Andrew Lutzke
Sean Mooney hosts…this time it’s just a green screen with no other wacky gimmick or locales. *Sad face*
Jim Neidhart, Big Bossman and the Legion of Doom vs. The Nasty Boyz, Earthquake and the Mountie
I absolutely love big, somewhat random multi-man matches like this. Neidhart is still in his Hart Foundation gear, perhaps hoping Bret decides to come back to him like Elizabeth returned to the arms of the Macho Man only months before this was taped.
This match would have gone down in the summer of 91, before Tugboat’s heel turn. So Bossman and the Mountie are feuding, and the Nasties are fending off the LOD’s challenge. Mountie surprises me by facing off with the Bossman right away. Usually Jacques is a chicken shit. Bossman took the good cocaine tonight as he fires up the crowd, then batters the Mountie and spins in circles. Lord Alfred Hayes comments on Bossman’s dilated eyes.
The faces take turns working over the Nasty Boys, until Earthquake gives Neidhart a cheap shot. THE ONLY NATURAL DISASTER IN THE WWF then tags in to batter his wounded prey. Quake misses an elbow and we get tag outs on both sides. Hawk smacks around Saggs, who tags in the Mountie. Mountie charges in, then freezes as he realizes he is in the ring with a roided up coke fiend.
Mountie is pressed overhead and tossed to the mat. Bossman comes in to batter his enemy and a pier six busts out with everyone. Quake hits Bossman with Jimmy Hart’s motorcycle helmet. This is surprisingly not enough for the pin.
Quake and the heels take turns wearing out the prison guard. Saggs delivers a surprisingly safe chair shot on the floor. The Bossman is also introduced to the steel steps. Animal tries a run in to save the day and he hits ref Earl Hebner while waving his arms in a fighting posture. I think that was a legit accident, with Hebner eating a live round to the jaw. Animal helps him up right away.
Hawk comes in and wipes out all four heels. Bossman is dead, but Neidhart and Animal stand on the apron as Hawk does all the work. They wait for the heels to get the jump on their partner before doing anything. An eight-way brawl breaks out. Hawk catches Knobbs with a flying clothesline as the chaos unfolds. This earns the duke for the good guys. I found this to be a super fun match! I was afraid it would devolve into clubberin’, but it was action packed and quick paced!
TAX TIPS WITH IRS
IRS has a tiny office. He must be a low level accountant. IRS refuses to show mercy to a schlub in the room who can’t pay his debt. He then yells at us for dubbing this VHS tape. That…that isn’t a tax issue. IRS offers up 10 tax tips. They are semi serious and not really funny or all that absurd.
Intercontinental champion Bret “Hitman” Hart vs. IRS
IRS tells the crowd that America needs funds, so pay your taxes early. I guess he wasn’t a fan of the Tea Party. Hart wins their early grappling encounters, frustrating Irwin. IRS regroups by catching the Hitman off the ropes and downing him with a back breaker. IRS uses an abdominal stretch. With no Gorilla Monsoon on commentary, I can’t be sure it is applied properly. IRS uses more rest holds so I have time to search the internet for things more exciting than Mike Rotundo’s heel arsenal.
IRS attempts a top rope move, waiting and waiting as he climbed in order to telegraph that he is not going to hit this move. He leaps and lands on Bret’s raised boot. Hart begins his FIVE MOVES OF DOOM, hitting a back breaker and locking a Sharpshooter on right by the ropes. IRS uses a rope break. The tax man has endured enough, so he smacks Hart with his briefcase. This earns the DQ win for our hero. IRS is appalled that he is not awarded the IC title for this infraction. Hart clears his head and pounds IRS into retreat. Combining IRS’ normal dull match with Bret Hart going through the motions equals out to an uninspiring affair.
Profile: The Undertaker
Taker glares at the camera from different angles in between highlight clips of him smashing people. The Tombstone they show him use on Kerry Von Erich misses the mat by a good margin. I think I remember that match airing in syndication 28 or so years ago. IIRC Kerry tried to get rid of the body bag from ringside, which takes on a creepier connotation once you consider his family history.
Taker welcomes us to his lair. He offers us, the viewer, a chance to watch his latest burials. (Insert HHH joke.)
Greg “the Hammer” Valentine vs. The Undertaker
Well, if you wanted a babyface who could match speed with a zombie, you got it here. Hammer tries chopping down the oak tree-like man he finds himself against. Taker is still working like an actual movie monster here, stalking and slowly grabbing at his opponent.
The Hammer has no idea what to do with this beast and tries an armbar. Taker hacks him down as Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Al rip into Valentine’s psychology on the commentary. Taker misses a diving elbow to finally give the Hammer a moment of success. Valentine locks on the figure-four, which the Taker simply lies immobile for. Paul Bearer distracts the Hammer, allowing the Taker to scoop him into the Tombstone for the win. This was bordering on a bad match, with the styles clash of Serious Wrestler and a cartoon Zombie not meshing in the least.
Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka vs. the Undertaker
This is from Wrestlemania 7. Really!?! WIth a year of TV tapings to choose from, they show us a match from what was probably the best selling VHS of 1991?! Taker smashes Snuka with little problem, until he misses a diving elbow. The crowd is audibly giving Taker babyface pops here in Los Angeles. Snuka misses a flying attack and flops to the cement floor, drawing a big reaction from the crowd. Once he gets back in the ring, Snuka is Tombstoned to hell for the easy win, complete with a big crowd pop. A squash, but one hell of a squash. The crowd reaction really surprised me as I guess I didn’t recall Taker getting so much love here.
This Tuesday in Texas PPV:
Intercontinental champion Bret “Hitman” Hart vs. Skinner
Hart ignores a young boy who tries to touch him in order to give a teen girl his sunglasses.
Steve Keirn going from 80’s sex symbol to balding, chaw chewing, Duck Dynasty cosplayer amuses me.
They have a good grappling exchange as the men trade arm work and counters. Skinner throws Hart into the steel post to swing things his way. I remember Skinner being fatter, but that was probably a case of everyone else being roided out monsters, so Skinner came across as sort of average looking.
Skinner works Hart over for several minutes, cutting off the Hitman’s comeback attempts several times. Skinner grabs his tobacco juice can, forcing the ref to take it away. While the ref is busy with that, Skinner cracks Hart with his taxidermied gator claw.
The Hitman takes a big bump in the corner. Skinner starts working over his leg as Hart lays prone, causing both Heenan and Monsoon to bury him for ignoring Hart’s shoulder that had been hurt several times already. Skinner hits his reverse DDT “gator breaker”, but Hart kicks out. Skinner tries an air attack, but lands on Hart’s boot. The champ begins his FIVE MOVES OF DOOM comeback. Skinner cuts him off as the match goes to the floor.
Skinner lays Hart out in the ring and tries another top rope move. Hart slams him off. The Sharpshooter is locked on and Hart earns the submission win at 13:44. Hart knew this was on PPV, and put on a heck of an effort here. This match was MUCH better than I was expecting going in, however at a certain point it felt like they were out of things to do and just sort of filling time.
INTERVIEW TIME!
Jake “the Snake” Roberts relishes his recent torture of Randy Savage and how it made Elizabeth emotionally break down. Roberts alludes to being sexually excited by the process. Awesome promo as usual from the Snake!
We flash to Macho Man and Elizabeth being interviewed elsewhere. This made me chuckle as Roberts was being all quiet and evil, then we jumped to Macho Man wearing a million bright colors, topped with a neon feather in his cowboy hat. Savage plans on getting his rocks off by mauling the Snake. He hears Roberts’ music playing, leading to Macho Man walking off the interview set.
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Jake “the Snake” Roberts
Savage attacks Roberts in the aisle. He delivers a double axe handle from the top rope while still wearing his neon feather cowboy gear. The match is getting five stars from me for that alone.
Roberts dumps Savage to the floor violently, setting Jake up to attack Macho Man’s arm. The infamous angle where Jake’s snake bit Savage a few weeks earlier had weakened the arm, making for an inviting target. Roberts slams the arm into the post several times. He rips off the bandage as he batters Savage.
The Snake tries a short clothesline, but Savage ducks it. Macho Man can’t quite gain an advantage though and Jake manages to hit the short clothesline. Roberts teases the DDT, sending the crowd into a frenzy. Macho Man somewhat desperately rams Roberts into the turnbuckle. Savage takes advantage of this moment and drops the elbow for the abrupt win at 6:25. Ominously, Savage’s music does not play. Angle alert!
Macho Man gets a chair as Tony Garea fights with him for it. Savage then grabs the ring bell. The ref fights with Savage for that weapon. Macho Man walks into a DDT from the Snake. Roberts wallows in the corner, selling injured ribs from the corner post blow, as well as the elbow drop. Savage fights to his feet, and Roberts drops him with another DDT. The crowd is squealing in horror!
Roberts mimes that he is leaving and starts to walk away. He stops and smiles, turning around to continue his assault. Roberts produces a small black bag from under the ring. Jake prepares Savage to be tied to the ropes and bitten once more. Elizabeth runs down the aisle. The fans are seemingly horrified at what might happen than offering up “heel heat” as the tone feels hushed. Liz straddles Savage and screams for Roberts to leave him be. Roberts hovers over the couple and mocks them. This is some serial killer shit!
Macho Man gets to his feet, but is not really conscious. Roberts dumps him on his head with another DDT. Liz squeals in horror. Jake unties the cobra bag. Liz is crying in helpless fear and agony. Roberts yells in her face. Where the hell are the other babyfaces? Office stooges? Anyone!?
Roberts grabs Liz by the hair and drags her to her feet. He slaps Elizabeth in the face! Finally another ref and Jack Tunney come in and manage to get this freak away from the ring. Women at ringside are clutching their chest. The crowd heat is still subdued.
The office goons finally show up and help drag the corpse of Savage to the back. INCREDIBLE angle! Savage looks in tears as he is helped to the locker room.
Roberts is with Mean Gene. He hints at the orgasmic feeling striking Liz gave him. He asks Macho Man to bring Elizabeth back in the future so he can further corrupt her into a darker place, perhaps even molding her into a woman even he could desire.
I was marking out like crazy for the aftermath, but the match itself was almost just a teaser. Macho Man worked a lot of matches in WCW with the same basic formula of being beaten for most of the match, only to hit a move or two and win with the big elbow.
The British Bulldog vs. the Warlord
Skinner could not use any roids because these two injected every last drop of them in the building. The Warlord, in his last months in the company, finally shows a little mobility here as he bumps around for several of the Bulldog’s attacks.
Bulldog attempts a flying crossbody to the floor, but Warlord catches him and drives his back into the post. Bulldog fights back quickly, hitting a flying dropkick, while not selling his back in the least. Bulldog misses a follow up charge and crotches himself. Warlord spends several minutes clubberin’ and grinding at the Bulldog.
Warlord slaps on a full nelson, and Bulldog spends a good chunk of time slowly (emphasis on slowly) powering out. Warlord finally just dismissively tosses the Bulldog to the mat.
Bulldog mounts a comeback as Heenan lies about what a great match this is. Bulldog tries a powerslam, but Warlord hangs onto the ropes. Bulldog tries to yank him off, but Warlord falls on top of him for a good false finish. Bulldog wraps Warlord in a crucifix to score the win at 12:45. A good finish to a mostly blah power match.
Randy Savage is with Sean Mooney. Macho is out of his mind. They use all sorts of unique camera shots here as Macho gets his face right into the camera for parts of the promo. He also paces back and forth near the edge of the set, and even lies on the ground at one point. He is bent out of shape that he let Elizabeth get hurt and he will get his revenge ten fold.
El Matador and Virgil vs. Repo Man and “Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase
Virgil had recently lost the Million Dollar belt back to Dibiase thanks to the Repo Man interfering. IIRC Tito and Dibiase had a mini angle going on too where Dibiase went to Mexico and degraded Santana’s kayfabe home country or something. Heenan and Monsoon do not mention that aspect here.
Tito uses his speed to one-up the Repo Man early on. Santana out wrestles the Repo Man and dumps him to the floor. Dibiase tags in. Virgil demands he tag in. Sherri is great as always, screeching on the floor.
Repo Man is doing his best to get the gimmick over as he creeps along the ring apron. Virgil assaults Dibiase and dumps him to the floor twice. Virgil walks into an elbow, allowing the heels to turn him into the former Servant-in-Peril.
Virgil eats a beating for a bit, before he catches Dibiase with a neck breaker. Tito tags in and downs Repo Man with the flying forearm. He then goes for his new finisher and the crowd leaps to their feet. Dibiase trips Santana to cut that plan off. The heels then work over Tito. This builds to the false tag spot where the ref is distracted when Virgil tags in.
Santana gets pounded on some more before he and Repo collide. Both men crawl to their corners for the tag.
Virgil explodes on Dibiase, culminating with a side Russian leg sweep. Repo Man saves the day for his team by breaking up the pin. A four-way brawl breaks out. Virgil is held back by Dibiase as Sherri tries to whack him with her shoe. Virgil ducks and Dibiase eats it. Virgil grabs Sherri, which allows the Repo Man to sneak in and knee Virgil in the kidneys. Dibiase makes the cover for the win at 11:28.
Monsoon is not outraged at Sherri being abused here, unlike what we just saw with Liz. This was a real solid tag match, which isn’t surprising since Smash, Santana and Dibiase had all been in successful tag teams for years, so they were pros at this formula.
Hulk Hogan cuts a bit of a strange promo. He is super happy that he got such a quick rematch and that some fans did not give up on him for losing at Survivor Series. He changes his usual closing spiel up a bit and closes with a “Snar! Snar! Snar!” before flexing.
Author’s note – I just rewatched the promo a week after writing this. His closing line was more akin to “yar! yar! yar!” and was seemingly supposed to be an approximation of some typical Texas cowboy slang. “Yee-haw!” or something….
“The Immortal” Hulk Hogan vs. WWF World Champion The Undertaker
Challenger Hulk Hogan gets the second entrance that is normally reserved for the champ. Paul Bearer helps beat on Hogan, before the Hulk can toss the heels together. Taker no sells some Hogan punches. Taker shakes off a clothesline and blocks a slam. Hogan tries again and gets it. Hogan sells it like he just slammed Andre the Giant. Taker gets right back up, so Hogan clotheslines him to the floor.
Monsoon goes nuts because Jack Tunney is supposed to be at ringside. He starts to bury Tunney for missing his cue, but then the camera pans back and we see Tunney sitting near the ring. I laughed.
Since the Tunney family were old school NWA promoters, I wonder what Jack thought of watching this cartoon? I suppose he was more than happy as long as he kept getting the local promoter checks for Toronto.
Taker chokes his way into control. The zombie delivers the rope walk forearm smash. More choking. The fight moves to the floor, where Hogan is posted. The Hulkster is smothered for a bit. Hogan finally makes a rally. He whips Taker to the ropes and somehow Taker trips on accident and falls over in a wonderful botch. The champ recovers and hits the flying clothesline. The Dead man goes for another rope walk, but Hogan yanks him off. This draws out Ric Flair.
Flair and Tunney argue as Hogan hulks up. Taker is clotheslined to the floor. Hulk spots Flair and sneaks up with a chair. He blasts Flair, who goes down with Tunney in a heap. The fans smell a screw job as Flair is up, but Tunney is dead. Flair produces a chair. Taker tries to send Hogan into it, but Hogan whips Taker’s head into the steel instead. Taker eats a big boot, but Hogan stops to jaw jack, so Taker smacks him in throat.
Paul Bearer gets on the ropes. Taker holds Hogan back for him, but the challenger moves during an attempted urn shot. Hulk pops Bearer, sending the urn to the mat. Hogan dumps the ashes (removing the power?) and tosses some of the ash into Taker’s eyes. He cradles the Taker to capture his 4th world title at 13:09.
Some of the fans obviously sense that all is not well as they watch Tunney and the ref discuss matters. Hogan poses in the ring, seemingly oblivious. This was fine for what it was, with Hogan working his usual formula monster match. Taker was only going to be able to do so much with his Zombie offense, which wasn’t varied much past chokes and smothering.
We oddly close up with Lord Al teaching us move names, with rare moves such as the sleeper, the suplex and the clothesline covered. What a goofy placement for this.
Final thoughts: This one was a really good release, with only one match overstaying its welcome. The Roberts/Savage promos and angles are all well worth seeking out. Hot take there, I know.
