Andrew Lutzke
I am not exactly sure why or how this event found itself back in the loop of the Internet Wrestling Community, but early last week it began to work it’s way around. Two days after I wrote this review, this event was even uploaded by Eric Bischoff’s “83 weeks” Youtube channel as Bischoff was going to review it for his Patreon. So never let it be said that I am one to avoid a bandwagon…
This was taped Saturday January 23, 1999 to be aired Saturday February 6, 1999 as part of some sort of MTV “extreme sport” themed promotion.
From the Big Bear Lake, California ski resort.
We kick off with an aerial shot panning over the snow covered hills from this outdoor “arena”. We immediately time warp back to 1999 as the “Pretty Fly” by the Offspring infiltrates our eardrums.
The Nitro Girls dance in the ring. Thankfully, beautiful women transcend time. They have to be cold though, dancing in their skimpy clothing in the snow.
Our commentators are Larry Zbyszko, former pop star turned manager Jimmy Hart and…. ROB ZOMBIE!?!?!?! Zombie looks like what would happen if Bray Wyatt would have really dedicated himself to his cult gimmick and not shaved or bathed for months.
Stuttering John (He of Howard Stern’s Wack Pack fame) introduces the wrestlers for a battle royal, complete with “humorous” comments added to flesh out each man’s background. John reads these with very little life in his voice. The wrestlers come down to “real” mainstream songs, not their themes. Konnan is introduced and comes to ringside by riding bitch on a snowmobile.
Bryan Adams cuts a promo on the crowd and Stuttering John, but John no sells him. Kidman comes down with a legit metal or grunge band shirt on to show he’s cool, but reverts to his wife beater once he gets in the ring.
Battle Royal: Billy Kidman, Kenny Kaos, Konnan, Disco Inferno, Booker T, Wrath, and Bryan Adams
We pause so the Nitro girls can dance to the Backstreet Boys.
Rob Zombie pulls out a gun, legitimately freaking Zbyszko out for a moment it would seem. He fires into the air to signal the start of the match.
This is every battle royal ever as everyone pairs off and trades forearms and kicks as they try to stay out of one another’s way in the semi-crowded ring. Wrath tries to hit his finisher on Disco, so everyone jumps him, leading to his elimination.
Konnan dumps Kaos with a backdrop. They had a million guys on the roster at this point and had to send one half of their C-team muscle head tag team to fill a spot?
Disco gets worked over by Kidman and Konnan. Zombie and Hart riff on him with Bee Gee puns. “He’s just trying to stay alive!”
Konnan gets dumped and almost trips on the floor, which would have sent him flying off a ledge that the elevated ring was lifted up on.
Booker is left with Adams and Disco doubling up on him. He gets the fiery babyface comeback, whacking both men with a double clothesline just as it looked like all hope was lost.
T struggles to eliminate Disco, allowing Adams to get the jump on him. The heels double up and DUMP the babyface?!?! What?! T getting the win on a special highlight show seemed obvious. Not only for the fact that a babyface winning in such a scenario is logical, but T was a bigger star than the rest of the geeks in the battle royal.
Disco seems content to split the win with Adams and go dancing. Adams has other ideas and press slams Inferno over the top and into a snowbank. The fans pelt Disco with snowballs.
Adams gets to cut a second promo, as if the world was clamouring for that. Adams is suddenly attacked by a man in a “event staff” jacket and wig. I thought maybe WCW had one of their big stars in waiting to end the show with a big pop…but it’s Konnan. Konnan tells the NWO to “toss his salad and peel his potatoes” and that’s a wrap.
Final thoughts: This show scored something like a .09 rating, so it doesn’t matter in the long run, but wasting a mainstream crossover moment like this to expose some talent seems ludicrous.
Konnan was about to work with the NWO on the next PPV so his story arch here at least plays into that a little bit.
Can you imagine if the WWF had this same gig? You can believe we’d have gotten a wacky Steve Austin/Vince McMahon bit, with Vince taking a bump down a snow hill or something. Give me Ric Flair chasing the snow bunnies!
My ideal booking scenario given the same talent that was here would be for Booker to be left with Adams and Wrath. This gives you your hero in with the two big goons, so the mainstream audience can easily comprehend the beefy monsters having the advantage. Booker beats the odds and wins. Then Disco (who was part of the NWO) can come back in with Adams and corner T, leading to Konnan making the save and helping Booker clear the ring.
Now let’s all forget this happened until the IWC brings it up again in 5 years.
