Andrew Lutzke
We open with Sean Mooney being tasked with delivering the master tape for this very VHS to the Coliseum Home Videos office. Lord Al is driving the van.
Intercontinental Champion Mr. Perfect vs. “Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich
This actually syncs well with the last CHV release as we saw Von Erich screwed out of the title there. Sean Mooney is on commentary with Hayes. They are audibly sitting in a booth somewhere else as there is tremendous reverb in their early commentary.
The action starts fast as Hennig knocks Von Erich up and over the ropes before the bell. The Tornado strikes back and rattles Hennig with punches in and out of the ring. Von Erich hits the discus punch to Perfect’s mid-section. Hennig bumps all over the place before being trapped in the claw. The crowd doesn’t respond much to this at all. The banners hanging above the ring show that this part of a “Wrestling Challenge” TV taping, so these fans are probably numb from hours of squash matches.
Hennig removes the turnbuckle pad once he has Von Erich in a compromising position. Von Erich blocks Perfect from hitting his head into it though. Von Erich delivers a discus punch, which sends Hennig to the floor. He tries another one there, but punches the ringpost instead.
Hennig posts Von Erich, but that fails to be enough to earn a pin. Von Erich is next Perfect-plexed, but Kerry kicks out. Kerry rallies with a claw, using his hand that was smashed only a minute earlier. The ref is bumped and Von Erich hits the discus punch for a visible pin. The ref awakes too late.
The men fight and the ref seemingly disqualifies Perfect at random. Even Mooney and Hayes are confused. Von Erich beats on Perfect to send him fleeing. This was fine, with Hennig bumping all over and Kerry holding up his end well enough. It was very much by the numbers though. I was annoyed by Von Erich’s lack of selling his hand being slammed into the post though.
Koko B. Ware vs. Tito Santana
A rare babyface clash for this era! MSG is VERY dark, so the ticket sales must have been really bad. Bobby Heenan and Mooney are on the call. The men start clean with some lock ups, arm drags and basic technical wrestling. They shake hands after an exchange and the fans respond with some light booing.
The men psychologically play it tentative, but some fans don’t appreciate the story being weaved and scream “boring”. Ware gets annoyed at losing a few too many exchanges and heels it up. Ware offers a hand, then cheap shots Santana. He then delivers a series of forearms and tosses him from the ring. He then posts Tito and kicks him in the head.
Santana is now fired up and returns fire with a few forearms, but Koko cuts him off with a reverse atomic drop.Koko slams his elbow into Tito’s neck and kicks him dismissively. Ware tees off with some fists. Koko wastes too much time climbing the ropes and misses a fist drop. Santana rallies as the men trade fists, and Ware is caught with a flying forearm for the win. This was entertaining as Ware knew how to be a heel, and Santana is the consummate babyface, knowing when to fire up, when to sell and when to shine.
Our next feature is a bunch of clips of the WWF announcer’s younger days as actual wrestlers. I think Mooney mentioned Hayes was part of this package, but he doesn’t appear.
Tugboat vs. The Undertaker
Brother Love is still with the Undertaker at this point. I mark out for Tugboat’s entrance, because I’m a huge geek evidently. As I often say in these reviews…damn nostalgia.
The big men try and budge the other to no avail. They seem to be miscommunicating a bit as they scramble during a lock up, and Taker awkwardly grabs the Tugster by the throat. Right after that Taker whips Tugboat off the ropes and apparently goes for a LEAPFROG but the Tugster is just too big (billed at 6’8, just a pinch under Taker’s height) and he can’t bend over low enough, so Taker leaps and kind of just ends up crashing into him.
Taker realizes things are falling apart, so he puts Tugboat in the corner for a reset. Undertaker then utilizes a snap mare(!), another move that left his bag of tricks once he worked out the gimmick more. It seems surreal to see Taker doing such things.
Taker misses an elbow and eats a clothesline. Taker is working on his zombie bumps as he stiffens his whole body before falling from blows. Taker misses a corner charge, but Tugboat can’t slam him, as they fall back to the mat. Taker uses a series of headbutts to Tugboat’s spine, which is another offensive move that we didn’t see as the character evolved.
Tugboat yanks Taker off the cables as he tried to do the rope walk. Tugboat then delivered a good looking powerslam. Taker selling and bumping so much is just melting my brain a bit. Tugboat misses a charge in the corner and Taker finishes things with a flying…flying…ummmm…he kind of jumped off the top rope, landed near Tugboat and wedged his hand by his throat. Whatever that was supposed to be is enough to score the win.
This is totally worth watching if you are a Taker mark and want to see how his actions changed as he evolved his character. There are also a few botches that may make you chuckle, as I noted above.
Shawn Michaels vs. Crush
Mooney and Hayes are on the call. This is Rocker Shawn vs. Demolition Crush. This will be a good challenge to see if Michaels can get much from the raw, but agile big man. Mr. Fuji is with Crush, and Marty Jannetty is cornering Shawn.
Crush batters Michaels with his size advantage early on. Michaels turns to his speed and agility to evade and strike his much bigger opponent. Crush ends this by chucking him to the floor. Back in the ring, Crush uses his power to drive Shawn onto his knee with a few back breaker variations before trapping him in a bear hug and a body scissors. Shawn actually fades in the hold and the ref has to check for life.
Crush chews on Michaels’ face, but then scales the top rope and misses his flying knee attempt. Michaels clips him. Fuji tries to get involved and ties up the ref. This allows Jannetty to scale the top rope and dropkick Crush as he’s carrying Michaels, causing him to fall back and be pinned. Michaels was essentially doing his best Curt Hennig impression here, bumping all over to make his lesser mobile opponent look good. This was totally watchable because of it.
The Legion of Doom vs. Mr. Fuji, Pat Tanaka and Kato
Fuji is about 55 years old here. Fuji tosses ceremonial salt, then hides it. The LOD protest, so the heels hide the packet as the ref checks. Kato and Animal start things formally, with Kato unable to hurt the big man. Kato eats a big powerslam, then the LOD double up on Tanaka and launch him WAY into the air, with Tanaka spinning all the way over and landing on his face and hips. OUCH!
Hawk hits a couple of shoulderblocks, with Tanaka bumping violently for each blow. The LOD then take Kato and pinball him around in and out of the ring for their own jollies. The Orient Express finally double team Animal long enough for Fuji to toss the salt in his eyes. The heels then briefly double up on him.
Hawk makes the hot tag in short order and runs over all 3 heels. Kato is blasted with the Doomsday Device and the LOD win decisively. I would have loved this as a kid, but now I watch stuff like this and think about how potentially awesome the heels would be in today’s environment and not as glorified tackling dummies.
The Bushwackers teach us “gourmet cooking”. Hilarity ensues.
Big Bossman vs. Earthquake
This appears to be from Montreal, and there are many empty seats visible here again. Seeing that the stuff I was so obsessed with at the time was actually failing at the box office hurts my heart a little.
Quake shoves Bossman around and does some amusing flexes as Mooney drops a “WBF” reference. Bossman starts to use a little juke and strike strategy to take Quake out of his game. Jimmy Hart distracts the Bossman and is chased around ringside for his efforts. Bossman trips up the Quake, but finds himself battered to the mat with forearms soon after. Quake continues his advantage by sitting on the Bossman, then dropping some elbows and kicks.
Hart must have lost his gimmick bag while traveling as he has no sunglasses or megaphone. Bossman makes his comeback and knocks Quake into the ropes with a clothesline. Dino Bravo runs down to distract the Bossman, and Quake gets the jump on him for the sudden victory. Quake teases using the butt splash afterwards, but Tugboat runs out in his gym clothes, with his pants falling down. Tugboat runs off the heels as his underwear gives us a bonus thrill. These guys were both good big men workers, and even going through the motions they could have entertaining bouts.
Big Bossman vs. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
Heenan tries to talk his way out of the match, offering the Bossman a Hulk Hogan wrestling buddy as a peace offering. Bossman cracks Heenan with the nightstick twice right in front of the ref and pins Heenan in seconds. Haku runs in to save Heenan, so Bossman chains them together. Mr. Perfect runs down to get his licks in, but the Bossman turns him back quickly too. The fans were into this, so we’ll call it a win.
Big Bossman vs. The Barbarian
The Bossman gets the early shine, but the Barbarian returns fire with some nice looking chops. The Bossman sends him to the floor with a clothesline to reset things. The Barbarian turns to ripping at the Bossman’s face to gain and advantage. A weak looking clothesline sends the Bossman flying out of the ring. This allows the Barbarian the opening to spend the next several minutes wearing at the Bossman with bear hugs, forearms and other implements of torture.
The Bossman begins his rally, scoring several near falls off before successfully cradling the Barbarian for the sudden victory. I believe that finish was the same one that was on a previous CHV match between these two. Haku runs in to help Barbie batter the Bossman to recapture their heel heat.
WWF World Champion the Ultimate Warrior vs. Sgt. Slaughter
Sarge gets the jump on Warrior before the match can began and gives him a barrage of kicks and punches, which Warrior sells which such fluid repetition that it actually looks rather phony.
Warrior battles back with fisticuffs of his own and he sends Sarge bouncing up and over the turnbuckle. Slaughter returns fire back in the ring and the Warrior is tossed to the cement, where he then has a table splattered on his prone body.
Sarge keeps the pressure up in the ring before the Warrior teases a comeback. Warrior tries to back drop Slaughter, but ends up dumping him awkwardly on his head and shoulder. Sarge takes several more big bumps to put over the Warrior’s power. The men wind up colliding with a double clothesline.
Slaughter uses elbows and fists to keep the champion down. The camel clutch is locked on, but he does it too close to the ropes and is forced to release it. Sarge sells it like he thinks he won, and the crowd is shockingly silent. They do pop as Warrior starts to shake the ropes and do his war dance. He downs Sarge quickly and nails a splash to earn the clean victory. This was again a simple by the numbers match done after a TV Taping. Nobody had to try too hard and the match was okayish.
They close up the tape long story of Mooney and Hayes getting lost on their trip by pretending to be stranded in the middle of the woods. The problem? They have a house clearly visible in the background only a few hundred feet from where they are standing.
Final thoughts: Sitting through two hours of overworked and often over sized guys trying to pump out a match and move on to the next town can become tedious after a while. This is what I grew up with and loved, so seeing shrinking and silent crowds really takes some of the thrill of it all out of it for me.
