WCW SuperBrawl 5 Recap

Mean Gene’s hotline did record business for teasing “Call and find out which 45 year old former world champion recently died”. The intention was to make fans think it was Ric Flair when it was actually Crusher Blackwell.
Vader is making contractual demands for more years and money in exchange for putting over Hulk Hogan.
Rickson Gracie held meetings with Eric Bischoff over WCW promoting their own series of No Holds Barred Shoot Fighting events.
For two weekends in a row WCW ran the wrong house show promos on TBS, airing info for dates that had already passed.
They taped Brutus Beefcake’s face turn which saw Kevin Sullivan piledrive him on the concrete injuring him and thus rendering him “The Man with No Face”. This was done so Hogan and Beefcake could hang out away from the ring again.
Paul Wight is heading to Atlanta to train. Hogan wants to use him as his wrestling villain as well as a main foe for his action adventure TV show he hopes to land now that “Thunder in Paradise” has been cancelled.
Sgt. Craig Pittman has debuted. Jim Neidhart is being rumored to be coming in after working with Hogan on “Thunder in Paradise”.
WCW plans to add at least two more PPVs to their yearly schedule and have recently bumped up the asking price for each event as well.
The January Clash had Macho Man’s first big match, Hogan wrestling on free TV and ads taken out in the USA Today newspaper…all of which netted no appreciable ratings gain from the previous Clash show.
Paul Heyman was asked about loaning Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit, Sabu and 2 Cold Scorpio to WCW for the cruiserweight tournament, but Heyman doesn’t want to do any talent trading. Odd that WCW wasn’t planning on just signing the guys themselves like they would a few months down the line from here.
Harley Race was accidentally dropped a few days into his hospital stay following his car accident, and the doctors had to redo his surgeries as a result.
The stars of WCW guest starred on Baywatch:

SuperBrawl 5
The opening is messed up, so the WWE Network kicks us off in the middle of

Alex Wright vs. Paul Roma
Roma is wearing a singlet, which covers up his awesome physique. Seems counter productive. Heenan sounds kind of drunk as he’s slurring. Paul Orndorff wanders out as the men trade arm bars. Roma uses his strength to gain control and then dumps Wright to the floor. Roma eats up time with a long headlock. Roma delivers a flying elbow and gets a nice pop for his athletic display. They blow a hiptoss spot. Wright gets a flying crossbody but Orndorff pulls him off. Wright manages to dropkick the heels together, which Orndorff sells awkwardly. Roma is cradled for a three count at 13:21 despite trying to kick out at 2.9999999. Roma would be fired for not giving Wright enough shine since he’s bookerman Ric Flair’s pet project. As for the match…well there was nothing to see here.

“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Bunkhouse Buck
Well the good thing about this match is that my expectations for it are so low that they almost have to be able to surpass them with ease. Duggan slugs away before Buck rakes his eyes and bites him. They trade fists on the floor before Duggan eats the post. Hacksaw basically no sells it and takes control back in the ring. We learn Duggan does not tan in the nude as his ass is revealed to be ghostly white. Buck’s shirt is ripped open as Duggan continues to gobble up control of the match with his fists. Heenan is so obviously loaded here, I’m surprised he’s not belching into the microphone.

Duggan is punched with Buck’s suspenders, which allows him to lay around in a rest hold. They trade more punches and Duggan locks on his third or fourth headlock of the match. Duggan fires up and starts no selling Buck’s punches before going back to ANOTHER headlock. Christ. End this garbage. Duggan lets him up for a slam before going in for another headlock. More punching. We’re over the ten minute mark now. I pause the show to get liquor. Another rest hold from Duggan. More punches. Col.Parker tries to interfere and Duggan lays him out, hits a clothesline and gets the win at 11:58 (felt like 60:00). Meng mauls him after the match. This match was too long, had no flow, lots of laying around, and about 4 moves executed in all. Total trash.

After those two matches, I can’t blame Heenan for being blitzed.

Dave Sullivan vs. Kevin Sullivan
Oh fuck me. Dave is no longer a Hulk Hogan clone and now has the old “Halloween Havoc” music as his theme. At least they explained it by having the Three Faces of Fear destroy his gear and cut his hair. They trade punches. Kevin takes a bump off a sloppy clothesline. They take things to the floor. The Butcher is wearing pink pants, which doesn’t fit his black heart gimmick too well. More punching. Heenan accuses Schiavone’s mother of being a whore. More punching. Dave bites Kevin’s belly. More punching. Back to the floor for Dave, where the Butcher tosses him into the stairs. Chokes and chops follow back in the ring. Dave wails away with punches as the Butcher distracts him and the ref from the apron. Sullivan rams Dave into Butcher and cradles him for the win at 7:18. In other words, they did the exact same finish as the opening match. Butcher sells a facial injury. The match was just awful. JUST AWFUL.

Schiavone introduces Pedro Morales as the new Spanish commentator. Yikes even their announcers are bad workers.

Mean Gene makes a veiled reference to Heenan being sloshed before letting Avalanche and Big Bubba cut a promo.

The Nasty Boyz vs. World Tag Champions Harlem Heat
Well they had a terrible match at the prior Clash, so this match will fit in well tonight. WCW gave these guys almost twenty minutes to fill and they have a grand total of maybe six moves combined, so this should be a barn burner! Nasties dominate early on. Saggs throws some horribly fake looking punches here. Everybody trades elbows, punches, kicks and other basic stuff. Saggs takes two bumps to the floor, allowing for cheap shots to be delivered by Sherri. Then we hit the rest holds. Heenan interrupts Tony mid-sentence to randomly (drunkenly?) talk about Bill Clinton. Schiavone isn’t impressed. More rest holds. Ray locks on a headlock as Sherri screams “NO MERCY”. T comes in for more headlocks. Thrilling stuff so far.

Knobbs gets the hot tag and knocks all the heels over with clotheslines. Sherri climbs in the ring right in front of Nick Patrick. She tries to hit Knobbs but hits her man instead. Saggs tosses T over the top as Knobbs rolls up Ray for the win. A second ref comes in and changes the finish to a DQ win for Harlem Heat at 17:07. Bad match, mostly due to being boring.

Mean Gene calls this one of the best PPVs he’s ever seen. BULLSHIT. Macho Man promo: “I’M NOT TALKING!!!” and he storms off screen. Awesome. Sting explains Macho won’t talk because he’d have to use naughty language to express his anger. Mean Gene asks Schiavone if Heenan is sober yet…in so many words.

Dustin Rhodes vs. The Blacktop Bully
Can the Repo Man save the show? Meng is kicked out before the match by Commissioner Bockwinkel. They brawl to start and Darsow shows off how happy he is to be getting pushed again by taking a big bump over the turnbuckles and to the floor. Schiavone calls Heenan a mess. That’s a shoot! They trade punches and cheap shots before they awkwardly stop and Bully goes to a headlock to reset the match. Heenan accuses Schiavone of being a snookered. I bet Tony bit his tongue so hard it bled after that.

Rhodes uppercuts the Bully. Darsow waits for Rhodes to strike him but they are again on different pages and Rhodes goes to the floor. Things slow down as Heenan and Schiavone arguing is the only excitement of note. Rhodes takes a bump to the floor and the Bully rams him into the ring edge. Rhodes fires up and unloads with fists. They again go through a really bad looking sequence as Rhodes stares at a staggering Darsow, who finally catches on that The Natural wants to do a bulldog, so he casually turns himself around and gets in position. Col. Parker breaks up the pin and Rhodes suplexes him for his troubles. Rhodes tries suplexing the Bully and Parker trips him, allowing the Bully to steal a win at 16:10. These guys had zero chemistry and Rhodes was going thru the motions. Bad match.

Sting and “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Big Bubba Rogers and Avalanche
The best worker in this match is sitting at ringside as Ric Flair joins the festivities. The Great Muta is then shown randomly sitting in the front row as well. I wonder what he thought of all the shitty matches tonight? It’s a bit odd that the first Sting/Bubba PPV match was done in tag team form. Tenta and Sting start with a pose down. The fatties corner Sting and he quickly succumbs to their corpulence. Bubba tries a top rope move, which Macho Man stops – allowing Sting to deliver a superplex. Schiavone makes fun of Heenan for slurring his speech. How can Heenan still be hammered after being on the air for over two hours?

Bubba bounces all over the place for Macho Man before Tenta tags in. Macho slaps him to draw his ire. A slam attempt fails and Savage falls into the face in peril role. All four men brawl before the heels are smashed with Stinger splashes. Tenta flat lines him. Flair trolls Macho Man and yanks a fan in front of himself for protection. Sting is squashed by the fatties but manages to slam Tenta anyway. Macho Man tags in and goes crazy on both baddies. Macho hits the big elbow on Bubba as Tenta is clotheslined over Bubba and covered for the win at 10:18. Up tempo match that was FUN! Match of the night by a mile.

World Champion Hulk Hogan vs. Vader
A red faced Heenan screams about Vader as Schiavone buries his face in his hands. Vader no sells Hogan’s punches. Hogan slaps Vader four times then punches him. Vader just growls. Hogan resorts to technical wrestling and Vader shakes that off too. Vader clubs Hogan down and splashes him into retreat. Hogan whips Vader over the railing and nearly into Flair’s lap. Back in the ring, Vader is rocked with punches and clotheslined to the floor.

Vader downs Hogan with more clubbing blows. A Vaderbomb gets a meek kick out at two from Hogan. Vader attempts a moonsault but misses. Hogan cracks him with a chair since nothing else seems to be working to hurt the monster. Vader stops the momentum with a choke slam. Vader hits a suplex, which prompts a Hulk Up. Hogan downs him with a big boot and nails the legdrop… for a ONE count! Vader whacks Hogan and the ref is bumped. Hogan takes a powerbomb but there’s no ref. Flair runs in to wake up the ref. Hogan is splashed but he pops right up. Flair has seen enough and he runs in for the official DQ at 15:09. A two on one beatdown commences before Sting and Macho Man charge in to clear the ring. This was certainly a solid match, above the normal Hogan vs. Monster formula that Hogan had been working in his sleep for most of the 90’s.

Final thoughts: The first two hours had zero redeeming qualities and only served to make me wish I had imbibed as much as Bobby Heenan had. Oh boy what a disaster…