Jonathan Dehn
WWE Monday Night Raw
06/02/2014
Indianapolis, Indiana
-Evolution steps out to start the show. Batista shows off his great fashion sense, while HHH does by rocking a sweet black eye. HHH mentions the saying that it is darkest just before the dawn. HHH is adamant in saying that it’s not over and that no one gets it. HHH has a fit, claiming that he doesn’t lose, dammit. Batista is tired of The Shield, and doesn’t to continue with this. He wants his title match that HHH promised him. HHH tells him to stick to the plan. Batista is having none of it, and wants his championship. HHH says that even if he could give him that match, Dave would choke. OOOOHH! HHH apologizes and goes back to his shimmering plan. HHH says that he will not be beaten, as he always finished the fight. And he tells Dave to get back in line and not be the guy who cowardly gave up. So, Dave flat out quits to a great pop. He even punctuates this is with a royal wave. HHH yells at him as he walks up the ramp. He tears into him like a teenager losing his girlfriend in a poorly conceived movie. Maybe we’ll see you again sometime, Dave.
Sheamus and Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro and Bad News Barrett
Heyman is at the table, once again. Cesaro and Sheamus begin and brawl in the corner. Sheamus gets a boot up in the corner and goes up. He hits a battering ram for just one. They slug away at each other, before Cesaro hits the gutwrench. Sheamus comes out of the corner with a clothesline, but can’t slug away in the ropes. Barrett enters and it’s champion versus champion. Sheamus hits a short-armed clothesline. RVD enters with kicks. He hits a wheel kick for two. RVD gets an elbow up in the corner, and leaps out into the middle of the ring to have his head taken off by a clothesline. We go to break.
We return with Cesaro returning and slugging away. Cesaro hits the charging European uppercut in the corner for two. We hit the chinlock. RVD gets his foot up in the corner, but Cesaro cuts off the hot tag with another gutwrench and stares down Sheamus LIKE A MAN. Barrett is back and hits a neckbreaker for two. BNB hits a second rope elbow for two. RVD fights back, but takes a back elbow that sends him out of the ring. Cesaro takes the tag and tosses RVD into the barricade. Back inside, Cesaro gets a two. RVD comes out of the corner with his leg scissor roll up for two. This is false hope and Cesaro hits a clothesline for two.
We’re back to the chinlock. Cesaro knocks down RVD and then knocks Sheamus from the apron. The delay helps Rob step through with a kick. It’s a hot tag to Sheamus and he’s on fire as he tears apart Barrett. Sheamus deals out a pair of powerslams and gets some face heat for the first time in months. Heyman pulls Cesaro away from The Brogue. Barrett hits Winds of Change for two as Heyman escorts Cesaro from the match. It’s bad news for Wade, of course. RVD gets the blind tag. Sheamus hits a Brogue, and Rob Van Dam follows with the frog splash to a win in front of a hot crowd.
Final Thoughts: ***. Good, hot match between some midcarders who are actually doing something! Also, I think that people from Indianapolis just want to cheer for something after the Pacers were such a mess in the last half of the NBA season.
-Damian Sandow comes out as Lance Stephenson. How about that? Sandow claims to be Lance, and wishes that he could be playing. They cut to Indiana Pacer Chris Copeland in the crowd. I like Chris Copeland. Damien Sandow gets terrific heat and claims that LeBron James is the greatest player in history, that the Pacers are losers from a losing city, and will give a public display of his mad skills. Sandow gives a terrific display of nothing before Big Show comes out to defend his basketball roots. Sandow is upset at Big Show disrupting his display of mad skills and challenges Big Show to score on a small basket in the ring. Sandow blows in his face, of course. Big Show passes the ball into his groin and finishes with the big right. Big Show puts the ball through the cheap net and walks out.
Kofi Kingston vs. Bo Dallas
I really inspired right now. Bo continues with the Pacers jokes before the match. Bo starts with a shoulderblock and is super pumped about his chances at winning. Bo goes for the handshake, which Kofi rejects. Kofi answers with a back elbow and dropkicks Bo from the ring. Bo returns and accepts a handshake from Kofi…but tries to get in a kick to the gut. Kofi kicks him in the face, instead. However, Bo comes back and is rolling after a backdrop and a series of kneedrops. Kofi fights out of a headlock, as the table jokes about boring chants being for Bo. Kofi gets a babyface flourish and hits a corner splash for two. Kofi hits the monkey flip on Bo and comes back onto him with a crossbody from the top. Kofi goes for another monkey flip, but Bo gets a stungun and finishes with an awkward BOdog where Kofi lands on Bo’s thigh. After the match, Bo gives Kofi a hug. Kofi doesn’t enjoy the attention.
Final Thoughts: *1/2. This was just fine, but I worry about these boring chants catching on.
-Renee is backstage looking for a word with HHH, but finds Stephanie instead. Stephanie is going to go the ring and talk about the belts, though.
-Stephanie comes to the ring, and says the usual lines about how mean these babyfaces are. But, she’s a tough McMahon, see? Stephanie says that if Bryan can’t compete at MITB against…Kane (God dammit!) then the MITB match will be for the vacated title. John Cena comes out at this point. Stephanie sucks up to him, and Cena accepts it. The crowd still doesn’t like him so much. Cena does question her decisions. They are interrupted, by the fans. Anyways, after this, Cena calls himself an employee and says that he’s a champion and knows what it’s like to win and lose them. Cena says that no one is larger than the championship, including Stephanie. Cena lays it out that Bryan is a worthy champion and is holding onto it due never having another chance, due to her meddling. Cena tells Stephanie that she sucks at her job, and that’s what has caused this. Stephanie responds with making him face…KANE!
John Cena vs. Kane
We join in with Cena getting slugged and then running into a big boot. Kane stomps away and puts Cena into the corner, where he stomps away. It might just be me, but I’m not feeling this. Cena hits a dropkick, but then walks into a sideslam for two. They trade blows. Cena gets out of the chokeslam and hits the shoulderblocks. It’s time for the fist drop. Kane punches away after getting out of the AA. And, he keeps slugging until it’s a lazy DQ ending. Afterwards, Kane put Cena into the steps. Kane takes a while to separate the stairs and then can’t tombstone Cena on the steps. Cena throws the steps at Kane and gets his music to play as he walks off. This pisses off Kane, since it was so easy to destroy Bryan. The table keeps reminding us of how lucky Cena was here.
Final Thoughts: Please, just stop it with Kane, WWE. It’s time.
-Randy says that Batista took his ball and went home, but he’s still cool with HHH and he’ll be facing Reigns.
Los Matadores vs. 3MB
Drew gets chopped to start. Oh yeah, Horny has an afro. Heath comes in, but gets his legs sweeped. Slater gets a leg lariat. They pose, and Torito takes Hornswoggle’s wig away. His hair is still the same as the end of his match last night. And, Heath gets rolled up to end this thing.
Final Thoughts: I guess they needed to keep him from shaving his head entirely bald, since that wouldn’t be much of a shock when the wig came off.
Nikki Bella vs. Aksana and Alicia Fox
Hey, Aksana made the show! Nikki hits something like an STO on Aksana, but gets elbowed down. Fox enters and taunts the crowd. She takes a big elbow, and gets rolled up for two. Alicia hits a scissor kick for the win. After the match, Fox tosses Nikki from the ring and celebrates wildly. Aksana puts the boots to Nikki and Alicia hits a backbreaker on the floor. Nikki then takes a ride into the barricade. Aksana puts the boots to her and finishes the beatdown.
Final Thoughts: *. This was just fine. I like just how dangerous Alicia seems sometimes, although I sometimes complain. It does look good here.
-Bray’s chair is empty, so it’s up to Luke to cut the promo. Hell yeah! Harper cuts a badass promo on The Usos, promising that they will burn. If Bray takes a week or two off, it will be nice for them to give Harper the chance to grow.
Jack Swagger vs. Adam Rose
Rose prances around the ring to start, and getting backed up into the corner. He reverses and smacks Jack in the ass. Swagger hits a couple of strikes, but gets swatted again. Rose hits a back elbow and pounds away in the corner before taking a big boot. Swagger throws him into the buckles and hits a belly to belly suplex for two. Swagger misses a corner charge and eats some Rose jabs. Rose hits a neckbreaker as CM Punk chants break out. Rose says “choo-choo!” and goes into the corner. He follows this up with a Party Foul and that’s a squash, folks.
Final Thoughts: Rest in peace, Bigg Hoss.
-The Usos are pumped for their match against Rowan and Harper. So pumped, that they do their impression of cornered pit bulls. I might need a gif of that.
Luke Harper and Erick Rowan vs. The Usos
On the way to the ring, The Usos knock Bray’s unused chair over. This has suddenly become more serious. Rowan and Jimmy start the match. Into the corner, Rowan works the taped ribs, but gets chopped. Rowan hits a shoulderblock and puts him into the corner and brings in Harper. He and Jimmy exchange shots. Jimmy gets a crossbody and a leg lariat. Jey enters with a forearm smash in the corner. He slugs away and brings back Jimmy. Harper hits a dropkick and in comes Rowan, who drops a knee. Erick puts on a neck vise. Jey goes for a slam, but Rowan is too heavy and falls on top. Harper comes in with a chop, and Jey absorbs a few before Harper takes him down and brings back Rowan. He makes with the rest hold. Jey dodges an elbow drop, but gets crushed in the corner. Jey scurries and gets the tag. Rowan misses a legdrop after halting a sunset flip. Jimmy gets a running dropkick for two. A front dropkick knocks Rowan from the ring. Harper joins him and we go to commercial with Cole expecting a stereo dive that never came. Poor guy.
We return with Harper beating down Jimmy on the outside. Back inside, Harper drops an elbow and gets two. Luke takes Jimmy’s face off with a right hand and taunts Jey. Rowan returns and stomps away. Rowan breaks up the comeback with a knee to the gut. Erick clubs away in the corner and puts Jimmy on the top rope, where he clubs away. Erick hangs him in the tree of woe and stomps away. He charges, but Jimmy sits up. Jimmy comes back into the ring with a Whisper in the Wind. Jey gets the tag and is a house of fire, hitting a pair of clotheslines and finishing with an enzuigiri. He hits two hip smashes, but Rowan breaks it up. Jimmy and Rowan get dumped and Jey gets up at two after a big boot. Jey comes off of the second turnbuckle with a dropkick and follows with a Samoan drop. Rowan distracts Jey and gets leaped atop of for his trouble. Harper comes out for a dive, as does Jimmy. Jey goes to the top rope, but Harper gets the knees up on the splash. Harper goes for the clothesline, but takes a superkick that almost gets three. Rowan gets the tag, and gets out of a rollup, and reverses before hitting an unnamed slam for the win.
Final Thoughts: ***1/2. I want more of this.
MITB Qualifier – Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler
It’s time for Dolph to get some false hope together for some. Del Rio grabs a headlock to start and works away at it. The crowd chants hard for Dolph, since they want him pushed. Dolph gets a rollup for just one and follows with a neckbreaker for two. Dolph has a bit more time and is able to hit his athletic elbow drop spot for two. Del Rio gets an armbreaker and a kick to the arm for a cover. ADR pounds away. Dolph fights out of an armbar, but gets thrown to the mat. Del Rio chokes away in the ropes. ADR gets a back suplex for two and goes back to the arm. Dolph counters out of the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and hits a sweet dropkick. Ziggler gets a crossbody and a splash in the corner. Del Rio works the arm again, but Ziggler grabs a Fameasser for two. Del Rio finally hits the backbreaker and gets two. Del Rio goes to the top, but Dolph catches him and hits a facebuster from the top! That spot always gets two. Del Rio shrugs off the Zig Zag, but misses the Si Kick. Still, nothing is ever really that fair and Del Rio gets the cross armbreaker for the win.
Final Thoughts: **3/4, and poor Dolph. Without fail, WWE pulls the rug out every time. It’s quite the reoccurrence.
Rybaxel vs. Goldust and Sin Cara
Cody picked this partner for Goldy because he hates him/wants someone better for his brother. Lawler confuses Sin Cara for Del Rio. Axel runs over Goldy to start. Goldust hits an atomic drop. Axel fights back and brings back Ryback, who suffers from double team moves by Sindust. Ryback drives the shoulder in the corner and absorbs chants from the crowd. Ryback gets a head of steam and runs Goldberg out of the ring. Axel returns, puts GOldy into the barricade and brings him back in for two. Goldust takes a double suplex from Rybaxel for two.
Axel puts on the chinlock, and cuts off Goldust with a dropkick. Axel drops down with an elbow, but Ryback gets hit during his splash. Lukewarm tag for Sin Cara, who is a house of fire and gets two on a handspring elbow. Ryback and Goldust get dumped, and Sin Cara misses his senton bomb. Axel finishes up with his facebuster and JBL thinks that Cody gave him a terrible partner because he has lost his mind.
Final Thoughts: *1/2. Well, at least it is a slow burn into Cody and Goldust feuding. Hopefully, the losses end and Cody finds Goldust a new partner so randomly. Maybe it will be a debuting Sami Zayn that helps Goldust.
-It’s time to appreciate Rusev. The ring is outfitted with a podium bearing the colors of Russia. Lana comes out to mention the freedom of speech that Eric Snowden has in Russia. So, Lana introduces Rusev, who they will honor tonight. Rusev doesn’t even wear a tie to his own ceremony. But, I’ll allow it. Lana continues to tell the fans to quit chanting for the U.S. Rusev is now to be given a gold star by an indy wrestler with a terrible fake accent. Serious voices come out from the table. It’s time for the Russian National Anthem. The confetti that falls from the ceiling is a great touch. We go to commercial without an interruption and it occurs to me that all of the fans are listening to the anthem and waiting for a hero that never comes. Also, man I suddenly wanted Kurt Angle to return.
-TRTSM’s favorite running back Trent Richardson is in the stands!
Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton
They all come out with microphones. Dean asks the crowd how they look, because he’s great at the little things. Seth is also pleased at their actions. He says that Evolution, despite former glory, were not one, but three strangers. Reigns says that The Shield are brothers and uses a closed fist as an example. He calls out Orton. HHH walks alongside, carrying his trusty sledgehammer. Seth grabs some chairs in response.
HHH has the microphone and says that there’s always a plan B. A single fan yells out, “NOOOOOOO!” as Seth rears back and strikes Reigns with a chair! Dean is wide eyed and completely lost. Seth takes out Ambrose next, clubbing him with the chair before delivering a curb stomp onto the chair, knocking him out. Rollins heads outside and hands over the chair to Orton, who returns to finish the job, giving Reigns an RKO on the chair. This new Evolution poses over the remnants of The Shield to end the show.
Final Thoughts: I love a good, shocking heel turn like most people. There is a lot to process, but looking ahead, I want to see Seth Rollins get his “My Time” music and have wars with Bryan over the WWE Title. I can still look forward to that.
–This was a damned good episode of Raw. We were treated to a hot crowd, and two long, good tag team matches. Sandow absolutely killed it in his segment and is making his act work. The Rusev segment and his recent acts have been a labor of love for whoever has been putting this together. It feels like Vince has been getting back into his old DVDs and has been taking some inspiration from Rocky IV. Nicely done. We’ll just forget about the racist undertones. As for the shattering of The Shield, I expect Roman Reigns to refer to himself and Dean Ambrose as shards of The Shield that will pierce the heart of Evolution. I understand that WWE is not to be entirely trusted due to their recent track record, but we really have to let this one play out. This was a classic turn, and there’s always a possibility of a Shield reunion a couple of years down the road.
