Bryan Staebell
Impact Recap for 12/12
Not a lot of wrestling this week…but some storylines finally started to move forward.
Both the EC3 hand picked opponent and Gail Kim open challenge took turns this week.
EC3 chose Jeremy Borash as his opponent. This brought out Sting. They had a staredown and I’ll be damned if Carter didn’t come off looking like a star. Sting called EC3 on his entitlement bullshit, challenging him to either earn something like the rest of the roster by entering Feast or Fired…or fighting Sting right now. Carter teased fighting Sting and then announced he would compete in Feast or Fired and bailed. I think they’re onto something with EC3.
Gail Kim’s open challenge was answered by ODB. Gail pointed out that the reason she created the open challenge was because she had beaten ODB and the rest of the knockouts repeatedly. ODB said she wasn’t there to challenge Gail…and then decked Lei’D Tapa. The crowd really loves when ODB and Tapa get into it. ODB was overwhelmed by the two and was saved by the returning (and now redhead) Madison Rayne.
Joesph Park and Eric Young defeated Bad Influence after Young intentionally busted open Park and he Abyss’d out and pinned Kaz. After the match Eric Young told Park that the reason he couldn’t find Abyss after all this time is because he IS Abyss. Park didn’t buy it. The crowd popped for the reveal finally happening.
Austin Aries beat Chris Sabin to win the X title. This felt like a nothing match and was way shorted on time (on a show with little to no wrestling). It was still pretty good because of the talent involved…but man what a meaningless title win this was.
The main event was the Feast or Fired match where a bunch of guys try to take down one of 4 briefcases. The cases will have a TNA title shot, an X title shot, a tag title shot and a pink slip. Mr. Anderson came out first and was attacked by Bully Ray who hit him with a piledriver on the stage. Bully then cut a long strange promo completely out of his usual character and extremely subdued compared to his usual personality. We’ll see where it goes but I get the sense that the play here is to flip the Bully Ray character from loud but secretly cowardly personality to quieter, more measured, and far more violent. Which would be interesting.
The match itself was actually better than these usually are. Cases went to EC3, Chavo Guerrero, Zema Ion and Gunner. Gunner crotched James Storm on the top rope and stepped on him to reach the case. In the context of the match he did nothing wrong…but the storyline thus far is that Storm will still be angry about it. Curry Man immediately quit the match as the bell rang. Tenay and Taz didn’t bother to point out that he’d actually been fired in this match before…which is why he was doing it. In fact this is the 4th Feast or Fired match and two of the previous three “losers” have returned (Daniels and Curry Man…Daniels returned as Curry Man…Curry Man returned as Suicide…then Daniels…then Curry Man and Daniels… … I’m glad he left the match this time). EC3 got his case by watching everyone else in the match do dives out of the ring onto everyone else…and then instead of doing the same he just climbed up and took one. Brilliant. They had a cool little bit of storytelling in here with Storm and Gunner. They were teaming up on Hernandez and when Hernandez went to hit a double clothesline…Gunner ducked it and Storm didn’t. That one move kind of symbolized the whole story. They aren’t on the same page, something bad happened to Storm, it wasn’t Gunner’s fault but he’s probably going to blame him anyway.
The show long storyline this week was Rockstar Spud, lost in Georgia, trying to get back the TNA title from AJ Styles. Spud was good here but he wasn’t given a lot to work with. His journey saw him ordering a Ladyboy Chaser at a redneck bar and singing a punk rock version of “God save the Queen” during karaoke. Eventually he found his way to Styles’ house and entered an unlocked door. Styles, of course, was waiting for him and threatened him. Spud ran away without the title.
The two big matches for Final Resolution were set as Angle challenged Bobby Roode and Roode accepted a 2/3 falls match. Dixie did a segment in the ring with Jeff Hardy and Magnus who will meet in the finals of the TNA title tournament. Their match will be a “Dixieland” match with all kinds of convoluted rules. She then told them both that she would be waiting for one of them to come and basically pledge themselves to her service as Dixie’s champion. The show ended with Hardy meeting with Dixie.
Final Resolution Preview
Like everything else lately (and for the next few weeks) this has already been taped.
Jeff Hardy vs. Magnus in a Dixieland match for the vacant TNA title
Bobby Roode vs. Kurt Angle 2/3 falls
Gail Kim and Lei’D Tapa vs. ODB and Madison Rayne
We find out the contents of the Feast or Fired briefcases
One Night Only: World Cup Recap
There’s an Aces and 8’s team led by Mr. Anderson. Doesn’t that really say it all?
This show was taped many months ago and although the announcers have tried on past One Night Only shows to make sense of things working in the context of the current storylines…they threw their hands up here and just pretended Aces and 8’s were still a thing. The concept here is 4 teams of 5 competing in various matches for points (TNA has been consistent in their love of adding math into wrestling from the beginning) with the winner getting the World Cup. Each team has a knockout, x division guy, tag team and heavyweight.
The teams are as follows:
Team UK: Magnus, Rockstar Spud, Hannah Blossom and the British Invasion (Doug Williams and Rob Terry)
Team Aces and 8’s: Mr. Anderson, Wes Brisco, Ivelisse Velez, Doc and Knux
Team International: Judas Mesias, Funaki, Lei’D Tapa, Sonjay Dutt and Petey Williams
Team USA: James Storm, Kenny King, Mickie James and Bad Influence
…
The story here was that they got their shit together so late for this show that they weren’t able to get work visas for anyone so they had to just use what they could get. All of Team UK either already had a TNA contract or in the case of Blossom worked in the US anyway. Team International all had their own visas (or were…you know…American)…so they were thrown together. When they couldn’t get enough people to fill out rosters by country they just created the country of Aces and 8’s I guess. What a mess. Good thing no one will ever see this.
The first match was Magnus pinning Mr. Anderson. Alright match. Certainly not as bad as it could have been with 2 guys that need to be led a lot. I guess Magnus earned 1 point or something. I wasn’t paying attention to the score system but they put up a graphic and gave them 1.
Next up Kenny King took on Sonjay Dutt. So I guess that makes the legendary team of Petey Williams and Funaki the tag representatives for Team International. Tenay immediately tells us for the billionth time that Dutt is the best X division wrestler to never win the X title. This time Taz called him on it. Thank you Taz. They then spent the next several minutes unintentionally (or maybe intentionally) burying the concept of a Team International in a World Cup competition by debating where they would keep the trophy if they won. At one point Tenay suggested that Mesias (who works in both Mexico and Puerto Rico) could take it to either…to which Taz pointed out that Puerto Rico is a US territory. This went on for a while. You can tell they are as bored by these One Night Only shows as I am. Anyway, King pinned him a pretty good match. Would have actually made a fine Impact match (and this week sure could have used it).
LeiD Tapa beat Hannah Blossom. Blossom got a lot more offense in than anyone has since they brought Tapa up to the main roster. The crowd here was funny. They have no respect for Tapa and give her “you can’t wrestle” chants…but then react to everything she does like it’s big and go crazy (well…for the old Impact Zone anyway) whenever Blossom gets some offense on her. Match wasn’t anything…but it was better than a Velvet Sky match at least.
Doc and Knux defeated Petey Williams and Funaki after Knux hit Fuanki with a hammer and pinned him. Fun match. Crowd was really into Funaki and Petey. I’ll never understand why Doc and Knux weren’t a regular tag team for the year and a half they basically did nothing in TNA.
We had a 4 way tie at this point…so everything you just saw didn’t matter.
Next we had a Rockstar Spud video package. This was hilarious because his character has so much bravado and is so in your face…and they just debuted him on TV as a gutless corporate weasel.
Wes Brisco beat Rockstar Spud. Brisco threw on a headlock inside of a minute. He is the X division representative. Match was bad and it wasn’t Spud’s fault. I see why Brisco only worked a handful of matches in his entire TNA run. I hope wherever he is he’s training hard. It’s not that he can’t hit his stuff or bump a little…it’s the way he carries himself between moves that kills him. He just stands there awkwardly waiting for the next spot. Every single time.
Bad Influence beat The British Invasion. Good match…but a Bad Influence match can only be so bad. When Doug Williams was in it was obviously better. What ever happened to Rob Terry?
Ivelisse pinned Mickie James after Wes Brisco interfered. This was good. Ivelisse is hot, good and wants to work in TNA…so of course they didn’t hire her.
Next they filled time by showing the finals of the 2008 World X Cup. Team Mexico won this and then they didn’t do another Cup of any kind until now. It’s a shame that they couldn’t get it worked out so Mexico could…you know..defend the Goddamned thing. This was an Ultimate X match with Daivari (Team International, again), Naruki Doi (Japan), Volador Jr. (Mexico) and Kaz (Team TNA). Volador Jr. won. This was a fine match and I understand choosing the finals…but there was an incredible 4 way elimination tag on this same show that they should have chosen instead:
James Storm beat Judas Mesias to force a tie with Aces and 8’s. Match was alright. Even here, taped in an empty warehouse months ago, it was obvious Storm needs to turn heel.
The main event was a 5 person elimination match to crown the winner of the World Cup. Wes Brisco quickly rolled up Mickie James after she eliminated Ivelisse to avoid having to have the women work with the men. It was down to Storm and Bad Influence vs. Anderson, Doc and Knux quickly. After Knux was eliminated there was a communication problem between Storm and Bad Influence that led to Kaz and Daniels walking out. This left Storm down 2-1, so of course Storm won. Daniels and Kaz ran back down to celebrate the victory post match and Storm took them out too.
Team USA reclaims the World Cup for the first time since 2008.
This was one of the better One Night Only shows. Still wasn’t very good.
Random Finishers
By the time the next edition of this column goes up next week, AJ Styles will not be part of the TNA roster for the first time since the company was started. They’ve already filmed his exit and barring a turnaround his appearances in January on the already in the can Impacts will be the last we see of him for at least a while. I find it impossible to believe he won’t be back at some point as long as TNA remains in business. Still, for better or worse and whether they liked it or not, Styles has been the face of the company from pretty much the beginning…so this is pretty terrible.
The next One Night Only will be the Tag Team tournament featuring Team 3D, Generation ME, Bad Influence, Magnus and Joe, Chavo and Hernandez, The British Invasion, Aries and Roode and the Aces and 8’s.
