Jonathan Dehn
WWE Smackdown
05/23/2014
London, England, United Kingdom
-Jimmy Hart is in the ring, which is funny since these fans shouldn’t be able to watch Legend’s House. Anyhow, he introduces Hogan, who apparently hasn’t been in London forever. Let’s just forget about TNA. Surprisingly, Hogan puts over London. They push Legend’s House. Once again, they’re in the United Kingdom. Hulk finishes up plugging the Network.
No Disqualification Match – Dolph Ziggler vs. Batista
They slug it out to begin. Dolph hits a dropkick and gets just one on the cover. Dolph stomps away at the ropes. Batista catches a running Dolph and gets two on a spinebuster. Big Dave heads outside and grabs a chair. Dolph grabs it, but gets dragged outside and slammed into the table. Batista slams him against the apron and drops him on the barricade. Dolph gets out of the way on a charge, and Dave goes into the wall. Still outside, Dolph hits a clothesline, sending them into the timekeeper as we go to break. This is one of those “rare” No DQ matches with no count-outs.
We return with Batista coming up with post on a steel chair swing. Dolph grabs it and puts it to Batista a few times. Dolph gives him a couple of hard strikes with it and looks pretty badass for the first time in about a year. Batista retreats and Dolph chases him around the ringside area. Dolph whips him into the steel steps. We’re finally back in. Dolph splashes into the corner and slugs away. There’s a nice touch as Dolph ties his arms in the ropes so that Dave can’t go low. Dolph gets a neckbreaker out of the corner. He follows with a big DDT that gets two. Dolph goes for the Fameasser, gets caught in a powerbomb, but wiggles out and hits it anyway for two.
Batista rolls outside to recover. Ziggler comes outside with a baseball slide that sends Batista over the table. Dolph climbs over the table and gives it to him with some right hands. Michael Cole lies on the ground during this, with JBL not paying much attention to it. He actually makes fun of him. Dolph finally gets caught and tosses into the stairs. Dolph is slammed onto the table and Batista pulls in the stairs. Batista goes for the powerbomb onto the stairs, but Dolph goes low and leaves Dave doubled over on top of them. Dolph comes off of the apron, but Batista bails, letting Dolph crash and burn. Dolph works a leg injury after the spill. Back inside, Batista hits a spear for the win.
After the match, Batista hits a Batistabomb. I’m troubled by how Batista doesn’t get his own music anymore.
Final Thoughts: ***. This was pretty much a one sided brawl where Batista gave Dolph plenty of offense, with the battle of power versus speed being certainly apparent. I would have preferred that Batista finish off with the powerbomb, but this was fine. I’m not entirely sure that Batista was supposed to look so desperate to beat Dolph; he did himself in by flowing too close to the Sun.
-I’m ready to BOlieve tonight.
Nikki Bella and Eva Marie vs. The Funkadactyls
Chimel flubs the intro just a bit, so JBL and Cole call him the worst announcer in the world. That was a bit extreme. Summer Rae is the special guest referee. Naomi and Nikki begin. Nikki gets an armbar following a fireman’s carry. Naomi nips out and wiggles her ass into Nikki’s face in the corner. Summer doesn’t feel like counting for Nikki after a facebuster. In comes Cameron. They get a double suplex and double leg split legdrop. Cameron bastardizes The Codebreaker. The camera cut tries to cover for the fact that her knees were a foot off of the mark. Nikki hits a dropkick. In comes Eva Marie to jeers. They trip up Cameron, and Summer won’t count. But, Summer uses a fast count to help Cameron pick up the win just moments later.
Final Thoughts: This segment knocked off quite a few on the checklist of what’s wrong with WWE. I’ll guess that Cameron was unaware that she stole Chris Jericho’s finisher and used it as a transition move. It’s more than thinking it was a conspiracy that came from the top.
Bo Dallas vs. Sin Cara
Bo takes the microphone before the match. Bo has the power of heart and tells the crowd to bolieve….damned autocorrect. They lock up to begin, and Bo grabs a hammerlock and gloats over it so strongly. The mood lighting is absent again. Bo goes from the fireman’s carry to the armbar. JBL and Cole yell at each other before Bo hits a flying forearm and puts Sin Cara into the corner. Dallas hits a few knee drops. Sin Cara gets a few token rollups and reverses a whip into the corner. Cara springboards back in with a crossbody and follows with a handspring elbow for two. Cara goes to the top, but Bo avoids a senton bomb and hits a big clothesline. Bo hits a tornado bulldog for the win. After the win, Bo does a victory lap. Bo embraces Sin Cara and tells him that he did good and that one day, he can be just like him.
Final Thoughts: Strangely, WWE decided to put that victory lap in slow motion after the match. Bo jiggled. So, I expect Bo to get over before he gets fat shamed while not being fat, but naturally being built the way that he is. His post match antics seemed to get over quite well.
-Bray is in the ring when we come back, in his rocking chair amidst the cell phones in the dark. It’s the hour of Rotunda! Bray talks about how once we get out of our protective bubbles, John Cena pops up to push us back in. Wyatt then sends this off to a video package. These things always kill the flow of serious promos. “I’m so real that you guys should check out this slickly produced video package right now!” Bray claims that all it will take to get rid of him will be to have him fail to beat the count. Bray calls out Cena for using The Usos as his pawns. Bray riles himself up, speaking of being immortal. He winds up freaking out and speaking in tongues before collapsing and the finishing the promo with song.
Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio
I’ll never forget the time that Sheamus stole ADR’s car and then smeared his own shit down the side of it. That’s the stuff they’ll put into video games ten years from now. Cesaro and Heyman sit at the table for this match. Cesaro taunts Sheamus at the start, helping Del Rio beat away at Sheamus to begin the match. Sheamus returns fire. Del Rio gets Sheamus down and hits a seated dropkick. Sheamus answers with a kneedrop from the second buckle. Sheamus beats away in the corner, but runs into an elbow. Sheamus catches him and hits the rolling senton and clothesline Del Rio outside. Sheamus heads outside, gets shoved into the apron, and Del Rio hits his step up enzuigiri before we go to break. That move finally got the table’s attention, moving them away from inane talk show banter.
We return with Del Rio getting dropped onto the apron and bringing Sheamus down on the top rope by the throat. He comes back in an withstands Sheamus’ babyface flourish and hits a backstabber for two. Del Rio loads up but misses the Si kick. Sheamus gets the Irish Curse for two. Sheamus misses on the Brogue Kick and winds up in the ropes. He gets caught with a Si Kick for two. ADR paws at Sheamus, and misses a charge. He gets caught up in the ropes and Sheamus clubs away and carries him back in. Del Rio hangs on to the rope and gets the cross armbreaker. Sheamus hooks his feet around the bottom rope. Cesaro comes up from his chair, but takes a shot. Sheamus hits a powerslam, but is dragged out by Cesaro and tackled into the steel steps. Cesaro hits a Neutralizer on the floor. Cole busts out his serious voice like this is more than a wrestling angle. Cesaro shakes Sheamus’ limp hand.
Final Thoughts: **1/2. This was decent and we’ll move towards Cesaro and Sheamus battling for the title and lead towards a heel turn for Sheamus after Cesaro keeps getting the better of him. I’m guessing that Sheamus beats up a referee or two. The problem is that he might get cheered for that.
-Vickie is out to get some heat from the fans, I guess. Oh, she says that she can party with the best of them. So, she introduces Adam Rose. Cole continues to cool dad Adam Rose. It doesn’t matter yet, as the crowd gives him a terrific reception for a guy who hasn’t had a single match. He asks Vickie if she’s a lemon or a rosebud. The crowd very much believes she’s a lemon, going so far to chant it at her. Vickie orders him out of the ring, but is fearful of his lollipop and falls into his throng of party guests. She screams into the microphone as they carry her off.
-Renee introduces The Usos, who introduce Cena after raving about the looks of Adam Rose’s party. Cena talks up a storm of confusion, which is called out in a humorous way by The Usos. Cena agrees that his words make no sense, just like Wyatt’s. Cena and the tag team champions do that chest beating thing that’s still weird.
The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family
WWE must have sweetened the audio to keep that new John Cena chant bay, as Cena conducted it and everything. Harper starts with Jimmy and slugs away in the corner. Jimmy gets the boot up and brings in Jey with a blind tag. Sunset flip gets two, and Harper takes control with a thrust to the throat. Rowan is in for some slugging in the corner. Jey gets Rowan into the corner, and they trade tags, delivering a corner splash. Jey hits a crossbody that sends the two of them out of the ring. Jey climbs back in and we hit a commercial break.
We return with Jimmy hitting a dropkick but taking a big forearm. Harper returns and they run before Harper shoves Jimmy throat first into the middle rope. Ouch. That gets two. Rowan comes back in and puts on a head vise. Harper enters and drops an elbow. Jimmy goes for the enzuigiri, but Harper breaks it up with a side kick. Jey tries to make a difference, but is escorted back to the corner. Jimmy gets to the top and hits a Whisper in the Wind. Jey gets the hot tag and comes off the top with a crossbody and clothesline on Rowan. Jey follows with a Samoan drop. He smashes into the corner on Rowan, but takes a superkick. Jimmy gets one on Harper and follows him outside for a dive. Rowan misses a charge and goes into the post. Back on the outside, Jimmy hits a dive over the post and nails Harper with a clothesline. Rowan goes into the barricade and is shoved back into the ring. Jey goes to the top, but Bray pushes him off for the DQ. Cena runs in to hit an AA on Rowan. The shirt comes off and Cena welcomes Bray in. Wyatt gets up onto the apron, but walks off, instead.
Final Thoughts: **. They had some good stuff going but then had it ruined with the DQ finish. There were quite a few unnecessary finishes like that on this show.
–This was just a placeholder show, as most Smackdown episodes are these days. It would be cool for people to check out Ziggler/Batista, as it’s pretty good and much different than what Dolph is afforded in most matches. He looked good out there. But, we’ll just have to wait and see what happens on Monday when Bryan formally forfeits the belts.
