Connor McGrath
The word “legend” is tossed around too lightly these days but on this week’s show, a genuine icon of the squared circle makes an appearance in the Wrestling On Fire arena as Future WWE Hall of Famer Salvatore Sincere pops in for a match.
We inch closer to Wrestling On Fire’s return to Maine, which goes down a week from Tuesday at the fairgrounds in scenic Topsham, Maine (one of the last remaining Arby’s in the state is nearby) with the big match advertised being an over the top rope battle royal to determine who will face Wrestling On Fire Champion Brian Fury for the title in the main event. Of course, we haven’t seen Brian Fury or any of the other Wrestling On Fire roster in over a month so who knows what will happen! And who cares since this company’s ads/shows seem to be built around “Hey! Wrestling is fun to watch! Bring the kids and don’t try and think about it too much!” I guess they have a point so let’s get this show review rollin’!
Interesting to note that the ad for Wrestling On Fire fundraisers has been edited to feature some ECPW “stars”. Only Brian Fury, Ricky Reyes, and APOLO make the cut for Wrestling On Fire guys. Wrestling On Fire’s next show in New Jersey is a joint card with East Coast Professional Wrestling so that’s why we’ve been seeing those guys more than Wrestling On Fire guys the past month.
ECPW Television Title Match: Crazy Ivan (with The Peacemaker) (c) Vs Jumbo Joe Gunns
Ivan has gotten so crazy in the past few weeks that he’s now accompanied to the ring by the ECPW Security Team and a Big Bossman (RIP) lookalike named The Peacemaker. Jumbo Joe Gunns is a pudgy middle aged, biker looking dude. Gunns cuts a promo thanking all of the fans supporting the benefit show that this match is being held at and gets jumped by Crazy Ivan for his troubles. For some reason, Charlie Savoldi insists on reminding us that this show is taking place in Staten Island and Gunns is from Staten Island. I guess this is the closest that the show has come to having a “big time” New York City show though! Anyway, this match is what happens when you get a guy who can’t really bump because of his gimmick and a guy who can’t really bump because he can’t really bump! The schmozz finish happens when Big Bossman Jr accidentally hits Ivan with a night stick and Jumbo Joe covers to become the NEW ECPW TELEVISION CHAMPION. I don’t really get the point of this, assume it was just a feel good moment for the hometown crowd. D
Apter’s Alley: This week’s segment starts with Bill Apter trying to hold apart a brawl between two mannequin heads with lucha masks on it. He uses this as an excuse to plug Ultimo Dragon doing a show in Scotland (!?) Apter rambles about a recent wrestling convention in New Jersey. Apter throws it to his interview there with Tully Blanchard. For some reason, this interview is conducted in a bar. I guess an appropriate setting for a Four Horseman. This interview is semi-kayfabe, for some reason. They cut off the interview while Apter is in the middle of asking a question and do the typical “Watch the rest of this on 1Wrestling.com (which still exists, people!)” bit…I get why they do that even if I don’t agree with it but a better cutoff point maybe could have been after the question was asked not in the middle of it! This was probably the worst Apter’s Alley segment we’ve seen even before the abrupt out of nowhere ending. It had the tone of two people who went to high school together but weren’t particularly friends meeting up years later and making awkward small talk just to pass the time.
Salvatore Sincere and Vinney DeMarco Vs The Phat Boys
Yes, it is THE Salvatore Sincere. Although he looks considerably different, he dresses in a weird pink, polka dotted jump suit with a headband, making him look like a slightly more out of a shape Colt Cabana or a slightly more in shape late ’80s WWF era Dusty Rhodes. He also annoyingly blows a whistle for no reason. Sal Sincere cuts a promo on Italian-Americans. The Phat Boys disappointingly don’t enter to a Fat Boys song. It’s kind of hard to sell yourself as the best action in wrestling when your main event features three fat dudes and Sal Sincere…or is it? Sincere’s unnamed manager challenges The Phat Boys to a dance competition. Magic, the African-American Phat Boy, defies stereotypes about blacks being great dancers. Sincere’s manager does a shitty Gangnam Style. The White Phat Boy does a slightly less shitty Gangnam Style with the referee. For some reason, Charlie Savoldi uses this segment to plug East Coast Pro Wrestling’s training school. If you’d like to dance poorly in front of some little kids in a middle school gymnasium (WITHOUT getting arrested) then this is the opportunity for YOU!
Regrettably, Sincere doesn’t participate in the dance off and just starts to sulk to the back to go to “Staten Island’s world famous night clubs” (Charlie Savoldi’s words, not mine…Staten Island has night clubs!?). Sincere does the old school “I’M NOT GETTING IN THE RING UNTIL EVERYBODY SHUTS UP!” heel schtick. Biggie Biggs, the white Phat Boy, steals Sincere’s hat and boa and the former Johnny Gunn goes berserk and our match finally begins. Sincere wrestles with the whistle and Charlie Savoldi DEMANDS the ref check it. This match is hokey as fuck with a lot of cheesy fat babyface offense. In the middle of the match, Sincere gets cleared out of the ring and “Apache” starts playing over the P.A. and Magic does the dance that Will and Carlton did on that one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. At one point, DeMarco and heel manager work over Biggie Biggs and Sincere thrusts his hips and licks his lips at Magic and Charlie Savoldi reacts like Joe Buck did when Randy Moss pretended to moon Lambeau Field as he yells about Wrestling On Fire being a family friendly show.. Biggie Biggs makes a comeback with a DOUBLE PURPLE NURPLE on the heels and Savoldi talks about him taking Sal Sincere on a “trip to Titty City”. Hey, that’s not very family friendly language. Somehow, the managers get involved (The Phat Boys is a bald, possibly mildly retarded skinny middle aged dude) and the match ends with the faces winning with a triple roll up on the heels.
Good God. That match on a workrate level was a D- but on an entertainment/comedic value, an A-, so I’ll split the difference and give it a C+. I knew when a WrestleCrap inductee like Sal Sincere shows up on Wrestling On Fire, something entertaining was bound to happen but I didn’t know it would be quite this amusing. It (somewhat) salvaged one of the most boring episodes of Wrestling On Fire in recent memory and proved that Sal Sincere can really work a crowd. Or well, proved that he can work a crowd in the first place!
Until next week, stay clear in this Culture Crossfire and don’t feed your dogs chocolate!
