem playing this one again. At least I'm starting to get better at these and not dying as much. Until the final boss anyway, he beat the crap out of me. Also, for some reason despite being out in outerspace for the last three levels, the final boss is a ninja. A SPACE NINJA. No actually just a regular ninja, acting like he has gravity and something to stand on, despite just being out the fuck in space. NINJA IN SPACE.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
Thanks for your playing!

 

[Smues]

20. Game #737 - Cookie & Bibi,1995

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A puzzle game. There's fruit on the ceiling and you shoot more fruit at it, trying to get rid of all the fruit.

How much did I play?
I played for awhile and beat a handful of stages.

Thoughts?
Not bad. Certainly something I can get into more than FUCKING SLIDE PUZZLES. Ahem, anyway. I'm usually down for these type of puzzle games and this one was no exception. I could see myself sinking a lot of time into this. There's really not much else to say. SHOOTS THEM FRUITS.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

21. Game #783 - 4 En Raya,1990

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
Connect Four, on acid. Your opponent can shoot at your piece when you drop it and if they connect you lose it. There's also spider webs that...do...something? Didn't quite figure that part out.

How much did I play?
I think I played 5 levels before I gave up as I lost each one.

Thoughts?
I was never very good at Connect Four, but I always enjoyed playing it. This is a weird variation of it for sure, but it's still Connect Four. It's really difficult to connect with your opponents piece when he drops it, but it's also easy to dodge his shots as they're consistently timed. Another thing the game does is as time goes on it'll hide the lower levels of pieces, so if you don't remember where the pieces were you're going to have a bad time. I could see this being a lot more fun with another person instead of the CPU.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No, but this is my chance to say PRETTY SNEAKY SIS!

 

[Smues]

22. Game #811 - Come Back Toto,1996

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A Bubble Bobble Clone. Instead of using bubbles you use boxing gloves, and basketballs and footballs?

How much did I play?
Ten stages and the first boss. I didn't care enough to keep trying to beat her.

Thoughts?
It's ok. I'd rather play Bubble Bobble or a better clone, but it's acceptable.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

23. Game #73 - Legend Of Success Joe,1991

Have I heard of the game before?
No. Some legend he is.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A weird combination side scrolling beat'em up and boxing game.

How much did I play?
I got to level 7, which is far more of my time than this game deserved.

Thoughts?
This is a weird one. Every other stage is a match in a boxing ring, and the ones in between those are side scrolling stages that aren't very long and only have a few enemies. Because of the boxing thing the controls are weird for a fighting game, but I still found that button mashing was my best strategy. Trying to actual box always resulted in my ass on the ground. The story is weird too but at this point I can barely remember any of it. Not an enjoyable experience and not a game I plan to play again.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
Surprisingly no but there is story between every level and I wouldn't be surprised to find that there is some Engrish hidden in there.

 

[Smues]

24. Game #341 - Mega Man: The Power Battle,1995

Have I heard of the game before?
Yes! It was on the Mega Man collection I had for GameCube. You know, the one that had all eight regular (9 and 10 didn't exist yet) Mega Man games and didn't only sell you the first six like those fuckers do today?

Have I played the game before?
Yes.

What is it?
A Mega Man one on one fighting game, but really it's just Mega Man but you only fight the bosses.

How much did I play?
Beat it on my Pandora's Box playing the Mega Man 7 bosses, and I've played it a bunch before.

Thoughts?
I'm a big fan of this one. A Mega Man Boss Rush game? Why not! My only real complaint is not being able to mix and match bosses. I'd like a mode where they can be from any game and not just 1-3 4-6 or 7. That's a minor complaint though. It's also a little weird how some bosses have their regular stage music and others don't.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

25. Game #833 - Burger Time,1982

Have I heard of the game before?
Yes.

Have I played the game before?
Yes, the home version.

What is it?
It's Burger Time. This one is a pretty well known classic. You avoid enemies while trying to make burgers by knocking the ingredients down to the bottom.

How much did I play?
Twenty minutes or so. I couldn't beat the first stage.

Thoughts?
I suck at Burger Time. I've never been a big fan of this one as I'd much rather play Donkey Kong or Pac-Man.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

26. Game #116 - Knights of the Round,1991

Have I heard of the game before?
Yes. They had it at the LaserQuest I frequented.

Have I played the game before?
Just a couple of times.

What is it?
Side scrolling hack and slasher. It's very similar to Golden Axe but without magic.

How much did I play?
A couple of levels.

Thoughts?
I loved Golden Axe when I was a kid, so I also enjoyed Knights of the Round. I've never beaten it so I should probably sit down sometime and do that since I don't need quarters. Not that I'm in any rush to do so as the game is fun but nothing great. I also noticed you level up but couldn't figure out what if anything that does.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

27. Game #706 - Puzzle Bobble 4,1994,1997

Have I heard of the game before?
Not specifically this one but I've heard of Puzzle Bobble.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
A Puzzle Bobble game. You shoot colored orbs at other orbs and try to match a bunch of the same color and do it faster than your opponent.

How much did I play?
A couple of stages.

Thoughts?
It's a Puzzle Bobble game. And not a clone but actually Puzzle Bobble. So it's fun, I think I've already said I enjoy these types of games. The music and graphics are cutesy enough and not distracting or anything. I'm also not very good at this games, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying them.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
Not that I saw.

 

[Smues]

#28. Game #734 - Super Puzzle Fighter 2 Turbo,1996

Have I heard of the game before?
Yes.

Have I played the game before?
Yes, on Playstation. Weird little story, I think it was this game where I rented it and it had the instruction manual for Suikoden in the box, which got me interested in that game. And when I rented Suikoden yep, Puzzle Fighter's manual was in the box. But it's highly possible without having rented this game I never would have discovered the Suikoden series, and I LOVE Suikoden.

What is it?
A tetris clone with gems. Or maybe it is its own genre at this point. Either way gems fall from the top and you try to get as many of the same color together because busting them apart with special pieces, and you're fighting someone else doing the same thing.

How much did I play?
A couple of stages.

Thoughts?
Love it. It's always fun watching your little avatars wail on each other when you bust a lot of gems. It's always struck me as a very weird spin-off for a fighting game series, but it works really well. HADOKEN.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

#29. Game #635 - Tehkan World Cup

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
Soccer.

How much did I play?
Four games. I won three and tied the last one. I'm not sure if tying caused it to end, or if you just play four games max.

Thoughts?
It's ok. It's very basic, but I didn't mind my time playing it. I don't have much else to say about this one.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

30. Game #328 - Street Fighter II: Champion Edition, 1991,92

Have I heard of the game before?
Yes.

Have I played the game before?
Oh yes. This was huge when I was a kid. It's Street Fighter II but you can play as the bosses? Yes please!

What is it?
Street Fighter II but you can play as the bosses. Also I think there are some other minor changes, like Chun-Li throwing a fireball but that might not have come until Turbo.

How much did I play?
A couple of fights this time, but I've sunk hours into this in the past. I did beat E. Honda at least this time!

Thoughts?
Hadoken! There's so much Street Fighter II on this machine that I'll probably hate the game by the time I'm done, but that hasn't happened yet! However, I still suck ass so I couldn't beat Blanka. Asshole! Anyway, it's a Street Fighter II game so there's not much to say, other than I was super excited for this version as a kid because I could play as Vega.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
Only if You must beat Sheng Long counts.

 

[Smues]

31. Game #277 - Dragon Bowl,1992

Have I heard of the game before?
No, though I've certainly heard of what it's based on.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
So I had no idea what to expect from this one based on the name, and my best guess was that it would be a bowling game of some kind. Nope. It's a fucking bootleg Dragon Ball game! Whoa!

How much did I play?
I beat the first stage and got stuck and couldn't figure out how to proceed on the second stage.

Thoughts?
It sucks! I know, I'm disappointed too but it really sucks. I got super excited when I found out it was a Dragon Ball game, but I lately learned while researching this that it was a bootleg. Which makes total sense. When the game starts and it says FIGHT I swore it sounded just like the voice from the Street Fighter I had just played and it turns out it was. They stole a bunch of voice sounds from Street Fighter II. I think Goku is Chun-Li.

Why does it suck? It's just a shitty beat-em up with crappy controls and a weird jumping mechanic. The music is lame too, I'd have liked this game way more if they'd used actual Dragon Ball music. Even that American gotta find those Dragon balls crap.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
No.

 

[Smues]

32. Game #164 - The Cliffhanger: Edward Randy,1990

Have I heard of the game before?
No.

Have I played the game before?
No.

What is it?
I...don't...know? This was a weird one. I'd call it a kind of side scrolling kind of platforming beat'em up.

How much did I play?
I think I played 4 or 5 stages.

Thoughts?
Didn't have a clue what to expect from that title. Still don't really understand it, other than the fact that your guy, presumably Edward Randy, can hang off of ledges. You spend most of the game, at least what I played, on moving objects like planes and boats and just beat up a shitload of guys that jump on your plane or have their own boat. You fight with a whip and you can jump on and hang from ledges. That's about it. The graphics also got kind of glitchy which I attribute to the emulation and not the game itself. Like I'll probably say 600 times while playing through these games, this one was fine. THREE OUT OF FIVE STARS WOULD PLAY AGAIN LIKE AND ADD ME ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK K THX BYE.

Any Engrish? Or any memorable quotes?
Nice outs, try next adventure.

 

[Smues]

Update on Golden Par Golf: I played it today for the first time in a few weeks and managed to go +4 on both games, and not only did I get two eagles in the first game, I got a hole-in-one on a par 4 in my second game. Someday I'll hit par, someday. Also, I think the laughing at you on double bogey putts happens when you're at or under par, as I heard it three or four times while I was under par.