Jonathan Dehn
WWE Smackdown
03/28/2014
Boston, Massachusetts
-Batista is out to kick this thing off, accessorizing his new t-shirt nicely with a collection of forest green attire. Batista is still upset that he was begged to come back, and when he returns, they pick Daniel Bryan over him. Batista shows us what happened on Monday, telling us to watch since it’s pretty funny. He’s right about that. Batista comments on how Stephanie hits harder than anyone who could be in the WrestleMania main event. This brings out a smirking HHH. He wants Stephanie to be left out of this, but of course Batista points out that she’s responsible for them standing there. HHH reminds him that it’s only important that he has the power that he has. This starts to drag as Batista points out that HHH has never beaten him. HHH takes credit for his turn in Evolution. HHH then calls him soft due to success. HHH puts himself over Batista, calling him worthless since he has returned. I guess that the Royal Rumble isn’t that big of a deal. HHH puts Batista against Sheamus, likening Sheamus to what Batista used to be. This segment really went into a tailspin, full of smug expressions and slow talking.
Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins vs. Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre
Slater and Reigns are on the outside. Seth and Jinder start with some standard reversals. Rollins hits a dropkick and follows with The Three Amigos. He tags in Dean at the end of them, and he grabs a clothesline for two. Seth returns, but Jinder fires back with some rights and gets him into the corner. Drew enters the match, hits a suplex and thrusts his hips at Reigns. Rollins fights back and brings Ambrose. It gets a bit sloppy before Dean hits the dropkick in the ropes. Jinder comes in to get dumped. Seth leaps out onto him. Dean hits the rebound clothesline and finishes with what is now named Dirty Deeds. After the match, The Corporate Attitude steps out onto the stage. Kane forces them to now take on Rybaxel. I guess that Reigns is still going to be on the outside.
Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins vs. Rybaxel
We join with Ryback hitting a back elbow on Ambrose. Axel comes in, but finds himself tripped up by Dean and put into a bow and arrow. Ambrose to the apron, where he knocks Ryback from the apron, but Axel clubs him with a clothesline to the back of the head. Ryback returns and hits a slam and a second rope splash. Axel comes back in with a second rope elbow for two. Rybaxel put Dean into the corner and club away. Dean reverses a jackhammer into a DDT, showing that Ryback didn’t hit Goldberg’s move. Seth gets the hot tags and is on fire, giving a blockbuster to Axel and hitting a corner splash on Curtis. Seth hits an enzuigiri from the apron and dumps Ryback, who is then leapt onto by Ambrose. Axel finds himself outside to be hit by a flying Rollins. Back inside, Curtis goes for the Perfect-plex, but Seth fights out and hits the Curb Stomp for the win. Afterwards, The Shield sends a message to Kane and The Outlaws with a triple powerbomb on Ryback.
Final Thoughts: *1/2 for both shortened matches. This was more of a way to get some of the heat back for The Shield before they go into WrestleMania, where I’m not too sure if they go over the old guys. It’s so, so strange to see Dean Ambrose playing the face in peril during these matches and hitting Seth for the hot tag where he goes into overdrive.
Sin Cara vs. Damien Sandow
With Mistico getting his generic release from the company, it’s cool to see that Hunico has sole possession of the gimmick should they choose to actually go somewhere with it. One thing they can do is to drop the mood lighting. Sandow is in control at the beginning, hitting some strikes and a suplex before getting a chinlock. But, we know that this isn’t going to last long. Damien follows with a corner clothesline, but haplessly misses another corner charge and gets abruptly rolled up.
Final Thoughts: If you want to plug that darned Scooby Doo movie, you can just use a backstage segment instead of just driving Sandow closer to depression.
-Renee is with Big Show backstage, he says that both he and The Wyatt Family have a giant problem on their hands.
Goldust vs. Fandango
Let’s hope those goes better than last time. Goldust grabs an arm drag at the start and slugs in the corner. Fandango reverses a corner whip to get a hammer throw for two. ‘Go slugs away and takes a chinlock. Goldy fights back, but gets shoved back to the mat and put into another chinlock. Goldust fights back with a belly-to-back suplex and follows with a couple of clotheslines. “Not today!” yells Goldust as he hits the kneeling right hand and puts Fandango into the corner for ten punches. Goldust hits the powerslam for two and chases Fandango outside, where Summer tries to shield Fandango and distracts Goldust. Fandango hits a cheap boot to the head on Goldust’s way back in, and pins him for the win.
Final Thoughts: I like Summer Rae. You like Summer Rae. I don’t think that she should be the star out of this storyline…but Total Divas. I miss Cody and Goldust being given time to show off their natural skills. Speaking of second generations stars; make sure to check out Natalya vs. Charlotte from NXT this week. They only get five minutes, but it’s a damned good five minutes. Charlotte is terrifically gifted and seems like a natural.
Batista vs. Sheamus
This feels like a good litmus test for Batista. If you can’t have a decent match with Sheamus, you belong nowhere near the main event, especially with working a complementary style. Batista begs off to begin the match. Sheamus hits a shoulderblock, which sends Batista outside to regroup. Sheamus chases him outside, but Batista gets the upper hand when they return, slugging in the corner. The crowd begins to turn on the match, a bit, as I forgot about this mixture being a problem. Batista hits a hammer throw and they botch in the ropes, their timing off. Batista hits a kneelift and hits a corner clothesline. Sheamus fights back out of the corner, but takes a Spinebuster.
Batista gets in a couple of taunts, but Sheamus returns fire with a clothesline and psyches himself up before hitting his babyface flourish, putting Batista down with a kneelift. In the ropes, Batista fights away from the clubbing blows. The crowd chants for Randy Savage right before Sheamus goes clubberin’. Sheamus brings him back in with a powerslam because he’s terrific. Batista bails as Sheamus goes for The Brogue. Outside, Batista loses by DQ with a steel chair, beating down Sheamus with it. Sheamus goes into the steel post. Batista rolls him back into the ring and finishes up with a Batistabomb. Afterwards, Batista asks HHH if he’s happy with what he did, while slobbering all over the microphone.
Final Thoughts: Here’s a fun fact, they cut to HHH watching the segment from the back five different times. As for the match, it sucked. Sheamus had to slow everything down and look like crap while the crowd had much better things to care about. It’s really too bad that Sheamus is stuck as a part of this apathy since he gives so much damned effort every time he gets between the ropes. Maybe this acts as a reason to get Sheamus into a big main event at the end of Smackdown next week. Maybe they can give us a huge tag team match. Cena/Bryan/Sheamus vs. Bray/Batista/Orton sound good? Good.
-Bray is backstage…somewhere. He holds the mask he placed over Cena, and says that everyone wears a mask. But those masks consume those who wear them too long, and to remove the mask is the same as taking their skin. He dedicates his match with Big Show to Cena and says that the truth will be revealed, as he has the whole wide world in his hands.
The Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee and Tamina
Vickie is at the table for whatever reason. Oh right, to explain the stupid match at WrestleMania. She has…no idea how the match is supposed to work. This should be a lot of fun. I should be happy that no one is making their debut in that match. Brie and AJ start off, with Brie having control and tagging in Nikki who hits an enzuigiri out of the corner for two. Tamina gets the blind tag and hits a Samoan drop on Nikki. AJ returns and gets two. She grabs a guillotine, but Nikki powers out. Tamina returns and stomps Nikki, following with a clothesline. Tamina misses a shitty splash from the second rope and back comes Brie with the hot tag, hitting the knee in the ropes, kind of. Brie follows with a missile dropkick. Tamina bails. AJ and Tamina argue for some reason, and Tamina tags in AJ and tosses her into the ring to take a facebuster for the end.
Final Thoughts: I wanted to like this, but it was far too clunky to be more than forgettable at best.
-Emma and Santino are on a date. They ordered the same food, just realizing it as it is delivered, which makes no sense at all. Emma has no idea what a friend with benefits actually is. Santino asks to look into her eyes, but winds up losing a staring contest, in Emma’s mind. Emma puts Santino into the friend zone, and then Santino, in emotional anguish, vomits off-screen. This was about as awful as it reads.
Jack Swagger vs. Jimmy Uso
Jimmy is slugged at in the corner. Jimmy awkwardly throws Swagger from the ring and follows with a big dive. Back inside, Jimmy gets a crossbody from the top for two. He follows with a leg lariat and chops in the corner. The Whisper in The Wind gets two for Jimmy. Swagger fights back with a chop block, and puts on the Patriot Lock for the win in another match that didn’t need to happen.
Final Thoughts: The way that the match began, you have that bad feeling developing in your stomach where you know that Swagger was going to win so quickly. This is another match that could have been decided in angle, or combined to give us a six-man with Sandow and Sin Cara joining different sides. I mean, are you giving Big Show and Bray more than seven minutes?
-There’s a short recap on the putrid Lesnar/Taker angle from Monday.
Mark Henry vs. The Miz
The Miz slugs away and fails at putting Henry over the top rope. The Miz pinballs into the corner a couple of times, escapes the slam, and works at Mark’s knee. Mark shrugs him off and gets the boot up in the corner. Henry hits a couples of clotheslines and hits a powerslam. JYD headbutts hit for Henry, but he misses a Vaderbomb. Henry fights out of the Figure-Four, but gets dumped over the top. The Miz is proud of himself, but is dragged outside and gets the thrashing of his month. Back inside, the World’s Strongest Slam is completed and all is right in the world.
Final Thoughts: Meh.
-Razor Ramon is being inducted, which leaves the door open for another induction as a member of The Outsiders.
The Big Show vs. Bray Wyatt
This is being billed as a fight, so I don’t expect the match to even begin. Boston also claps along to The Wyatt Family theme. Oh, the bell rings. Big Show shoves Bray away at the start. Bray takes an awkward bump to the floor after Show tosses him from the ring. Back inside, Bray asks for it, and gets pummeled in the corner. Show hits a big foot, but misses an elbow drop. Bray kicks Big Show down and hits a running senton for two. Bray spider walks to a nice pop, but takes a couple of clotheslines. Bray dodges a corner charge and takes Big Show down with a running back elbow. A distraction from Rowan allows Harper to soften Big Show up for Sister Abigail, which looks really silly when he hits it.
Final Thoughts: I was surprised that there was a pin in this match. Anyways, the match was pretty bad and should be avoided.
–Don’t bother.
