Andrew Lutzke
Since Halloween Havoc…
Sting has been a bomb as champion, as many house shows have failed to even draw 1,000 fans.
The Black Scorpion continued to haunt Sting, distracting him during TV matches. Scorpion agreed to a face-to-face meeting at the Clash if he was afforded the protection of a cage and allowed to work his black magic.
The Horsemen demanded more title shots against DOOM, so Teddy Long negotiated a deal where Flair’s yacht and car would be up for collateral vs. a title rematch and Long being forced to be Flair’s chauffeur for a day.
The Freebirds continued to mock Ricky Morton over their injuring of Robert Gibson.
The Steiners US Tag belts were still desired by the Nasty Boyz.
Vader portrayed a babyface during his limited run during this time.
Paul E Dangerously hired “The Motor City Madman” to take out Lex Luger.
Ox Baker introduced “The Nightstalker” (Bryan “Adam Bomb/Wrath Clarke) to WCW and promised Sid Vicious would be finished by his new monster.
Master Blaster Steele (Kevin Nash) is off the road to tape his role as Super Shredder in TMNT 2: Secret of the Ooze.
Dusty Rhodes gave his notice to Vince McMahon and intended on returning to WCW for one final run.
Yet another new tag team debuted as Magnum Force entered WCW. “The Big Cat” Curtis Hughes also debuted. Jim Cornette and Stan Lane have quit thanks to general frustration dating back to Turner buying WCW and turning it corporate.
Clash of the Champions XIII “Thanksgiving Thunder” – November 20, 1990
Jim Ross and Paul E Dangerously call the action
Tracy Smothers, Steve Armstrong, and El Gigante vs. Jim Garvin, Michael Hayes and Bobby Eaton
Hayes looks ridiculous as he has bright yellow lipstick on. Gigante is AWOL and the Birds take credit, so Eaton is sent to the back by the ref to make things even. Interesting move.
The Boys quickly send both Birds to the floor. The heels trap Smothers in their corner but he slips out so Armstrong can nail a flying crossbody. The first time they did that spot I marked out, the second time I said cool stuff, now a third time is really pushing the believability of that situation playing out yet again.
Smothers is caught with a big Hayes punch and he flies into the barricade…another repeated spot from prior encounters. The Birds hit a double suplex but Armstrong ends up laying them both out with another flying crossbody. Garvin is dumped to the floor and Steve planchas on him. Meanwhile Little Richard Marley trips Smothers and he stumbles into a DDT by Hayes for the pin. Okay match but obviously in need of some fresh spots.
El Gigante missed his flight, so they had to book the tag match on the fly.
World Champion Sting comes out for a promo. He comes out to hype his interview for later. No really. The Black Scorpion comes over the P.A. and warns Sting about their meeting later tonight.
Brian Pillman vs. Buddy Landell
Pillman is replacing The Juicer here. Landell attacks Pillman before the bell and lays a stomping on Pillman. Brian makes the comeback and sends Buddy on the ramp and flies on top of him. Pillman tries a piledriver on the ramp but Landell reverses it. He sends Brian flying into the railing and then drops Pillman down unto the barricade again. Brian rallies and flies onto Landell on the floor.
Pillman is caught trying another flying move and is driven over Landell’s knee. Buddy tries a superplex but Pillman fends him off and hits a crossbody for the pin. Perfectly acceptable wrestling. Pillman had some good high spots for the era.
They hype the Starrcade Tag Tournament to determine the best in the World. A giant roster of talent and they put jobbers in gimmicks and international workers on the card instead of their own guys. I’m sure the locker room was thrilled.
Brad Armstrong vs. The Big Cat
Ernie Ladd? Of course not!
Brad tries to wrestle but Hughes just shoves him down. Armstrong is dropped again when he attempts a charge in. Brad switches to more speed based offense and that only leads to him being caught and pummeled into the mat. Armstrong bumps around to put over the new “star”.
Brad gets a late spurt of offense but he misses a dropkick and is locked in the torture rack for the submission. Just a squash.
DICK THE BRUISER promises to be the world’s toughest ref at Starrcade.
Tom Zenk vs. Brian Lee
This is Lee’s debut. Zenk can’t budge Lee at first but sends him flying with a dropkick and a hiptoss. Lee then blows a spot as he doesn’t get up close to Zenk and Tom tries a blind crossbody and flies across most of the ring before splatting into the mat. Zenk nails a flying dropkick for the win shortly thereafter, Another basic squash.
Mike Rotunda has inherited a ton of money and has renamed himself “Michael Wallstreet” because of it. He rushes through an awkward promo.
The Starblazer vs. Michael Wallstreet
Starblazer is a masked Tim Horner, who walks around like he is doing the potty dance. Wallstreet uses amateur style takedowns and kicks Blazer while he’s down. Blazer tries to speed things up and he ends up flung to the cement.
Abdominal stretch earns “boring” chants. Blazer gets some token offense before the men trade some roll ups. A Samoan drop finishes it right after. Nothing to see here.
Jim Herd came up with the basic idea of Wallstreet’s gimmick 2 years earlier and wanted to give it to STING!
WCW TOP TEN!
10. Norman and The Juicer
9. Big Cat and The Motor City Madman
8. Tim Horner and Brad Armstrong
7. Master Blasters
6. Southern Boys
5. Ricky Morton and Tommy Rich
4. Freebirds
3. Nasty Boyz
2. Flair and Anderson
1. Steiner Brothers
Champs: DOOM
10. Bobby Eaton
9. Z-man
8. Michael Wallsteet
7. Brian Pillman
6. Terry Taylor
5. Arn Anderson
4. Ric Flair
3. Lex Luger
2. Sid Vicious
1. Stan Hansen
Champ: Sting
International Tag Team Tournament African Finals:
Sgt. Kruger and Col. Deklerk vs. Kalula and The Botswana Beast
Is the military team supposed to be part of the white supremacist apartheid like Col. Debeers? This match may have major racist over tones. Deklerk is Rocco Rock. Kruger is future Doink Ray Apollo.
The black guys no sell head shots because they’re minorities. The crowd is bored to death after almost an hour of no name guys and squash matches.
Beast hits a big clothesline to avenge the ethnic cleansing of his family; Deklerk hits a moonsault type move but is squashed in the corner. He flips away from another attempt. Rocco plays to the crowd because he’s in the south and (correctly) assumes his racism makes him the babyface.
Beast hits him with an awkward powerslam and fails to power up Kruger on a backdrop attempt. The racists do a ring a round the rosey move and get a sneaky pin. White power rises to the top. Match was terrible and I had to create this elaborate character study to amuse myself.
Paul E Dangerously finds the Motor City Madman in a pool hall. Madman beats up somebody who asks to play next.
Lex Luger tries to cut a promo but Big Cat interrupts him and gets slugged for his efforts.
Lex Luger vs. The Motor City Madman
Madman is just a tall fat jobber. The Big Cat tries to jump Luger as he walks down the aisle and Lex unloads on him again. Madman attacks Lex and lays in the forearms. Lex drops him with a clothesline and elbow. Madman then dead weights Luger as Lex tries a suplex. The Total Package manages to lift him anyway. Madman gets some more token offense but Lex clotheslines him and pins him out of nowhere. Another stinker!
The Renegade Warriors vs. The Nasty Boyz
JR promises to quit broadcasting if the Nasties beat the Steiners for the US tag belts. Considering they are about to jump to the WWF, I think JR is safe. Saggs and Knobbs club and kick away. The Indians make a bunch of quick tags but they seem to only know how to execute arm bars. Knobbs sends Mark Youngblood into the barricade. The Nasties work over Mark’s arm until The Steiners charge the ring and attack the Nasties. Well this sucked too!
The Night Stalker vs. Sid Vicious
Heel vs. Heel for whatever reason. Sid is cheered because crowds always loved him no matter how much he stunk in the ring. They do a test of strength. Nightstalker can’t win so he locks in a bearhug. Sid plays to the crowd. Sid breaks free but Nightstalker hits a series of knees. Stalker locks on a shoulder massage of doom. Big Cat wanders down as Sid hits a back suplex. Sid slugs the Big Cat down. Nightstalker takes his BATTLE AXE and tries to murder Sid. Vicious side steps this medieval macabre malevolent weapon, and slams the handle back into the Nightstalker and gains the victory. WRESTLECRAP!!!
Big Cat and Night Stalker double-team Sid after the match but Sid escapes. Where are the Horsemen? Why is Sid facing heels? Why are so many untalented giant men suddenly employed by WCW? What was Ole Anderson thinking when he booked all this garbage? Can I retroactively kick Jim Herd in the nuts? Is this the worst card ever?
The Freebirds show up to test what is left of my sanity. They brag about hurting El Gigante. The Southern Boys come out and bring El Gigante causing the heels to scatter. The outfits these men were wearing makes this an A+ segment. Zubaz pants, neon shirts and fanny packs!
Missy Hyatt’s cleavage informs me the Clash has been great. LIES!
The Steiner Brothers vs. Magnum Force
Giant men in leather and draped in mullets = Magnum Force. Apparently this is Magnum Force Version 2.0 as a different pair of men had the gimmick first and they were so bad they were quickly fired.
This Magnum Force also worked as “The Ring Lords” and a masked Japanese team called “The Rising Son”. They were Rick Slagle and Speedy Gonzales according to my friends at wrestlingclassics.com Just jobbers with gimmicks. Sigh. I just spent ten minutes of my life researching two nobodies about to have a 2 minute squash. This show is making me re-evaluate life….
Scott grapplefucks MulletLord 1 and suplexes both men in a variety of ways. Rick slugs and Steinerlines MulletLord 2 and Scott hits the Frankensteiner for the pin.
The Nasties run in but are fought off. For the record The Steiners vs. The Nasty Boyz are NOT wrestling in 3 weeks at the PPV.
The Danger Zone featuring Sting and The Black Scorpion is up next. Scary music comes over the P.A. and Sting asks why the sound director is playing it. The Scorpion appears and kidnaps an audience member. The fan is hypnotized and his head is put in a box and spun around. The fan is then pressed above the Scorpion’s head and carried to a cage. Sting stands by idle because he promised the Scorpion he would be able to show off his black magic. What a hero. The fan is tossed in the cage and transformed into a tiger. That is finally enough for Sting and he charges the stage.
The Scorpion jumps on a platform, covers himself with a curtain and vanishes into thin air. That’s the hard sell to the main event of the biggest show of the year!
Flair’s yacht and Rolls Royce vs. a Tag title shot and Teddy Long serving a day as Flair’s chauffeur: Butch Reed vs. Ric Flair
Flair chops away but Reed absorbs all of the flesh ripping blows and unloads with a series of punches that badly rock Flair. Reed gives Ric a press slam ride and clotheslines him to the floor to allow Ron Simmons a chance to greet the former World Champ. Reed continues to dominate as he batters Flair with more of his power-based offense. Flair manages to send Reed to the floor and gives Arn an opportunity to have some fun.
The men trade blows back in the ring and Flair again suffers the worst end of the tit for tat. Simmons gets more licks in but Flair manages to take control back on Reed back in the ring. Ric misses a knee drop and Reed locks him in the figure-four. A vertical suplex earns Reed a near fall. Butch misses a high-risk attack but he wallops Flair with a big clothesline and ground and pounds Ric.
More big punches and another press slam downs The Nature Boy. Another press slam concerns Arn enough that he pulls the ref to the floor. That is somehow not a DQ. WTF? A flying shoulderblock from the top lays out Flair but the ref is busy with Arn and Long. Arn hits Reed with a chair and Flair gets the pin. Match was pretty good until the mega over booked finishing sequence.
The credits roll and reveal the company that provided the Black Scorpion’s special effects….and I thought it was just the dark arts at play.
Final thoughts:
Horrendous. The terms of the Geneva Convention should be rewritten to include forcing prisoners of war to watch this event as a war crime. If people ever wonder why Jim Cornette is such a grumpy gus who misses wrasslin’, they can point to this show as fine example of WCW at its worst and why he had to abandon the wreckage of the company he once loved.
As for me? It’s time to hit the bourbon and forget this wretchedness.
Amazingly the WWF offered up some of it’s own wrestlecrap this same week, debuting the Gobbeldy Gooker at the Survivor Series and airing the Buddy Rose blow away diet skit on national TV during “The Main Event” special on NBC.
